Table Of Content

THE EARTH’S > ONE TIME ONLY HOTSPOTS NEV ] k ?, CAMPBELL ik oil I I I i ff) 70 > I, (m/) I I MEH«S o I h I I TRACY MORGAN KTi < » GNimB 70 s TV’S HOTTEST VJ V- 0 AND BAM 00 f > MARGERA’S DAD...TOPLESS! m X l/» € l X , - < i DODGEBALL DONKEY KO DARTS ANiTMORE! 70 »»»»»»»»»> www.fhmus.igf»iit ll Now, about that firstborn child. The new Z Roadster. AvAliABlUTv., Rr.jrl;.;<>r [-J. tiif Ni';';cir. 8r;ihd SHiFt lacjlrfU' ar.d Z ●irn u<id'- Aiv. n I?-' l ●■; V n ■:. . :■ ■ ,■ .■>' :. vr ● ● ■ iis:; Sfci; ;s: I'"' ;■ .:, } : - ■■ ■■ ■ ■■ ■ vv::---" ■ '>r ■ ■ - -VK- S. .; ; ■■■.:: ■. ■ ■■. I SHIFT_ passion and please don’t drink and drive. c,2003 Nissan North America, Inc. I ■■-■ ●-#■ / »> Remove the “almost” from “almost perfect.’ Edge-to-Edge Borderless Printing Built-in LCD Display Print 4x6, 5 x7 or 8.5x11 in. Want to preview your photos? Crop them? photos at the push of a button. You can do it alt from the two-inch LCD. Six Individual InkTanks - — D irect Printing -*■ Talk about efficient: Erom Memory Cards* When one color runs out, you Why print through a computer? don’t replace the whole ink tray - Slip in your memory just the color you need. card and you’re good to go. MicroFine Droplet Technology'" Direct Printing From Digital Cameras** Ink gets applied in droplets as pne as two picoliters, And we mean practically any new camera. for resolution many other printers dream about. The I900D works with all the big brands. The Canon i900D Photo Printer. Any printer can print your photos. How many can enhance them? On the i900D, you can preview your shots and even crop Canon them. To learn more, visit us at www.usa.canon.com/consumer or call 1-800-OK-CANON. KNOW HOW' Specifications subject to change. 'Compatible with Memory Stick®, CompactFiashTM. MicroDriveTM, Smart MediaTM, SO CardTM, and MultiMediaCardTM. For a listing of Bubfalelet Direct or Pictbridge - compatible Canon cameras and camcorders, visit wwvn.usa.canon.com/consumer/directprint. To determirre if a non-Canon brand camera is PictBridge compatible, please consult the manufacturer. 02003 Canon U.S.A., !nc. Canon and Canon Know How are registered trademarks of Canon inc. MicroFine Droplet Technology is a trademark of Canon Inc. WARNING: VANILLA PERFECTLY BLENDED THIS PRODUCT WITH PREMIUM TOBACCO IS NOT A SAFE FOR AN ULTRA-SMOOTH TASTE. ALTERNATIVE TO CIGARETTES ,'T / ■/ / / .'r' f/’ 4 © /■ 4 r.: / /; FRESH, BqtDTASTE. EyE«T TIMET 4 T' TSi7lpke/e$s ^ . ' ' .-©Tradeniafk of U.Sl Smokeless TpbaccdX^o. or an affiriate/©2003 U.S. Smokeless Tpbacco Cb. / .1' Neve Campbell ISSUE 40 l JANUARY 2004 FEATURES QUOTE, UNQUOTE 64 TRACY MORGAN On The Tracy Morgan Show he plays Tracy Mitchell. You figure it out. rr%r:y ARSON 66 BLAZING FOR GLORY Here's what happens when firemen love doing their job so much they start lighting infernos themselves. DARK MISTRESS 70 MERCEDES MgNAB < 66 She plays a vampire on Angei, which <= < X 70 8 Blazing is appropriate, considering she's =a3: o« *''Tbr Glory gorgeous enough to raise the dead. S g Mercedes 91 SEX SURVEY a: McNab 76 GLOBAL HOTSPOTS 2<Q V/ <q; The statistical trends found by our IoQO massive global sex survey have O A justified the existence of math. P. s< LIVE WIRE <Q < 84MARIANELAPEREYRA < oo<a. 112 Someday humanity will tire of MTV's countless Real World reruns. This >- o : Marianela The Virus Q£ <a: Pereyra / 4 Hunter Fuse hottie provides the alternative. LEISURE < 90 THE 50 GREATEST s 2: oa ●Ti GAMES OF ALL TIME! c>a< < Twister and Donkey Kong have two eotc etc -1 64 things in common: They're both on 1/ this list and they both let you see Oi<-j Tracy Morgan plumber's crack. COYER CIRL 3S 104 NEVE CAMPBELL St Z < First she suckered you into < E watching Party of Five. Now you might see a movie about ballet. QUOTEp UNQUOTE 112 THE VIRUS HUNTER If you ever start bleeding from your eyeballs, this is the guy to call. j FHM JANUARY 2004 5 118 lurk like Morpheus IN EVERY ISSUE [ 14 LETTERS The nation's finest rack, a man who wrestles gators and the chump who accidentally interviewed Axl Rose. 20 REPORTER Jamie Sale with no skates. Bam Margera's dad with no shirt and the best "Who the Hell Are You?" ever. U. 47 REVIEWS O oI— o '3- Bodyguard The Offspring host happy hour in beatdown s3= io' their home. Plus, the guy behind Gollum speaks and Pink bares all. 115 FASHION < r-i f ^ <c Prowl city streets looking like you >- ( tumbled out of The Matrix. Then try the winter's best boots. a: o 130 MACHINERY It is winter. Thus, you should strap a large plank to your feet and slide O< down mountains. Trust us. O 135 GASOLINE I/) < Z o3 o Inside the love-filled workshop of >- \ American Chopper's Teutul family. ■i E rs.. Plus, FHM races for pinks! 140 BIONIC < aQ£: I— >● h“ CD Becoming a top bodyguard involves having the tar repeatedly Jj snowboard << S a^d beaten out of you. ce o Sss o3 52 ADDED VALUE < < z s: X o S2E Bend over, 62 BAR ROOM JOKES Pink’s driving! o Max ups When a comedian is really funny, >- the pain he gets to slap his name on a S 2 O fP sitcom. If you're really < < funny, you get your 135 name on a joke in A /■ i a magazine. American choppers 144 TRUE STORIES II Readers share their shudder-inducing tales, including one about anal beads used improperly. SARNieR The First Fortifying Anti-Dandruff Shampoo created with fruit concentrate from Gamier l Created with the #1 selling dandruff-fighting ingredient. Works from the first wash for effective dandruff protection. For hair that shines with all its strength. V WUH FRUIT CONCENTRATE FORTIFYING ANTI-DANDRUFF f, SHAMPOO^ few-1 PYRITHIONE ZINC DANDRUFF CONTROL No flakes, guaranteed. *No visible flakes with regular use. If not satisfied,cai 1800 4GARNIER for a full refund. When ordering rum, always ask for Puerto Rican 110 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY lOOll Tel 212-201-6700 Fax 212-201-6980 tHE FHM STAfFl (and the games at which they can kick anybody’s ass) rum. EdItor-ln-Chlef Scott Gramling USA-USSR bubble hockey Creative Director Ian Knowles Invisible golf Deputy Editor Michael Dolan Robotron 2084 Executive Editor Rob Hill Ping-Pong Photo Director Alix Berenberg Poker EDITORIAL li Senior Editor Jonathan Chase Ping-Pong i for Sections Editor Adam Winer Pencil break Associate Editor Sam Barclay Hungry Hungry Hippos j Assistant Editor Phillip Crandall Show me yours Copy Editor Randl Hecht Simon I Editorial Assistant Meghan Conaton Flip cup WrIter-at-Large jimmy jellinek Trivial Pursuit j ART / PHOTO Associate Art Director Matthew Warner Keepie ups 1 Associate Photo Editor Christine Reilly Memory i Assistant Photo Editor Elyssa Traub Solitaire I FASHION Fashion Director Antony Wright The crying game Fashion Editors Elisabeth Dick I never... Nadia Hosni Hula-Hooping FHHUS.COM Online Director jonathan Hurwitz Hipster bingo a Designer/Producer Tom Conlon Spot the tranny CONTRIBUTORS "he finest rums Words Cathy Garrard, Ben Gruber, David A. Keeps, Bonsu Thompson, Andrew Vontz Illustrations Bill Brown, Nishant Choksi, Danny Heilman, Peter Liddiard, John Schreiner i Photography Andrew Brusso, Eric Cahan, Todd France, Gorman & Gorman, Perry Hagopian, for over 450 years s George Holz, Geoff Moore, Trevor O'Shana, Carl Posey, Michael Rosenthal, Vincent Soyez, S jason Willheim o ■S Fashion Assistants Roanne Lee, Emily Littman, Eugene Tong Thanks to )en Adams, Damien Barchowsky, Mark Buchheim, Grace Carter, Crazy Legs Conti, Edward Distel, Scott Kritz, Joyce Lee, Jessica Lefferman, Lenny Naar, Tim Stack, Chris Strattner, S I NCE 1 5 4 8 Matt Waxman RumSof ■i INTERNATIONAL EDITORS David Davies FHM UK, Michael Tempel FHM Germany, Lomig Guillo FHM France, John Bastick FHM Australia, PUEF?TOF?IOO Eric Ramos FHM Philippines, Brendan Cooper FHM South Africa, Jan Heemskerk FHM Netherlands, David Hraschek FHM Hungary, Dylan Tan FHM Singapore, Philipp Bahktin FHM Russia, ONLY THE F I NEST Istvan torincz FHM Romania, Pakorn Tansiri FHM Thailand, Derek Yu FHM Taiwan, Mansur Foroutan FHM Turkey, Looi Min Wei FHM Malaysia, Timur Dorofeyetf FHM Ukraine JX emap’inetro The finest times are the ones you enjoy responsibiy.