Hack Your Anxiety How to Make Anxiety Work for You in Life, Love, and All That You Do

119 Pages·2018·0.96 MB·English

by  Alicia H. Clarck

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Books. Change. Lives.
Copyright © 2018 by Alicia H. Clark, PsyD, PLLC
Cover and internal design © 2018 by Sourcebooks, Inc.
Cover design by Heather Morris/Sourcebooks, Inc.
Cover images © ESB Professional/Shutterstock
Internal design by Jillian Rahn/Sourcebooks, Inc.
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registered trademarks of Sourcebooks, Inc.
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical
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This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter
covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering legal, accounting, or
other professional service. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent
professional person should be sought.—From a Declaration of Principles Jointly Adopted by a Committee
of the American Bar Association and a Committee of Publishers and Associations The vignettes in this
book are both composite and actual stories of individuals and couples. In all cases, names and identifying
information have been changed for purposes of anonymity.
All brand names and product names used in this book are trademarks, registered trademarks, or trade names
of their respective holders. Sourcebooks, Inc., is not associated with any product or vendor in this book.
Definition on p. xi adapted from Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary.
Published by Sourcebooks, Inc.
P.O. Box 4410, Naperville, Illinois 60567-4410
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Fax: [phone]
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Names: Clark, Alicia H., author. | Sternfeld, Jon,
author.
Title: Hack your anxiety : how to make anxiety work for you in life, love, and all that you do / Dr. Alicia H.
Clark, with Jon Sternfeld.
Description: Naperville, Illinois : Sourcebooks, Inc., 2018. | Includes bibliographical references and index.
Identifiers: LCCN 2018010617 | (pbk. : alk. paper) Subjects: LCSH: Anxiety.
Classification: LCC BF575.A6 C634 2018 | DDC 152.4/6--dc23 LC record available at
https://lccn.loc.gov/2018010617
Contents
INTRODUCTION
CHAPTER ONE
The Big Picture
CHAPTER TWO
Waking Up to Anxiety’s Purpose and Power
CHAPTER THREE
The Power in Knowing
CHAPTER FOUR
Anxiety through Time and Place
CHAPTER FIVE
Ten Myths and Misconceptions
CHAPTER SIX
The Avoidance Myth
CHAPTER SEVEN
Taking Control
CHAPTER EIGHT
The Power of Perception
CHAPTER NINE
The Brain and the Body
CHAPTER TEN
Anxiety as Signal
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Anxiety as Fuel
CHAPTER TWELVE
Anxiety into Action
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Social Support
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Love and Relationships
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Parenting and Youth
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Work, Money, and Success
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Facing Crisis
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Soothing and Coping
CONCLUSION
YOUR ANXIETY TOOL KIT
NOTES
OTHER PLACES TO ACCESS HELP
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
Hack (v.) \’hak\
1. To cut or shape clear by cutting away superfluous material
2. To manage successfully
3. To gain access to a network or system
Introduction
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space
is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our
growth and our freedom.”1
—Viktor E. Frankl
• Obsessing over a low-grade worry that keeps you distracted
• Boundless whirling from task to task to quiet the nagging pressure of
stress
• Pushing down anxious thoughts in whatever way possible, wishing they
would simply disappear
If you’re reading this book, chances are good you’ve tried the above or similar
strategies to make your anxiety go away. Or maybe you’re looking to help a
loved one whose anxiety seems to weigh him or her down. Perhaps you are
simply curious about anxiety and how you can better harness it in your life. I get
it; I work with anxiety every day, and I have spent the better part of my life
immersed in it.
My grandmother worried so much that she shook. Literally. Her body would
subtly tremble from this mysterious and overwhelming force of worry inside her.
She was a petite southern lady with impeccable manners who favored all things
pink and floral. Her short, curly hair framed a round face with fine features and a
generous smile. At her warmest, it was a magnet for others. Yet worrying was
her natural state of being, like breathing.
What did she worry about? Well, nothing. And everything. She was worried
about all the lovely things that grandmothers tend to worry about and likely
countless others that remained unspoken:
Do you have enough to eat?
Are you cold?
Do you need salt and pepper?
Her voice was softly feminine, so listeners often had to lean in to hear her. I
always imagined she liked the intimacy it afforded. I can see her now, hovering
over our Sunday dinner to make sure all the grandchildren and cousins are
happy, comfortable, and satisfied. When we were at ease, she was at ease. Or,
rather, as at ease as she was capable of being.
The grandkids started a running joke: Granny, can we pass you the salt and
pepper? Her anxiousness would deflate at the teasing; she’d smile and flush with
embarrassment. We were showing our appreciation and poking fun, releasing the
valve on her tension. She was never a burden; we accepted and loved her for
who she was.
She was the consummate people person, always curious, invested, and
connected. I have clear memories of returning home with my family to hear her
voice through the tinny speaker of the answering machine: “Hi, it’s me again.
Just wondering how you’re coming along…” She required regular assurance that
things were, indeed, all right, and she preferred to hear it firsthand. If she could
take care of things for someone, even better.
I later learned about her rheumatoid arthritis, which she seldom mentioned,
much less complained about. Instead, her worries were pointed outward, about
others, and they were rarely serious. As she aged, her anxiety seemed to escalate
as she became less able to put it to use. There was no way for her to release that
anxiety, so it stayed inside of her. It seemed to be a force that expanded and
overtook her, almost crippling her with worry.
When I search for my early associations with anxiety, the image of my