Holy Hell: A Memoir of Faith, Devotion, and Pure Madness

229 Pages·2013·1.515 MB·English

by  Gail Tredwell

Holy Hell
A Memoir of
Faith, Devotion, and Pure Madness
GAIL TREDWELL
Copyright 2013 by Gail Tredwell
All rights reserved. This book may not be reproduced in whole or in part without written permission
from the author.
Published by Wattle Tree Press
Maui, Hawai’i
ISBN-10: 0989679403
ISBN-13: 9780989679404
Cover illustration and design by Lisa Desimini
www.lisadesimini.com
For Irene Ada Tredwell
My real mother

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I
would like to express my heartfelt appreciation to the friends and family who showered me with their
love and support during my transition back to a “normal” and balanced life. Without you, the journey
would have been far more arduous. Thank you.
I also want to thank the friends (who prefer to remain anonymous) who read the manuscript in
its various stages of development and offered their invaluable insight and suggestions. Oodles of
gratitude to the one friend who held my hand and journeyed with me to the darker realms, places that I
was unable to face on my own. You are amazing.
Special mention goes to Lisa Desimini, my brilliant cover illustrator and designer. Thank you
for your creative vision, patience, and amazing talent. You are an absolute gem to work with.
And last but by no means least, I want to thank Paul Wood (writer, teaching artist, and co-
author of Lurigancho—another, very different true story of escape). Paul was my tireless, cool-calm-
and-collected, genius editor. Thank you so much for believing in the importance of my story and for
nurturing my talent as a writer.
While all the incidents described in this book are true, the names and identifying characteristics of
some people have been altered in an effort to honor their privacy. The stories are based on many
years of diary writings and the best of my recollection. All dialogue is as close an approximation as
possible to actual conversations that took place. This memoir isn’t the definitive account of Amma; it
is my own remembrance.

CONTENTS
1. Who am I?
2. All aboard
3. Turning a new leaf
4. Arunachala and I
5. Becoming Gayatri
6. The anklets
7. An ashram is born
8. Amma’s children
9. Days of bliss
10. The operation
11. The recuperation
12. Our mother, our guru
13. Dishonorable discharge
14. Something’s cooking
15. The plot thickens
16. I need a break
17. My guru, my girlfriend
18. Growing pains
19. To be or not to be?
20. Man in heat
21. The dawn of doubt
22. The meltdown
23. Shattered dreams
24. The great escape
Epilogue. My own two feet
Twenty-two year old Gayatri