ERIC ED503161: Helping Your Child Become a Responsible Citizen. Revised

2005·0.63 MB·English

by  ERIC

Helping
Your Child
Become a
Responsible Citizen
U.S. Department of Education To order copies of this publication in English
Margaret Spellings or Spanish write to: Helping
Secretary
ED Pubs
First published in June 1993 under a different Education Publications Center
title. Revised in 2003, 2004 and 2005. U.S. Department of Education
P.O. Box 1398
This booklet is in the public domain. Jessup, MD 20794-1398;
Authorization to reproduce it in whole or Your Child
in part for educational purposes is granted.
or faxyour request to: [phone];
While permission to reprint this publication
is not necessary, the citation should be:
or e-mailyour request to: [email protected].
U.S. Department of Education
or callin your request toll-free: 1-877-433-7827
Office of Communications and Become a Responsible Citizen
(1-877-4-ED-PUBS). If 877 is not yet available in
Outreach
your area, call 1-800-872-5327 (1-800-USA-LEARN).
Helping Your Child Become a Responsible Citizen
Those who use a telecommunications device for the
Washington, D.C., 2005.
deaf (TDD) or a teletypewriter (TTY), should call

1-800-437-0833.

With activities forelementary,middle and high school-aged children

or orderonline at:

www.ed.gov/pubs/edpubs.html.

This publication is also available on the

Department’s website at:

www.ed.gov/parents/academic/help/hyc.html.

On request, this publication is available in

alternate formats, such as Braille, large print,

audiotape, or computer diskette. For more

information, please contact the Department’s

Alternate Format Center at [phone] or

[phone].

Children’s books and magazines are mentioned in U.S. Department of Education

this booklet as examples and are only a few of
Office of Communications and Outreach
many appropriate children’s books and periodicals.
Other materials mentioned are provided as Office of Safe and Drug-Free Schools
resources and examples for the reader’s
convenience. Listing of materials and resources in
this book should not be construed or interpreted as
an endorsement by the Department of any private
organization or business listed herein.
Contents
Foreword
“Intelligence is not enough. Intelligence plus character, Introduction...........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................v
that is the goal of true education.” WhatDoes “Strong Character”Mean? ................................................................................................................................................................1
Compassion.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................1
— Martin LutherKing Jr. Honesty and Fairness...........................................................................................................................................................................................................3
Self-discipline................................................................................................................................................................................................................................5
Good Judgement.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................7
Respect for Others...................................................................................................................................................................................................................9
As parents, we all want our children to grow up to be responsible citizens and Self-respect...................................................................................................................................................................................................................................11
Courage............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................13
good people. We want them to learn to feel, think and act with respect for
Responsibility.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................15
themselves and for other people. We want them to pursue their own well-being, Citizenship and Patriotism..........................................................................................................................................................................................16
while also being considerate of the needs and feelings of others. We want them HowCan We Help Children Learn aboutCharacter?................................................................................................................18
Set a Good Example..........................................................................................................................................................................................................18
to recognize and honor the democratic principles upon which our country was Set High Standards and Clear Expectations............................................................................................................................................20
Coach..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................21
founded. We want them, in short, to develop strong character.
Use Literature............................................................................................................................................................................................................................22
Activities .................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................25
The cornerstone of the No Child Left Behind Act of 2001 is academic achievement Getting to Know Others—from Near and Far.....................................................................................................................................26
Gifts from the Heart...........................................................................................................................................................................................................27
and professional success built upon a foundation of moral strength and civic virtue.
Telling the Truth.....................................................................................................................................................................................................................28
As Secretary of Education Margaret Spellings has said, “A quality education Think about It...........................................................................................................................................................................................................................30
Keep Trying..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................31
provides citizens with the tools to participate fully in their society.” And the pay- Making Decisions..................................................................................................................................................................................................................32
Magic Words, Caring Deeds......................................................................................................................................................................................33
offs for encouraging our children’s character development are enormous. Research
There’s a Monster in My Room!..........................................................................................................................................................................34
has shown that children who grow up with strong, positive values are happier OOPS!.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................36
Stand Up for Yourself.......................................................................................................................................................................................................36
and do better in school. They are also better able to balance their personal wants
Helping Out.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................38
and needs against those of others and to make positive contributions to society. More Than Chores...............................................................................................................................................................................................................40
Our Heroes!.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................41
How Can I Be of Service?...........................................................................................................................................................................................42
Coping................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................43
On the other hand, if children do not learn proper values and behavior when
Are You My Friend?..........................................................................................................................................................................................................45
they are very young, problems can develop. These problems can mushroom with Listen to Your Feelings...................................................................................................................................................................................................46
Share a Story..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................46
serious consequences as children grow older—dropping out of school, drug use,
Dealing with Media Pressures....................................................................................................................................................................................49
teenage pregnancy, violent crime—the list goes on.
Working with Teachers and Schools to Build Character......................................................................................................51
The most important thing we can do for our children is to help them acquire Resources.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................53
Books That Can Support Character Development..........................................................................................................................53
values and skills that they can rely on throughout their lives. In doing so, they Children’s Magazines........................................................................................................................................................................................................70
Booklists..........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................71
will have the best chance to lead good lives as individuals and as citizens of their
Bibliography........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................73
communities and of America.
Acknowledgments......................................................................................................................................................................................................................75
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Helping YourChild Become a Responsible Citizen Helping YourChild Become a Responsible Citizen
Introduction
Just as children must be taught to tie their shoes, read and write, solve
math problems, and understand science concepts and events in history, so
must they be guided in developing the qualities of character that are
valued by their families and by the communities in which they live. It is
only through guidance and modeling by caring adults that children learn
to be honest and thoughtful, to stand up for their principles, to care about
others, to act responsibly and to make sound moral choices.
This booklet provides information about the values and skills that make
up character and good citizenship and what you can do to help your
child develop strong character. It suggests activities that you and your
school-aged children can do to put those values to work in your daily lives
and tips for working with teachers and schools to ensure that you act
OurFounding Fathers understood thatourcountry together to promote the basic values that you want your child to learn
would survive and flourish ifournation was committed and use. Finally, the booklet provides an extensive list of books and other
resources with character-related themes that you can read and discuss
to good characterand an unyielding dedication to liberty
with your child to encourage character and citizenship development.
and justice forall.Throughoutourhistory,ourmost
honorable heroes practiced the values ofhard workand
Be assured that the qualities of character discussed in this booklet are
honesty,commitmentto excellence and courage,and
universally recognized by people of many religions and cultures, and the
self-discipline and perseverance.Today,as we workto information contained in the booklet can be used by parents from many
preserve peace and freedom throughoutthe world,we different backgrounds and with different beliefs.
are guided bya national characterthatrespects human
dignityand values everylife.
— President George W. Bush
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Helping YourChild Become a Responsible Citizen Helping YourChild Become a Responsible Citizen
What Does “Strong Character” Mean?
Character is a set of qualities, or values, that shape our thoughts, actions, Babies may begin to cry when they hear other sounds of crying, and coo
reactions and feelings. People with strong character and laugh when they hear others making happy sounds. By the age of
three, many children will make an effort to hug or comfort another child
★ show compassion, or a parent who seems upset. As children grow, compassion can guide
their actions and behaviors in positive ways. They understand that by
★ are honest and fair,
doing something wrong, they cause others pain or unhappiness.
★ display self-discipline in setting and meeting goals,
★ make good judgments,
We can promote compassion by helping our children to think about how
★ show respect to others, others feel. For example, if your child says or does something hurtful to
★ show courage in standing up for beliefs, another child, help him* to focus his attention on the feelings of his victim
by saying, for example, “How do you think Zack feels? Would you like to
★ have a strong sense of responsibility,
feel like that?” Children develop compassion by practicing acts of caring
★ are good citizens who are concerned for
and kindness towards others. As adults, we need to emphasize the
their community, and
importance of helping others, giving others the benefit of the doubt and
★ maintain self-respect.
being open to differences.
WhatYou Can Do
Compassion
★ Talk about the point of view of others as you watch TV, read books
Compassion, or empathy, means identifying
or discuss other people with your child. For example, ask, “What do
with and being concerned about other
you think that character is feeling and thinking?”
people’s feelings and needs. It provides the emotional root for caring
★ Show care toward others, such as doing errands for sick neighbors or
about other people. It allows us to be understanding and tolerant of
opening doors for others.
different points of views and beliefs, it makes us aware of the suffering of
★ Give others the benefit of the doubt. If your child complains that a
others, and it allows us to empathize with them or to feel their suffering
classmate deliberately pushed her down on the way to lunch, explain
as our own. Compassion also allows us to feel joy and excitement—rather
that sometimes when people are in a hurry, they don’t watch where
than anger and despair—at other people’s successes and achievements.
they’re going—they don’t mean to push or hurt anyone.
*Please note: In this booklet, we refer to a child as “him” in some places and “her” in others. We do this to make the booklet
easier to read. Please understand, however, that every point that we make is the same for boys and girls.
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Helping YourChild Become a Responsible Citizen Helping YourChild Become a Responsible Citizen
★ Be open to differences. If your child says “Our new neighbors dress To understand the importance of being honest and fair, children need to
funny,” explain that people often wear clothes that reflect their learn that living together in a family, community or even a nation
cultures or native countries. depends on mutual trust. Without honesty and fairness, trusting each
other becomes very difficult, and families—and societies—fall apart.
—Daddy,whyis Grandma crying?
Words of caution: There is a
—She’s verysad.One ofherfriends justdied.Come sitwith me. big difference between being
Do you rememberhowyou feltwhen yourgerbil,Whiskers, dishonest—lying or cheating—
and “making things up,” as
died?
children often do in fantasy
—I feltsad and lonely.
play. If children are taught
—Well imagine howmuch worse Grandma mustfeel losing a
that not telling the truth is “a
friend.Maybe you can thinkofa wayto help her. bad thing,” some young
—I could give hera hug... children might assume that it
is also a bad thing to pretend
—That’s a greatidea!
to be a princess or an astronaut. Although you should discourage your
child from deliberately lying and cheating, you should also let him know
that it is fine to role play and pretend.
Honesty and Fairness
WhatYou Can Do
Simply put, honesty means being truthful with ourselves and with others. ★ Be a model of honest relations with others.
It means caring enough about others not to mislead them for personal
★ Discuss with your child what honesty is and is not. Point out, for
benefit. It means facing up to our mistakes, even when we have to admit
example, that being honest doesn’t mean telling someone you think
them to others or when they may get us into trouble.
he looks ugly. Kindness goes along with honesty.
Fairness means acting in a just way and making decisions, especially
important ones, on the basis of evidence rather than prejudice. It means
—Dad,Whycan’tI choose whatvideo to watch?Itis
“playing by the rules” and standing up for the right of everyone to be
notfairthatRamon gets to pick!
treated equally and honestly.
—Yes,itis fair,because you gotto pickthe video we
watched lastnight.Nowitis Ramon’s turn.
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Helping YourChild Become a Responsible Citizen Helping YourChild Become a Responsible Citizen
★ Discuss fairness (chances are that your child will bring it up) in Learning self-discipline helps children regulate their behavior and gives
different situations. For example, how do we show fairness in our them the willpower to make good decisions and choices. On the other
family? What does fairness mean to the community? What were hand, the failure to develop self-discipline leaves children wide open to
standards of fairness in the past? destructive behavior. Without the ability to control or evaluate their
impulses, they often dive headlong into harmful situations.
★ Talk about how you try to be fair in your life and work. What issues
of justice have you wrestled with? Your adolescent will be particu-
WhatYou Can Do
larly interested in talking with you about these things.
★ Talk with your child about setting reachable goals. For example, help
him break big tasks into little tasks that can be accomplished one at a
time. Have the child pick a task and set a deadline for completing it.
—Mom,whydid you tell the cashierthatshe’d
When the deadline has passed, check together to see if the task was
given you too much change?Itwas her
completed.
mistake,so whydidn’tyou justkeep it?
★ Help your child build a sense of her competence. To do this, she
—Because the moneywasn’tmine,and itwould
needs experiences of success, no matter how small. This builds
have been dishonestforme to keep it.
confidence and effort for the next time. Keep making the tasks just a
little more challenging but doable.
Self-discipline
Self-discipline is the ability to set a realistic goal or make a plan—then stick
with it. It is the ability to resist doing things that can hurt others or
ourselves. It involves keeping promises and following through on
—Who justcalled?
commitments. It is the foundation of many other qualities of character.
—Itwas Tyler,Dad.He wanted me to go
Often self-discipline requires persistence and sticking to long-term with him to the video store to checkout
commitments—putting off immediate pleasure for later fulfillment.It also
the newDVDs.
includes dealing effectively with emotions, such as anger and envy, and
—Whatdid you tell him?
developing patience.
—I said I couldn’t,because you and I need to
workon myscience projectforschool.
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Helping YourChild Become a Responsible Citizen Helping YourChild Become a Responsible Citizen
Good Judgment WhatYou Can Do
★ Teach your child to stop and think before acting on impulse.
Children develop strong
character by learning to think ★ Teach your child to tell fact from feeling. Let him know that just
about and make sound because he feels strongly about something—such as hitting someone
judgments about what is who made him angry— doesn’t mean it’s
right or wrong, good or bad. the right thing to do.
These are not always easy
★ Encourage your child to think about the
distinctions for adults to
consequences of her decisions. Tell her
make, much less children.
little stories about situations she might
face and talk about actions she might take,
For example, it can be difficult for a child to recognize the difference
who might be affected by her actions,
between acting bravely and acting recklessly. As parents, we can help by
what might happen because of her actions
showing, through what we do as well as what we say, that it is important
and what the best action might be.
in such situations to think carefully and honestly about what should be
★ When your child has a problem with a
done, carefully weighing how others will be affected by what we do.
rule, brainstorm together a list of possible
reasons for the rule. This leads to greater
Sometimes we get into trouble because we “just didn’t think.” We let our
understanding.
emotions lead us to actions that we regret later. Making good judgments
★ Remind your child to pay attention to the rules or codes that apply
requires skills in monitoring impulses, using reasoning to sort through
in each situation. For example, the rules for behaving in church are
feelings and facts, and thinking about the consequences of our actions.
different from those for a football game.
Your child’s ability to think and make sound judgments will improve as
she matures. With age, however, it also may become easier for her to try to
justify and make excuses for selfish or reckless behavior. However, if you
—I gotreallymad because John wouldn’ttalkto me.
have helped her develop strong habits of honesty, courage, responsibility
and self-respect, your child will have the ability to see the flaws in her —Whatwere you doing atthe time?
reasoning and be able to come to the right conclusion about what to do. —We were in line forlunch.
—Well,what’s the rule aboutwaiting in line?
—You aren’tsupposed to talk.
—Then John was doing the rightthing,wasn’the?
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Helping YourChild Become a Responsible Citizen Helping YourChild Become a Responsible Citizen
Respect for Others WhatYou Can Do
★ Practice respectful ways of communicating. Show your child how to
Respect for others is based on self-respect and is summed up in the Golden
talk to others with respect.
Rule: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. It is the
value that makes the world a more decent and civilized place. ★ Help your child to resolve conflicts nonviolently. When facing a
conflict, encourage your child to do the following: (1) Find out what
People show respect in many ways. They speak and act civilly—avoiding the conflict is. For example, if your child is angry because his little
insults, cruel remarks and rude or crude language. They are courteous brother barges into his room without knocking, help him to explain
and considerate of others, including family members and friends, and care the conflict by using an “I” statement, such as “I feel angry when
about their rights, beliefs and well-being. They treat others fairly and as you come into my room without knocking.” (2) Next, suggest
individuals, regardless of race, sex, age or ethnic group. They display different ways he might resolve the conflict. He could say to his
tolerance for people who do not share their personal beliefs and likes—so brother, “I know I can’t always hear when I’m listening to music, so
long as those people do not harm others. you knock really loud five times—if I don’t answer, then open the
door.” Or, “If I don’t answer your knock, slide a note under the
Research indicates that children learn to respect others when they are door.” Or, “Let’s use our walkie talkies.” (3) Then have your child
treated with respect themselves. Constant criticism of a child, negative agree on one of the choices. (4) Finally, have him make a plan to
comments about him and failure to praise check whether the solution is working.
his achievements can lead the child to be
★ Teach your child to respect the valued traditions of your heritage.
disrespectful to others. Treating children
Talk about family customs for showing respect, for honoring elders
with respect pays large dividends both
and for helping the community. Encourage her to do these things.
to families and to societies as a whole.
—Kaylee,is thatmynewsweateryou’re wearing.
—Yeah,Mom.What’s wrong?Doesn’titlookOKwith
this skirt?
—Howitlooks on you isn’tthe point.You didn’task
me ifyou could borrowthatsweater,did you?
—No,Mom.I guess I thoughtyou wouldn’tmind.
—Well,I do mind thatyou didn’taskfirst.That’s not
veryrespectful,is it?
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Helping YourChild Become a Responsible Citizen Helping YourChild Become a Responsible Citizen
Self-respect WhatYou Can Do
★ Encourage your child to build a positive identity that focuses on her
Self-respect means taking satisfaction in appropriate behavior and hard-
integrity and talents.
won accomplishments. People with self-respect also respect others. They
do not need to disparage others or build themselves up by bragging or ★ Emphasize that character is built upon the decisions and actions a
exaggerating their abilities or talents. They do not need lots of money or person takes each day.
power to feel good about themselves.
★ Work with your child to help him reach his full potential by
encouraging him to develop his talents, set reachable goals and
People who respect themselves
honor himself as a unique person.
view selfishness, loss of self-
★ Teach your child how to choose good values. Help her reason about
discipline, recklessness,
what are worthy goals and what are proper means to reach those
cowardice and dishonesty as
goals.
wrong and unworthy of them.
They have inner strength and are
unwilling to let others use or
manipulate them. They know
that showing patience or
—Whyso down,Charlie?
tolerance does not mean
allowing others to mistreat them. —We lostthe game.
—Did you playa good game?
People with self-respect do not crumble when they fail. They accept
—Yeah,we played ourhardest.
mistakes as a part of life. As we help our children set high standards for
—There’s no shame in losing a game when you’ve
themselves, we also need to let them know that failure is no
played yourbestand the otherteam justplayed
embarrassment when they have done their best.
better.Hold yourhead high,son!
Teaching children self-respect, however, does not mean complimenting
everything they do. They also need honest criticism from time to time.
When we do criticize, we should focus on things they have done, not on
them personally.
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Helping YourChild Become a Responsible Citizen Helping YourChild Become a Responsible Citizen