HOW TO DRINK Ancient Wisdom for Modern Readers How to Drink: A Classical Guide to the Art of Imbibing by Vincent Obsopoeus How to Be a Bad Emperor: An Ancient Guide to Truly Terrible Leaders by Suetonius How to Be a Leader: An Ancient Guide to Wise Leadership by Plutarch How to Think about God: An Ancient Guide for Believers and Nonbelievers by Marcus Tullius Cicero How to Keep Your Cool: An Ancient Guide to Anger Management by Seneca How to Think about War: An Ancient Guide to Foreign Policy by Thucydides How to Be Free: An Ancient Guide to the Stoic Life by Epictetus How to Be a Friend: An Ancient Guide to True Friendship by Marcus Tullius Cicero How to Die: An Ancient Guide to the End of Life by Seneca How to Win an Argument: An Ancient Guide to the Art of Persuasion by Marcus Tullius Cicero How to Grow Old: Ancient Wisdom for the Second Half of Life by Marcus Tullius Cicero How to Run a Country: An Ancient Guide for Modern Leaders by Marcus Tullius Cicero How to Win an Election: An Ancient Guide for Modern Politicians by Quintus Tullius Cicero HOW TO DRINK A Classical Guide to the Art of Imbibing Vincent Obsopoeus Edited, translated, and introduced by Michael Fontaine PRINCETON UNIVERSITY PRESS PRINCETON AND OXFORD Copyright © 2020 by Princeton University Press Requests for permission to reproduce material from this work should be sent to [email protected] Published by Princeton University Press 41 William Street, Princeton, New Jersey 08540 6 Oxford Street, Woodstock, Oxfordshire OX20 1TR press.princeton.edu All Rights Reserved ISBN 9780691192147 ISBN (e- book) 9780691200842 British Library Cataloging- in- Publication Data is available Editorial: Rob Tempio and Matt Rohal Production Editorial: Sara Lerner Text and Jacket Design: Pamela Schnitter Production: Erin Suydam Publicity: Jodi Price and Amy Stewart Jacket Credit: Michelangelo, Bacchus with Pan. Museo del Bargello, Florence, Italy. Photo credit: Pictures Now / Alamy Stock Photo This book has been composed in Stempel Garamond Printed on acid- free paper. ∞ Printed in the United States of America 1 3 5 7 9 10 8 6 4 2 For Alyssa, Justine, Ming- Yi, Dan, and Gene mecvm et AVERNA petistis ibiqve FALERNA bibistis CONTENTS Acknowledgments ix Introduction xi A Note on the Notes xxvii A Quick Start Guide to The Art of Drinking xxix THE ART OF DRINKING Book 1. The Art of Drinking, Sustainably and with Discrimination 5 Book 2. Excessive Drinking, What It Looks Like 95 Book 3. How to Win at Drinking Games 193 Appendix 273 Notes 275 Bibliography 283 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS The life of the mind isn’t sustainable over the long haul if it doesn’t get rest at regular intervals. (1.219– 20) This was a fun book, and I owe many people drinks for bringing it to life: Rob Tempio for taking it on, Justine Vanden Heuvel and Ming- Yi Chou for teaching me about wine, the friends who drank it with me, and the team at FLX Fitclub who helped me sweat it all back out. Lucy Plowe painted the beautiful illustration of Greek and Roman wine vessels, Julia Hejduk and Sophia Evans clarified the translation, and Kim Hastings stabilized it. I thank them all for their generosity. In recent years, George Thomas, who writes under the pen name Quintus Curtius, has quietly set an impressive new standard of translation to live up to. I hope he finds this one worthy, and I thank him for advice and encouragement. I would also like to acknowledge my parents in a special way. Growing up outside New Orleans, ix ACKNOWLEDGMENTS I imbibed their NOLAn philosophy, a Mardi Gras view of life that celebrates Comus and curses Momus. Twenty- five years later, the puritanism of wider America still feels alien to me. For that bet- ter sense of balance, I thank them. The Finger Lakes AVA Ithaca, New York x