Girlfighting: Betrayal and Rejection among Girls

272 Pages·2003·0.75 MB·English

by  Lyn Brown

GIRLFIGHTING
Betrayal and Rejection among Girls

LYN MIKEL BROWN
GIRLFIGHTING
Betrayal and Rejection among Girls
a

New York University Press • New York and London
NEW YORK UNIVERSITY PRESS
New York and London

www.nyupress.org

© 2003 by New York University

All rights reserved

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Brown, Lyn Mikel, 1956–

Girlfihting : betrayal and rejection among girls / Lyn Mikel Brown.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references and index.

ISBN 0–8147–9915–9 (alk. paper)

1. Teenage girls—Psychology. 2. Interpersonal conflict in adolescence.

3. Anger in adolescence. 4. Aggressiveness in adolescence.

5. Girls—Psychology. 6. Interpersonal conflict in children.

7. Anger in children. 8. Aggressiveness in children.

9. Women—Socialization. 10. Female friendship. I. Title.

HQ798.B723 2003

305.235—dc21 2003011179

I’ll Think of a Reason Later
Words and Music by Tim Nichols and Tony Martin

© 1998 EMI Blackwood Music Inc., TY Land Music, Hamerstein Cumberland

Music and Baby Mae Music

All Rights for TY Land Music Controlled and Administered by EMI Blackwood

Music Inc.

All Rights for Baby Mae Music Controlled and Administered by Sony/ATV Music

Publishing,8M usic Square West, Nashville, TN 37203

All Rights reserved. International Copyright Secured. Used by permission.

New York University Press books are printed on acid-free paper,

and their binding materials are chosen for strength and durability.

Manufactured in the United States of America

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
To my friend, Connie DiCenzo Coleman,
and to our daughters,
Maya, Elizabeth, Alexandra, and Caroline

Contents
Acknowledgments ix
Introduction:.
Bad Girls, Bad Girls, Whatcha Gonna Do? 1.
1 Reading the Culture of Girlfighting 11
2= Good Girls and Real Boys:
Preparing the Ground in Early Childhood 36
3= Playing It Like a Girl: Later
Childhood and Preadolescence 67
4= Dancing through the Minefield:
The Middle School Years 99
5 Patrolling the Borders: High School 135
6 From Girlfighting to Sisterhood 175
7 This Book Is an Action 199
Appendix 229
Notes 233
References 243
Index 255
About the Author 259
vii

Acknowledgments
In the early stages of this project, in 1999, Sharon Barker, the Director of
the Women’s Resource Center at the University of Maine, phoned me
out of the blue one afternoon to see if I might want to collaborate with
her on a proposal to the American Association of University Women
Educational Foundation’s University Scholar-in-Residence Award pro-
gram. This was a leap of faith on her part, since we had met just twice
before. But there were good vibes in those previous meetings and I
jumped at the opportunity. Sharon and I began making plans, we wrote
a proposal, and the AAUW Educational Foundation accepted the Girl-
fighting Project. For this I am truly grateful to AAUW, not only because
it provided generous support for this work, but also because it made
possible a collaboration with an amazing woman who has enriched my
life. I want to thank the University of Maine and the Women’s Resource
Center, especially Jenn Ladd, for all the varied ways they welcomed me
to campus. I also wish to thank my home institution, Colby College,
particularly dean of faculty Ed Yeterian, and Bets Brown and Linda
Goldstein of College Relations for the many ways they helped to make
this collaboration possible.
This book is but one piece of the larger project Sharon and I envi­
sioned. Just as important was the outreach we accomplished in the two
years we collaborated. Sharon worked tirelessly to ensure that what we
proposed had real significance for girls and for those working with girls
across the state. We talked about the implications of girlfighting with
UM faculty and graduate students, brought together teachers and
school administrators to think about schooling practices, and worked
with an advisory group of high school girls. We reported our findings,
via teleconference, to a range of organizations and nonprofits around
the state of Maine, and we tied it all together in the fall of 2002 with a
ix