How to Talk to a Narcissist

182 Pages·2008·2.19 MB·English

by  Joan Lachkar

(cid:38)(cid:72)(cid:80)(cid:0)(cid:77)(cid:72)(cid:0)(cid:50)(cid:58)(cid:69)(cid:68)
(cid:77)(cid:72)(cid:0)(cid:58)
(cid:44)(cid:58)(cid:75)(cid:60)(cid:66)(cid:76)(cid:76)(cid:66)(cid:76)(cid:77)
RT8555Z.indb 1 2/28/08 11:49:37 AM
RT8555Z.indb 2 2/28/08 11:49:38 AM
(cid:38)(cid:72)(cid:80)(cid:0)(cid:77)(cid:72)(cid:0)(cid:50)(cid:58)(cid:69)(cid:68)
(cid:77)(cid:72)(cid:0)(cid:58)
(cid:44)(cid:58)(cid:75)(cid:60)(cid:66)(cid:76)(cid:76)(cid:66)(cid:76)(cid:77)
Joan Lachkar
New York London
RT8555Z.indb 3 2/28/08 11:49:38 AM
Routledge Routledge
Taylor & Francis Group Taylor & Francis Group
270 Madison Avenue 2 Park Square
New York, NY 10016 Milton Park, Abingdon
Oxon OX14 4RN
© 2008 by Taylor & Francis Group, LLC
Routledge is an imprint of Taylor & Francis Group, an Informa business
Printed in the United States of America on acid‑free paper
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
International Standard Book Number‑13: 978‑0‑415‑95855‑4 (Hardcover)
Except as permitted under U.S. Copyright Law, no part of this book may be reprinted, reproduced, trans‑
mitted, or utilized in any form by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or hereafter
invented, including photocopying, microfilming, and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval
system, without written permission from the publishers.
Trademark Notice: Product or corporate names may be trademarks or registered trademarks, and are
used only for identification and explanation without intent to infringe.
Library of Congress Cataloging‑in‑Publication Data
Lachkar, Joan.
How to talk to a narcissist / by Joan Lachkar.
p. ; cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978‑0‑415‑95855‑4 (hardbound : alk. paper)
1. Marital psychotherapy. 2. Narcissists‑‑Family relationships. 3. Narcissism. I.
Title.
[DNLM: 1. Narcissism. 2. Communication. 3. Interpersonal Relations. 4. Object
Attachment. 5. Psychoanalytic Therapy‑‑methods. 6. Self Psychology. WM 460.5.E3
L137h 2008]
RC488.5.L3475 2008
616.89’156‑‑dc22 2007048334
Visit the Taylor & Francis Web site at
http://www.taylorandfrancis.com
and the Routledge Web site at
http://www.routledge.com
RT8555Z.indb 4 2/28/08 11:49:38 AM
•
Dedication
To my beloved family
RT8555Z.indb 5 2/28/08 11:49:38 AM
RT8555Z.indb 6 2/28/08 11:49:38 AM
•
Contents
Acknowledgments ix
Introduction xi
Chapter 1 His Majesty the Narcissist 1
Chapter 2 The Pathological Narcissist 15
Chapter 3 The Malignant Narcissist 29
Chapter 4 The Antisocial Narcissist 43
Chapter 5 The Depressive Narcissist 55
Chapter 6 The Obsessive-Compulsive Narcissist 67
Chapter 7 The Passive-Aggressive: The “Poor Me” Victim 77
Chapter 8 The Narcissist the Artist 89
Chapter 9 The Cross-Cultural Narcissist 103
Chapter 10 Recapitulation and Closing Thoughts 117
Glossary 137
Bibliography 147
Index 153
vii
RT8555Z.indb 7 2/28/08 11:49:38 AM
RT8555Z.indb 8 2/28/08 11:49:38 AM
•
Acknowledgments
I would like to start by acknowledging the little girls in my ballet class, who
gave me my first glimpse of narcissism when I was age 7. Although I did not
know anything about this term, I quickly diagnosed them as little “show-
offs.” As they grew into beautiful budding ballerinas their bodies changed,
but their arrogance remained. I learned early on that I could not talk to them
as I did my regular playmates, because often they would not respond, and
if anyone said anything unpleasing to them they would get highly insulted.
Little did I know that this would lead to an array of narcissists in my adult
life as a therapist and author. Later in this book, I devote an entire chapter to
the artist narcissist, someone who requires a certain amount of narcissism to
pursue his or her creative endeavors.
Though this book expands on my previously published work, it has an
entirely new focus. Many of the same dedicated friends and colleagues have
remained loyal and supportive as I continue on this journey. Many thanks to
Peter Berton, distinguished professor emeritus in the School of International
Relations at the University of Southern California, who was most instrumen-
tal in helping me with the chapter on the cross-cultural narcissist. I believe I
have learned more about Japanese, Russian and Chinese cultures and politics
from him than if I had lived in those countries myself.
Special tribute goes to George Zimmar, publisher, for his steady encour-
agement and expansive vision of psychoanalytic theory that extend beyond
the consultation room to the artistic, political and global arena, and to Fred
Coppersmith, senior editorial assistant, as well as all those at Taylor and
Francis for their invaluable support and feedback.
ix
RT8555Z.indb 9 2/28/08 11:49:39 AM