I'm Perfect, You're Doomed: Tales from a Jehovah's Witness Upbringing

348 Pages·2009·6.12 MB·English

by  Kyria Abrahams

I ’m Perfect,
You’re Doomec
‘om a Jehovahs’ Witness
Upbringing j
ria Abrahams
I' P ,
m erfect
Y ’ D
o u re o o m e d
Tales from a Jehovah’s Witness Upbringing
Kyria Abrahams
A Touchstone Book
Published by Simon & Schuster
New York London Toronto Sydney
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Touchstone
A Division of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
1230 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY 10020
This book is a memoir. It contains the author’s present recollections of her
experiences since childhood. Certain names and identifying characteristics
have been changed and certain incidents have been compressed or reordered.
Copyright © 2009 by Kyria Abrahams
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions
thereof in any form whatsoever. For information address Touchstone Subsidiary
Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.
First Touchstone hardcover edition March 2009
Touchstone and colophon are registered trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc.
For information about special discounts for bulk purchases,
please contact Simon & Schuster Special Sales at
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Designed by Carla Jayne Little
Manufactured in the United States of America
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Abrahams, Kyria.
I’m perfect, you’re doomed : tales from a Jehovah’s witness upbringing/ Kyria
Abrahams.
p. cm.
1. Abrahams, Kyria. 2. Jehovah’s Witnesses—United States—Biography.
I. Title.
BX8527.A27A3 2009
289.9'2092—dc22 2008041136
IB]
ISBN-13: 978-1-4165-5684-8
ISBN-10: I -4165-5684-2

Many factors come together to create
this specific unique person which is I.
—Frederick S. Peris, Gestalt Therapy Verbatim
Contents
< HAPTER 1
Hark! God's Awesome Promise Is at Hand!
( ihapter 2
Rejoice! For the Dead Are Rising!
' NAPIER 3
The Light of Truth Shines Like a Beacon through Satan’s Tempting Playthings
i IIAPTER 4
BFFs Are Never Enemies of God
i I i AP I PR 5
Cross Your Legs, for the Son of Man Is Approaching!
- 1 IAPIIP <’>
Educating Ourselves to Graduate from Jehovah!
Contents
Chapter 7
Listen! Jehovah Is Spelling His Kingdom Promise Aloud! 80
C hapter . 8
Stand Back, for Jehovah Is Punishing Those He Loves Most! 90
Chapter 9
Be Best Friends with God First, Mankind Second! 100
Chapter 10
Recreation that Is Pleasing to the Eyes of Our Lord 109
Chapter II
And Look! In Heaven, There Appeared a Fiery Eruption! 121
Chapter 12
Excel as Students of God’s Kingdom, Not of Higher Education! 130
Chapter 13
Taking the Lead as Friends of Christ 149
Chapter 14
Placing the Mark of Jehovah upon the Homes of Unbelievers 156
Chapter .15
Behold! The Poetry of Creation at Work in All Living Things! 167
Chapter 16
Remaining Clean in the Eyes of Our Neighbors 183
Chapter . 17
Adorning Ourselves as Brides of Christ 194
Contents
i MAPTER18
Remaining No Part of This World While Still Collecting a Paycheck 209
/
' IIAPTER 19
God’s Spiritual Feast Has Been Waiting on the Table for Years! 226
' I IAPTER 20
Continue Growing Older as God’s Promised Paradise Approaches 243
' I IAPTER 21
Making Room for Jehovah in Our Marriage Bed 254
1 ! IAPTER 22
Closing Our Minds to the Ideas of Unbelievers 266
. I IAPTER, 23
God’s House Is Always Open for Those Who Work There 275
1 I IAPTER 24
Working Together to Thwart Those Who Work Separately 291
' I IAPTER 25
Lovingly Withdrawing Godly Support 303
' I IAPTER 26
Sit Down! For God Is About to Smite the Sinners for You! 317
! PIAPIER 27
fake Notice! These Godly Words Allow Us to Believe in Eternal Life! 325
Glossary 331
Acknowledgments 339

C . !
hapter
Hark! God’s Awesome Promise Is at Hand!
/ \s usual, my little brother had to one-up me. It was the night
of my debut performance at the Pawtucket, Rhode Island, King­
dom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses and I needed to choose the per­
fect dress for giving a presentation about freedom from demon
possession. I was eight years old, but I knew that with the right
outfit, I could pass for double digits.
This was my special night and I needed privacy—mature,
demon-free wardrobes don’t choose themselves, after all. Yet
here was my annoying brother, standing in my bedroom doorway,
breathing both in and out. Ever since my father had (on the sly)
told him he was smarter than I was, this is how he had behaved.
Omnipresent. Gloating.
“Dad said not to tell you, but I’m smarter than you are,” he’d
told me one afternoon as I dumped Kix cereal into a glass Ball jar.
“You are not!” I screamed. “I’m older than you, anyway so it’s
not even possible that you could be smarter than me.”
“No, it’s true! Dad showed me the test. I got a higher score
than you. I’m smarter than you are.”