Free Yourself from Fears: Overcoming Anxiety and Living Without Worry

261 Pages·2005·3.04 MB·English

by  Joseph O'Connor

Praise for
Free Yourself From Fears
“It has been said that the two great emotions are love and fear, and
that they form the foundation for all others. Fear tends to be the
source of most of the difficult feelings we experience.
Learning to deal with fear is thus one of the most important life
skills a person can learn.
In Free Yourself From Fears Joseph O'Connor provides a wealth of
knowledge and tools to help people better understand their fears
and transform them into positive actions. As with his
previous books, Joseph demonstrates his great gift for presenting
rich and complex knowledge in a form that is both practical and
easy to understand.
I highly recommend this book for anyone who wants to move more
easily and confidently through life.”
ROBERT DILTS, AUTHOR OF FROM COACH TO AWAKENER
& CHANGING BELIEF SYSTEMS WITH NLP
“This book is an excellent example of Joseph O’Connor's elegant,
enriched writing style and conveys pertinent, powerful learning for
dealing with the fears of the volatile world in which we live today.”
SUE KNIGHT, AUTHOR OF NLP AT WORK
“With uncommon knowledge and authority, Free Yourself From
Fears gives us a fresh view on our everyday anxieties. In plain
language O'Connor combines the analytical with the intuitive
and does it with heart. Therapists, managers and communicators
in all fields will use his practical exercises for dealing with fear
for years to come.”
MICHAEL COLGRASS, PULITZER PRIZE-WINNING COMPOSER AND
NLP TRAINER

Free Yourself From
Fears
To Andrea
Free Yourself From
Fears
Overcoming Anxiety and
Living Without Worry
Joseph O’Connor
First published by
Nicholas Brealey Publishing in 2005
3–5 Spafield Street 100 City Hall Plaza, Suite 501
Clerkenwell, London Boston
EC1R 4QB, UK MA 02108, USA
Tel: [phone] Tel: (888) BREALEY
Fax: [phone] Fax: [phone]
http://www.nbrealey-books.com
http://www.lambentdobrasil.com
© Joseph O’Connor 2005
The right of Joseph O’Connor to be identified as the author of this
work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs
and Patents Act 1988.
ISBN 1-85788-360-8
British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data
A catalogue record for this book is available from the
British Library.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,
stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any
means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording and/or
otherwise without the prior written permission of the publishers.
This book may not be lent, resold, hired out or otherwise disposed
of by way of trade in any form, binding or cover other than that in
which it is published, without the prior consent of the publishers.
Printed inFinland by WSBookwell.
Contents
Introduction 1
PART IOUR EXPERIENCE OF FEAR 7
The Nine Laws of Fear 8
1 WHAT IS FEAR? 9
The two elements of fear 10
The NLPapproach to fear 15
The physiology of fear 17
2 FEAR—FRIEND OR FOE? 21
Positive intention 22
Authentic fear 23
Unreal fear 24
Types of unreal fear 25
Social reactions to fears 30
How not to deal with fear 30
Measure your fears 33
3 LEARNING AND UNLEARNING FEAR 35
How we learn unreal fears 37
Children’s fears 38
Enjoyable fear 44
Unlearning fear 48
4 THE LANGUAGE OF FEAR 50
Talking yourself into fear 50
Telling other people 52
Affirmations 52
Is fear compulsory? 53
Our relationship with fear 54
Metaphor 57
PART II UNREAL FEAR—FEAR AS FOE 61
5 FEAR IN TIME 63
The circles test 64
Unreal fear in the past 65
Fears of the future 69
Worry 71
6 COMMON FEARS THAT HOLD US HOSTAGE 73
Fear of flying 74
Fear of authority 76
Fear of success 80
Fear of dentists and doctors 82
Fear of heights 82
Fear of elevators 83
Fear of death 83
7 UNQUIET TIMES AND TURBULENT MINDS 86
Dangerous places 86
Personal safety 87
Laws and safety 87
Danger and the media 89
Social anxiety and stress 90
8 SOCIAL FEARS 93
Change 93
Time pressure 94
Appearances 96
Fear of the future 99
Information 101
Choice 103
9 THE PRESSURE TO ACHIEVE: THE PRICE OF PERFECTIONISM 107
Self-sabotage 108
Excuses 109
Other people’s opinions 109
Blame 110
Beliefs 113
Failure and feedback 115
Fear of failure 116
Performance anxiety 118
Metaphors of failure 121
10 DEALING WITH CHANGE: THE UNCERTAIN FUTURE 124
Changes with no choice 125
The changes we choose 126
External and internal change 126
Tolerance of change 127
Major changes 128
Loss 130
Habits 132
Change and resources 133
Rationalization and procrastination 135
The fear cycle 136
Transition 138
PART III AUTHENTIC FEAR—FEAR AS FRIEND 143
The Nine Laws of Safety 144
11 FEAR AS A SIGN TO TAKE ACTION 145
You need authentic fear 147
The Darwin awards 148
12 How We Assess SAFETY AND RISK 150
How do you know you feel safe? 150
Assume risk or assume safety? 151
What do you need to feel safe? 152
Risk 157