How to Talk So People Listen: The Real Key to Job Success

278 Pages·1988·3.271 MB·English

by  Sonya Hamlin

SONYA HAMLIN
HOW TO T A LK
SO PEOPLE L I S T EN
the real key to job success
1817
HARPER & ROW, PUBLISHERS New York
Cambridge, Philadelphia, San Francisco, Washington,
London, Mexico City, Sao Paulo, Singapore, Sydney
HOW TO TALK SO PEOPLE LISTEN. Copyright © 1988 by Sonya Hamlin. All rights
reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this book may be used or
reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of
brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. For information address
Harper & Row, Publishers, 10 East 53rd Street, New York, N.Y. 10022. Published
simultaneously in Canada by Fitzhenry & Whiteside Limited, Toronto.
FIRST EDITION
Designer: Ruth Bornschlegel
Copy editor: Ann Adelrnan
Indexer: Maro Riofrancos
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Hamlin, Sonya.
How to talk so people listen.
Includes index.
1. Business communication. 2. Oral communication. 3. Persuasion (Psychology)
I. Title.
HF5718.H284 1988 658.4'52 87-15624
ISBN 0-06-015669-4
88 89 90 91 92 RRD 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 21
For information about our audio products, write us at:
Newbridge Book Clubs, 3000 Cinde! Drive, Deiran, NJ 08370
To my friends:
T.A.W.;C.H.;A.P.;J.N.;N.L.G.; M.D.A.;
E.A.C.: K.V.: I.M.; N.N.; H.S.
The ones who, unlike your family, don't have to
let you in when you knock, but by voluntarily reaching
for your hand tell you that you are indeed loved and
supported.
Contents
1 • WHAT'S THE PROBLEM? Why We Don't Communicate Well
in the Workplace 1
WHAT THIS BOOK IS ABOUT 2
How Do I Know? 3
WHY WE HAVE SUCH A HARD TIME
COMMUNICATING 4
Where It Begins 5
How It Develops 6
What We Want 7
WHAT MOTIVATES WORK 8
Status 8
Usefulness 9
Affection/Acceptance 9
Money/Security 10
OUR PUBLIC IMAGE 12
What Works, What Doesn't and Why 12
What We Already Know 13
BASIC WORK PERSONALITIES 13
Achievers 14
Affiliators 15
Influencers 16
Using the Work Types 18
A Predominance of Achievers 19
THE BASICS OF COMMUNICATING: Why and How People
Listen 21
Vlll CONTENTS
TELLING AND LISTENING 21
The One-sided Nature of Telling 21
Listening Is Work 22
Motivation 22
WHAT MAKES PEOPLE LISTEN 23
Self Interest 23
Who's Telling 25
How They Tell It 31
THE NEW TECHNIQUES OF TELLING 34
Basic Techniques of Television Communication 34
Communication Consequences of TV 36
Implications for Business Communication 40
VERBAL VS. NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION 40
How We Communicate 40
COMMON OBSTACLES TO COMMUNICATION 43
How People Feel About Learning 43
Language 45
• GETTING READY TO COMMUNICATE: Fore-thought for
Strategies 48
DEVELOPING STRATEGIES 48
What Goes Wrong and Why 48
Where We Get Stuck 52
FORE-THOUGHT 52
Who Is Your Audience? 53
What You Know, What You Need 53
THE FORE-THOUGHT CHART 56
The Basic Idea 56
The Process 57
Objective Goals 58
Emotional Needs 61
Probable Expectations 68
A Chart for the Summoned 74
Contents ix
FORE-THOUGHT CHECK-LIST 76
Forethought for Larger Audiences 77
4 • STRUCTURING AND ORGANIZING BUSINESS
ENCOUNTERS 78
PREPARATION 78
Choose and Edit Your Goals 78
SCHEDULING THE MEETING 81
When to Meet 81
Which Day 84
Where to Meet 85
To Lunch or Not to Lunch 89
Breakfast Meetings 90
GETTING ON THE CALENDAR 91
Techniques 91
DESIGNING PRESENTATIONS: What Captures Attention and
Understanding 96
GUIDELINES FOR DESIGNING PRESENTATIONS 97
How We Think 97
What We Need So We Understand and Stay
Interested 99
STRUCTURING A PRESENTATION 104
Outline Form 104
Order of Presentation 104
Checklist 109
MAKING MESSAGES VISUAL 110
Why Use Visual Reinforcement 110
What to Show; What to Tell 110
"Leave-Behinds" 112
DESIGNING VISUAL MATERIALS 114
Basic Guidelines 114
Techniques for Using Visual Aids 117
CONTENTS
6 • CLOSE ENCOUNTERS: One-on-One 119
OPENERS 119
Before You Begin 120
Change Gears 120
Warm-up 120
Small Talk 121
Where to Sit 123
Amenities 124
Body Language 125
SUBSTANCE 126
Up Front: Agenda, Goals, Time 126
Sharing the Power 127
Motivation 129
Telling and Explaining 129
Discussion 130
SPECIAL ISSUES 132
Creative Criticism 132
Getting at the Truth 134
Handling Anger—Yours and His/Hers 135
CLOSURE 138
Recap and Clarify 138
List Next Steps 139
Follow-Up 139
End on a High Note 139
CHECKLIST 140
7 • PRESENTATIONS: How to Make Memorable
Speeches 142
UNDERSTANDING AUDIENCES 142
How Audiences Feel 142
PLANNING YOUR PRESENTATION 145
Profile Your Audience 145
Why Are They Coming 147
Physical Realities 149
Contents
DESIGNING YOUR PRESENTATION 250
Positioning the Speech 150
Basic Organization of a Speech 153
SHOULD YOU WRITE IT? 154
Written vs. Oral Speeches 154
The Effect of Written Speeches on the Audience 156
The Effects on You, the Speaker 157
For Addicted Speechwriters 158
For Extemporizers 158
MAKING USABLE NOTES AND OUTLINES 759
The Basic Process 159
TECHNIQUES FOR DELIVERING MEMORABLE
SPEECHES 164
Attention-Getting Openings 164
Audience Involvement 168
Presenting Subject Matter 171
Endings 174
PERSONAL STYLE 175
Being Yourself 175
How You Feel Toward Your Audience 176
Stage Fright 177
Getting Started 179
The Lectern or Podium 181
SPEAKING AND LANGUAGE SKILLS 182
Making Language Clear 182
Analogies 183
Use Words Visually 183
Emphasize 184
The Use of Silence 184
A POSTSCRIPT 185
The Never-Make-A-Speech-Without-It Checklist 185
8 • THE ART OF BEING QUESTIONED: The Audience or the Boss
Vs. You 188
BASIC PRINCIPLES OF ANSWERING QUESTIONS 188
The Questioning Process 188
CONTENTS
Conditioning 189
How We Answer Questions 189
THE AUDIENCE VS. YOU: ANSWERING AUDIENCE
QUESTIONS 191
Why Answer Questions? 191
Preparing for Q & A 193
ANSWERING TECHNIQUES 196
Getting Started 196
Handling Questions 198
Handling Difficult Questions and Questioners 201
Buying Time 201
Avoiding the Question 203
Turning Questions Around 203
Cutting People Off 204
Getting the Audience on Your Side 204
HANDLING HOSTILITY 205
Why People Get Hostile 205
Techniques for Handling Hostility 207
THE BOSS VS. YOU 211
The Dynamics of Power 211
How Much Room at the Top 211
Preparation 213
BASIC TECHNIQUES FOR ANSWERING 214
Answering Informational Questions 215
Answering Critical Questions 217
Role Play and Practice 220
9 • MEETINGS: Leading and Participating Effectively 222
WHAT GOES WRONG AND WHY 222
Factual Issues 222
"Feeling" Issues 224
Why Meetings? 226
Comparison of What Should Be and What Is 227
BASIC PERSONALITIES AT MEETINGS 228
Players in a Group Interaction 229
Interaction 232