Helping Your Child Recover from Sexual Abuse

176 Pages·1992·20.11 MB·English

by  Jennifer J. Fay

Helping Your Child Recover
from Sexual Abuse

Helping Your Child Recover
from Sexual Abuse

Helping Your Child Recover
from Sexual Abuse
Caren Adams, M.A.
and
Jennifer Fay, M.A.
Illustrations by A.G. Fawkes
University of Washington Press
Seattle and London
This book was originally published under the title Never Again:
A Parent's Guide to Child Sexual Abuse Recovery as a project of the
Children's Home Society of Washington, Vancouver Branch,
Vancouver, Washington. Original publication was funded in part by
United Way of the Columbia-Willamette, the Stuart Foundations,
Boise Cascade, and private contributors.
Copyright © 1987 by Caren Adams and Jennifer Fay
Illustrations © 1987 by A. G. Fawkes; used by permission.
Copyright © 1992 by the University of Washington Press
Third printing, with updated resource list, 1998
Printed in the United States of America
14 13 12 1110 1110 9 8
University of Washington Press
PO Box 50096
Seattle, WA 98145-5096, U.S.A.
www.washington.edu/ uwpress
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or
transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical,
including photocopy, recording, or any information storage or
retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Adams, Caren, 1946-
Helping your Child Recover from Sexual Abuse.
Bibliography: p.
1. Child molesting—United States. 2. Sexually abused children—
Rehabilitation—United States. 3. Sexually abused children—
Psychology. I. Fay, Jennifer, 1946- II. Title.
HQ72.U53A47 1992 362.7'044 88-37877
ISBN-13: 978-0-295-96806-3
ISBN-10: 0-295-96806-0
The paper used in this publication is acid-free and recycled from 10
percent post-consumer and at least 50 percent pre-consumer waste.
It meets the minimum requirements of American National Standard
for Information Sciences—Permanence of Paper for Printed Library
Materials, ANSI Z39.48-1984. ©
NEVER AGAIN
I swore it would never happen
to them.
I was going to make their world safe
Protect them from the danger I knew.
Never again
should children be forced to think
to be equal to those who stand
three feet over them
speak their minds and make them
listen.
Can't they just be children.
Never again
take for granted
a summer's day softness
or a neighbor's good will.
Never again
believe I can keep
it from happening
Never again.
—Caren Adams
This book is dedicated to all those parents who are courageously facing
this problem.
C.A., Renton, Washington
J.F., Portland, Oregon
Contents
Introduction XI
Notes on Using this Book xiii
Acknowledgments xiv
1. Right Away. .. "I believe you/' 1
The struggle with your own disbelief and the immediate
decisions. How to go back and change immediate responses
you are not happy with. How to act with your child; what to
say. Finding help.
222... TTThhheee LLLeeegggaaall lS SSyyyssstteetemmm.. . .. . .. . """TTThhheeeyyy''ll'lll l bbee aabssekk iinnasggk iaan llgoo tta ooloff tqq ouufee ssqttuiiooennsstsi..o"" ns." 1199
The range of experiences. Benefits to the child. What makes
the process hard. Helping your child through the interviews
and court. Presenting the outcome to your child.
3. Family and Friends’ Responses. . . "She cares, she just
doesn't understand." 37
The responses of loved ones to the abuse are very important
to your child's well-being. Who to tell, common reactions of
friends and relatives, strategies for responding and helping
the child to understand.
4. Children's Reactions and Everyday Life. . . "It's okay to be
angry." 49
The difficulties of living with a child on the roller coaster of
recovery. Don't throw out all you know about raising
children. Treat your child as normally as you can. Common
behavior changes and how to respond to them. How to
know that your child is getting better.
vii