Helping Children to Tell About Sexual Abuse: Guidance for Helpers

162 Pages·2016·1.62 MB·English

by  Rosaleen McElvaney

H
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Children experiencing sexual abuse l
p
often feel trapped by it – conflicted i
n
between telling and not telling. g

C
h
Practical and accessible, this book offers guidance on how professionals
i
l
can identify potential abuse cases and create safe opportunities for children
d
to talk about sexual abuse. The book explores challenges in facilitating and r
e
responding to disclosures of abuse, such as how to recognise the signs, ask
n
the right questions and react to a disclosure. It also draws on research carried
t
Helping
out with children who have experienced sexual abuse in order to convey the o

experience of disclosure and what informs a decision to tell or not tell. T
e
Children to
l
l
‘For too long we have failed to recognise the early warning signs that a child A
may be sexually abused, placing the onus on the child to “disclose” their b Tell About
o
experience of sexual abuse, rather than on the practitioner to recognise the u
signs that the abuse is occurring. This book helps us to challenge these failures, t
Sexual Abuse
to better understand the nature of child sexual abuse and to help children S
e
explain what has happened to them. It is essential reading for all those working x
u
to protect children from sexual abuse.’
a Guidance
l
JENNY PEARCE, PROFESSOR OF YOUNG PEOPLE AND PUBLIC
POLICY, UNIVERSITY OF BEDFORDSHIRE A for Helpers
b
u
‘This book is a welcome addition to understanding CSA and an indispensable s
e
tool for all those working with children and who are committed to giving them
a voice.’
CHRISTIANE SANDERSON, AUTHOR OF COUNSELLING SKILLS FOR WORKING
WITH SHAME AND COUNSELLING SKILLS FOR WORKING WITH TRAUMA
R
o
ROSALEEN MCELVANEY is a clinical psychologist who has worked in the s
a
public health services in Ireland for many years, primarily in services for children or l
e
adults who have experienced sexual abuse. She has served on the boards of Crime e
n
Victims Helpline, the National Board for Safeguarding Children in the Catholic

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Church in Ireland and One in Four. She is currently a lecturer in psychotherapy at
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Dublin City University and lives in Dublin, Ireland. E
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a
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y
Jessica Kingsley Publishers
73 Collier Street Rosaleen
London N1 9BE, UK
400 Market Street, Suite 400
Philadelphia, PA 19106, USA McElvaney
Cover design: Rosamund Bird
www.jkp.com Cover image: Gisella Stapleton JKP

Helping Children to Tell
About Sexual Abuse
of related interest
for adults
The Seduction of Children
Empowering Parents and Teachers to Protect
Children from Child Sexual Abuse
Christiane Sanderson
ISBN 978 1 84310 248 9
eISBN 978 1 84642 060 3
Counselling Skills for Working with Trauma
Healing from Child Sexual Abuse, Sexual Violence and Domestic Abuse
Christiane Sanderson
ISBN 978 1 84905 326 6
eISBN 978 0 85700 743 8
The Truth is Longer Than a Lie
Children’s Experiences of Abuse and Professional Interventions
Neerosh Mudaly and Chris Goddard
ISBN 978 1 84310 317 2
eISBN 978 1 84642 495 3
Sexual Abuse – The Child’s Voice
Poppies on the Rubbish Heap
Madge Bray
ISBN 978 1 85302 487 0
for children
Secret, Secret
Daisy Law
ISBN 978 1 78592 042 4
eISBN 978 1 78450 294 2
The Boy Who Built a Wall Around Himself
Ali Redford
Illustrated by Kara Simpson
ISBN 978 1 84905 683 0
Alex and the Scary Things
A Story to Help Children Who Have Experienced Something Scary
Melissa Moses
Illustrated by Alison MacEachern
ISBN 978 1 84905 793 6
Helping
Children to
Tell About
Sexual Abuse
Guidance
for Helpers
Rosaleen McElvaney
Jessica Kingsley Publishers
London and Philadelphia
First published in 2016
by Jessica Kingsley Publishers
73 Collier Street
London N1 9BE, UK
and
400 Market Street, Suite 400
Philadelphia, PA 19106, USA
www.jkp.com
Copyright © Rosaleen McElvaney 2016
Front cover image source: Gisella Stapleton. The cover image is for illustrative
purposes only, and any person featuring is a model.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any material
form (including photocopying, storing in any medium by electronic means or
transmitting) without the written permission of the copyright owner except in
accordance with the provisions of the law or under terms of a licence issued in the
UK by the Copyright Licensing Agency Ltd. www.cla.co.uk or in overseas territories
by the relevant reproduction rights organization, for details see www.ifrro.org.
Applications for the copyright owner’s written permission to reproduce any part of
this publication should be addressed to the publisher.
Warning: The doing of an unauthorized act in relation to a copyright work may result
in both a civil claim for damages and criminal prosecution.
Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data
Names: Mitchell, Gary (Gary George Ernest), 1985- editor.
Title: Doll therapy in dementia care / [edited by] Gary Mitchell.
Description: London ; Philadelphia : Jessica Kingsley Publishers, 2016. |
Includes bibliographical references and index.
Identifiers: LCCN 2016005892 | ISBN 9781849055703 (alk. paper)
Subjects: LCSH: Dementia--Treatment. | Dolls--Therapeutic use. |
Dementia--Patients--Rehabilitation.
Classification: LCC RC521 .D65 2016 | DDC 616.89/1653--dc23 LC record
available at http://lccn.loc.gov/2016005892
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data
A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
ISBN 978 1 84905 712 7
eISBN 978 1 78450 235 5
CONTENTS
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS 6
1. Introduction 7
2. Child Sexual Abuse and Its Impact 18
3. Containing the Secret: What We Know About
Child Sexual Abuse Disclosure 36
4. Believing Children 54
5. Recognizing the Signs 74
6. Asking Questions 87
7. Understanding Self-Blame and Shame 102
8. Helping Friends to Tell 117
9. After First Disclosure 129
REFERENCES 147
INDEX 154
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I’d like to thank those who shared this journey with me and brought
this book to birth. Stephen Jones of Jessica Kingsley Publishers
who encouraged me to submit my proposal, and followed through
with persistence; a little encouragement goes a long way. To the
many children, young people and adults, both clients and fellow
professionals, with whom I have worked over the years and who have
taught me so much; who have shared their pain and their joy; and
whose words and experiences offer hope as well as understanding.
I’d like to thank my ‘readers’, those who read an earlier draft of the
book and gave so generously of their time and feedback: Patricia
Clerkin, Katie Creighton, Niamh de Rossa, Siobhan McCarthy and
Ann McCourt. To the team at Jessica Kingsley Publishers for being
so easy to work with, including Danielle and Alexandra. To my
wider family and friends who kept faith in me and whose belief in me
spurred me on. To Gisella Stapleton for agreeing to grace the cover
of this book with her beautiful painting. To my husband, Frank, for
feeding me and trying (in vain) to keep me from overdoing it; and to
my sons, Lorcan and Fergus, for putting up with me.
6
CHAPTER 1
Introduction
Child protection is everyone’s responsibility. Those of us who work
with children have an added responsibility: to be there for children
when they need to tell us if someone is hurting them. Child sexual
abuse typically occurs in secret. We know from research that this
secret is sometimes never divulged and for most it can remain
hidden for many years. As a society, if we don’t know about this
problem, which transcends age, gender, socioeconomic and cultural
barriers, we are constrained in our ability to address it. We need
to know about it in order to stop it, thus preventing further harm to
the child; we need to know as other children may be at risk from a
particular perpetrator. We need to be able to reach out and help. The
child may need professional support to address the psychological
impact of the abuse. The perpetrator needs assistance in order not to
do this again.
Professional helpers are well placed to help children disclose –
they have access to information and resources and can thus educate
themselves about sexual abuse; they have the advantage of spending
time with children outside the family home, and so can be very well
placed to notice when something is wrong; they have a mandate to
draw attention to a child when they are distressed or ‘out of sorts’;
and in many countries they have a statutory obligation to report a
concern about sexual abuse. But, most of all, those who work with
children care. It is from this caring standpoint that helpers are well
placed to act upon their concerns to ensure that a child gets the help
that is needed.
Helpers are understandably anxious about dealing with the issue
of sexual abuse. It is an emotive topic. People have strong views
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8 HELPING CHILDREN TO TELL ABOUT SEXUAL ABUSE
about it and are very quick to judge if we make a mistake and ‘get
it wrong’, whether that be in the way we talk with children or in
our actions in response to concerns that a child is being abused.
We know that we can inadvertently influence children’s views about
their world, so we have to be careful in our conversations in order
to give children an opportunity to talk and not to ask inappropriate
questions that can confuse them further. In an effort to protect
ourselves from criticism from others, we can be reluctant to engage
children in conversations that may open up something that we feel
unable to deal with. Talking about these anxieties is important:
having someone to go to when we are uncertain about how to deal
with the situation and knowing where to get help when we need it
will help us feel more competent and able to respond to children in
ways that help them rather than harm them.
In the past 20 years, many countries have developed child abuse
awareness campaigns in an effort to raise awareness about the nature
of sexual abuse, the extent of it and the importance of recognizing the
possibility of abuse early in the cycle of abuse. Such campaigns may
include child abuse prevention programmes, delivered in schools, with
the aim of educating children about abuse and equipping them with
the social skills to tell someone if something like this is happening to
them. It is difficult to evaluate prevention programmes. How can we
tell if something has worked when its aim is to prevent something
from happening? How do we know whether it would have happened
or not, regardless of the intervention? And when we are trying to
prevent something that is so hidden in society, how do we know that
we have been successful in preventing abuse or simply that children
are not talking about it? What we do know from evaluations of such
programmes is that they are effective in educating children about
abuse: children demonstrate a better awareness of abuse and what
to do if something happens to them following such programmes.1
School-based awareness programmes have been found to provide
a safe environment in which to promote disclosure.2 I know from
my own clinical experience that many children approach teachers
1 Lalor and McElvaney (2010). A full reference list in alphabetical order is
available at the end of the book.
2 Barron and Topping (2010).