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by  Tyler Mitchell

Have you ever been the last person in the room to find out nobody liked you? As a kid
my nephew and I would go to parties together ( we were only three years apart) Well one
weekend we were at a party and word surfaced that if I mumbled one more word I was going to
get beat up. we would get wasted on the weekends and go to various parties in the surrounding
neighborhoods. And so because I was an obnoxious drunk my mouth would get us into fights
my nephew would have to get us out of. My momma would say I was over-bearing. And I
thought I was a prety cool guy. I was that guy, who found out others were laughing at him, and
not with him. And what I found out growing up into early adulthood, it’s perfectly okay if nobody
liked me. It was a whole nother ball-park when I decided not to like myself. This was probably
the first and the greatest mistake I made in my life. Coming into agreement with what others
thought about me, and rejecting who God says I am.
I was a prime candidate for a crack habit. consumed with self-hatred elementary and
and Jr high would all look alike for me. self-esteem in the toilet for a run of 8 years from first
grade until 8th. not to mention I probably repeated the same grade once or twice. And it was all
the same because I decided to internalize a handful of folks' report about me. So this brought
about some major mental health issues because I was a kid who secretly thought I could
handle the enemy's report, and manage, without help. After all I’d been taught that “no weapon
formed against me would prosper '' When all the while staring down the barrel of Internalized
racism due to Jealousy, anger, envy and coveting. So ff to the age of 44 years old I’d become
an addict, alcoholic, sex feign, gambling addict and from my youth a food and television combo
addict. So by no means of my own self am I qualified to give advice. I just want to share my
story. As you could imagine after all, how could someone endure all of that and be suitalbe for
any good work? I managed to get my high school diploma at the age of 43 went to school and
got my cdca1. I managed to get a period of freedom from the drugs. But so at any rate an old
“friend” or foe I should say showed up one day and wreaked havoc in my life. It was the devil. I
later learned I had some help with all of my boot-leg diagonsis I diagnosed myself with as a
child. So God finally steps in and says to Satan we have heard enough from you, silenced his
mouth long enough to tell me of a table, which was prepared for me, in the presence of my
enemies in Psa;ms23:5
And I couldn't tell you the day or time I discovered that Psalms 23:5 was the Lord's
supper. It was one of those things that overtook me while I was in a battle with the enemy over
my mental health. He wanted to convince me I was Schizophrenic. I stood my ground, stood on
scripture, I was in school to get my cdca1 when it happened. All of this internal dialogue spiraled
out of control in me. So, I don’t know about anyone else but seeing I am a christian. ( the only
intelligent thing I have ever done was give my life to the Lord) So what I found out; on my
pursuit to prove the devil wrong was, the promise is for me. And something that I remember
older church members saying is “ he might not come when you want him but he is always right
on time". So, sorry to disappoint. It wasn’t my Goliath’s, it wasn’t the bully on the play- ground.
Wasn’t the neighborhood bully. It was me at the end of the day, who caused me the most harm.
So, what was working behind the scenes, manipulating things, tweaking things before my
eyes? I imagine my family were bafled when seeing me, I was as good as anyone else, I was a
good looking kid, I dressed as well as anyone else in the neighborhood, smart kid. But my
confidence was far beneath the bar of excellence. Poor eye contact, I acted suspicious all the
time. I was constantly in fear that someone was going to find out I was a big phony.
So early one Saturday morning after a mind-blowing night of fellowship with the lord; the
serpent pulled up on Eve in the garden of Eden, like hey Eve, let me holla at you for a minute
Sweetheart. Did God really say you must not eat fruit from the tree in the garden? The bible
says Eve responded “ we may eat fruit from the garden but God did say you must not eat fruit
from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.” Then
the serpent replies to Eve you will not certainly die the serpent said to the woman, for God
knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened and you will be like God knowing
good and evil.Genesis 3:1-5
( It was clear in the beginning, it was the serpent.) Satin kicked out of heaven. Jesus said I saw
him fall like lightning from the sky Luke 10:18 , (Jesus said, he has been a liar ever since the
beginning.John 8:44) but for us these are more subtle. The Lord referenced him as being the
prince of the power of the air. John 14:30
So, God catches up with Adam and he sees these tacky outfits on them. He says hey what’s up
Adam?
Adams like, oh nothing, sup with you God?
Gods like, is something wrong Adam you’re acting weird?
Adam comes clean, like ok God before you get mad at us, we hid because we were naked and
didn’t want you to see our nakedness, so we hid ourselves.
God asks; who told you that Adam?
Adams like who told us what God?
Gods like, that you were naked, son? Did you eat from the tree I forbid you to eat from?
So immediately after the fall we can see self-consciousness present. They had ceased from
seeing God's glory on them and began seeing through the lenses of shame.
So, his entrance into my life: Satin tweaked what was before my eyes. As a kid he
whispered in my ears, “ you don’t need any friends, you are safe in the house away from
others, fear and isolation being the forbidden fruit.” Causing me to see myself as worthless I got
on the bus one day as a youngster. Kids being kids made fun of me, and I ceased from seeing
what God said about me, and began exercising faith in what others were saying about me. So,
what he left in our hearts we're jealousy, lust, gluttony , envy, anger, pride, covetousness
So, when I was in the throes of addiction, not fit to live, not ready to die. I leaned into the
scripture when all else failed, when doctors said they couldn’t do anything else to help me.
When I exhausted all my in-patient care days in treatment. When A/A N/A no longer helped. I
thought to myself, is there anything that God cannot do? Really, is there anything that he
cannot do? I discovered not only that he could do it, but that it had already been done.
See the reason why some don’t believe the gospel message is because it is too far
fetched, too far out there.These kids in 2020 have been brought up to believe someone is out to
get them. Eager to be adults forgetting the fact that we adults are to covet their childlike
disposition, when it comes down to getting anywhere with God ( I speak to believers) Our
parents today are teaching kids to always get the product upfront, type of mentality. As if they
are being prepared for the lifestyle of goons and hustlers. Oh, but where is hope in the
upbringing of today's generation? Okay enough of my dime store psychology!
Because we are dominated by our natural senses. We are more inclined to be led by
what we can see with our eyes, feel with our hands, hear with our ears. We chose not to go any
further than where our natural senses can take us. But while we are dominated by our natural
senses. We are also spiritual beings. Our spirit is where our faith can be found. The invisible,
because we don’t need faith for what we can see with our eyes and feel with our hands . So,
seeing that we cannot reach out and touch God. We choose not to go any further than how far
our natural senses will carry us. But, if for a moment you or I could take the smallest step of faith
and go out on a limb and believe in Jesus. We will be quickened by our faith over into the
supernatural. And if only but for a moment we would of a certainty get a glimpse of God.
What we see today as a miracle for the following generation, some may find it too hard
to believe. But for you and I we can look and see the miracle of becoming restored to mental
health and free from drugs, by faith in Jesus Christ. Because it is smack dab in front of our
eyes. So, just because we didn’t see the miracle of the resurrection doesn’t mean it didn’t
happen.
So I was at my wits’ end. I was licked. It was around the time of my mothers
transitioning home a “ long lost friend” reappeared. ( the enemy that was sitting at the table
with me.) But wait a minute I am getting ahead of myself. Let me backup for a minute.
I was just pitiful, I can remember one morning being so desperate for a hit I began
searching for the drug dealer's stash in the yard of an abandoned house. I started searching
around 3:00 am. Before you know it I looked up and the sun was coming up. Think I stopped?
No I didn't. By this time I know the noisy neighbors across the street are awake and on the
phone calling people talking about “child don’t you know this boy is out here digging with his
fingers through the dirt” By the time I got finished my hands were covered with dirt, clothes
were filthy. I walked away with nothing. Cursing myself. All I remember is , saying you are
worse than the neighborhood bum.
So one night I went into the neighborhood bar which I didn't go into that often. But I had
to go in and get something from my cousin. I happened to run into the guy who’s drugs I was
searching for. So everything is going fine. I didn't know for sure if they knew It was me that
demolished their hiding spot or not, but I did know that it was likely that it had gotten out. I mean
come on, the sun shining on both sides of the streets. So yeah turns out the knew. It came up
because I scammed a couple of them one night by telling them my brother died from covid to
get some sympathy dope from them.So we are all in the bar, my cousin pushes a drink my way
telling me to drink it to calm me down I was wired . I turned it down however. So the
conversation comes up of me scamming a couple of them for drugs. I’m asking them if they
could forgive me for lying to them about my brother having covid. So the young man says yeah,
I can forgive you for lying to me about your brother, but I cannot forgive you for going into my
spot and trying to rob me. He said now Tink what would have happened if you would have found
it? ( Tink was my nickname.) So I'm like, well I’ll be damned, he is just going to blind side me
like that.
My cousin who pushed the drink my way got angry because I told him I had every right to go
through that yard ( the property belonged to my mother who had recently passed.) So seeing
they didn’t have the common courtesy to reward the last surviving crack-head. I went for mine.
So my cousin tells me to just get out of the bar. I in turn tell him, you get out. And as I am
reaching for the door that takes me from the patio area back into the bar area, he opens the
door for me, I guess as a sign of disrespect saying this is what you do for ladies. I said thank
you.. At that point I had no shame or pride, not enough to be offended anyway.
So now back to the matters at hand.
We cannot seek God like we do a car or job or a partner. That’s an insult to him. We
need to seek him like we are losing our minds. Times when I’ve sought after God like this, I
ended up forgetting about what it was I needed from him in the first place. By being so engulfed
in his presence. I might have started out seeking him to get clean from drugs, but I was so
amazed by his presence. The drugs were not a problem anymore.
So when David says You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies
Psalms2305 NIV we can ff to Luke 22:19-20
And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body
given for you; do this in remembrance of me.”
In the same way, after the supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my
blood, which is poured out for you.Luke 22:19-20 And sitting right across from him at this table
is Judas, why? Because he prepared a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
“Likewise He also took the cup after supper, saying, this cup is the new covenant in My blood,
which is shed for you. But behold, the hand of My betrayer is with Me on the table. Luke 22:21
So when his body was broken ( the bread) and the blood poured out of him ( the wine)
was The meal the lord prepared before me in the presence of my enemies. In front of the same
enemy in the garden, the serpent. The prince of the power of the air. The serpent! The prince of
the power of the air, in Judas, The serpent! The prince of the power of the air, in our hearts, The
serpent! Jealousy, anger, gluttony, lust, covetousness, envy and pride. The same thing he used
to get me strung out on drugs, the serpent.
. Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the wilderness, so the Son of Man must be lifted
up John 3:14 NIV. God said he would get even with him and he did. He told the serpent "And I
will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring[] and hers; he will
crush[] your head and you will strike his heel" Genesis 3:15
.As I mentioned earlier the one inteligent thing I have ever done is profess Jesus Christ
to be the son of God. And raised from the dead. When I made that profession I chose whose
side I was going to take. I was then placed on the altar of Yahweh. As a priest unto the Lord.
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession,
that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his
wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once
you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy 1 Peter 2:09-10 NIV But
when I welcomed drugs I was then” captured by the enemy” (Or so it appeared anyway) So
when you and I believed with our hearts the Lord Jesus and confessed with our mouths God
raised him from the dead, for all intents and purposes God has forever established a covenant
with you and I. by blood. And when we take the communion elements God is seated on the
throne of our hearts, you and I are then expadited to the altar of Yahweh. So satin is scheming
on how to get you and I back on his side. He sends allusions, lies, deceptive imaginations,
deceptive people, to lie to you and I to change our minds on how we view ourselves. And on
how we view God.
His best shot at getting those who have given their lives to the Lord is by making us believe
something is a lie. That is really true. This could be anything from that skirt makes you look fat to
the way you walk makes you look gay. I found this example of how the enemy lies to us.. in the
book of Joshua check it out.
However, when the people of Gibeon heard what Joshuahad done to Jericho and Ai,
they resorted to a ruse: They went as a delegation whose donkeys were loaded with
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worn-out sacks and old wineskins, cracked and mended. They put worn and patched
sandals on their feet and wore old clothes. All the bread of their food supply was dry
and moldy. Then they went to Joshua in the camp atGilgal and said to him and the
Israelites, “We have come from a distant country; make a treaty with us.”
The Israelites said to the Hivites, “But perhaps you live near us, so how can we make a
treaty with you?”
“We are your servants,” they said to Joshua.
But Joshua asked, “Who are you and where do you come from?”
They answered: “Your servants have come from a verydistant country because of the
fame of the Lord your God. For we have heard reports of him: all that he did in Egypt,
and all that he did to the two kings of the Amorites east of the Jordan—Sihon king of
Heshbon, and Og king of Bashan, who reigned in Ashtaroth. And our elders and all
those living in our country said to us, ‘Take provisions for your journey; go and meet
them and say to them, “We are your servants; make a treaty with us.”’ This bread of ours
was warm when we packed it at home on the day we left to come to you. But now see
how dry and moldy it is. And these wineskins thatwe filled were new, but see how
cracked they are. And our clothes and sandals are worn out by the very long journey.”
The Israelites sampled their provisions but did not inquire of the Lord. Then Joshua
made a treaty of peace with them to let them live, and the leaders of the assembly
ratified it by oath.
Three days after they made the treaty with the Gibeonites,the Israelites heard that they
were neighbors, living near them. So the Israelitesset out and on the third day came to
their cities: Gibeon, Kephirah, Beeroth and Kiriath Jearim. But the Israelites did not
attack them, because the leaders of the assembly had sworn an oath to them by the
Lord, the God of Israel. Joshua 9:3-18 NIV
Scripture paints him as a colorful creature in heaven. The best thing he can do is paint a
picture of a lie before our eyes, of who we are. Which goes contrary to what the word of God
says about us. So out of all I’ve been through, what I’ve discovered is I really do belong to God.
I discovered the height, the depth, the width and the length of God's love. I discovered he is for
me. I found out I am who God says that I am. And if the only thing God has ever said to you was
For God so loved the world he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believeth in him
would not perish but have eternal life. It would be sufficient to reverse the lie of you believing
you weren't made for better things than to suffer with mental health issues all of your life.
So satin sent a thorn in my side to buffet me a messenger of satin lest I should be
exalted above measure. You see the move of Narcotics Anonymous in my opinion, goes in the
wrong direction. They will have my resting place being in a chair repeating the saying Hi my
name is Leroy” and I am an addict” their key goal was to get addicts to a spiritual experience;
and right here is where the train went off track. If you do xy and z you can get free from drugs.
My friend, this is modern day legalism. What it is the guy who founded A/A got free and
memorized the escape route. But no one's experience is the same, so no one's steps they take
to become free will look alike. Any trained professional will tell you addiction is a no common
sense type of Madley. God is the only one who knows exactly what I need, where I need it,
when I need it and how I need it. There will always be those who will continue to believe in this
method to be able to have a route around Christ. But in the spirit of being a glass half full kind of
guy. Addiction could be the “curse” that draws an addict to Christ. . When you get up under
Christ the curse is broken. If it is a spiritual matter it seems logical the solution is spiritual, not
Just a step. Step two says I came to believe a power greater than me could restore me to sanity.
When it’s not so much as to what God could restore me too. when it is a bigger matter at hand.
He has gained access to the thrones of our hearts through the intake of his broken body and the
pouring out of his blood.
.Addiction is a smoke screen. It's like on In Living Color when the oversized overgrown
baby Carter comes out when the parents have company saying look what I can do look what I
can do. To get the attention of the adults on him.. For those of us whom God has invested much
into. The liar would come and say. That's not true you can’t be anything great. you have this
issue or you can't do anything worthwhile, anything life impacting look at all you have done.
Ignore him and keep right on doing whatever it is you were doing, before he came trying to get
you to dispel what God’s word says about you. What I believe is the bigger the smoke screen
the greater the anointing.When in reality I haven’t done a thing wrong.( I speak after the manner
of being in the newness of life) And my sins being sent away by the blood of Jesus. Serves the
devil right for those of us who have received this revelation. when we know where there is no
law. For those of us who have given our lives to the Lord, we are now in Christ. Made free from
sin. and where there is no sin there is no law. and where there is no law there is no judgment
and where there is no judgment there is no condemnation. If we were in court we would then be
free to go. And this is what Christ has done for us, free’d us to go, go and be fruitful. When he
wanted me to own sins that would weigh a person down, and cause us to be looking like what
we’ve done. When we understand what has happened when we become christians. Jesus
Christ has borne all of our sins; he has taken the topic of sin off the table. And to be honest I
think it’s an insult to him when we keep trying everyday to do something that he has already
done. So, in addition to it will work if you work it, just know so will faith in Jesus work if you’d
believe!
And this is why I believe Psalms 23:05 is speaking about the Lord's supper. God would
not prepare this fabulous meal before you in the presence of your " literal enemies." Only for
you to go home release the meal. And be left with the anger of even seeing the person again.
Not to mention nagging your boo all day and all night talking about “ hey baby you should have
seen that joker walking around the table the father prepared for me, mean mugging me flexing
his muscles carrying on, I started to cold cock that joker bay!” The anger is what the serpent left
in the garden, ( or the soil of our hearts) When the anger has been uprooted proper hierarchy is
restored. It's as if we were never in a fallen state.. If this is true then I can cease with my
attempts at performing in order to gain God's forgiveness and acceptance.. When I become a
believer I fall into the category of a child of God I am then expadited from wherever I was before
I believed and received, unto the altar of Yahweh. He gives me his sonship and sends me back
into the field and I commence working my way back to the garden of Eden. When I got up from
the table the lord prepared before me in the pressence of my enemies!
There are some people who believe in becoming holy before you can sit at the table,
spread before us in the presence of our enemies. But as we can see here, that's not the order
of God. Not to mention you and I couldn’t qualify to eat on the back porch of the house of God
without the blood of Jesus. No offense. He equips us with what we need then tells us to go and
live under the open heavens where the curse has been broken. And much like in the beginning
of creation he doesn't say go be holly go be righteous go and be sure to be clean. As a matter of
fact Jesus says now you are clean through the words I have spoken abide ye in my words) John
15:3.He says after we have left the table after the fabulous meal prepared before us in the
presence of our enemies, stuffed. Go and bear much fruit, fruit that will last! See the devil
convinced us of a curse somehow from being in a land where the dominating race is caucasion.
We need not act as less than or walking with our heads held down. Oh no belovd, you lift your
head up and walk like a child of a king. If you feel Odd, or if there is a little something about you
that has always troubled you, made you stand out, and not in a good way. You take it to the
table and swamp it out with the bread and the wine. And see if when you get up from the table
that little something something hasn’t disappeared. So go ahead and do that and I will wait until
you get back to continue. Laugh out Loud. But no serriously if you are like me I’d do it now, to
see if it works. up to you though.
Doing drugs will always end you up welcoming one of the 7 deadly sins back into your
hearts. Doing drugs does not provoke worship at the altar of Yahweh. It expedites you off over
to the altar of bail. It will take you to sexual immorality, debauchery and lascivious ways of living.
It will have you stealing, lying and cheating. Causing harm to others. As believers you and I are
modern day Israel. You and I have been adopted by God. Out of his love for us. He sent Jesus
to get us. To free us from sin. So we could be reconciled to him.Take a minute and understand
your state of being before the finished works of Jesus, it was pretty bad. We were pretty badly
banged up. But so we who were far off from God, were drawn close to him, through his blood
and through the ministry of the Holy spirit, reconciling us to himself. The finished works of Jesus
Christ, satisfying the wrath of God, gave God the opportunity to draw us close to himself.
Transforming us into becoming worthy of the blessings we see and have today. So after he did
what he did, this put us in right standing with God. But so along comes satin whispering in our
ears. And us not being fully aware of the finished works of Jesus Christ and the cross, and
entices us to smoke crack
But it’s more than us just sitting back and having a cold one. How one would enjoy a
brewsky when they get home from work. Crack cocaine is a spirit. And it is a spirit of witchcraft.
But for whatever reason you and I took the bait. After we smoke crack we are then expedited to
the altar of bail.
So, Israel had strict rules 1 being, have no other God before me he said to the Israelites
don’t bow your knee at their god’s altar. Don’t take their sons for your daughters nor your
daughters for their son’s. For they will certainly be a snare unto you. So, over in Galatians it
says Now the works of the flesh are manifest which are these adultery fornication uncleanness
lascivious. Idolatry witchcraft hatred variance emulations wrath strife seditions
heresies.Galatians 5:19-20 NIV the word witchcraft is translated in Greek as Pharmicia which
means drug induced state. So at this point would have been a perfect time for me to walk away
and disqualify myself. Thinking man get my hopes up, making me think I had a shot at being
free, only to tell me not to do something, then leaving it up to me not to do it.
Around the time of my bout with the enemy pertaining to me having ( schizophrenia)
something that Jesus doesn’t have. The lord instructed me to go and get communion elements.
He took my attention to Psalms 23:5 You prepare atable before me in the presence of my
enemies.You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows Psalms 23:05 Niv
Now a lot of things you and I may not have in common. Like out of the seven deadly sins
the ones about lust, greed, covetousness, envy, most upstanding well balanced well rounded
believers may not be able to relate. But of a certanty life has had to have served you up some
incidents that left you angry. Or that invited the spirit of anger into your heart. If you’d go back I
believe you will find your bout with anger started at a certain point. And occurs periodically just
like a junky who’s nightmare comes to life when the day and time comes when it’s time to pick
the dope up again. So the situation will present that long lost friend of yours . It seems like it’s
really dealt with at some points in your life. But after so long here it comes again. It’s called a
soul-tie or a strong-hold. A Soul-tie is usually sexual in nature. When you lay with someone you
become one with them, in God’s eyes you are married. Now imagine you laying down with all
the people you’ve had sex with emotionally and spiritaully you are one with every person you’ve
had sex with. This will bring about uncertainties emballences, schizophrenia-like symptoms. The
thing that breaks soul-ties is the blood of Jesus and repentance. But in dealing with anger when
you in the stubbornness of your heart refuse to even consider forgiving. It’s not you reasoning
within yourselves anytime anger is pressent ( It’s the serpent) So whenever I discover one of the
seven deadly sins manifest in my life. I am quick to fall to my knees and repent for it and take it
to the table the Lord prepared for me for this cause. Take the communion elements. And it will
be dealt with. It is the long lost foe in the garden coming to pay me a visit.
So we no longer have this disposition, this posture of attitude towards our enemies the
lord said in Mark 11:25 NIV and when you stand praying if you hold anything against anyone
forgive them so that your father in heaven may forgive you your sins Mathew 5:44 But I tell you
love your enemies. Pray for those who persecute you. So the theory of God’s will for our lives
being to bless us to make our enemies jealous, angry, envious or covetous is not true. Getting
even and settling scores is done away with. Don’t let no preacher get you hyped up about God
blessing you in front of your enemies.The thing you and I Inherit as being believers is a way to
receive healing from a broken heart.and healing from brokenness due to anger. When I eat of
his body broken on my behalf I release my brokenness. To find wholeness in Christ Jesus. The
Lord takes what was done to me and puts a wholeness there where anger was residing due to
brokenness. when I receive the broken body of the Lord in the place of what was done to me
and drink of his blood. I receive wholeness when I confess the sin of anger and repent of the sin
of anger. With God not telling me, not to be mad or inquiring of me what they did to determine
whether or not I am justified in holding on to anger or if you’d have to repent of being angry at
the person who did you wrong. Anger is the enemy and as soon as it is revealed it is to be dealt
with. We are grown-ups, and The bread and the wine is sufficient in removing these enemies!
He anoints my head with oil;
He causes my cup to run over:
The spirit of God; the woman at the well, Jesus spoke about the long-awaited promise
of God to her. Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14but
whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become
in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”John 4:14 NIV:
As a kid I can remember a life of fun summertime girls weekends and boose. So I do
have memories of growing up as a regular kid. However, the memories that flud my mind most
are these fascinations I had with God and the holy ghost. And I didn’t hide it either. My friends
all knew me as the “ church” boy. In my mind I knew there were great consequences for denying
the Lord. So many times when I met new people, I would lead with Christianity. It made me
stick out like a sore thumb; Which was fine with me, just so long as there were some types of
line drawn in the sand. And others knew what I was willing to tollerate, and what was not
acceptable.
Looking back I was so smittin with this God and the holy ghost who wanted a
relationship with me. The whole idea of speaking in an unknown tongue that only God would
know what was meant was and still is fascinating to me. When I matured I discovered I had
more of a zeal for God with a lack of knowledge. I can remember moments of getting my
feelings hurt. Going in the house being to myself, and then an emergence of joy would come
upon me and I would be back outside later that night as if nothing ever happened. I believe I
had the holy ghost long before I knew I had received him. If I could do it all over I would have
studied Theology or something like that. But because I had the assumption that ministry was
more along the lines of service work, I didn’t even know one could make a career out of it, or get
paid from it.
So I had an experience with a use after the revelation of Psalms 23:05 and the broken
body of Jesus and his blood. So I didn’t understand, or it hadden occurred to me, that when I
was using drugs I was operating in bail worship. Witchcraft. And idolatry, so I had a soul-tie.
Whatever I was tied to still had access to my soul. So until I brought every matter to the table of
communion I was still in danger of a “a tie” ( relapse) So I confessed Jealousy anger
covetousness envy gluttony lust and pride.Witchcraft, Internalized racism, and Idolatry. You
see, drug addiction or “ crack smoking” surfaced because of internalized Racism. Because of
self hatred and anger the serpent made its way into my heart. Jealosy pride covetousness were
already there along with envy lust gluttony. By having a whole slew of secrets from my childhood
I was taken captive by these enemies that were staring me dead in my face. So I gathered
every enemy; confessing them, then I received communion ellements. And so just so happens
the revelation of the cup running over was given to me after the use. I really needed to know of
this capability of the spirit; in order to gain and maintain complete and total freedom from the
curse of Internalized racism. which I would later find out led me to (smoking crack) But so
yeah, out of all of the analogies of the holy ghost given in the new testament this is the one I am
most drawn to and it is always a go-to reference, when I may be confused in my understanding
of exactly whether or not the holy ghost is a mental Health decompressor, for the person who
has issues with mental health and addiction.
This gives me hope like hey you know what you do have a promise from God that you
wouldn’t have to be bothered with curses of Internalized racism or addiction.Or any other curse
for that matter. Those of us whom the curse of addiction was passed down through because of
our parents and our parents' parents suffered from internalized racism and didn’t even know it,
this mentality was passed down to us. . When our people were free from racism we were
basically turned loose into a world with no reading skills or writing skills. The only thing they had
was a dream of what freedom looked like without the ability to carry it out. Now imagine an
African American was renting an apartment from a white landlord and that landlord had given
you the keys to open it. You put the key in, the only thing is it won't open for you! You at that
point call the landlord and tell them there's something wrong with the key. The landlord returns,
opens the door for the black tenant, and goes about their way. Next day, the same thing
happens. The black tenant cannot open the door using the same key the white landlord uses.
The tenant figures out it's not the key. It's them. And this is when a whole range of emotions
would surface through our ancestors and our parents ( which included the seven deadly sins)
The time of black's being free from slavery able to work make a little money build plant
and buy The devil hits the laboratory and cocaine surfaces.. And instead of therapy or
Psychiatry the devil brings us a supplement to deal with the unbearable pain, PTSD and a
whole slew of other trauma related issues due to racism and slavery:Cocaine!