Homesick and Happy: How Time Away from Parents Can Help a Child Grow

246 Pages·2012·1.29 MB·English

by  Michael Thompson

Praise for
HOMESICK
HAPPY
AND
“Every parent dreads letting children go. Partly, we dread it because we
lack a clear road map of how and when to do it. Homesick and Happy
changes that. It is a powerful and very accessible book that helps build
maturity and resilience in our children—and in parents, as well! I highly
recommend this book to every parent of a boy or girl who is ready to
take the next step, and I equally recommend it for every young person
ready to do the same.”
—M G , author of
ICHAEL URIAN
The Wonder of Boys and The Wonder of Girls
“I am constantly asked how to help kids become more assertive,
independent, and confident. Here is a compelling response: good old-
fashioned summer camp. If you’re on the fence about sending your child,
or are too anxious to consider it, read this book now. Michael Thompson
is back with a compelling argument for the brawn and bonds that only
camp can give a child. You’ll be signing yours up before you make it
through the first chapter.”
—R S , former director of
ACHEL IMMONS
Girls Leadership Institute Summer Camp
and author of The Curse of the Good Girl
“Michael Thompson understands children and their need for growth,
exploration, and independence. And he also understands parents and
their well-meaning, but often unreasonable, need to protect and shelter.
With this deep understanding, a great sense of humor, and impeccable
resources, he succeeds brilliantly in helping parents understand why
children need time away from home and away from them … why
children given the right opportunities at summer camp can rise above
those minor bouts of homesickness and create the most extraordinary
memories. And he also succeeds in generating just a touch of envy in the
hearts of all those parents who read Homesick and Happy … for the great
fun their kids are going to have.”
—H L , editor in chief, Camping magazine
ARRIET OWE
“Parents and schools both play an important role in helping children on
their developmental journey to adulthood. In Homesick and Happy,
Michael Thompson has the courage to remind us that sometimes we
parents and we educators must step back to leave space for the magic
that can only come from downtime and from time away from us.”
—P S , CEO, American Camp Association
EG MITH
“If you are trying to decide if you should send your child to camp, you
should read Homesick and Happy. It explains how camp provides the safe
challenges away from home that all children need as they move toward
adulthood. If you have been to camp, you will enjoy the trip back. If you
did not go to camp, you will understand why your child should.”
—A N. W , executive director,
DAM EINSTEIN
American Camp Association,
New York and New Jersey
“Both a sublime elegy on the pleasures of camp and an indispensable
guide to drawing the most from those indelible days, this unique book
grips like a novel and instructs like an authoritative text. A man who
loved and loves camp himself, Michael Thompson pours his heart into
these pages, along with his unsurpassed wisdom about children and their
parents. Full of practical advice and unforgettable anecdotes, this book is
an instant classic.”
—E M. H , MD
DWARD ALLOWELL
“Aaaah. I can almost hear the sighs of relief as parents read and absorb
the message of Homesick and Happy. With his usual compassion and
warmth, Michael Thompson helps parents let go of the imagined dangers
that feed our anxieties, and avoid the real dangers of holding on to our
children too tightly: timidity, fragility, lack of initiative, and risk-
aversion. Children need adventures, and that means summer camp,
school trips, overnights—time away from mom and dad. Children have
known this since forever; Thompson makes that wisdom available to
those of us who forgot it when we became parents.”
—L J. C , PhD, author Playful Parenting
AWRENCE OHEN

I am grateful to the many people who, through personal interviews, phone calls, emails, letters,
books, and research have shared their stories, their expertise, and their insight in these pages.
Names and personal characteristics of some camp staff, former campers, parents, and children
have been changed to disguise them. In some instances, additional details have been changed for
the same purpose. Any resulting resemblance to persons living or dead is entirely coincidental
and unintentional.
A Ballantine Books eBook Edition
Copyright © 2012 by Michael Thompson
All rights reserved.
Published in the United States by Ballantine Books,
an imprint of The Random House Publishing Group,
a division of Random House, Inc., New York.
BALLANTINE and colophon are registered trademarks
of Random House, Inc.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Thompson, Michael.
Homesick and happy : how time away from parents can help
a child grow / Michael Thompson.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
eISBN: 978-0-34552493-5
1. Parental deprivation. 2. Parental overprotection.
3. Parent and child. 4. Self-confidence. I. Title.
BF723.P255T46 2012
155.4′192—dc23 2012004893
www.ballantinebooks.com
Cover design: Victoria Allen
Cover image: (boy, bed, doorway): Yellow Dog Productions/
Getty Images
v3.1_r1
CONTENTS
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Introduction:
A New York City Boy Goes Back to Camp
Off They Go
ONE:
A Lost World of Family Time
TWO:
A Fire in My Stomach
THREE:
Homesick and Happy
FOUR:
A Little Paradise
FIVE:
OMG, I Love You!
SIX:
Passages
SEVEN:
“I Wish You Luck in Being Yourselves”
EIGHT:
The Magic of Camp
NINE:
“Childsick” and Happy
TEN:
Dedication
Acknowledgments
Notes
Bibliography
Other Books by This Author
About the Author
INTRODUCTION

A New York City Boy Goes Back to Camp
H
I ? It is 9:15 . on October 30, the day before
OW DID GET HERE P.M
Halloween. Cold winds are blowing off Lake Champlain and I am
shivering in the dark woods as I pull on a bathing suit, preparing to
jump into that bone-chilling water. No one sane in Vermont is swimming
at this time of year. I’m told the water is about fifty-two degrees, but
that’s warmer than the air temperature, which is in the high thirties, so
even if I do manage to get myself into the water—and I have my doubts
about whether I have the courage to do so—I know it is going to be truly
freezing when I get out.
I don’t like cold water; I haven’t liked it for years. I’m sixty-three years
old. This is really not my thing and, now that I consider it, it never really
was. I’m a New York City boy. And this is a young man’s game. I
stupidly let myself be tricked into it by three men in their thirties.
An hour earlier, I was sitting on the ground around a campfire with
Matt, Ben, and Neill, three outdoor educators. We were discussing the
challenges they were devising for four boys, ages thirteen to seventeen,
as part of an intense weekend mini-camp. While we were talking, the
four boys for whom this weekend was designed were off in the woods,
each one sitting alone, separated from the others, without a flashlight.
They were completing the first of their formal “challenges” of that
evening: experiencing their own thoughts in the dark and cold. The three
counselors were talking about the ultimate challenge of the evening: a
swim in Lake Champlain. And then they looked at me, the author, the
overweight psychologist with the white beard, the observer there to
study children’s camp experiences for the book he was writing.