For the Love of Letters: A 21st-Century Guide to the Art of Letter Writing

196 Pages·2007·1.28 MB·English

by  Samara O'shea

For The Love

of Letters

A 21st-Century Guide to the Ar t of
Letter Writing
S O’S
AMAR A HE A
This book is dedicated to the graduate: Kathryn Taylor Stroup, MD.
My inspiration. My support. My cousin. My friend.
My first and ever-faithful pen pal.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
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Part One:
INTRODUCT ION
Yes, There’s Still a Need for Letters
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Part Two:
INTRODUCT ION
Letter Writing and the Internet
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CHAPTER ONE: Letters as Gifts
LOVE LETTERS
The Love Letter 3
Great Expectations 9
Crush Confessions 10
Remember Mom 12
How to Confess Your Undying Love While You’re Dying
by John Keats 13
EROTIC LETTERS
The Erotic Letter 17
Describing “Down There” 20
Position of Power 22
Open Book 23
How to Undress Your Lover with Your Words
by James Joyce 24
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CHAPTER TWO: Letter Therapy
GOOD-BYE LETTERS
The Good- bye Letter 32
Closure: A Melodramatic Analogy 36
A Tale of Two Letters 37
How to Say Good-bye Before Going to the Guillotine
by Marie Antoinette 39
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Contents
FLAMING-TONGUE LETTERS
The Flaming-Tongue Letter 42
Angry Letters Aloud 47
How to Tell Your Father You’re Leaving His
House and Never Coming Back
by Edgar Allan Poe 50
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CHAPTER THREE: Return to Sender: Letters that are Hard
to Write and Harder to Receive
BREAKUP LETTERS
The Breakup Letter 57
How to Break Up with Someone Very Carefully 61
Watch the White Lies 62
How to Break Up with Someone You Really Like 63
How to Tell a Man You No Longer Love Him
by Sarah Bernhardt 67
UNAUTHORIZED LOVE LETTERS
The Unauthorized Love Letter 71
One- Shot Deal 76
Reread and Reconcile 77
Man- to- Man 79
How to Write to Your Immortal Beloved
by Ludwig van Beethoven 80
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CHAPTER FOUR: Letters of Gratitude
THANK-YOU LETTERS
The Thank- you Letters 85
Thank You for the Thank-you 89
Split- second Letters 90
How to Express Your Utmost Gratitude in Ways
You Never Thought of
by Emily Post 91
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Contents
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CHAPTER FIVE: Difficult to Say, Even in a Letter
APOLOGY LETTERS
The Apology Letters 99
How to Apologize to a Girl for Getting Her Name
Wrong in an Apology Letter 102
How to Apologize for Missing a Lunch Date 104
Never Too Late 105
How to Apologize to Your Husband for Being Short
with Him as the House work Continues to Mount
by Katherine Mansfield 106
SYMPATHY LETTERS
The Sympathy Letter 109
Religious Context 112
How to Express Genuine Regrets to a Woman who
Lost Five Sons During the Civil War
by Abraham Lincoln 113
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CHAPTER SIX: Letters of Change
LETTERS REQUESTING ACTS OF AMNESTY
The Letter Requesting an Act of Amnesty 118
Letter-Writing Guide for Amnesty International USA
and the Urgent Action Network 119
How to Write the Women’s Right’s Revolution
by Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony 127
The Letter that Changed It All 132
LETTERS TO THE EDITOR
The Letter to the Editor 134
Missing the Mark 137
How to Tell Americans What It’s Like to Live in the
Middle of World War II
by the Editors of French and British VOGUE 138
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Contents
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CHAPTER SEVEN: If We Must, We Must
BUSINESS LETTERS
The Cover Letter 143
The Resignation Letter 147
Professional Thank- you Notes 147
How to Approach a Problem in a Businesslike Manner 149
How to Secure a Business Deal that Will Educate the Masses
by Andrew Carnegie 151
RECOMMENDATION LETTERS
The Recommendation Letter 153
How to Politely Refuse to Write a Recommendation 156
How to Write a Recommendation for Your Off spring 157
How to Write Recommendation Letters According to Collier’s
Cyclopedia of Commercial and Social Information (1892) 158
P.S. FINAL THOUGHTS 161
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS 165
SOURCES AND PERMISSIONS 168
About the Author
Credits
Cover
Copyright
About the Publisher
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INTRODUCTION PART ONE
Yes, There’s Still a Need for Letters
The art of general letter-writing in the present day is shrinking until
the letter threatens to become a tele gram, a telephone message, a
post- card.
—Emily Post, ETIQUETTE, 1922
“Do you know what ROFL stands for?” my mother asks. I can hear
in her voice that she already knows the answer and is ready to boast
about it.
“Rolling on the floor laughing!” Her animated reply practically
sends her into the act she just described.
“How about LOL?”
“No.”
“Laugh out loud!”
I felt silly for not knowing that one. “Well, if I had seen it written I
would have known.”
She continued, “TTYL? Talk to you later. JK? Just kidding. GTG?
Got to go.”
My mother is mastering this new language à la acronyms so she can
communicate with my cousin Kimi. Thirteen-year-old Kimi is a quick
draw—the fastest text messager east of the Hudson River. I imagine
Kimi trapped at a family event without her cell phone, unable to
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Introduction Part One
thumb-tap her way into the latest gossip circling among her friends—
a tragic sight. I could tell her it won’t always be like that, but she’d
never believe me. I could also tell her there once was a time when
thirteen-year-old me had to endure family gatherings without instant
access to my friends. Occasionally I could sneak off and use the phone,
but it wouldn’t take long before the “Samara, where are you?” horn
started to sound. Kimi knows nothing of this. She can sit quietly in the
room, seemingly with us, but really she’s at a friend’s house or the
mall—talking about newly formed crushes and horrid homework as-
signments.
It didn’t take long for my mother to savvy up and accept if she was
going to get to know the newly minted teenage version of her niece,
she would have to do it on Kimi’s t erms—via computer or handheld
gadget. Truthfully, I don’t know what I find more amusing: Kimi’s in-
cessant IMing and texting or my mother’s foray into the new experi-
ence. She confesses, “It took me forever to get BRB (be right back) and
BBL (be back later). Kimi uses these a lot, and I’d be stranded typing,
‘Kimi, what are you doing? Kimi, where are you? Kimi, why are you
coming and going so much?’ ”
It may seem as though I’ve set this up to criticize the tenacity of
technology and “kids today,” but that’s not the case. I completely un-
derstand and appreciate the need for shorthand and speed. If Friar
Lawrence had had e-mail, Romeo and Juliet might have lived happily
ever after. If Philippides had had his cell phone on him, he could have
called in the good news of the Athenian army defeating the Persians
instead of running twenty-some miles back to Athens only to die of
exhaustion when he arrived.
My concern is, though, that what we gain in speed we lose in
language—and, just a reminder, we are the heirs of a resplendent lan-
guage. English is curvaceous, complex, and beautiful. Fluent and
fierce. She is the lover you will always adore but will never fully know
because there’s too much to know. She is a true s eductress—devious
and overt, off ering endless possibilities. With her I could tell you that
you look gorgeous or that you look exquisite or that my body lost its
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