I Can't Do That!: My Social Stories to Help with Communication, Self-Care and Personal Skills [With CD-ROM]

97 Pages·2006·1.88 MB·English

by  John Ling

I Can’t Do That!
My social stories to help with
communication, self-care and
personal skills
John Ling
A Lucky Duck Book
© John Ling 2006
First published 2006
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Contents
I Keep Butting In ............................................................ 30
How to Use These Stories........ 1
I Keep Calling Out the Answers ........................... 31
Writing Your Own Stories ..........................................2
Nobody Takes My Things ........................................ 32
Further Reading ................................................................4
When I Meet People ................................................... 33
Summary ...............................................................................4
When I Say Hello or Goodbye ............................... 34
How to use the CD-ROM ...........................................4
I Like Looking Into My Friend’s Classrooms . 35
I Take Things That Don’t Belong to Me .......... 36
1. Bodily Functions .......................5
Why Do People Praise Me? ..................................... 37
I Like Sucking My Thumb ...........................................6
I Like to Play with One Thing All the Time ... 38
I Keep Spitting At People ............................................7
Taking My Clothes Off .............................................. 39
I Sneeze A Lot! ....................................................................8
Sharing the Toys ............................................................ 40
I Like Making Noises with My Body ......................9
I Like Throwing Things .............................................. 41
I Am A Writing Machine .......................................... 10
I Want to Do It My Way ........................................... 42
Why We Eat Oranges ................................................. 11
When I Go Home From School ............................ 43
Why Do I Have To Keep Clean and Tidy? ...... 12
I Don’t Like That Teacher ........................................ 44
I Like Touching My Body .......................................... 13
Sometimes I Sit Too Close ....................................... 45
When I Go to the Toilet ........................................... 14
Good Touching and Bad Touching ................... 46
Wiping My Bottom ...................................................... 15
Why I Do...Hitting, Nipping,
I Like to Feel Safe in the Toilet .............................. 16
Squeezing and Scratching ........................................ 47
When I Go To the Toilet .......................................... 17
I Miss My Grandad ....................................................... 48
I Get Worried About Going To the Toilet .... 18
2. Social Skills................................19 3. Anger Management ................49
I Like to Go Out in the Car ..................................... 20 I Need to Have Time Out ........................................ 50
When We Line up at Lunch-time ........................ 21 Sometimes I Get Told Off ........................................ 51
What Happens When We Stand in a Line? ... 22 Swearing ............................................................................. 52
I Know How to Sit and Stand Nicely ................. 23 I Get Mad When I Make a Mistake! ................... 53
I Want Someone to Play With .............................. 24 Why We Have Traffic Lights ................................... 54
I Can Have More than One Friend ..................... 25 I Get Cross When I Don’t Want to Do It ........ 55
Finding a Friend ............................................................. 26 When the Lights Go Out .......................................... 56
Playtime .............................................................................. 27 I Get Angry When I Am Told Off ........................ 57
I Like to Sit Close ........................................................... 28 Wet Playtime ................................................................... 58
I Can Choose Different Meals ................................ 29 I Get Mad When I Lose .............................................. 59
I Hate Losing .................................................................... 60
4. Work ........................................61
I Have to Work with Different Assistants ...... 62
Why Do Assistants Help Me? ................................ 63
My Assistant Helps Other People Too ............ 64
What Happens When my Assistant is
Away? ................................................................................... 65
Why Do I Do Different Work From
Other People? ................................................................. 66
I Don’t Like Being Helped ........................................ 67
I Can Ask for Help ........................................................ 68
I Can’t Do It! ..................................................................... 69
I Don’t Like Doing Different Work ..................... 70
I Like to Finish My Work .......................................... 71
Working By Myself ....................................................... 72
I Get Worried When I Don’t Understand
Things ................................................................................... 73
I Am Worried About Tests ..................................... 74
I Don’t Want to Stop Working ............................. 75
I Like to Hide My Work ............................................. 76
How Much Do I Have to Do? ................................ 77
My Teacher Asks Lots of Questions .................. 78
I Like to Do Pictures .................................................... 79
Sometimes I Don’t Like the Work. ...................... 80
Why Do I Have to Do School Work
at Home? ............................................................................ 81
Why Do I Have to Finish Work at Home? ..... 82
Who Helps Me With My Homework? ............. 83
5. Games and PE .........................85
I Need to Get Fitter ..................................................... 86
Why Do We Do Warm-ups? .................................. 87
Long Jump ......................................................................... 88
I Want to Carry the Ball ............................................ 89
Index .............................................90
How To Use These Stories
The stories in this book have all been written for the benefit of individual children with autism in
schools, in Kirklees, West Yorkshire, UK. Some have been written with the help of the child, or with their
teacher or assistant. I hope the book will be of great practical use to both school staff and to parents
and carers. You may copy individual stories if they fit your circumstances, but I hope you will use them
as a model or starting point for your own, because each one has to be tailored to your individual
child.
Carol Gray in her book The New Social Story Book (see Further Reading at the end of this chapter)
mentions the ‘social confusion’ experienced by children with autism.
... a child is demonstrating a behaviour that seems to occur ‘for no apparent reason’ or totally
‘out of context’.
I Can’t Do That! addresses this social confusion by requiring parents and professionals to first stop and
consider a situation from the perspective of the child or adult with ASD.
What kind of children are they for?
You will find they are helpful for all sorts of other children, those with delayed language development,
those with dysfunctional family backgrounds, those who lack confidence for all sorts of reasons, and
those, especially boys, who resort to action or anger as soon as something frustrates them. When
I wrote, ‘I get angry when I am told off,’ for one little boy, his mum said, ‘I think I’ll try it on his dad
as well.’
How old are they?
The age of the children for whom these stories were written ranges from about five to thirteen. I found
it difficult to sort them into age suitability because much of the behaviour of the older children was
more like that of a toddler. Children vary enormously in their maturity, and may be mature in some
aspects of their life but immature in others. So I decided it would be far more useful to rely on the
subject index. There are several stories about the same thing, with slight variations of emphasis (for
example, toilet training). I am sure readers will be able to decide which model will suit their child.
Share your aims
These stories work best if they are ‘owned’ by the child. You may use a model from the book, but it is
best if you and the child agree on what it should contain, and even better if you write it together.
If parents and carers know what you are aiming to do they can help by doing the same at home. So
make sure they have a copy of the story. It helps for the child to understand that both school and
parents are working together.
The other children in the class or family also need to know what the child is trying to achieve. They can
be helpful in reminding him of and reinforcing the desired behaviour.
The story needs to be practical and achievable. Stick to down to earth language such as the child
might use. It is not a teacher telling the child what to do, but the child telling herself. The story does
not always have to be about bad things that you want to change. You can also write them to celebrate
good things.
When to use them
Make the stories part of a daily routine or even more frequent. Read the story to the child just before
starting the activity. For example, if it is about putting your hand up and not calling out the answers,
read it just before that activity is to begin. If it is about making a fuss in the supermarket, read it just
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before setting off. If the behaviour has already occurred, take the child aside and read the story again,
then go back into the activity and try again.
Keep the story in a folder along with other key items such as photos, rewards and so on. Then she can
look at it often and reinforce her behaviour. When the behaviour has been achieved, stop using the
story, but keep it in the folder, so that you can just point to it occasionally as a reminder. You may like
to revise the story so as to put it into a past context.
Using rewards
When the child has achieved the desired behaviour, celebrate it with a small reward, or praise from
you and the other children. Or set up the reward just before the activity begins, so he knows what he
is aiming for.
It is useful to find out at the start what reward would be sufficiently alluring to the child. Some respond
to stickers or smiley faces. Some like to accumulate minutes of reward time on a favourite activity (for
example, extra computer time at the end of the day).
Writing Your Own Stories
A young autistic friend of mine, age 22, often shared a lift with us to a meeting on Sundays. He was in
the habit of phoning me at 11.30pm on Saturday night to ask if I was going! He would also call round
at awkward times, such as in the middle of a meal. I wrote him a little protocol, describing what people
might be doing at different times of the day. It included a list of suitable times to ring people or call on
them. Since we shared this he no longer phones or calls at awkward times, but looks at his list and his
watch before picking up the phone.
A simple device; I wouldn’t call it a story, but it worked. It is a visual aid to help him with his poor sense
of timing. That is his preferred method of learning. That is an example of the sort of habit that is most
easily tackled by this method.
One of the earliest stories came from a request from a school to help with a boy who was obsessed
with a little girl in his class. Anton would sit right on top of her at carpet time, follow her round the
room and in the playground. We sat down together and drew a set of squares and circles representing
the idea of body space. He drew himself, his friend, and his mum and dad in the spaces. It was easy
to show how body space can get mixed up by overlapping the shapes. With very little text he seemed to
understand what was needed. With the addition of his own special cushion on the carpet, boundaries
set in the playground and persistent repetition of the story, the problem was sorted after a couple
of weeks.
Some habits are very embarrassing, and teachers are loath to tackle them. A support assistant who sat
with eleven year old Claire for some part of every day, whispered to me that she was masturbating in
front of other children. Nobody wanted to mention it. So I wrote, ‘I like touching my body’. While I was
talking to Claire in private one day I slipped this story in front of her. She read it in silence. I said, ‘OK?’
She nodded. So far as I know that was the end of it!
Anyone can do this, there is no mystique about it, no special formula. That is my approach to writing
these stories. If a child shows some repetitive behaviour that doesn’t seem susceptible to repeated
telling about it, it may be that he needs to see rather than hear about it. He also needs a positive
alternative to that behaviour, which can be rehearsed over a short period until the old behaviour is
modified. If this is linked to some positive reward all the better.
How to get started
• I don’t want to formularise the writing of these stories. As I said, anyone can do it. Try the
following list as a guide.
• What does the child do?
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• When does he do it?
• What triggers it?
• What happens as a result? Who is upset?
• Is there a school or family rule about it?
• What do you want to take its place?
• What must the child do to make that happen?
• What will be the result of doing that instead?
• Who will benefit?
Make it positive
You will notice there are almost no negatives in these stories. No ‘must not’ or ‘can’t’ or ‘never’.
There are plenty of ‘we do’ and ‘I will’ and ‘I will try’. There is always a positive resolution at the
end. By working on the positive outcome, it is sometimes possible to ignore or diminish the negative
behaviour.
The language is always simple, logical, often blunt, frank and child like. It is no use being prissy about
‘breaking wind’, for instance, when most children use more down to earth terms such as ‘farting’. The
pictures are usually apt and humorous. Sometimes I leave spaces for the children to write in and draw.
You could use photos, newspapers, bits of cereal packets, anything which makes it relevant. There are
lists, such as, ‘When I Go To the Toilet’ or ‘Good and Bad Touching’. These simply put the actions to be
taken in the right order. Or they give good and bad alternatives, such as ‘I Like Throwing Things’.
Sometimes there are jokes. Joshua had a habit of letting doors close in people’s faces. Among the
alternatives I gave him were slam it in their face or hold it open. He laughed himself silly each time we
read it, but he always remembered to hold the door open.
Show, not tell
These stories work because they are visual. Teachers and parents sometimes say, ‘I keep telling him,
but it makes no difference.’ One teacher was in the habit of talking for twenty five minutes at a time.
She reported that the child in question ‘wouldn’t concentrate’. But we know that stories presented in
this way do make a difference, because many children and adults are visual learners or kinaesthetic
learners. They learn better by seeing and doing, rather than by hearing. Try it and see. Use pictures if
you can draw or get them from Clipart or from the Internet (for example, Google Images). Some have
blank spaces for you and the child to draw in. Some are simply lists, ‘Good and Bad Touching’, for
instance, which has been one of the most frequently used and most successful devices.
Literal thinking
Many, perhaps most, children with autism and ADHD, and those with delayed language development
are literal thinkers. One teaching assistant was sitting on the carpet with her child for a long time,
and she said, ‘Oh, I’ve got pins and needles in my leg.’ The child pulled up the leg of her trousers, had
a look and said, ‘No you haven’t!’ That combined with visual learning means that we have to avoid
any metaphorical language or double meanings. This doesn’t mean we can’t be funny, but it needs
to be more of the concrete slapstick kind like the boy who enjoyed the thought of slamming doors in
people’s faces.
What if it doesn’t work?
The intention of this book is to get you writing your own stories. I hope you have as much fun as I do! If
they don’t work in about two weeks, you probably need to try another tactic. The stories are only one of
many techniques for changing behaviour. It might be, for instance, that the behaviour is triggered by the
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actions of other children. Sometimes I think it is the other children or the adults around them whose
behaviour has to change. If the trigger remains the same, then the child may find it hard to change their
reaction. So sharing the story with the other children, or discussing it with the teacher or assistant,
may help them to eliminate the behaviour. Some children get locked into cycles of behaviour that are
difficult to break. It may be necessary sometimes to move seating, or even to move to another class.
There are a lot of stories about anger. There are also lots of other techniques for dealing with anger.
One school uses an ‘angerometer’. This is simply a strip of cardboard with four spirals on it, from small
to large. Number 1 means, ‘I am calm’. Number 4 means, ‘I am going to explode’. The teacher asks
what number the angry student is at. If she is at number 2 she needs to calm down a bit. If at number
3 she is allowed to go to a calming down place out of the room until she feels better.
Sam had a habit of stroking the hair of a girl with blond tresses and also the blond fringe of his
assistant. Because they regarded this as a rather cute little habit they did not stop him. When it was
recognised as a rather unhealthy obsession the children and staff were taught to say ‘hands down’
and remove his hands in a friendly sort of way. He was also given a piece of fur to stroke instead. This
combined with a story about touching hair seemed to do the trick.
Further Reading
Gray, C. & Sean McAndrew (Illustrator) (2001) My Social Stories Book. London: Jessica Kingsley
Publishers.
Gray, C. (2000) The New Social Story Book. Texas: Future Horizons Inc.
Smith, C. (2003) Writing and Developing Social Stories: Practical Interventions in Autism. Bicester:
Speechmark UK
Summary
The best stories are written together, by you and the child. Use these stories as a template exemplars.
It is OK to discuss a suitable story with the child to help her write her own.
DO
Use them frequently.
Make them positive.
Use rewards.
Use the language of the child.
Make them visual.
Have a positive outcome.
Involve the parents and carers.
AVOID
Negatives.
Double meanings in language.
Adult language.
How to use the CD-ROM
The CD-ROM contains a PDF file labelled ‘Story Sheets.pdf ’ which consists of the worksheets printed
in this resource. You will need Acrobat Reader version 3 or higher to view and print these resources.
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Bodily Functions 1
I Like Sucking my Thumb
I Keep Spitting at People
I Sneeze A Lot
I Like Making Noises with My Body
I Am a Writing Machine
Why We Eat Oranges
Why Do I Have to Keep Clean and Tidy?
I Like Touching My Body
When I Go to the Toilet
Wiping My Bottom
I Like to Feel Safe in the Toilet
When I Go to the Toilet
I Get Worried About Going to the Toilet