Happy Never After: why the happiness fairytale is driving us mad (and how I flipped the script)

77 Pages·2018·0.42 MB·English

by  Jill Stark

HAPPY NEVER AFTER
Jill Stark is an award-winning journalist and author with a career spanning two
decades in both the UK and Australian media. She spent ten years on staff at The
Age covering health and social affairs as a senior writer and columnist, and now
works as a freelance journalist, media consultant, and speechwriter. Her first
book, High Sobriety, was longlisted for the Walkley Book Award and shortlisted
in the Kibble Literary Awards.

Scribe Publications
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First published by Scribe 2018
Copyright © Jill Stark 2018
All rights reserved. Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above,
no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a
retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means (electronic,
mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise) without the prior written
permission of the publishers of this book.
9781925713107 (Australian edition)
9781911617587 (UK edition)
9781925693225 (e-book)
CiP records for this title are available from the National Library of Australia and
the British Library.
scribepublications.com.au
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For Chris, Jason, and Nonie, who brought me back to life
CONTENTS
Author’s Note
THE NEVERENDING STORY
1 Falling Apart
2 The Happiness Hangover
3 Don’t Worry, Be Happy
4 Beyond the Patch-up Job
5 The Child Within
6 You Can’t Sit With Us
7 The Fairytale Filter
8 Caught in the Clickstream
9 Generation Anxiety
10 How to Build a Better Child
11 Mind the Gap
12 The New Normal
FLIPPING THE SCRIPT
13 It’s Always Darkest Before the Dawn
14 Clearing Space
15 Freedom from Choice
16 Be Kind, Be Well, Stop F**king Shouting
17 Love Thine Enemy
18 Look for the Helpers
19 Enjoy the Silence
20 All Work and No Play …
21 Uncomfortably Numb
22 Dancing on My Own
23 Falling Back Together
24 Things I’ve Learned
25 Reaching Out
To The Helpers
AUTHOR’S NOTE
When I was a kid, outspoken and chatty, Dad would proudly tell people that his
daughter knew her own mind. But I didn’t really — I had no clue. It was only
when it started to malfunction that I came to know it intimately. And even now,
after a spectacular breakdown that nearly killed me, my mind is still revealing its
secrets. Every day a new subplot emerges; there are more twists and turns than a
daytime soap.
The experiences of the last few years have taught me a lot. They have shaken
up my perception of happiness and given me a greater insight into the universal
struggles we all face. The journey has helped me identify the things I can do to
make life easier, and the things that make it more challenging.
But our brains are wonderfully complex and unique. The myriad forms of
emotional distress we experience can’t be shoehorned into one homogenised
story. What works for me may not be right for someone else. So this is not meant
to be a prescriptive guide. I’m not a doctor, a counsellor, or a psychologist. I’m
not a spiritual guru or a happiness expert. I’m just a person who lived through
some tough times and learned a few things along the way. Those lessons form
the backbone of this book. Whether our stress is a minor irritant or a clinical
disorder, the key to understanding it comes from figuring out what lies beneath.
My hope is that my story will resonate with anyone who has chased their
happy-ever-after and found it lacking. It’s for anyone who knows what it feels
like to struggle, even if their life, on paper, is ‘perfect’. It’s for every person who
feels ‘abnormal’ or worries that their troubles define them. It’s a book for people
who wonder why they’re stuck in the same old unhealthy patterns and want to
change. It’s for anyone who feels strung out by a hectic modern world and all its
challenges, or worries about the pressures on the kids in their lives. It’s a book
for those who want to change the script.
The events described move around in time but largely occurred over a period
of years directly preceding or following an emotional firestorm that came to a
head in October 2014. Some chapters contain edited extracts of articles that first
appeared in The Age, The Sunday Age, or SBS Life.
While I believe my story is ultimately one of hope, it also documents some
dark and difficult times. This content may bring up issues for some readers. If
you need help, turn to the back of the book for further information. You don’t
have to go it alone.
The
Neverending
Story