Flirting with Danger: Young Women's Reflections on Sexuality and Domination (Qualitative Studies in Psychology)

273 Pages·2000·1.28 MB·English

by  Lynn Phillips

FLIRTING WITH DANGER
QUALITATIVE STUDIES IN PSYCHOLOGY
This series showcases the power and possibility of qualitative work in psy-
chology. Books feature detailed and vivid accounts of qualitative psychol-
ogy research using a variety of methods, including participant observation
and field work, discursive and textual analyses, and critical cultural history.
They probe vital issues of theory, implementation, representation, and
ethics that qualitative workers confront. The mission of the series is to en-
large and refine the repertoire of qualitative approaches to psychology.
GENERAL EDITORS
Michelle Fine and Jeanne Marecek
Everyday Courage:
The Lives and Stories of Urban Teenagers
by Niobe Way
Negotiating Consent in Psychotherapy
by Patrick O’Neill
Voted Out:
The Psychological Consequences of Anti-Gay Politics
by Glenda M. Russell
Inner-City Kids:
Adolescents Confront Life and Violence in an Urban Community
by Alice McIntyre
Flirting with Danger:
Young Women’s Reflections on Sexuality and Domination
by Lynn M. Phillips
■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■
FLIRTING WITH DANGER
Young Women’s Reflections on Sexuality
and Domination
LY N N M . P H I L L I P S
■ ■ ■ ■
a
New York University Press
New York and London
NEW YORK UNIVERSITY PRESS
New York and London
© 2000 by New York University
All rights reserved
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Phillips, Lynn M.
Flirting with danger : young women’s reflections on sexuality and
domination / Lynn M. Phillips.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 0-8147-6657-9 (cloth : alk. paper) —
ISBN 0-8147-6658-7 (pbk. : alk paper)
1. Young women—United States—Sexual behavior. 2. Young
women—United States—Interviews. 3. Man-woman relationships—
United States. 4. Sexual harassment of women—United States.
5. Discrimination against women—United States. I. Title.
HQ29 .P49 2000
306.7'08352'0973—dc21 00-009877
New York University Press books are printed on acid-free paper,
and their binding materials are chosen for strength and durability.
Manufactured in the United States of America
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
To my family, for giving me the support
and courage to wonder out loud.

Contents
■ ■ ■ ■
Preface ix
Acknowledgments xiii
1. Introduction 1
2. Contextualizing the Study: Establishing an Interpretive
Framework 12
3. What’s a Young Woman (Not) to Think? Sifting through
Early Messages about Hetero-Relations 33
4. Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall: Deciding How/Who to Be
in Hetero-Relationships 79
5. Managing Contradictions: Getting in, out, and around
Hetero-Relations 111
6. Controlling the Damage: Making Meaning When “Things
Go Badly” 149
7. Conclusion 190
Afterword: Lingering Dilemmas: How Much Do We Want
to Know? 207
Appendix A: Individual Interview Guide 213
Appendix B: Group Interview Discussion Topics 219
Appendix C: Analysis: Working with the Data 221
Notes 225
References 233
Index 243
About the Author 255

■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■ ■
Preface
I recently came upon a lapel button that said, “What is it about
‘no’ that confuses you?” Having worked for many years on combating vi-
olence against women, I rushed to buy the pin, delighting in the question
as I imagined it posed to men. With one simple rhetorical question, this
pin seemed to capture the messages I had learned and tried so hard to
communicate as a feminist researcher, teacher, and advocate. It pointed
out that of course“no means no and yes means yes.” And it asked smugly,
“Why don’t men understand this?” “Perfect,” I thought, “clear and to the
point!” But as I waited in line to make my purchase, the pin’s words began
to take on other meanings. After I initially imagined a male audience, it oc-
curred to me that this same question, when posed to women, is neither
straightforward nor rhetorical. In fact, it is a central question that drives
my work.
As my attraction to this button reveals, I often feel the impulse to make
clear-cut statements about women’s desires and their responses to male
domination. Indeed, in a society where women’s charges of rape and ha-
rassment are still frequently met with questions about what they did to
“lead men on,” it has been critical to stress to lawmakers, employers, ju-
ries, and men in general that consent and coercion are inherently distinct.
Yet at the same time, having listened for many years to young women’s