How Al-Anon Works for Families and Friends of Alcoholics

366 Pages·2016·1.24 MB·English

by  Al-Anon

Table of Contents
Title Page
Preamble
Al-Anon Books that may be Helpful
Preface
A Special Word to Anyone Confronted with Violence
Part One
1. The Many Faces of Al-Anon
2 Help and Hope
3 Finding Help
4 Understanding Ourselves and Alcoholism
5 Becoming Aware
6 The Family Disease of Alcoholism
7 Breaking Our Isolation
8 Twelve Steps
9 The Al-Anon Slogans
10 Changed Attitudes
11 Detachment, Love, and Forgiveness
12 Taking Care of Ourselves
13 Communication
14 Service
15 Keep Coming Back
16 Twelve Traditions
17 Twelve concepts of Service
18 A1-Anon’s History
Part Two
1 Lois’s Story
2 A Grandmother Learns to “Live and Let Live”
3 New Faith Helps a Wife Find Peace
4 An Employer Overcomes the Patterns of an Alcoholic Home
5 A Dual Member Copes with His Mother’s Drinking
6 A Sister Learns to Take Care of Herself
7 Learning to Live Single
8 The Healing Power of Service
9 Surviving Personal Tragedy
10 An Adult Child Uncovers Hidden Secrets
11 Even a Therapist Can be Affected by Alcoholism
12 A War Veteran Makes Life and Death Decisions
13 Al-Anon Helps Curb a Teenager’s Violent Temper
14 A Wife Copes with Physical Abuse
15 A Son’s Imprisonment Teaches a Mother About Herself
16 A Nun Finds Spiritual Peace
17 Facing the Physical Effects of Alcoholism
18 Learning to Love in Alateen
19 A Husband Learns to Detach with Love
20 A Wife Leaves Fantasy Behind
21 A Parent Sets Boundaries
22 A Husband Changes His Attitudes
23 Lessons in Faith
24 A Pueblo Indian Learns to Feel Alive
25 On the Road...to Recovery
26 A Mother Lets Go and Lets God
27 Finding Reasons to Live
28 Transformation of a Military Man
29 Living With a “Dry Drunk”
30 Learning in Al-Anon What Books Never Taught
31 Letting Go of a Loved One’s Alcohol, Drug, and Money Problems
32 Making Major Decisions
33 A Survivor of Family Alcoholism Deals With Fear
34 An Abused Husband Gains Self-Esteem
35 Alcoholism Crosses Racial Lines
36 A Gay Man Copes With Sexual Intimacy
37 Coming to Terms with Another’s Disease
38 Loving Alcoholics and Still Finding Joy
39 A Father Takes Responsibility for Himself
40 A Minister Works Through Childhood Pain
41 A Grown Daughter Gains freedom
42 Learning to Live in the Present
43 Never Too Old to Change for the Better
44 A Very Special Way
Twelve Steps
Twelve Traditions
Twelve Concepts of Service
General Warranties of the Conference
For information and catalog of literature write World Service Office for Al-
Anon and Alateen: Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters. Inc.
1600 Corporate Landing Parkway
Virginia Beach, Virginia 23454-5617
Phone: [phone] Fax: [phone]
www.al-anon.aIateen.org/members wso@al-anomorg This book is also available in: French.
Portuguese, and Spanish.
© Al-Anon FAMILY GROUP HEADQUARTERS. INC. 1995, 2008
All rights reserved. No part this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval
system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means, (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or
or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the publisher.
Al-Anon/Alateen is supported by members’ voluntary contributions and from
the sale of our Conference Approved Literature.
Library of Congress Catalog Card No. 95—75626
original ISBN-978—0—910034-26-5
ISBN—9788-0-981501 7-8-9
Publisher’s cataloging in Publication
How Al-Anon works for families and families and friends of alcoholics/Al-Anon
Family Groups.
p. cm.
includes index
ISBN-978-0-910034-26-5

l. Alcoholics—Family relationships. 2. Children of Alcoholics. 3. Al-Anon
Family Group Headquarters. Inc. I. Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters. Inc.
HV5132.H69 1995 362.2923
QB195-20009
Approved by
World Service Conference Al-Anon Family Group
11-1 B32 Printed in U.S.A.
Preamble
The Al-Anon Family Groups are a fellowship of relatives and friends of
alcoholics who share their experience, strength, and hope, in order to solve their
common problems. We believe alcoholism is a family illness and that changed
attitudes can aid recovery.
Al-Anon is not allied with any sect, denomination, political entity,
organization, or institution: does not engage in any controversy; neither endorses
nor opposes any cause. There are no dues for membership. Al-Anon is self-
supporting through its own voluntary contributions.
Al-Anon has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. We do this by
practicing the Twelve Steps, by welcoming and giving comfort to families of
alcoholics, and by giving understanding and encouragement to the alcoholic.
Suggested Preamble to the Twelve Steps
Al-Anon Books that may be Helpful
Alateen—Hope for Children of Alcoholics (B-3) The Dilemma of the Alcoholic
Marriage (B-4) The AI-Anon Family Groups—Classic Edition (B-5) One Day at
a time in Al-Anon (B-6), Large Print (B-14) Lois Remembers (B-7)
Alateen—a day at a time (B-10)
As We Understood... (B-11)
...In All Our Affaires: Making Crises Work for You (B-15) Courage to Change
—One Day at a Time in Al-Anon II (B-16), Large Print (B-17) From Survival to
Recovery: Growing up in an Alcoholic Home (B-21) Courage to be Me—Living
with Alcoholism (B-23) Paths to Recovery—Al-Anon’s Steps, Traditions, and
Concepts (B-24) Living Today in Alateen (B-26)
Hope for Today (B-27), Large Print (B-28)
Opening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Lives (B-29)
Preface
How Al-Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics opens wide the
door to a remarkable fellowship of courageous men and women who have
experienced the sometimes subtle, but nonetheless devastating effects of
another’s alcoholism. It invites us in to see how Al-Anon helps families of
alcoholics to overcome even the most negative aspects of their lives and, in turn,
extend hope and help to others.
This is the essential book on Al-Anon Family Groups. It answers every
question we might think to ask including, “Can Al-Anon help me?”
Even the casual reader is captivated by pages filled with refreshing, down-to-
earth wisdom drawn from thousands of Al-Anon members sharing their very
personal experience, strength, and hope.
Sparks of recognition and understanding flash again and again as we begin to
grasp the enormous impact the alcoholism of someone close has had on our
physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being.
To the millions of men, women, and children who have been affected by the
alcoholism of another, this book extends the most precious of all gifts—hope.
A Special Word to Anyone Confronted with Violence
Al-Anon’s gentle process unfolds gradually, over time. But those of us facing
violent, potentially life-threatening situations may have to make immediate
choices to ensure safety for ourselves and our children. This may mean
arranging for a safe house with a neighbor or friend, calling for police
protection, or leaving money and an extra set of car keys where they can be
collected at any time in case of emergency.
It is not necessary to decide how to resolve the situation once and for all—
only how to get out of harm’s way until this process of awareness, acceptance,
and action can free us to make choices for ourselves that we can live with.
Anyone who has been physically or sexually abused or even threatened may
be terrified of taking action at all. It can require every ounce of courage, and
faith to act decisively. But no one has to accept violence. No matter what seems
to trigger the attack, we all deserve to be safe.
TAPPING OTHER RESOURCES
Al-Anon’s purpose is to help families and friends of alcoholics. We come
together to find help and support in dealing with the effects of alcoholism. In
time we discover that the principles of our program can be practiced “in all our
affairs.” But there are times when, in order to work through especially
challenging circumstances, we may need more specialized support from mental,
spiritual, physical, or legal advisors. Many of us have benefited from taking care
of these needs in addition to coming to Al-Anon.
...In All Our Affairs: Making Crises Work for You. ® Al-anon Family (Group
Headquarters. Lnc., 1990, 2005.
Part One
The
Al-Anon
Program
(3)
1
The Many Faces of Al-Anon
I can remember feeling ambitious, waking up excited about my day, having
loads of energy. I don’t know when all that slipped away. Now it’s all I can do to
pull myself out of bed. I barely keep myself or my children washed and fed, and
then only out of a sense of guilt or embarrassment. I didn’t see it coming. I just
slowly lost touch with the pan of me that was able to care, and I don’t have a
clue how to find it again...
Everyone thought we were the perfect family. We always looked so good and
behaved so beautifully in public. My friends used to say they wished that they
could have my life instead of their own. I had so much to be grateful for. But
something about my life just wasn’t right. I couldn’t put my finger on it. I just
knew I wasn’t happy...
It almost broke my heart to see my son spending his 21st birthday in jail, but
there was nothing I could do about it. He’s really a good guy, but he’s had such
bad luck. He gets in trouble all the time, and it’s usually not all his fault. I let
him live at home and try to give him everything he could want, but trouble just
seems to find him. I would do anything for that boy, stay home with him, get
him an apartment of his own, find him a job, take care of him, anything, if only
it would help. I’m sick with worry. . .
My mom drinks too much. When she gets drunk, she calls me names and
sometimes she hits my sister and gives her a black eye. But she’s really great
when she’s not drinking, you know, and I love her a lot. If I got better grades and
kept my room cleaner. She (4) wouldn’t be so miserable and have to drink. I
tried staying out of the house more often so that she wouldn’t have to see me and
be disappointed, but that her drink even more. She even came to the basketball
game at school and dragged me out by the back of the neck in front of everybody
because she thought I was trying to shame her. She said I was out doing bad
things with boys and now I can’t go out at all. I didn’t want to go back to school,
but she said she’d kill me if I didn’t. So I go. Everybody makes fun of me or
feels sorry for me. So I come home right after school. I don’t mind so much if it
will help my mom not to drink. But sometimes I just want to crawl into the
closet and never come out...
I feel like there must be some secret to happiness, something that everybody