Hocus_ pocus_ voodoo crap magic-ffnet_11882292

18 Pages·2021·0.05 MB·English

Hocus, pocus, voodoo crap magic

by Teme of the year

Category: Naruto
Genre: Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-06 13:44:09
Updated: 2016-04-17 10:08:51
Packaged: 2016-04-27 22:57:52
Rating: M
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,770
Publisher: www.fanfiction.net
Summary: A simple story about a fortune teller prophesying Sasuke's
love life. So you know, just another normal day. Especially when a
sexy stranger comes through!...and also Naruto I guess...Narusasu,
rated M for smut, fluffy, funny and sweet...kind of anyway...a little
bit of anger, but it gets resolved!

1. Chapter 1

**Hey students! I saw a tarot card and I couldn't help but write this
one-shot! Set in the Narutoverse and they're 18! I hope you enjoy
because I thought this would be really sweet and fluffy and a bit
funny!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters (my own misfortune!)**

It was bright, sunny and had clears skies that day; perfect for the
friendly Konoha festival that was being held. Sasuke walked through
the semi-busy street with his hands in his black knee-length shorts;
matching it with his usual ninja shoes and white, sleeveless shirt.
The neutral 18 year old gave uninterested glances to some of the
stalls, considering them mundane and tedious. The only reason he was
actually here was because Kakashi told Sasuke he would get his book
back when he finally got out and get some fresh air. Sasuke hated his
life.

Sasuke's plan was just to walk around for half an hour, make his
presence known silently, then leave. That way his book would be
safely returned to him; Sasuke groaned when he checked a nearby clock
to see that it had only been 5 minutes.

_I'll get that irritating pervert back for this…_Sasuke glowered,
wondering why he ever came back to the village. Yes, Sasuke Uchiha
finally returned to the village. Sasuke was expecting capital
punishment, but all he received was some prison time and to be on
parole. Sasuke assumed it had something to do with the blonde haired
nuisance named Naruto. Sasuke sighed to himself.

_I'm already in a bad mood, I don't need to go making it wore by
thinking about that Usuratonkachi…_Sasuke thought to himself,
Sasuke attempted to get lost in his thoughts once again but was
foiled when someone spoke to him.

"Leo! Leo!" A woman called out to him, Sasuke raised an eyebrow at
the woman who nodded her head at him. The woman was dressed as a
gypsy; wearing a long brown skirt with a purple sash decorated with
stars tied around her waist. A white shirt that was lowered to her
shoulders, wearing talismans and other mystical associated objects.
The brown haired woman also wore a red scarf on her head. Sasuke
noted her to be in her early 20's, judging by her young appearance.
The woman gestured him to come over, "Leo!" The woman whispered,
Sasuke started strangely at her.

"I think you have me confused with someone else" Sasuke stated, but
the woman was adamant and shook her head.

"I'm not looking for else, I want you to come over here Leo" The
woman replied, Sasuke internally sighed, rolling his eyes when he
assumed the woman meant to flirt with him.

"Well, for starters, my name is Leo" Sasuke corrected, the woman gave
an unreadable expression before shaking her head.

"No, that is your sign" The woman clarified, Sasuke's eyes widened
slightly since the woman was in fact correct.

"How did you-"

"I am fortune teller, I pick up on these things" The woman spoke in a
strong Romanian accent, her grammar a little off. Sasuke was up on
his guard at anyone who was capable at reading him, he walked over
cautiously and stood in front of the woman, "Do not be so hostile, I
do not chew" The woman stated, Sasuke looked strangely at her before
speaking.

"Do you mean bite?" Sasuke asked with a raised eyebrow, the woman
shrugged with her hands on her hips.

"It is all the same, I am not so good with modern talkings" The woman
explained, Sasuke nodded and had his suspicions confirmed.

_She's some kind of foreigner, probably from a simpler
village…_Sasuke deducted, the woman spoke.

"I am Nadya, I read fortunes and predict future" The woman
introduced, "Would you come inside to have yours read?" Nadya asked,
Sasuke shook his head.

"No, because I'm not going to waste my money on some hocus, pocus,
voodoo, magic crap"

"Ah, but this is free, I read your future for free" Nadya offered,
Sasuke considered her deal and realised that it was better than being
bored out of his mind. Besides, it might be entertaining to watch
absolute bullshit and call her out on it. Sasuke gave a small nod and
let Nadya lead him inside her violet tent. Sasuke sat across from
Nadya as she gazed towards him, "Is there something you would like to

know about your future?" She asked.

"Not particularly" Sasuke responded in a deadpan tone, Nadya took no
notice of his tone and presented tarot cards. She placed the tarot
deck on the table in front of her and using her left hand, cut the
deck in half and place the top half on the left. She chose the card
that was on the top of the right pile and turn it over. Nadya let out
a mysterious chuckle.

_Could this be anymore cliché?..._Sasuke sighed internally.
Unimpressed with how his 'future' was being decided, Nadya pushed the
card in front on her towards Sasuke. Sasuke looked at the card which
depicted a naked man and woman on either side, with what looked like
an angel in the sky shining. Underneath the card read 'The
lovers'.

"And this means…?" Sasuke trailed off in a blasé voice, Nadya
chuckled and spoke.

"That you and other person are in love" Nadya answered, Sasuke
remained unimpressed and looked unconvinced at the
cards.

"Impossible, I have no one to be in love with" Sasuke corrected,
thinking he had got the best of the woman. Though he felt unnerved
when Nadya smirked knowingly at him.

"Then you are destined by the gods to meet someone and collapse in
love" Nadya claimed, getting her words mixed up again, "I give you
amulet that promise to make you fall in love with someone by end of
the day" Nadya prophesied, catching Sasuke's attention, "With all my
power and all my control, I will seal you with this fate" Nadya
exclaimed, she took one of her grey amulets off and placed it on the
table.

"This really isn't necess-"

"Quiet, you mess up amulet" Nadya hushed as she closed her eyes and
took some pink powder from nearby, she lightly dashed it around her
and it began to make a glowing, rosy mist. Even Sasuke had to admit
the strange feeling emitted from the atmosphere. Nadya began to hum
and sway slightly, looking slightly possessed; Sasuke intrigued by
her movements and surroundings.

To be honest, if this was a movie, some pretty intense music would be
playing right now.

"Capcană dragoste în amulet, sigiliu soarta și dezvăluie
destinul…" Nadya called out, Sasuke shifted uncomfortably as the
atmosphere became somewhat powerful, "Cu toată puterea și controlul
în univers sfânt…!" Nadya call out louder, Sasuke freaked out a
little bit since he swore he heard lighting and that a tornado was
going on outside, "Fac apel la spiritele să străpungă inima cu
sageata lui Cupidon!" Nadya screamed, Sasuke jumped when the smoke
suddenly departed and left Nadya panting, "It…is done" Nadya
breathed out heavily, Sasuke's eyes widened when he saw the
previously grey amulet was now a bright pink, "Take it" Nadya
ordered, still out of breath.

"Okay…" Sasuke replied quietly, massively freaked out. He picked up

the amulet and analysed it, sensing something strange about its aura
and shape.

"Go on, I haven't all era for this" Nadya commanded, though Sasuke
still had some questions, unfortunately Nadya kicked him out. Sasuke
grumbled and looked at the amulet as he walked; now more concerned
with what it meant and what to do with it.

_It's ridiculous to think that a stone can seal fate and conjure up
love…_Sasuke concluded to himself, _But what that woman did in that
tent was…unnatural…_Sasuke trailed off, so caught up in his
thoughts he didn't realise when he bumped into someone. Both falling
to the ground and landing on their asses, Sasuke groaned as he sat
up. He glared at the offender, but it dropped when he saw the person
he had bumped into.

Sasuke didn't know who it was, but he sure as fucking hell wanted to
know.

(Enter the sexy, romantic music)

Sasuke stared with his mouth nearly hanging open at the gorgeous
stranger before him, the guy rubbing his head with his eyes closed;
not yet noticing Sasuke's presence. Wild red hair with stylish, town
turned spikes. Skin flawless and peach. Body shaped like a god.

Oh yes, Sasuke liked what he saw.

The stranger opened his eyes to reveal dazzling lavender eyes, Sasuke
internally swooned at the soft orbs. If he lacked pride then he would
be spurting a large nosebleed right about now. The guy looked no
older than 18, the stranger gave Sasuke an apologetic smile.

"Scusa" The stranger voiced with a light-hearted tone, Sasuke melted
at the erotic voice and didn't realise that the stranger was speaking
another language, "Non ho visto dove stavo andando" The stranger
chuckled, Sasuke stared at him for a moment in la la land and shook
his head.

"Wha…?" Sasuke emitted confused, the stranger raised an
eyebrow.

"Che c'è? Stai bene?" The stranger titled his head, Sasuke's heart
beat at the cute gesture.

"U-Um, I, er…" Sasuke trailed off as the stranger arose from the
ground with a kind smile, offering Sasuke a hand.

"Ciao bella" The stranger greeted, Sasuke could already hear wedding
bells as the wind decided to whoosh and make the guy even hotter.
Sasuke absent-mindedly took the hand and allowed himself to be pulled
up. Sasuke gulped when he saw the guy was tall and even sexier
standing up, if that made sense to Sasuke.

"U-Um…"

"You no speak italiano?" The stranger asked, Sasuke dumbly shook his
head and the guy laughed, "I speak English also, or German, or
Romanian, is that okay?" The guy asked, Sasuke composed himself and
forced himself to speak.

"Y-Yeah, English is fine" Sasuke stuttered, realising how smart the
guy was to know all those languages.

_What is it with all these people?! Is it freaking world foreigners'
day?!..._Sasuke screamed inside his head, giving the guy a look over,
_Though I'm not complaining…_

"My apologises, bella" The stranger replied in the exotic Italian
accent, Sasuke blushed lightly at his words.

"Bella?"

"Si, it means _beautiful_, bella" The guy purred, Sasuke glanced at
the pink amulet then back at the guy, then the amulet, then the
guy.

_Well fuck me sideways, this hocus pocus shit actually
works!..._Sasuke thought amazed.

"Ah! Uno minuto, bella" The guy stated, he quickly went to a nearby
stall and came back, presenting a beautiful red rose to Sasuke.
Sasuke's face heated up at the gesture, "I am Antonio" The guy purred
with a wink, Sasuke took the rose and scolded himself to calm down,
but it was hard when Antonio suddenly cupped Sasuke's chin and
smirked sexily towards him, "And what is your name,
bella?"

"S-Sasuke" Sasuke managed to say, totally captured by the
man.

"Where I come from, Sasuke means goddess of beauty" Antonio informed,
Sasuke knew it was a lie but didn't care, "I see why you possess such
a name" Antonio flirted, Sasuke's knees nearly collapsed on him at
that moment. Antonio chuckled as he released Sasuke, "You know, I
would _love_ some company, bella, would you care to join-"

"TEME!" A voice cried out happily, Sasuke felt a massive impact hit
him at the side and went flying along with whatever decided to attack
him, "Ha ha! I got you now!" Naruto exclaimed happily, straddling the
raven-haired boy. Sasuke blinked a few times before seeing red.

"Get off me, Usuratonkachi!" Sasuke snapped, punching Naruto who
landed on his ass. Naruto rubbed his cheek and pouted.

"Teme! That actually hurt, you bastard!" Naruto complained, Sasuke
unsympathetically grabbed Naruto's white t-shirt and growled at
him.

"I'm about to hurt you a lot more in a minute!" Sasuke threatened,
his sharingan flashing. Naruto gulped but saw Sasuke's anger suddenly
disappear and replaced with alarm. Sasuke looked up and around to see
where Antonio went, his shoulders slumped when he saw no sign.
"Great, there goes the perfect stranger" Sasuke grumbled.

"Eh? What are you talking about?" Naruto piped up confused, Sasuke
sighed and let Naruto fall to the ground.

"Nothing, usuratonkachi" Sasuke replied dejectedly, Naruto stood up
and looked curiously at Sasuke.

"What's up with you?" Naruto scoffed, wondering how someone could be
acting all emo during a festival.

"Nothing, can't you see I'm high on life right now" Sasuke responded,
his voice dripping with sarcasm. Naruto rolled his eyes at Sasuke's
behaviour.

"Geez, stop being so angsty and enjoy the festival" Naruto ordered,
Sasuke began to walk off.

"Will do" Sasuke answered in the same sarcastic tone, Naruto caught
up with him quickly and stood in front of him.

"Seriously teme, what's going on" Naruto repeated, Sasuke glowered at
him and Naruto sighed, "Alright, whatever keep your little emo
secrets" Naruto shrugged, giving a small playful smile towards
Sasuke. Sasuke remained uninterested and was about to walk past
Naruto again when the blond managed to place his hands on Sasuke's
hips, Sasuke froze when he realised what Naruto was
doing.

"Naruto…" Sasuke voiced in a warning tone, Naruto just smirked like
a devilish fox.

"Mm hm?"

"I already told you that I don't feel that way" Sasuke stated. Yes
viewers, Naruto had confessed a strong liking to Sasuke when he
returned, however, Sasuke expressed that he didn't feel the same.
Nevertheless, Naruto continued to pursue him. Sasuke actually felt a
little sorry for Naruto, knowing that his feelings were genuine and
that he really liked Sasuke, but Sasuke couldn't force himself. It
wouldn't be fair.

"I'm fine with living in denial" Naruto suggested with a smirk,
Sasuke sighed and shook his head, taking Naruto's hands off of
him.

"No, Naruto" Sasuke replied, Naruto shrugged and kept his
smile.

"Fine, let's just hang out then" Naruto responded.

"No" Sasuke answered in a deadpan tone.

"Yes" Naruto spoke, smirking as he suddenly grabbed Sasuke and placed
him over his shoulder. Sasuke blushed and began to kick about.

"God damnit Naruto! I swear to god, you better let me down! Are you
listening to me?!" Sasuke screamed, Naruto just hummed as he skipped
along the street. Sasuke sighed and finally gave up, placing his chin
on his hand, listening to Naruto babble on about nonsense.

_This usuratonkachi, I swear…_Sasuke thought tiredly, unaware that
the amulet was pulsing a dark pink in Naruto's presence.

Nadya smirked as she watched Sasuke pass by, still trapped by
Naruto.

"Ha! Hocus, pocus, voodoo, magic crap works" Nadya spoke smugly,
sensing the amulet's excitement. Sasuke knew that she had spotted
them and ignored her.

What he didn't know, however, was the fact that by the end of the
night there _definitely_ would be some kind of magic between him and
Naruto.

Hocus, pocus, voodoo, magic crap one.

Sasuke zero.

**I know it's short and a little crap, but I think it was kind of
sweet and cute and maybe a little funny to write. Welp, I hope you
enjoyed! Moshi Mosh!**

2. The aftermath

**I know this was only meant to be a oneshot, but this awesome
reviewer (otaku1325) really wanted me to make another! And I know a
few are going to be angry that I haven't updated my other stories
(hides) but 'What if' and 'In heat' will be coming along shortly now.
Anyway, enjoy the story!**

Sasuke's midnight orbs fluttered open, still remaining hooded, just
enough to see the world before him begin to make more sense. He
nuzzled back in his pillow with the goal to get more comfortable,
there was only one thing.

His pillow was warm.

His pillow was breathing.

His pillow was naked.

Sasuke's eyes snapped open, slowly trailing up to reveal that he was
resting on Naruto's _bare_ chest, Sasuke made an effort to see where
they were and possibly how they ended up like this. He made a small
gasp when he saw that they were back at Naruto's place, in his bed,
naked. He sent an angry glare towards Naruto and hit his chest,
awaking Naruto with a painful start. Naruto's eyes flew open and gave
out a strangled cry.

"Gah! Ow, god damnit teme, what do you think you're doing?!" Naruto
exclaimed, yet Sasuke felt no remorse and instead made his glare
deadlier.

"What happened?" Sasuke snapped, Naruto was pouting but it turned
into mild confusion.

"What?"

"What. Happened?" Sasuke repeated in a deathly serious tone, Naruto
still looked confused and chuckled slightly out of
nervousness.

"Wha…Sasuke, don't you remember last night or something?" Naruto
joked, but his chuckling ceased when he was met with Sasuke's
seriousness. Naruto shifted slightly and had some confusion of his

own, "So…you _don't _remember last night?" Naruto asked, Sasuke
rolled his eyes in an agitated manner.

"I wouldn't be asking if I did, would I?" Sasuke hissed, Naruto gave
a small, regretful sigh. Rubbing his forehead and trying to figure
thing out.

"Was…you drinking last night?" Naruto asked, changing the subject
slightly, Sasuke's glare intensified.

"What happened" Sasuke growled.

"Maybe you just h-haven't woke up properly yet I-"

"What happened?!" Sasuke snapped, Naruto sighed after a moment of
silence.

"We…were together last night…" Naruto answered quietly, not
looking Sasuke in the eye. Sasuke tensed and took in a shaky, angry
breath.

"Define together" Sasuke grinded out, Naruto still avoided Sasuke's
gaze.

"I don't think you want me to…" Naruto muttered, Sasuke's head
lowered as he attempted to calm his anger. Sasuke's head was full of
thoughts, full of 'How did this happen?' 'Why did this happen?' 'When
did this happen?' 'Why with Naruto?' 'How could he let this happen?'
'Why couldn't he remember?' 'Where do they go from this?', Sasuke's
last memory of last night was…sitting next to Naruto, then the
stone he possessed began to glow pure red. Sasuke had a faint
recollection of when the stone's colour began to manifest into some
kind of mist and entered Sasuke…then everything went red and…and
then he was leaning on Naruto…then…Sasuke flinched, any more
remembering then he would get brain damage. Sasuke felt Naruto's hand
on his shoulder. "Sasuke…" Naruto started with sympathy in his
voice, Sasuke tensed and smack his hand away, shooting Naruto a glare
of utmost hatred and disgust. Naruto's eyes widened at such
detestation, Sasuke suddenly got up and out of Naruto's bed. Grabbing
his briefs and slipping them on, Naruto sat up as Sasuke put on his
shorts quickly, "Sasuke-"

"This never happened" Sasuke interjected, not looking at Naruto as he
proceeded to get dressed in a hurry, "Last night didn't exist, this
never happened and you will forget everything" Sasuke
ordered.

"Wait, Sasuke, you can't just expect me to-"

"Yes, I do" Sasuke stated, shaking in anger slightly when he saw the
reason for all of this. The stone. Though it was grey and lifeless
now, Sasuke grabbed the stone and whipped around to glare at Naruto.
He harshly through the stone at him and Naruto looked bewildered at
Sasuke, "That stupid stone is the _only_ fucking reason I would ever
allowed this to happen, I never consented to this!" Sasuke screamed
furiously, picking up his shoes and trying to get into them as quick
as possible, as Sasuke did this Naruto got out of bed and placed his
own underwear on, Naruto stumbled over to Sasuke who was heading for
the door.

"Wait, Sasuke-" Though Naruto was interrupted by the sound and shock
of Sasuke whipping around and slapping him, Naruto was stunned for a
moment and locked onto Sasuke's hate-filled eyes.

"You stay away from me Uzumaki Naruto, I never want to see you again,
I never want you to even talk to me, do you hear me? I fucking hate
you!" Sasuke spat, Naruto's heart ached at his words, "If you do,
I'll leave this village, and this time I will _not_ be coming back!"
Sasuke threatened, Naruto could only stand there and watch as Sasuke
turned around and stomped out of his apartment. Naruto sighed and ran
his hands through his hair, he shook his head.

"I should have known it was too good to be true" Naruto mumbled, he
was feeling horrible at the way Sasuke had glared at him, the one
that Naruto loved more than anything hated him. Naruto walked back
over to his bed and allowed himself to flop onto it dejectedly,
sighing as he knew that last night was the only time he would be able
to get that close to Sasuke…to touch that skin, to hear that moan,
to taste that sweet mouth. Naruto sighed once again, last night had
been the best night of his life. Naruto noticed the stone that was
next to him, he gazed curiously at the grey thing, "Sasuke blamed
last night on this thing…" Naruto muttered, though how could this
stone have Sasuke withering underneath him? Begging him not to stop?
Actually, now that he thought about it, he was a little out of
character last night. Sasuke had suddenly kissed him harshly and
begged for Naruto to take him, Naruto remembered at the time that he
was too happy to fully register Sasuke's sudden change of heart,
"Fuck…" Naruto cursed, realising that Sasuke may not have been in
his right mind, Naruto felt a little angry at himself for not
noticing that the one he loved was not himself. All the clues and
hints and signs from last night should have alarmed Naruto that
something was wrong…the things Sasuke did…

_**Sasuke climbed on Naruto's bed, he bent over with a sultry smirk
and a flushed face, gazing at Naruto with lust-filled eyes. Biting
his lip in a flirty manner; letting his little, pink tongue wet his
lips. Sasuke's hooded eyes gave a wink, letting a small giggle
escape.**_

Naruto smack his forehead, "I'm so dumb, Sasuke would _never_ act
like that" Naruto hissed, another hint being the things Sasuke
said…

"_**Naruto…I want you to take me, I want your big cock, I want you
to fuck my brains out, fill me to the brim with your cum" Sasuke
panted out, his legs spreading before Naruto, "Fuck me hard, till I
can't walk or even look straight, you can have me anyway you want,
I'm yours, I'm your slave…" Sasuke said in a breathy
voice.**_

Naruto was hitting his head against the headboard, "I'm so stupid,
I'm so stupid, I'm so stupid, I'm so stupid" Naruto repeated over and
over again as more of what Sasuke said came to mind.

"_**Use your tongue to lick me all over…"**_

"_**Do you want to watch as I touch myself? Moaning your
name?"**_

"_**I love the way it sounds when you fuck me, can you hear it? It's

my body loving you"**_

"_**Ah! Ah! Oh baby, don't stop!"**_

"_**You're so big, so damn huge, it's like I'm fucking a
horse…"**_

"_**I want it all over me, cover me with it, I want to taste
it…"**_

"_**Ah! Oh Naruto, you're a god!"**_

"He called me a god" Naruto grumbled with his head in his hands, "I
probably should've realised he wasn't himself when he called me a
fucking _god_" Naruto groaned, he blushed lightly, the things that
Sasuke said…made him feel good, not just sexually, but in a deeper
way. Naruto was determined to make it up to Sasuke, Naruto grabbed
the stone and nodded, "And to do that I'll need to see Tsunade"
Naruto stated.

"YOU BASTARD!" A girl shrieked, smacking the man that was utterly
confused. Naruto couldn't believe his eyes as he walked down the
street; that was the _third_ time he had seen the same scene. Someone
angrily coming out of someone else place and shouting at them about
taking advantage. Every single one had thrown away some kind of grey
stone and stomped away either pissed or crying. So it turns out that
him and Sasuke weren't the only ones that was in this situation,
Naruto walked quicker to the Hokage's mansion, when suddenly he saw
Hinata racing away from Kiba in tears.

"Wait! Hinata-chan!" Kiba tried to call, but Hinata was long gone.
Naruto looked at the distressed Kiba, Kiba's eyes widened at Naruto's
presence. Kiba put his hands up in defence, "W-Whoa man, don't kill
me! I didn't mean to make her cry, i-it was last night,
s-she-"

"Came onto you and now she can't remember last night" Naruto
finished, Kiba blinked a few times and walked over to Naruto.

"How did you…"

"It seems a lot of people are in the same situation" Naruto pointed
out, Kiba looked around to see a lot of argument, hate and confusion
amongst people of the village.

"Dude…what's going on?" Kiba questioned, Naruto sighed and shook
his head.

"I have no idea, but I'm going to Tsunade about it" Naruto answered,
Kiba sighed and nodded.

"Okay man…tell me when you find out, I'd go with you but…I'm not
really up to it" Kiba explained miserably, Naruto gave him a
sympathetic expression and watched as Kiba slumped away. Naruto felt
more determined to find the cause of all this, he ran to the Hokage's
mansion and went inside quickly.

"Baa-chan! Something's going on! People are doing things that they
don't remember from last night!" Naruto exclaimed, Tsunade was
sitting at her desk, a somewhat troubled expression on her