Fire Up Your Communication Skills: Get People to Listen, Understand, and Give You What You Want!

270 Pages·1997·1.5 MB·English

by  Captain Bob

Fire Up Your Communication Skills
Fire Up Your
Communication Skills
Get People to Listen, Understand,
and Give You What You Want!
"Captain Bob"
Second Edition
CODE 3 PUBLISHING, PLEASANTON, CALIFORNIA
eBook versions published by
SEATTLE BOOK COMPANY
14151 Brownsville Hwy. NE,
Poulsbo, WA 98370
http://www.seattlebook.com
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Fire Up Your Communication Skills
Fire Up Your Communication Skills
Get People to Listen, Understand, and Give You What You Want!
by "Captain Bob"
eBook versions published by
SEATTLE BOOK COMPANY
14151 Brownsville Hwy. NE,
Poulsbo, WA 98370
http://www.seattlebook.com
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or
transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical,
including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and
retrieval system without written permission from the author, except
for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review.
Copyright ©1997 by "Captain Bob" Smith
Second Printing 1999
Publisher's Cataloging−in−Publication
(Provided by Quality Books, Inc.)
Smith, Bob, (Robert Ernest), 1941
Fire up your communication skills : get people to
listen, understand, and give you what you want! /
Captain Bob. 2nd ed.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
Preassigned LCCN: 97−091681
ISBN Print edition: 0−9657−620−6−8
ISBN Adobe Reader edition: 0−9657−620−1−7
ISBN Microsoft Reader edition: 0−9657−620−2−5
ISBN MobiPocket Reader edition: 0−9657−620−4−1
ISBN Palm Reader edition: 0−9747−540−0−5
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Fire Up Your Communication Skills
1. Communication in marriage. 2. Interpersonal
communication. I. Title.
BF637.C45S65 1977 302.2
QBI97−40566
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Fire Up Your Communication Skills
DEDICATION
This book is for the family who was still there when I changed
Harriet, Rob and Stu.
It's also for those who have the courage to change.
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Fire Up Your Communication Skills
Contents
Who Is Captain Bob?
Acknowledgment
Warning−Disclaimer
From the Author
* 1 Learn the Nuggets of Life
* 2 The Communication Class
* 3 Now You Take the Survey
* 4 Survey Results for Men and Women
* 5 Transition to the Five−to−One Ratio
* 6 How Does This All Work for Me?
7 A Broadway Play
8 Give Clear and Direct Signals
9 Don't Take the Bait
10 Stop Holding
11 Practice Present−Moment Living
12 Set Healthy Boundaries
13 Where Are You on Your Own Personal Agenda?
14 What Does That Mean?
15 What Do You Want to See Happen?
16 How Can I Stop Using Worst−Case Scenarios?
17 Change Brings Change (Sometimes with Pain)
18 You Don't Have to Be a Chameleon
19 The Staff Meeting (Marriage)
* 20 Practice the Art of Conversation
* 21 When Are Men Going to Get IT?
* 22 Recognize and Understand Processing
* 23 Oh Boy, Another Book on My Pillow
24 The "R" Word (Relationship)
25 Establish and Communicate Realistic Expectations
26 Affection Without Sex or Sex Without Affection
27 ATM (How to Make a Deposit in That Special Person's Love
Bank)
*28 Nesting
29 Accepting Life on Today's Terms
30 Intuition
31 When Do We Start Having Fun?
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Fire Up Your Communication Skills
32 For the Love of a Dad
33 . . . Equals I Don't Love You (The Formula)
34 What Do You Want From Me?
35 Get a Piece of Each Other's Hide
36 Use the Board If You Want a Man to Fix Something
37 Sex and Other Stuff
38 The Enemy (Children)
39 Boomerang Kids
40 Eat Stress for Breakfast
Nuggets of Life
41 Conquer the Job Interview
42 Wampum (Money)
43 Variable Interest Rate
*44 If You Don't Plan, You Won't Go
45 Be Serendipitous
46 Wedding Colors
47 Flower Therapy
48 Planning Romance
49 Cards and Spoken Gifts
50 Take the Mystery Out of Gifts
Five Nuggets for Successful Relationships
51 How Long Is This Going to Take? Are We There Yet?
52 Peace and Happiness
Appendix A
Suggested Survey Responses from Men and Women
Appendix B
There Is a Lot More to Learn About Money (Continuation of
Wampum)
References and Suggested Reading
Index
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Fire Up Your Communication Skills
Who Is Captain Bob?
His real name is Bob Smith and he's a fireman. He's married and he
has kids. He likes sports and he goes to church regularly and he owns
a home with a nice lawn and he has friendly neighbors.
Bob Smith. Plain ol' Bob Smith.
Routine name. Routine guy. Routine life.
Bob has always been a lot like you and a lot like me. Solid−
as−a−rock Bob. Good−old−dependable Bob. Steady−as−she−goes
Bob. No−cares−in−the−world Bob. Right?
. . . well . . . not really.
Bob had a problem. He didn't know he had this problem, but it was
there nonetheless. And it was a big problem. It was a problem that
was as mysterious as cancer, as dangerous as crocodile wrestling, and
as powerful and as deadly as the huge fires Bob was often called upon
to battle against.
His problem was ignorance regarding maintenance of
communication and love relationships.
Bob wasn't a wife beater, but neither was he a wife pleaser. Bob
wasn't a callous−hearted man, but neither was he an open− hearted
man. Bob wasn't a demanding man, but neither was he an attentive
man.
Bob was just Bob. He worked steadily, brought home a paycheck, cut
his grass, washed his car, went to Sunday school, took his wife to
dinner on their anniversary and played ball with his sons. He was
never cruel, but he was always ignorant.
Bob stayed ignorant of his wife's deepest needs as a person until one
day he asked her if she was happy with their marriage. His wife
Harriet said it was a "good" marriage. It could have been a lot better,
however.
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Fire Up Your Communication Skills
This amazed Bob. He thought that he had been doing everything "by
the book." And, the truth was, he had. Unfortunately, Bob had read
the wrong book.
When Bob tried to find the "right" book, he discovered that it hadn't
been written yet. So, he learned his lessons by trial and error,
experiment and correction, progress and setback. And once he had
learned what it took to make his relationship with his wife better, he
shared these insights with other people. And they, too, improved their
relationships.
Did Bob earn a Ph.D. in psychology? Nope. Did Bob have many
years of training as a counselor? Nope. Did Bob have a research staff
that helped him do long−range group studies? Nope.
The only things Bob had were the right answers regarding how to
strengthen loving relationships. But then again, that's all people
wanted.
So now Bob has "written the book" on this subject. You can read it
and start to live your life "by the book"the right book this time.
Dr. Dennis E. Hensley
author of Uncommon Sense and
How to Stop Living for the Applause
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Fire Up Your Communication Skills
Acknowledgment
To my editor, Dr. Dennis Hensley, who added much and presented
my writing the way I speak. He became a friend in the process.
For the support and encouragement of lifelong friend Dan Poynter.
He knew I could do this when I had doubts. He provided the road
map that got me to the final destination.
Special thanks and appreciation to John Gottman, Ph.D., for sharing
his years of research so others could benefit.
To my wonderful wife, Harriet, who labored beside me during this
book birthing. Also, for her help in resurrecting four chapters you
would otherwise not be reading because I had sent them in error to
deletion obscurity.
To Bill Davenport, who was an early mentor. For my assistant, Mary
Richart, who kept me on track. To the many who shared the stories of
their journeys to capture peace and happiness.
I sincerely thank all these fine people. I know they are proud of their
contribution to this work.
And lastly, I wish to acknowledge those authors whose names I was
not able to identify with the quotes and sayings that I share in this
book. They have offered me much hope and wisdom over the years,
and I trust they will provide you with the same.
Copyediting by Gail Kearns Book design by Christine Nolt of Cirrus
Design Cover by Gaelyn Larrick of Lightbourne Images
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