House of havoc : how to make, and keep, a beautiful home despite cheap spouses, messy kids, and other difficult roommates

276 Pages·2010·1.1 MB·English

by  Jameson

Table of Contents

Praise
Also by Marni Jameson
Title Page
Dedication
Foreword
Preface: Living with THEM!

PART ONE - At Home with Havoc
Chapter 1 - Havoc and I, We Have a Deal
We’re in This Mess Together
Chapter 2 - The Nice Thing About Kids Is They Take Your Life Apart a Piece at
a Time
If You Can’t Beat Them, Hide Them
Chapter 3 - Gender Wars: What Men Don’t Get
A Woman’s Touch, Who Needs It?
Chapter 4 - Home Gone to the Dogs
Chapter 5 - Slipcovers as Divine Intervention
When Furniture Fabric Has Gone to the Dogs
Chapter 6 - Fix—Don’t Toss—Abused Furniture
Chapter 7 - Designing for the Un-Senses

PART TWO - It’s All Under Control, She Lied
Chapter 8 - Take Your House Back
Time Lost
Chapter 9 - Paper Control: File This Under File This
You’ve Got (Too Much) Mail
Chapter 10 - Organizing the Home Office: A Second Chance for Order
Chapter 11 - Clutter Busting: The Price of Consumption
Love It or Lose It
Chapter 12 - Your Kitchen Is Under Arrest
Coach Helps Reduce Kitchen Friction
Chapter 13 - Photo Management: Someone Manage These Memories—Please!
Smile. Click. Ouch.

PART THREE - The Finer Things in Life
Chapter 14 - Building a Better Bed
Mattress Matters—When Couples Disagree
Don’t Get Shorted on Sheets
The Lowdown on Down
Chapter 15 - The Towel Trap
Chapter 16 - Flowers for Every Occasion Including Every Day
Chapter 17 - Is a Soap Dish Too Much to Ask?
Chapter 18 - Pillow Talk
Chapter 19 - Something’s Got to Give, Just Please Not the Waterford
Chapter 20 - Marriage, Like China, Can Be Tough to Get Right the First Time
Cheers to a Better Wineglass

PART FOUR - Six Secrets of Great Design
Chapter 21 - Design Secret #1: Manage the Snowball Effect of Decorating
Chapter 22 - Design Secret #2 : Apply Magic Measurements
Chapter 23 - Design Secret #3 : Throw the Weight Around
Chapter 24 - Design Secret #4 : Practice the Virtue of Restraint
Chapter 25 - Design Secret #5 : Look to the French
Chapter 26 - Design Secret #6: Put Home Improvement in Its Place

PART FIVE - Desperate Times Call for Desperate Decorating: Ten
Cheap Design Tricks
Chapter 27 - No-Budget Decorating
Chapter 28 - Cheap Trick #1: Find Some Direction
Start with a Plan
Chapter 29 - Cheap Trick #2: Color Your Walls
Find Your Neutral
What Color Are the Emperor’s Clothes?
Conquering the Fear of Faux
Day One
Day Two
Day Three
Day Four
Day Five
Day Seven
Chapter 30 - Cheap Trick #3: Become a Glue-Gun Decorator
Make No-Sew Drapes
With a Glue Gun, You, Too, Can Be a Domestic Superhero
Chapter 31 - Cheap Trick #4: Bring on the Bling
Ceiling Jewelry
Chapter 32 - Cheap Trick #5: Customize Hardware
Hob-Knobbing with the Knob Snob
Chapter 33 - Cheap Trick #6: Fake It
The Virtues of Fraud
Faking It in the Bedroom
Chapter 34 - Cheap Trick #7: Change the Backsplash
Backsplashes for the Vertically Challenged
Chapter 35 - Cheap Trick #8: Frame That Reflection
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall—You Need a Makeover
Chapter 36 - Cheap Trick #9: Make Something from Nothing
Use-What-You-Have Decorating
Chapter 37 - Cheap Trick #10: Screen It
Screens Play Dramatic Roles in Homes

PART SIX - Specialty Spaces and Making Your Home Stretch
Chapter 38 - Homes and Jeans, They’re All About Fit
Chapter 39 - So You Want to Work from Home—Ha!
Chapter 40 - Decorating with Kids: You Want to Paint Your Walls What?
Chapter 41 - When School Projects Hit Home
Back to School—Ready, Set, Blast Off!
Chapter 42 - Dear Houseguest: Please Come and Go
How Not to Be a Houseguest
Chapter 43 - Home Gym: Make Room for Fitness
Chapter 44 - Sacred Spaces: Make Room for You

PART SEVEN - House Hygiene
Chapter 45 - At War with the Universe: The Science of Housekeeping
Chapter 46 - Housekeepers Are Cheaper Than Therapy
Chapter 47 - Flu Season and Germ Warfare
Chapter 48 - Spin Cycle: Front-Load or Top-Load?
Chapter 49 - Stain Masters: How a Crisis Line Saved a Marriage and a Carpet
When Pets Break the House Rules ...
Chapter 50 - Girlfriend, You Need Some Tools

PART EIGHT - Taming the Wild Kingdom
Chapter 51 - SOS for Desperate Landscapes
Chapter 52 - Put the Wow in Your Yard
Skip the Deadly Learning Curve for Flowerpot Success
Chapter 53 - Outdoor Living: Nixing the Nuisances
Critter Control: We Love You, but Stay Out

PART NINE - The Future Is Green, but What If you’re Yellow?
Chapter 54 - Twelve-Step Program for Planet Junkies
Chapter 55 - Indoor Pollution: Is It Safe to Breathe Yet?
Chapter 56 - New Uses for Old Stuff
Chapter 57 - Biomimicry: Looking to Nature to Solve Problems at Home
Chapter 58 - Brave New House

Final Thought: Going Home
Acknowledgements
Index
Copyright Page
Praise for House of Havoc
"What your mother never told you, count on Marni Jameson to do so in this survival guide for living
with your spouse, kids, dogs. I promise, it will help save your sanity.”
—Betty Lou Phillips, award-winning author of Inspirations from France
and Italy, Villa Decor, and other home design books

Praise for The House Always Wins

“I know of no other book that’s such an entertaining read while teaching what to do and what not to
do to make your dream house a reality. As Marni so wisely advises, take your time—and I would
add: put this book at the top of your to-do list.”
—Sarah Susanka, FAIA, architect and author of the Not So Big House
series and The Not So Big Life

“A memorable book with useful tips surrounded by a funny, relatable
story.”
—Newsday

“Filled with (home improvement) tips we can all use, not to mention nearly
a laugh a page.”
—Los Angeles Times

“Jameson, whose uproarious voice recalls Erma Bombeck’s, dishes out
home advice in witty essays ... You don’t necessarily have to be in the
middle of a remodel or redecorating project to appreciate the laughs in The
House Always Wins, but anyone on the rocky road to making a house a
home will find Jameson an especially charming companion.”
—BookPage

“Jameson’s book is bursting with so many practical insider tips—some from experience and some
from interviews with experts—that it’s worth reading even if you only plan to renovate one room at a
time with a modest budget.”
—Hartford Courant

“A plan of attack with a sense of humor”
—Dallas Morning News

“Jameson packs her narrative with advice elicited from professionals ...
which makes for a practical as well as amusing tale.”
—Library Journal

“Readers gain the benefit of Jameson’s experience—along with laugh-out-
loud anecdotes—in this informative home-improvement guide.”
—Publishers Weekly

“Pragmatic humor is no longer an oxymoron.”
—Booklist

“By detailing real-life scenarios and experiences, Jameson shares her point
of view in a humorous yet straightforward fashion ... she offers how-to tips,
design options, strategies, time-saver pointers and expert advice on
common remodeling issues.”
—Chicago Tribune

“Humorous and practical”
—Metro New York

“By detailing real-life scenarios and experiences, Jameson shares her point
of view in a humorous yet straightforward fashion ... the funny interactions
with her spouse, irritated neighbors and others provide enough color for
you to keep turning the pages.”
—Orlando Sentinel
Also by Marni Jameson
The House Always Wins