Happy Anniversary Cosmic Sponge- A Memoir PDF
Preview Happy Anniversary Cosmic Sponge- A Memoir
Happy Anniversary Cosmic Sponge Happy Anniversary Cosmic Sponge A Memoir Compiled and Edited by Gregory Charles Erickson iUniverse, Inc. New York Lincoln Shanghai Happy Anniversary Cosmic Sponge A Memoir All Rights Reserved © 2004 by Gregory Charles Erickson No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,graphic,electronic,or mechanical,including photocopying, recording,taping,or by any information storage retrieval system,without the written permission of the publisher. iUniverse,Inc. For information address: iUniverse,Inc. 2021 Pine Lake Road,Suite 100 Lincoln,NE 68512 www.iuniverse.com ISBN: 0-595-78298-1 Printed in the United States ofAmerica For Patty Preface to the second edition: First of all,thank you.You and millions like you over the past twelve months have made this work an international bestseller in all media. Shortly after I received the following, I, like my former colleague Fred Ratliff,left New Union Press Service.I began devoting my time to doing what I could to verify the truthfulness ofthis document prior to publication. Although catalogued as a work of fiction,this is fact…in my opinion.How can anyone say otherwise? Ifit’s a hoax,it’s one that rivals the Shroud ofTurin. The “datebook”—all seven thick volumes—exists and sits on my desk as I speak. It is more a diary or journal or collection of further autobiographical reminiscences than an agenda.I haven’t completed my reading of it,because the penmanship is erratic and changes from page to page.There may well be enough material in these volumes for a follow-up, although I expect trouble from government censors.We’ll see. I was able to unlock and explore the offices of the Patricia Lorraine Mattingly Memorial Foundation the day after this transcription arrived, because I used the same password as had Fred. There I found everything as described: the paintings and sculptures, the piano and the shelves filled with recorded music.The stack of hundred-dollar bills—still with the bulldog clip gripping it—in the drawer.I found walk-in closets crammed with clothing for men and women of all sleek shapes.Women’s shoes by the dozens of pairs—a museum of feminine footwear—from size five to size ten, often with soles unscuffed.(And more than a few men’s.) I located a cubbyhole ofan anteroom allocated to nothing more than jars of cosmetics for all the shades skin comes in and a cityscape of cologne and perfume bottles. There were eyeglasses in sufficient number to start a frame shop.Contact lenses in two-compartment containers,arranged by prescription from weakest to strongest,near-sighted to far-sighted, in a line across a master-bathroom vanity two yards long. Ticket stubs filling a four-foot vase to the top. Boutonnieres and corsages carefully dried and displayed in a crystal bowl.Yellowed newspaper clippings in neat, vii viii / Happy Anniversary Cosmic Sponge boxed stacks.An autograph-filled guest book which itself would draw a for- tune at auction.“So glad to have been invited—keep up the splendid work,” reads the message over one prominent signature:“Hillary Rodham Clinton.” Tucked inside that book,a handwritten note card—a billet doux of great sub- tlety—from,simply,“Diana.” I found hundreds ofphotographic prints and thousands ofnegatives.Many ofthe latter had been ruined by a hole punch,but others looked all right.Also, I couldn’t help but notice the pen-and-ink triptych mentioned here—three studies of Marcia Lynne Gaydos; one finished, two not. My plan is to repro- duce and intersperse some of the photos and drawings throughout the text of the third, upcoming edition—not for prurient interest but because I feel it would be dishonest to withhold them any longer from public view. Courtroom wrangling is likely to drag on for months regarding that plan. (Since ratification of the Personal Privacy Amendment,things have tightened up. An interesting question is whether the photographs I want to include legally belong to relatives oftheir deceased subjects rather than to the PLMMF, which is now a sole proprietorship managed by Yours Truly.) I want to respect the wishes and feelings ofthose whose loved ones are no longer with us;how- ever,I am a journalist committed to disseminating the truth. Please forgive me ifwhat I say next sounds heartless and cold. Approximately five hundred individuals lost their mind and then their life here,yet the end result was more positive than not.They couldn’t have known at the time, but they would contribute much to our global society. It is not within my purview to thank them posthumously,but I do feel grateful to them for their unwitting sacrifice. Regardless of your traditional political preferences, I believe you’ll agree with me that Cheri Beth LaPatin has been one of the best things to have hap- pened to this country,and our world.She burst out ofnowhere to romance us, educate us and lead us.Her election appears as certain as tomorrow’s sunrise, and all ofus will be the better for it.Where would she—and we—be today had this, this thing and its unfortunate “acquaintances”not laid a path for her? I don’t mean to say she wouldn’t have made it on her own.She just might not have made it so far so fast. For years I have been telling myself and friends that if I were to become wealthy I would seek contentment in full-time philanthropy. My dreams have come true.Today,after Fred Ratliff’s withdrawal from the foundation’s checking account,the untaxable value ofinvestments exceeds $15 billion.Even by current standards, that’s a lot of money. I have retained advisors Gloomis McGraw & Appleton to help me disperse these funds to relevant and deserving charitable organizations over the next several years.(Please do not call or write.) ix / Gregory Charles Erickson I want to allay any fears you may have about UVD.The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have not uncovered more than a few cases since the death of Bart Andrews,and these have been contained.(The datebook was of help.) I had wondered whether any of the victims, before succumbing, had been raped by a hospital worker, maybe, opening a hole through which the virus could attack the general population.Authorities say that did not occur. LaPatin appears healthy—very much so. I have no reason to suspect that she and Andrews consummated their relationship sexually. It doesn’t seem likely that a shift took place between them, simply because Andrews in his transmission appeared to be so well in command of his mental faculties. LaPatin too. Only she could know. (Her administration has not graced this work with a comment.Nor,however,has it attempted to block its publication.) Lastly,I must thank Fred Ratliff. Fred, I hope you don’t hold it against me for changing the foundation’s password and moving its offices from the crumbling Lake Point Tower.If you don’t,then stick your neck out of your shell and let me hear what you’ve been doing all these months,you ton ofa surtle. —G.C.E.,January 2035
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