Freeing your child from negative thinking: powerful, practical strategies to build a lifetime of resilience, flexibility, and happiness

334 Pages·2008·1.35 MB·English

by  Tamar E. Chansky

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ACCLAIM FOR TAMAR E. CHANSKY’S
FREEING YOUR CHILD . . . BOOKS
Praise for
FREEING YOUR CHILD FROM NEGATIVE THINKING
“Many youngsters are burdened by self-doubt, negative feel-
ings, and depression. Their lack of confidence and sadness
typically trigger feelings of confusion and distress in their par-
ents as the latter struggle to find the best approach to help
their children develop a more optimistic, resilient outlook.
Tamar Chansky’s book Freeing Your Child from Negative
Thinking offers a wonderful resource for parents. In a very
skillful manner, Dr. Chansky explains the roots of negative
thinking, but most importantly, she offers specific, realistic
strategies with actual dialogue that parents can use to mini-
mize their child’s negativity. Her empathy and understanding
for children and parents is evident on every page of this very
readable, practical book. It is a book that parents of children
of all ages will read and reread as they seek to help their chil-
dren perceive themselves in a more hopeful light.”
—ROBERTBROOKS, PH.D., FACULTY, HARVARDMEDICALSCHOOLANDCOAUTHOR
OFRAISINGRESILIENTCHILDRENANDRAISINGASELF-DISCIPLINEDCHILD
“Tamar Chansky gives parents a dynamic approach to help-
ing their children escape thinking badly about themselves and
their world—thoughts ranging from mild negativism to clini-
cal depression. Her insightful and creative techniques, based
on scientifically grounded cognitive behavior therapy, are, on
any given day, helpful not only for parents and their children
but for all of us. Next time I want to blame myself for some-
thing that went wrong, or feel terrible about something I did,
I will open this book and I know I will soon feel better.”
—MYRNASHURE, PH.D., AUTHOROFRAISINGATHINKINGCHILD
ANDTHINKINGPARENT, THINKINGCHILD
“Tamar Chansky has distilled cutting-edge research on opti-
mism, pessimism, depression, and resilience into an incredibly
thoughtful guide for parents. Her book is full of suggestions
about what to look for and what to do (and what not to do) that
parents should find engaging and accessible. Reading this book
should ease the worries of both parents and their children.”
—BARRYSCHWARTZ, AUTHOROFTHEPARADOXOFCHOICEAND
PROFESSOROFPSYCHOLOGY, SWARTHMORECOLLEGE
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Praise for
FREEING YOUR CHILD FROM ANXIETY
“Following up on her outstanding guide for parents of children
with obsessive-compulsive disorder, Dr. Chansky once again
demonstrates that she is the master of providing clear, accessi-
ble, practical advice and guidance for wise and loving care of the
anxious child. Her ability to provide parents with quite sophisti-
cated yet extremely digestible information, all effectively aimed
at solving real-world problems, is very impressive indeed.”
—JEFFREYM. SCHWARTZ, M.D., AUTHOROFDEARPATRICK:
LETTERSTOAYOUNGMAN, BRAINLOCK, ANDTHEMINDANDTHEBRAIN
“Freeing Your Child from Anxiety is an excellent book, one of
the best of its kind. Written for parents, it will also be indis-
pensable for any adults (including educational, medical, and
mental health professionals) who work with children who are
anxious. Dr. Chansky writes clearly and comprehensively, de-
mystifying the experience of anxiety. She answers critical
questions such as ‘How do I know if my child (or adolescent)
has an anxiety disorder?’ ‘How can I explain anxiety to my
young child?’ and most important, ‘Exactly what can I do to
help my child overcome his/her anxiety?’ Dr. Chansky ap-
proaches the treatment of anxiety using cognitive behavior ther-
apy, a highly efficacious form of psychotherapy that research has
demonstrated to be the treatment of choice for anxious chil-
dren. For each anxiety disorder, she offers a step-by-step plan
and concrete suggestions for precisely what to do to help chil-
dren overcome their anxiety. This book has the potential for
helping thousands and thousands of children, their parents, and
their families.”
—JUDITHS. BECK, PH.D., DIRECTOR, BECKINSTITUTEFORCOGNITIVE
THERAPYANDRESEARCH, CLINICALASSOCIATEPROFESSOROFPSYCHOLOGYIN
PSYCHIATRY, UNIVERSITYOFPENNSYLVANIA, PAST-PRESIDENT, ACADEMYOF
COGNITIVETHERAPY
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Praise for
FREEING YOUR CHILD FROM
OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER
“Anyone in need of profoundly useful information and expert
practical advice on how to help a child afflicted with obsessive-
compulsive behaviors would be wise to delve deeply in the
pages of this book. Dr. Chansky has accomplished a tour de
force, which is certain to offer much-needed assistance both to
children with OCD-related problems and to their families.”
—JEFFREYM. SCHWARTZ, M.D., AUTHOROFBRAINLOCK: FREEYOURSELF
FROMOBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVEBEHAVIORANDA RETURNTOINNOCENCE
“A comprehensive resource no parent of a child with OCD
should be without. Dr. Chansky’s experience as founder and
director of the Children’s Center for OCD and Anxiety shines
through every page.”
—BRUCEM. HYMAN, PH.D., ANDCHERRYPEDRICK, R.N.,
AUTHORSOFTHEOCD WORKBOOK
“Dr. Chansky vividly describes this puzzling and mysterious
illness, which can devastate children and entire families. After
reading this book, parents of a child with OCD will be armed
with the information they need to get their child well as soon
as possible.”
—MICHAELA. JENIKE, M.D., PROFESSOROFPSYCHIATRY, HARVARDMEDICAL
SCHOOL, ANDCHAIRMAN, OC FOUNDATIONSCIENTIFICADVISORYBOARD
“It should be a law that whenever a therapist diagnoses a child
with OCD, he or she has to give the parents a copy of Chan-
sky’s Freeing Your Child from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.”
—PATRICIAPERKINS-DOYLE, PAST-PRESIDENT,
OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVEFOUNDATION
“If you have a child with OCD or are in any way interested in
how to help a person handle this beguiling condition, then
Tamar Chansky’s book is a must. You will find on these pages
the rare combination of hard-earned knowledge, gracefully
presented. . . . All interested in how to practically apply what
we have learned lately about the mind and the brain will love
what they find in this wonderfully rich yet concise exposition.”
—EDWARDHALLOWELL, M.D., AUTHOROF
CONNECT, WORRY, ANDDRIVENTODISTRACTION
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TAMAR E. CHANSKY, PH.D., is the founder and director
of the Children’s Center for OCD and Anxiety and founder of
www.worrywisekids.org, an informational Web site for parents
and professionals. The author of Freeing Your Child from
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder andFreeing Your Child from Anx-
iety, she has offered expert advice on numerous television and
radio programs. Dr. Chansky lives with her husband and two
daughters in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
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FREEING
YOUR CHILD
FROM
NEGATIVE
THINKING
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Also by Tamar E. Chansky, Ph.D.
Freeing Your Child from Anxiety
Freeing Your Child from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
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FREEING
YOUR CHILD
FROM
NEGATIVE
THINKING
Powerful,
Practical Strategies
to Build a Lifetime
of Resilience, Flexibility,
and Happiness
TAMAR E. CHANSKY, PH.D.
ILLUSTRATIONS BY PHILLIP STERN
A Member of the Perseus Books Group
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Many of the designations used by manufacturers and sellers to distinguish
their products are claimed as trademarks. Where those designations appear
in this book and Da Capo Press was aware of a trademark claim, the desig-
nations have been printed in initial capital letters.
Copyright © 2008 by Tamar E. Chansky
Illustrations copyright © 2008 Phillip Stern
The lines from “love is a place” copyright 1935, © 1963, 1991 by the
Trustees for the E. E. Cummings Trust. Copyright © 1978 by George
James Firmage, from COMPLETE POEMS: 1904–1932 by E. E. Cum-
mings, edited by George J. Firmage. Used by permission of Liveright Pub-
lishing Corporation.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored
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prior written permission of the publisher. Printed in the United States of
America. For information, address Da Capo Press, 11 Cambridge Center,
Cambridge, MA 02142.
Set in 11.75 point Garamond by the Perseus Books Group
Cataloging-in-Publication data for this book is available from the Library
of Congress.
First Da Capo Press edition 2008
ISBN 978-0-7382-1185-5
Published by Da Capo Press
A Member of the Perseus Books Group
www.dacapopress.com
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For Phil, Meredith, and Raia—
the heart of my happiness