Friends and Lovers: How to Create the Relationships You Want

132 Pages·2018·17.72 MB·English

by  Marc Allen

HOW
TO
CREATE THE
RELATIONSHIPS
YOU WANT
MARC
ALLEN

HOW
TO
CREATE THE
RELATIONSHIPS
YOU WANT
MARC
ALLEN
Whatever Publishing, Inc.
San Rafael, California
© 1985 Marc Allen
Published by Whatever Publishing, Inc.
58 Paul Drive, San Rafael, CA 94903
87 88 89 6 5 4 3
Cover design by Kathleen Vande Kieft
Photo by Edwin W. Smith
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be stored
or transmitted by any means whatsoever or reprinted
in any form without written consent of the publisher,
except for brief excerpts for review purposes.
This book is dedicated to all my friends and
lovers, pastandpresent, foryou haveall been my best
teachers, and I couldn't have written this without
you....

To love isgood; tolove isdifficult. Foronehuman
being to love another is perhaps the most difficult of
all our tasks, the ultimate, the work for which all
other work is but preparation.
For this reason young people, who are beginners
in everything, cannot yet know love: they must learn
it. With their whole being, with all theirforces, they
must learn to love. But learning-time is always a
long, secluded time, and so loving, for a long while
ahead and far on into life, is solitude....Love is at
first not anything that means merging, giving over,
and uniting with another; it is a high inducement to
the individual to ripen, to become something in him-
selfor herself.
Only in this sense, as the task of working on
themselves, might young people use the love that is
given them.
—
Rainer Maria Rilke
Letters to a Young Poet
CONTENTS
—
Chapter 1 Creating the Relationships You Want 13
The intention ofthisbook/Achangingworld/Clearing
psychologicalblocks/Thefirststep: acceptance/Core
beliefs / Changing core beliefs / The core belief process
/ The power of affirmation and visualization / An
exercise in visualization and affirmation / The simple
actofdeclaring/Takingaction/Five steps to fulfillment
/ Defining your perfect relationship / Making room
in your life for your lover / Meeting your lover: the
all-important first moment
—
Chapter 2 Obstacles to Satisfying Relationships 41
The critic / The paranoid or pessimist / The controller
/ The time-mismanagement specialist / The liar and
cheater The bore The martyr The dominant/
/ / /
submissive/Theexistentialist/Yourpersonalinventory
—
Chapter 3 Other Essential Steps 53
Defining your perfect relationship / Making room in
your life for your lover / Meeting your lover: the all-
important first moment
—
Chapter 4 The Fine Art of Communication 59
''Moralfreedom"/Twokeystoasuccessfulrelationship
/The fineartofcommunication/Speakingyourmind
freely / An example of the communication game /
How to settle an argument: the communication game
/ Why the communication game works / The
importance of feedback / Making agreements and
A
commitments / tip for effective communication /
Gettinginto alignment: your "ideal scene" /Alignment
in business relationships / Alignment between co-
workers and employers
—
Chapter 5 Keeping It Together 81
The fine art of visualization / Creating a satisfying
relationship / Flexibility and unconditional love /
Encouraging self-development / Love / The great
importance of "little things" / Meaningful gestures /
Otherconsiderations/Marriage, and otherpossibilities
/ The key to a happy marriage / Jealousy, and other
"negative" emotions / Guilt / Separation / Letting go
ofresentment/Yourgreatestteacher/Yourrelationship
is greater than yourself
—
Chapter 6 A Better Way of Life 113
The Friends7 Agreement / Five keys to successful
relationships
Notes 123