Freeing Your Child from Anxiety: Powerful, Practical Solutions to Overcome Your Child's Fears, Worries, and Phobias

270 Pages·2004·1.79 MB·English

by  Tamar Chansky Ph.D.

ALSO BY TAMAR E. CHANSKY
Freeing Your Child from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

FREEING YOUR CHILD FROM ANXIETY. Copyright © 2004 by Tamar E. Chansky. All rights reserved. No
part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or
mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval
system, without written permission from the publisher.
Published in the United States by Three Rivers Press, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group,
a division of Random House, Inc., New York.
Originally published in the United States in paperback by Broadway Books, an imprint of the
Crown Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., New York, in 2004.
THREE RIVERS PRESS and the Tugboat design are trademarks of Random House, Inc.
Visit our website at www.threeriverspress.com
Illustrated by Phillip Stern
Grateful acknowledgment is made to Crown Books, Random House, for permission to reprint and
adapt drawings from Freeing Your Child from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. T. Chansky. Crown
Publishers, 2001.
Figures 1, 9, 11, and 17.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Chansky, Tamar Ellsas.
Freeing your child from anxiety : powerful, practical strategies to overcome your child’s fears,
phobias, and worries / Tamar E.
Chansky; illustrations by Phillip Stern.
p. cm.
1. Anxiety in children. I. Title.
RJ506.A58C48 2004
618.92′8522—dc22
2003065208
ISBN 978-0-7679-1492-5
eBook ISBN: 978-0-30748511-3
v3.1_r2
For Phillip, Meredith, and Mireilla
Acknowledgments
I am very grateful to my agent, Gareth Eserky, who welcomed me in the
publishing world with my first book and continues to be a trusted source
of guidance and encouragement for the work I do. Thank-you to Patricia
Medved and her assistant Beth Datlowe for their enthusiasm and care in
bringing this book to fruition.
I feel fortunate to be working in a time when there are so many gifted
colleagues who are working hard on behalf of anxious kids. I appreciate
the contributions of Philip Kendall and John March in advancing both
the science and practice of treating childhood anxiety disorders. Special
thanks to Jeffrey Schwartz for his inspiring work and for a vote of
confidence at a critical moment. Thank-you to Sandy Pimentel and Amy
Verstappen for their assistance with research and to Jodi Mindell, who is
always there with great advice! For advance articles and helpful input I
thank John Piacentini, Daniel Pine, Margo Thienemann, Amy Wilensky,
Golda Ginsburg, Mary Lou Reaver of the PA-TSA, and Christina Pearson
of the Trichotillomania Learning Center. Deepest gratitude to Kellie,
Scott, Jessica, and the Childhood OCD Project for their support and
collaboration.
I am grateful for all the encouragement of friends, siblings, and
extended family. Special thanks to my parents, Elissa and Norman
Chansky, for sharing in the joy of our children and taking good care of
our family. I am blessed to once again be able to thank Maxine Baylor
for her loving care of our children. Without her it would be very tough
to pursue my work. Special thanks to Crystal Baylor and Christopher
Baylor for helping make all the connections happen.
Though writing a book is a significant undertaking, there are many
days when, with the inspiration of my patients, the book at times wrote
itself. My deepest respect and gratitude go to the children and families
for sharing their stories and discoveries so that others may benefit from
their experience. Their courage inspires me to work hard to make all this
make sense. It is a pleasure to work with such gifted and committed
people.
Finally, the ideas in this book have been running through my mind for
over a decade. Committing them to paper is a wish that, at this stage of
my life, could only be granted by my husband, Phillip Stern. Without
your generosity, sacrifice, and devotion this project would simply not
have been possible. You have made a home where creativity is
prioritized, and the risks I take are by your example. You have laid eyes
on every line of this book and once again brought the metaphors to life
with wonderful illustrations. A heartfelt thank-you to my children for
sharing their mom with this project. Meredith, you are wonderful
company and wise beyond your years. I enjoy your sense of humor and
all-around goodness each and every day. And Mireilla, your zest for life
keeps our home buzzing and happy.
Contents
Cover
Other Books by This Author
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Acknowledgments
Introduction
PART I ANXIETY DISORDER BASICS
What You Need to Know to Set Your Child Free
CHAPTER 1 “I Can’t, I’m Too Scared”
Understanding Children’s Fears and Worries
CHAPTER 2 Making the Diagnosis for Anxiety
Is It Just a Phase?
CHAPTER 3 When and Where to Turn for Help
Treatments for Childhood Anxiety
CHAPTER 4 Behind the Scenes in Your Brain
Anxiety Glitches, Rewiring Fixes
CHAPTER 5 Putting It All Together
The Master Plan for Managing Anxiety
PART II ALL WORRIES GREAT AND SMALL
Common Childhood Fears and Worries and Problem Anxieties
CHAPTER 6 From Everyday Worries to Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
CHAPTER 7 From the Mini-Scaries to Real Phobias
CHAPTER 8 From Shyness to Social Anxiety and Selective Mutism
CHAPTER 9 From Clinginess to Separation Anxiety and Panic Disorder
CHAPTER 10 From Superstitions and Rituals to Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and
PANDAS
CHAPTER 11 From Nervous Habits to Tourette Syndrome and Trichotillomania
CHAPTER 12 From Acute Stress to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
PART III ANXIETY
Beyond the Diagnoses
CHAPTER 13 Things That Go Bump in the Night
From Nighttime Fears to Sleep Anxieties
CHAPTER 14 Expanding the Focus
Anxious Children at School and with Friends and Family
CHAPTER 15 Worry Prevention in the Real World
CHAPTER 16 Freeing Yourself from Anxiety
Your Child Will Lead the Way
Appendix
Endnotes
About the Author
Introduction
Our oldest, Tina has always been on the anxious side. She goes a mile a
minute with her questions and can be a little bit the drama queen, but
mostly gets through things okay. But every once in a while we hit a wall
where she’s afraid to try something new, or she’s absolutely convinced
that she can’t get through something—a play, a test, a phone call—and
we’re stuck. She’s stuck thinking things are impossible, and we don’t
know how to tell her that there’s another way.
The day I found out that Dan had been eating his lunch in a bathroom
stall rather than face the kids in the cafeteria, I died a thousand deaths. I
knew he was shy, but I didn’t realize how unbearable life had become
for him. This can’t be the story of his life. We’ve got to help him, but I
don’t know where to begin.
Kelly is an extremely serious kid; it’s painful to see how life is such a
burden to her. She worries about everything from catching the bus to
catching a cold, getting good grades, not hurting anyone’s feelings, not
making a mistake. She never lets up; she’s always on alert. She has a
full-time job of “just making sure.” How do we convince her that she can
relax sometimes? Marty has never been a worrier; he’s a really put-
together kid. I was stunned when he walked off the bus for his school
overnight, and in front of all the kids said, “I can’t do it.” I know he has
some trouble falling asleep, but this was so humiliating for him. How do
I help him get over this?
I speak for the trees, for the trees have no tongues.
—Dr. Seuss, The Lorax