Helping Teens Work Through Grief

187 Pages·2004·3.329 MB·English

by  Mary Kelly Perschy

Helping Teens Work Through Grief
Second Edition
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Helping Teens Work Through
Grief
Second Edition
Mary Kelly Perschy
NEW YORK AND HOVE
Published in 2004 by
Brunner-Routledge
29 West 35th Street
NewYork, NY 10001
www.brunner-routledge.com
Published in Great Britain by
Brunner-Routledge
27 Church Road
Hove, East Sussex
BN3 2FA
www.brunner-routledge.co.uk
Copyright © 2004 by Taylor&Francis Books, Inc.
Brunner-Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group.
This edition published in the Taylor & Francis e-Library, 2005.
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All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced or utilized in any form or
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photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, without permission
in writing from the publishers.
Cover image: images.com/CORBIS
Cover design: Elise Weinger
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Perschy, Mary Kelly, 1942–
Helping teens work through grief/by Mary Kelly Perschy.—2nd ed.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 0-415-94696-4 (pbk.)
1. Grief in adolescence. 2. Bereavement in adolescence.
3. Teenagers—Counseling of. 4. Grief therapy. I. Title.
BF724.3.G73P47 2004
155.9′37′0835–dc22
2003019898
ISBN 0-203-48790-7 Master e-book ISBN
ISBN 0-203-57749-3 (Adobe eReader Format)
To the many teens
who have shared the turmoil of their grief
and
to those teens who are willing to
enter into that struggle,
that their pain may be healed
and may they experience a renewed life
To those adults who care enough to
support teens in their journey through grief
Contents
List of Activity Sheets ix
List of Figures x
Acknowledgments xi
Introduction xiii
Part A Understanding Grieving Teens and How to Support Them
Chapter 1 Teens and the Grieving Process 3
Teen Years: Thunderstorms and Tightropes 3
The Process of Grief 5
The Grieving Teen 8
Chapter 2 When Teens Experience Trauma 11
Complicated Mourning 11
Implications Groups With Teens Affected by Trauma 12
Chapter 3 Social Support 15
Family 15
Parents 16
Other Adults 18
Leaders of a Grief Group 19
Part B The Teen Grief Group
Chapter 4 The Value of a Group in Dealing With Grief 25
Peers: Some Are Helpful; Others Are Not So Helpful 25
Normalizing the Experience of Grief 25
vi
Chapter 5 Initiating and Organizing a Grief Group 27
Initiating the Plan 27
Publicizing the Group 28
Registration and Interview 32
Chapter 6 Group Design 35
The First Two Meetings 36
The Middle Meetings 38
The Final Meeting: Saying Goodbye and Evaluating 39
Beyond the Group 41
Part C Specific Structured Activities
Chapter 7 Helping Teens Connect 45
Activity 7.1 Getting to Know You 45
Activity 7.2 My Coat of Arms 46
Activity 7.3 Line Up 47
Activity 7.4 Stress Busters 48
Activity 7.5 Mirroring 49
Activity 7.6 Telling One’s Story (Important Activity for First Meeting) 51
Chapter 8 Teens Caring for Themselves 53
Activity 8.1 Clearing a Space 54
Activity 8.2 Affirmations 55
Activity 8.3 The Precious Present 56
Activity 8.4 Supports in My Life 58
Activity 8.5 Words That Help; Words That Don’t Help 60
Chapter 9 Creating a Journal 63
Activity 9.1 Structured and Customized Journaling 64
Activity 9.2 Unstructured Journaling 66
Chapter 10 Learning About Grief 69
Activity 10.1 Helps in Moving Through Your Grief 70
Activity 10.2 Choosing to Work With Your Grief 75
vii
Activity 10.3 Fishbowl: Visualizing Grief 77
Activity 10.4 Sand Jacket: Experiencing Grief 78
Chapter 11 Moving Through the Pain 79
Activity 11.1 Journaling 80
Activity 11.2 How My Life Has Changed 81
Activity 11.3 Focusing: Listening and Making Friends With Our Feelings 82
Activity 11.4 Externalizing Angry Feelings 83
Activity 11.5 Dealing With Guilt 85
Activity 11.6 Expressing Grief Through Visual Arts 87
Activity 11.7 Expressing Grief Through Music 88
Chapter 12 Continuing Bonds: Commemorating and Connecting 93
With the Person Who Died
Activity 12.1 Journaling: Continuing the Dialogue 95
Activity 12.2 Sharing a Memento 97
Activity 12.3 Ritual 98
Activity 12.4 Family Remembering Album 99
Chapter 13 Moving On and Beyond: The Search for Meaning 103
Activity 13.1 Exploring Beliefs: Guidance and Resources 106
Activity 13.2 Journaling: Teens Exploring Their Beliefs 108
Activity 13.3 Positive Outcomes of Grief 108
Activity 13.4 Choices 110
Appendix A: Signs of Complicated Grief 113
Appendix B: Be Aware of the Warning Signs (of Suicide) 115
Appendix C: Feelings of Grief 117
Appendix D: Crisis: Danger and Opportunity 119
Appendix E: Crazy Grief (Teen Copy) 121
Appendix F: My Mind, Emotions, and Soul Matured… Too Fast for My 125
Years (Teen Copy)
Appendix G: Amy and Mr.Matthews (Teen Copy) 127
Appendix H: “Goodbye” Means Ouch! (Teen Copy) 129
viii
Appendix I: Affirmations 131
Appendix J: What I Learned About Grief: Teens Speak Out 133
Appendix K: Seven Things a Grieving Person Needs to Know 135
Part D Resource Material
Books 139
Children’s Books That Could Be Used With Young and Old 139
Adults Helping Teens 139
Curricula and Manuals 140
Journals for Teens 141
Books Specifically for Teens Who Are Grieving 141
Related Articles, Pamphlets, and Chapters 141
Books for Adults and Older Teens 143
Books Specifically Related to Trauma 144
Materials That Include Spiritual Aspects 144
Videos 145
Poster 147
Media Services and Clearinghouses 149
Organizations 151
Hotlines 156
Additional Websites 157
References 159
About the Author 163
Index 165
List of Activity Sheets
7.2 My Coat of Arms 46
7.4 Stress Busters 48
7.6 Telling One’s Story 52
8.3 The Present 57
8.4 Supports in My Life 59
10.1 Part 1 Helps in Moving Through Your Grief 72
10.1 Part 2 Helps in Moving Through Your Grief 72
10.1 Part 3 Helps in Moving Through Your Grief 73
10.1 Part 4 Helps in Moving Through Your Grief 74
10.2 Choosing to Work With Your Grief 75
11.7 Expressing Grief Through Music 90
12.4 Family Remembering Album 99
13.3 Positive Outcomes of Grief 108
Appendix A: Signs of Complicated Grief 113
Appendix B: Be Aware of the Warning Signs (of Suicide) 115
Appendix C: Feelings of Grief 50
Appendix D: Crisis: Danger and Opportunity 119
Appendix E: Crazy Grief (Teen Copy) 121
Appendix F: My Mind, Emotions, and Soul Matured… Too Fast for My Years 125
(Teen Copy)
Appendix G: Amy and Mr.Matthews (Teen Copy) 127
Appendix H: “Goodbye” Means Ouch (Teen Copy) 129
Appendix I: Affirmations 55
Appendix J: What I Learned About Grief: Teens Speak Out 133
Appendix K: Seven Things a Grieving Person Needs to Know 135