Healthy Anger How to Help PDF
Preview Healthy Anger How to Help
Healthy Anger: How to Help Children and Teens Manage their Anger Bernard Golden, Ph.D. OXFORD UNIVERSITY PRESS Healthy Anger Also by Bernard Golden New Hope for People with Bipolar Disorder (coauthored with Jan Fawcett and Nancy Rosenfeld) Healthy Anger How to Help Children and Teens Manage Their Anger Bernard Golden, Ph.D. 2003 Oxford New York Auckland Bangkok Buenos Aires Cape Town Chennai Dar es Salaam Delhi Hong Kong Istanbul Karachi Kolkata Kuala Lumpur Madrid Melbourne Mexico City Mumbai Nairobi São Paolo Shanghai Taipei Tokyo Toronto Copyright © 2003 by Bernard Golden Published by Oxford University Press, Inc. 198 Madison Avenue, New York, New York 10016 www.oup.com Oxford is a registered trademark of Oxford University Press All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior permission of Oxford University Press. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Golden, Bernard Healthy anger : how to help children and teens manage their anger / Bernard Golden p. cm. Includes bibliographical references and index. ISBN 0–19–515657–9 1. Anger in children. 2. Anger in adolescence. 3. Child rearing. I. Title. BF723.A4 G65 2002 155.4'1247—dc21 2002022009 Criteria for depression and other disorders described in Chapter 17 are reprinted with permission from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition, Text Revision. Copyright © 2000 American Psychiatric Association. “Warning Signs of Teen Violence,” brochure cited in Chapter 17. Copyright © 1999 by the American Psychological Association. Adapted with permission. For additional information, visit http://helping.apa.org/warningsigns. Typeset by Glen R.J. Mules, New Rochelle, NY 1 3 5 7 9 8 6 4 2 Printed in the United States of America on acid-free paper (cid:1) To Dale (cid:1) This page intentionally left blank Contents Acknowledgments ix Introduction 1 I Understanding and Recognizing Anger in Children and Teens 1 The Key Component for Anger Management: Your Relationship with Your Child 11 2 Guiding Principles of Healthy Anger 21 3 The Adverse Effects of Anger 29 4 A Comprehensive View of Anger 37 5 How Children and Teens Express Anger 65 II How to Apply the Model of Anger with Your Child or Teen 6 General Guidelines for Using the Model of Anger 97 7 Identifying Emotions Associated with Anger 102 8 Identifying and Confronting Self-talk Based on “Child Logic” 131 9 What Does Your Child Really Want or Need? 144 10 Making Sense of Anger in the World Around Us 161 11 Relaxation: A Primary Task in Managing Anger 180 12 I Need to Think About It 193 13 Okay, I’m Ready to Talk About It 205 14 Acceptance and Forgiveness 227 III Special Considerations 15 Rewarding Behaviors 255 16 Responding to Escalating Anger 270 17 Anger, Hostility, and Aggression: The Need for Special Support 280 Conclusion 302 Notes 305 Resources / Movies / Publications / Bibliography 308 Index 313 vii This page intentionally left blank Acknowledgments Completing this book marks the end of a very long and rewarding journey. It is one I have taken with the personal and professional support of family, friends, and colleagues. Therefore, I would like to ex- press my deepest gratitude to some of the many people who have helped make Healthy Anger possible. First, I am extremely grateful to Nancy Rosenfeld, my friend, my agent, and the source of the idea for New Hope for People with Bipolar Disorder, a book she and I coauthored with Dr. Jan Fawcett. The feed- back and encouragement she provided on that project and this book helped push me in a direction to make the manuscripts the best they could be. I am again, and still, appreciative of her determination, drive, and commitment to quality. I want to also thank the many friends and colleagues who over the years have listened to my ideas and offered critical feedback and support. Specifically, I want to thank Drs. Bonnie Holstein, Bonnie Rudolph, Frank Gruber-McCallister, Adrienne Allert, and Robert Marshall. I am also grateful to Ray Bramble, a friend and colleague who con- tributed to my doctoral research and for almost three decades listened to my plan to write a book about anger. I am especially thankful to Dr. Patricia Robbins for her thoughtful consideration and confidence in introducing me to Nancy Rosenfeld. I am most appreciative of Joan Bossert for her extremely supportive response when we first contacted Oxford. As vice president and associ- ate publisher, she gave this project a most powerful reception that con- vinced me that Oxford was the best possible publisher for this book. I am also grateful to other members of the Oxford team, including Helen Mules, Sue Warga, and Kim Robinson. I want to thank my mother for her love, support, and ongoing en- couragement, especially in the writing of this book. Finally, I want to thank the many clients and their families, the work- shop participants, and the students I have worked with, all of whom taught me many lessons regarding anger. January 2002 B.G. ix
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