Free Yourself from Fears: Overcoming Anxiety and Living Without Worry PDF
Preview Free Yourself from Fears: Overcoming Anxiety and Living Without Worry
Praise for Free Yourself From Fears “It has been said that the two great emotions are love and fear, and that they form the foundation for all others. Fear tends to be the source of most of the difficult feelings we experience. Learning to deal with fear is thus one of the most important life skills a person can learn. In Free Yourself From Fears Joseph O'Connor provides a wealth of knowledge and tools to help people better understand their fears and transform them into positive actions. As with his previous books, Joseph demonstrates his great gift for presenting rich and complex knowledge in a form that is both practical and easy to understand. I highly recommend this book for anyone who wants to move more easily and confidently through life.” ROBERT DILTS, AUTHOR OF FROM COACH TO AWAKENER & CHANGING BELIEF SYSTEMS WITH NLP “This book is an excellent example of Joseph O’Connor's elegant, enriched writing style and conveys pertinent, powerful learning for dealing with the fears of the volatile world in which we live today.” SUE KNIGHT, AUTHOR OF NLP AT WORK “With uncommon knowledge and authority, Free Yourself From Fears gives us a fresh view on our everyday anxieties. In plain language O'Connor combines the analytical with the intuitive and does it with heart. Therapists, managers and communicators in all fields will use his practical exercises for dealing with fear for years to come.” MICHAEL COLGRASS, PULITZER PRIZE-WINNING COMPOSER AND NLP TRAINER Free Yourself From Fears To Andrea Free Yourself From Fears Overcoming Anxiety and Living Without Worry Joseph O’Connor First published by Nicholas Brealey Publishing in 2005 3–5 Spafield Street 100 City Hall Plaza, Suite 501 Clerkenwell, London Boston EC1R 4QB, UK MA 02108, USA Tel: +44 (0)20 7239 0360 Tel: (888) BREALEY Fax: +44 (0)20 7239 0370 Fax: (617) 523 3708 http://www.nbrealey-books.com http://www.lambentdobrasil.com © Joseph O’Connor 2005 The right of Joseph O’Connor to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. ISBN 1-85788-360-8 British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording and/or otherwise without the prior written permission of the publishers. This book may not be lent, resold, hired out or otherwise disposed of by way of trade in any form, binding or cover other than that in which it is published, without the prior consent of the publishers. Printed in Finland by WS Bookwell. Contents Introduction 1 PART I OUR EXPERIENCE OF FEAR 7 The Nine Laws of Fear 8 1 WHAT IS FEAR? 9 The two elements of fear 10 The NLP approach to fear 15 The physiology of fear 17 2 FEAR—FRIEND OR FOE? 21 Positive intention 22 Authentic fear 23 Unreal fear 24 Types of unreal fear 25 Social reactions to fears 30 How not to deal with fear 30 Measure your fears 33 3 LEARNING AND UNLEARNING FEAR 35 How we learn unreal fears 37 Children’s fears 38 Enjoyable fear 44 Unlearning fear 48 4 THE LANGUAGE OF FEAR 50 Talking yourself into fear 50 Telling other people 52 Affirmations 52 Is fear compulsory? 53 Our relationship with fear 54 Metaphor 57 PART II UNREAL FEAR—FEAR AS FOE 61 5 FEAR IN TIME 63 The circles test 64 Unreal fear in the past 65 Fears of the future 69 Worry 71 6 COMMON FEARS THAT HOLD US HOSTAGE 73 Fear of flying 74 Fear of authority 76 Fear of success 80 Fear of dentists and doctors 82 Fear of heights 82 Fear of elevators 83 Fear of death 83 7 UNQUIET TIMES AND TURBULENT MINDS 86 Dangerous places 86 Personal safety 87 Laws and safety 87 Danger and the media 89 Social anxiety and stress 90 8 SOCIAL FEARS 93 Change 93 Time pressure 94 Appearances 96 Fear of the future 99 Information 101 Choice 103 9 THE PRESSURE TO ACHIEVE: THE PRICE OF PERFECTIONISM 107 Self-sabotage 108 Excuses 109 Other people’s opinions 109 Blame 110 Beliefs 113 Failure and feedback 115 Fear of failure 116 Performance anxiety 118 Metaphors of failure 121 10 DEALING WITH CHANGE: THE UNCERTAIN FUTURE 124 Changes with no choice 125 The changes we choose 126 External and internal change 126 Tolerance of change 127 Major changes 128 Loss 130 Habits 132 Change and resources 133 Rationalization and procrastination 135 The fear cycle 136 Transition 138 PART III AUTHENTIC FEAR—FEAR AS FRIEND 143 The Nine Laws of Safety 144 11 FEAR AS A SIGN TO TAKE ACTION 145 You need authentic fear 147 The Darwin awards 148 12 How We Assess SAFETY AND RISK 150 How do you know you feel safe? 150 Assume risk or assume safety? 151 What do you need to feel safe? 152 Risk 157
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