Going to Pieces without Falling Apart: A Buddhist Perspective on Wholeness

137 Pages·1998·0.71 MB·English

by  Mark Epstein

PRAISE FOR GOING TO PIECES WITHOUT FALLING APART
“Epstein shows through sparkling prose and effervescent wit how spiritual practice can
transform our everyday lives.”
—Publishers Weekly
“Mark Epstein’s deep commitment to the practices of Buddhist meditation and
psychotherapy is revealed in his rare capacity to weave between these traditions.
Moving effortlessly from the analyst’s couch to the meditator’s cushion, Going to Pieces
Without Falling Apart is an insightful and heartfelt exploration into the dilemma and joy
of being human.”
—Stephen Batchelor, author of Buddhism Without Beliefs
“A soulful, intelligent attack on the Western idea of the self … defies the appalling
contemporary notion that the ego can be pumped up like a muscle into some gleaming,
beefy specimen of psychic glory.”
—Mirabella
“This is good reading—clear, warm, precise, full of poignant stories that hit home.
Epstein is assisting Zen to find a face in our own face—in American agony and delight. I
found it ever helpful.”
—Natalie Goldberg, author of Writing Down the Bones and Living Color
“Epstein is on the cutting edge of change as psychotherapy and spirituality, once
antagonistic, move toward a sort of rapprochement.”
—Chicago Tribune
“This book is an original, provocative, and wonderful manual of transformation. With
heartfelt warmth and a clear understanding of the mind, it offers a vision of who we
are, who we think we are, and who we might have become if we truly loved ourselves
and all of life.”
—Sharon Salzberg, author of Lovingkindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness and
Heart as Wide as the World: Living with Mindfulness, Wisdom, and Compassion
“Going to Pieces Without Falling Apart confirms Mark Epstein as one of the preeminent
synthesizers of the wisdom of East and West.”
—Inquiring Mind
ALSO BY THE AUTHOR
Thoughts Without a Thinker

A hardcover edition of this book was published in 1998 by Broadway Books.
GOING TO PIECES WITHOUT FALLING APART. Copyright © 1998 by Mark Epstein. All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic
or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval
system, without written permission from the publisher. For information, address Broadway
Books, a division of Random House, Inc., 1540 Broadway, New York, NY 10036.
BROADWAY BOOKS and its logo, a letter B bisected on the diagonal, are trademarks of Broadway
Books, a division of Random House, Inc.
First trade paperback edition published 1999.
Designed by Pei Loi Koay
The Library of Congress has catalogued the hardcover edition as: Epstein, Mark, 1953–
Going to pieces without falling apart : a Buddhist perspective on wholeness / Mark Epstein. —
1st ed.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
1. Spiritual life—Buddhism—Psychological aspects. I. Title.
BQ4310.E66 1998
294.3′444—dc21 98-5335
eISBN: 978-0-30783009-8
Excerpt from “Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird” from Collected Poems by Wallace Stevens.
Copyright 1923 and renewed 1951 by Wallace Stevens. Reprinted by permission of Alfred A.
Knopf, Inc.
v3.1
for arlene
Men are afraid to forget their minds, fearing to fall through the Void
with nothing to stay their fall. They do not know that the Void is not
really void, but the realm of the real Dharma.
HUANG PO1
CONTENTS
Cover
Other Books by This Author
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Epigraph
Acknowledgments
Introduction
part one LOOKING: Starting Where You Are
1. Emptiness
2. Surrender
part two SMILING: Finding a Practice
3. Meditation
4. Connection
part three EMBRACING: Releasing Your Heart
5. Tolerance
6. Relationship
part four ORGASM: Bringing It All Back Home
7. Passion
8. Relief
Notes
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I
would like to thank all of my patients who have shared their lives,
thoughts, and feelings with me as I have constructed this book. Their
willingness to enter into dialogue and to range far afield of their own
immediate concerns has been a source of continuing inspiration and
exhilaration for me. I developed this book in collaboration with them
and am grateful for the opportunity they have given me.
I would also like to thank a number of people whose conversations
have sparked ideas that have found their way into this work: Michael
Eigen, for thoughts on unintegration, Jeffrey Hopkins on sexual tantra,
Stephen Batchelor on emptiness and imagination, Manny Ghent on
surrender and aggression, Helen Tworkov on emotions in Buddhism,
Joseph Goldstein and Sharon Salzberg on practice, Kiki Smith on writing
and speaking, Wes Nisker on the four foundations of mindfulness, Jack
Kornfield on relationships and the Dharma, Richard Kohn on the
goddesses at the doorway, Daniel Goleman on the whole process of
making a book that works, Robbie Stein on fear of breakdown, Jack
Engler on mourning, and Michael Vincent Miller on disappointment and
empathy. I owe particular thanks to Adam Phillips, from whose inspired
writings on the British analyst D. W. Winnicott I appropriated my title.
Anne Edelstein, my literary agent, meticulously steered this project
through sometimes rocky waters, and Janet Goldstein, Daisy Alpert,
Charles Conrad, and William Shinker at Broadway Books saw fit to give
their time and energy to making it come to be. George Lange took great
pictures and continues to teach me about play.
My children, Sonia and Will, have discussed many aspects of this book
with me since its (and their) inception and have done a great job of
giving me support and showing me their pride in my endeavors. My wife