How to Be an Adult in Love: Letting Love in Safely and Showing It Recklessly PDF
Preview How to Be an Adult in Love: Letting Love in Safely and Showing It Recklessly
ABOUT THE BOOK We were made to love and be loved. Loving ourselves and others is in our genetic code. It’s nothing other than the purpose of our lives—but knowing that doesn’t make it easy to do. We may find it a challenge to love ourselves. We may have a hard time letting love in from others. We’re often afraid of getting hurt. It is also sometimes scary for us to share love with those around us—and love that isn't shared leaves us feeling flat and unfulfilled. David Richo provides the tools here for learning how to love in evolved adult ways—beginning with getting past the barriers that keep us from loving ourselves, then showing how we can learn to open to love others. He provides wisdom from Buddhism, psychology, and a range of spiritual traditions, along with a wealth of practices both for avoiding the pitfalls that can occur in love relationships and for enhancing the way love shows up in our lives. He then leads us on to love’s inevitable outcome: developing a heart that loves universally and indiscriminately. This transcendent and unconditional love isn’t just for a heroic few, Dave shows, it’s everyone’s magnificent calling. DAVID RICHO, PhD, is a psychotherapist, teacher, writer, and workshop leader whose work emphasizes the benefits of mindfulness and loving- kindness in personal growth and emotional well-being. He is the author of numerous books, including How to Be an Adult in Relationships and The Five Things We Cannot Change. He lives in Santa Barbara and San Francisco, California. Sign up to learn more about our books and receive special offers from Shambhala Publications. Or visit us online to sign up at shambhala.com/eshambhala. How to Be an Adult in Love Letting Love in Safely and Showing It Recklessly DAVID RICHO SHAMBHALA Boston & London 2013 Shambhala Publications, Inc. Horticultural Hall 300 Massachusetts Avenue Boston, Massachusetts 02115 www.shambhala.com © 2013 by David Richo Cover design by Jim Zaccaria All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Richo, David, 1940– How to be an adult in love: letting love in safely and showing it recklessly / David Richo.—1st ed. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references. eISBN 978-0-83482849-0 ISBN 978-1-61180-034-0 (hbk.: alk. paper) 1. Love. 2. Interpersonal relations. 3. Love—Religious aspects. 4. Interpersonal relations—Religious aspects. I. Title. BF575.L8R528 2013 158.2—dc23 2012037028 To those who loved me no matter what. You showed me how to love me and you and everyone. May I show all the love I have In any way I can Here, now, and all the time, To everything and everyone, including me, Since love is what we are—and why. Now nothing matters to me more Or gives me greater joy. Contents Preface Introduction 1. What Is Love? Love as a Capacity Love as a Quality Love as a Commitment Love as a Purpose Love as a Grace Love as a Practice Kinds of Love Compassion Liking and Other Connections Heart-Centered Feelings What It Takes to Love What It Takes to Practice PRACTICES Trusting Our Ability to Love Mindfully • Expanding Our Circle of Loving-Kindness • Working with Our Fear of Love 2. How We Can Love Ourselves To Be Myself and Love You Too PRACTICE Getting Up when We Are Put Down Befriending Our Shadow Side How Our Brain Helps Our Chemical Conditioning PRACTICES Giving to Ourselves What We Give to Those We Love • Adding a Tail to Our Tale • Affirming the Five A’s 3. Our Need to Be Loved How We Know We Are Loved PRACTICES How Was I Loved? • Childhood’s Influence • She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not • When the One Who Loved Us Dies Does Someone Who Abuses Us Really Love Us? PRACTICE What We Tolerate 4. Neediness-Driven Drama versus Serene, Contented Love A Frustrating Search Clinging When We Find Someone PRACTICE Drama or Love? What It Takes to Change Open to Finding When We Can’t Get Enough 5. Healthy Sexuality Pleasure without Guilt Lust and Longing PRACTICE Honoring Our Sexuality Our Fantasy Life PRACTICE How Our Fantasies Can Reveal Us to Ourselves 6. Showing Love to Others PRACTICE Expanding the Ways We Can Love Three Ways of Connecting PRACTICE The Three-Tiered Path How Loving and Being Loved Release Us from Fear PRACTICE Loving Others When They Don’t Like Us 7. Showing Love in a Relationship PRACTICES: How Partners Can Break Unskillful Patterns • Finding Out Where We Are • What a Relationship Asks of Us • Safe Conversations • Clearing the Past • Upgrading Our Emotional Responses, Especially Anger • Working Things Out Why We Hurt the One We Love PRACTICE Being on the Lookout 8. Showing Our Love Everywhere Over-the-Top Ways of Loving Love May Make Us Outsiders PRACTICE Paths to Love Loving Our World We Are Important Here PRACTICE Cosmic Consciousness 9. What to Watch Out For What Is Ego? How Ego Moves from Fear to Freedom PRACTICE Clearing the Obstructions of Ego When Narcissism Appears Power and Control PRACTICE Letting Go of Our Compulsion to Be Controlling The Urge to Retaliate Retaliation in Early Life Retaliation in Relationships PRACTICE Giving Up Getting Even How Hate Happens PRACTICE Radical Affirmations
The list of books you might like
