Every Day is an Atheist Holiday!: More Magical Tales from the Author of God, No! PDF
Preview Every Day is an Atheist Holiday!: More Magical Tales from the Author of God, No!
ALSO BY PENN JILLETTE God, No! Signs You May Already Be an Atheist and Other Magical Tales Sock BY PENN JILLETTE AND MICKEY D. LYNN How to Cheat Your Friends at Poker: The Wisdom of Dickie Richard BY PENN JILLETTE AND TELLER Penn & Teller’s How to Play in Traffic Penn & Teller’s How to Play with Your Food Cruel Tricks for Dear Friends Published by the Penguin Group Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA • Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Ontario M4P 2Y3, Canada (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.) • Penguin Books Ltd, 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England • Penguin Ireland, 25 St Stephen’s Green, Dublin 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd) • Penguin Group (Australia), 707 Collins Street, Melbourne, Victoria 3008, Australia (a division of Pearson Australia Group Pty Ltd) • Penguin Books India Pvt Ltd, 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi–110 017, India • Penguin Group (NZ), 67 Apollo Drive, Rosedale, Auckland 0632, New Zealand (a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd) • Penguin Books, Rosebank Office Park, 181 Jan Smuts Avenue, Parktown North 2193, South Africa • Penguin China, B7 Jaiming Center, 27 East Third Ring Road North, Chaoyang District, Beijing 100020, China Penguin Books Ltd, Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England Copyright © 2012 by 10 IN 1 All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Purchase only authorized editions. Published simultaneously in Canada Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Jillette, Penn. Every day is an atheist holiday! : more magical tales from the author of God, no! / Penn Jillette. p. cm. ISBN 978-1-101-60074-0 1. Religion—Humor. 2. Atheism—Humor. 3. American wit and humor. I. Title. PN6231.R4J546 2012 2012035920 818'.607—dc23 While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers, Internet addresses, and other contact information at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes that occur after publication. Further, the publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content. DEDICATED TO FEBRUARY 28, 1966 JUNE 3, 2005 MAY 22, 2006 CONTENTS ALSO BY PENN JILLETTE TITLE PAGE COPYRIGHT DEDICATION EVERY DAY IS AN ATHEIST HOLIDAY SOMETIMES A SHEET IS NOT JUST A GHOST CANADIAN THANKSGIVING HERE COME OUR “CELEBRITIES”—CUE THE FREEZING RAIN NOVEMBER 9, 1909—EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD IS ENOUGH I DEFY THE JAILS OF THE WORLD TO HOLD MY SON AND SPEAKING OF . . . KEVIN POLLAK NEEDS TO PLAY HOUDINI IN A GREAT MOVIE THANKSGIVING—IF YOU WON’T PUT YOUR DICK IN IT, I’M NOT GOING TO EAT IT THE MAGICIAN STANDS LAZILY HALF NAKED BEFORE THE WORLD A TELEPHONE CONVERSATION WITH GILBERT GOTTFRIED ON JANUARY 13, 2002 NEW YEAR’S DAY, GYMS, WHOREHOUSES, AND MOURNING WITH PROSTITUTES MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. DAY—YOU CAN BE IN MY DREAM, IF I CAN BE IN YOURS (BOB DYLAN SAID THAT) GROUNDHOG DAY SICK DAYS APRIL FOOLS' DAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHIQUITA BANANA WEDNESDAY HAVE A NICE EASTER, YOU CHRISTIANS YOU EASTER IS A HOLLOW WAXY CHOCOLATE RABBIT WHO SUFFERS IN AN UNSATISFYING WAY FOR YOUR SINS HITCH AND TOMMY MY FIRST FATHER’S DAY CARD GRADUATION DAY—NOTHING IS FUNNY BUT PENN JILLETTE “VISSI D’ARTE” EVEN ON THE CELEBRITY APPRENTICE THE FOURTH OF JULY MY SON’S MORALITY DOES NOT COME FROM GOD THANKS ABOUT THE AUTHOR
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