ERIC ED399688: Adoption: A Lifelong Journey for Children & Families.

38 Pages·1996·1 MB·English

by  ERIC

DOCUMENT RESUME
EC 305 019
ED 399 688
McManus, Marilyn, C., Ed.
AUTHOR
Adoption: A Lifelong Journey for Children &
TITLE
Families.
Portland State Univ., OR. Research and Training
INSTITUTION
Center on Family Support and Children's Mental
Health.
National Inst. on Disability and Rehabilitation
SPONS AGENCY
Research (ED/OSERS), Washington, DC.
PUB DATE
96
NOTE
37p.
Serials (022)
Collected Works
PUB TYPE
Focal Point; v10 nl Spr 1996
JOURNAL CIT
MF01/PCO2 Plus Postage.
EDRS PRICE
*Adopted Children; *Adoption; Adoptive Parents;
DESCRIPTORS
*Attachment Behavior; Child Welfare; Confidentiality;
Disabilities; *Emotional Disturbances; Family
Relationship; Federal Legislation; Incidence;
*Intercultural Programs; Parent Attitudes; Parent
Child Relationship; Parent Role; Personal Narratives;
Placement; Transracial Adoption
Improving Americas Schools Act 1994 Section 551
IDENTIFIERS
ABSTRACT
in
Several issues surrounding adoption are addressed
others,
this journal. "Openness in Adoption," by Ruth G. McRoy and
adoption.
explores the movement away from confidentiality in
"An Adoption
"Mid-Life Reflections on Adoption" by Carol Yttri and
Journey" by Shannon Latimer detail the experiences of adults who were
Children and
adopted as children. In "Emotional Disorders in Adopted
review
Youth" (Ruth G. McRoy and Harold D. Grotevant), a research
finds that adopted children are referred for psychological treatment
study of
two to five times as frequently as their nonadopted peers. A
50 adopted and 50 non-adopted adolescents in residential treatment
influenced by a variety
centers indicated that adoption outcomes are
and
of child and parental factors, including the parent's reasons
motivation for adoption and their attitudes toward adoptive
Ramos), "The Case
parenthood. "Intercultural Adoption" (Joan D.
Against Transracial Adoption" (Leora Neal), and "The Birth of
impact of
Intercountry Adoptions" (Susan Soon Keum Cox) discuss the
adoptions between members of racial, ethnic, national origin, and
religious groups on the children and families involved. "The
Multiethnic Placement Act" by Carol Williams reviews this 1994 law.
"Parent and Child Attachment" (Margaret Redfern) examines the bonding
for
between parents and their children. "Adoption Subsides: A Boon
"My
Children" (Ann Sullivan) discusses the federal adoption subsidy.
Family: Formed by Adoption" (Stephanie Ward) is a personal narrative
Selected
by a woman who adopted a child with mental disorders.
adoption resources are also listed.
(CR)
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U S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION
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IMPOAMMIN
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rocp'itloINT
A NATIONAL BULLETIN ON. FAMILY.SUPPORT& CHILOREN'SJIENTALHEALTH
ADOPTION: A LIFELONG JOURNEY FOR CHILDREN & FAMILIES
MID-LIFE REFLECTIONS
OPENNESS IN ADOPTION
weeping changes in adop-
ON ADOPTION
....)tion practices are taking
Tt
was a recurrent dream. A large,
place in the United States and
told Victorian house with at least
other western countries. The
three stories and a cavernous base-
movement is generally away
ment in an unknown city. Its wood is
from confidentiality and se-
rich, but dark, the hallways are nar-
crecy toward more "open-
row and poorly lit. Where there were
ness" in adoption, in which
windows, they were a bit smudged so
either mediated or direct con-
that what light came through was dif-
tact occurs between the
fuse and pale. The doors to the out-
child's families by birth and
side were loose or sometimes nonex-
by adoption.
istent so that a chill wind blew
Why such changes? First,
through them. Yet, it wasn't a fright-
of the availability of abortion and the
the practice of confidentiality in adop-
ening placeno ghosts inhabited it,
decreased stigma associated with
tion was based on several assump-
no creatures menaced from its shad-
single parenting. Thus, adoption
tions: that birthmothers, once tainted
owy cornersit was simply empty.
agencies have had fewer babies to
by the stigma of illegitimacy, would
There was no furniture in it anywhere.
willingly "relinquish" their children
place.
Night after night for as long as I can
Third, growing numbers of
in order to "get on with their lives:"
remember, I walked its floors, from
adopted persons are returning to the
that adoptive parents who were infer-
basement to attic, sometimes stop-
agencies that placed them years be-
tile would be able to build a family
ping to rest or sleep fitfully usually
fore to seek information about their
through adoption just as if they had
on a seat in a bay window. Sometimes
"their own children;" and that
birthfamilies. Birthparents have been
through the window I could see
more keenly aware of the possibility
adopted children would be integrated
blurry faces going by as if I were on a
of having at least some knowledge of
into the new families with minimal
train moving through a crowded sta-
their children's well-being as they are
difficulty and live happily ever after
tion. Throughout the years two things
growing up, and they are sometimes
as if they were biological children of
have never changed: I was always cold
forming search groups in order to es-
these parents. But these assumptions
and I was always alone.
tablish links with the children they
are not accurate. Birthmothers don't
For years I made no attempt to
placed through confidential proce-
forget that they gave birth. In fact,
create meaning from this repetitive
dures. Adoptive families are contact-
many of them spend the rest of their
image. Then one night, I had a radi-
ing agencies to get information about
lives wondering how their children
cally different dream that gave mean-
birthfamilies because they cannot
are doing. Adoptive parents can't pre-
ing to the first and banished it for-
adequately answer their children's
tend that a child is their own by birth,
dreamed of a modern
ever.
I
especially if they look different or
questions.
ranch-style house with pocket doors
Consequently, agencies have
have different interests or talents. And
between the living room and a patio
found that options that include open-
adopted children cannot pretend they
enclosed by clear glass walls. I was
ness are attractive to birthparents who
had no history before the adoption.
showing a friend through the house
might place with them, and many
Where are their roots? What piece of
and had dramatically pushed open the
their identity puzzle is missing?
adoption professionals feel that open-
sturdy doors revealing a striking im-
the
ness is in the best interests of
Whom do they look like or talk like?
age that imprinted itself as I awak-
child. This change has been very con-
And why shouldn't they know their
ened. The patio was filled with famil-
troversial. Some adoption specialists
biological roots?
iar furniture, knickknacks, people
should
argue that fully open adoption
Second, the pool of babies avail-
and bright sunlight!
be standard practice for everyone and
able for adoption has shrunk because
Continued on page 6
Continued on page 3
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VONIII 10, 10.1
tat
FOCATIOINT
OPENNESS IN ADOPTION CONTINUED
PERSPECTIVES OF THE
families. As much as we wanted to
that the secrecy of confidential adop-
ADOPTIVE PARENTS.
interview birthfathers as well, this was
tion is harmful to all parties. Other
Virtually all the parents in our
typically impossible due to their un-
adoption professionals argue that
study adopted because of infertility.
availability or unknown whereabouts.
openness is experimental and poten-
Their average age was around 40,
Included in this study are 720 in-
tially harmful. The latter view holds
their average educational level was
dividuals: 190 adoptive families (in-
that confidential adoption worked
three to four years of college, and
cluding 190 mothers, 190 fathers, and
well, so why change it? Yet others take
their average family income exceeded
at least one child in 171 of the fami-
a more middle ground and advocate
$50,000 per year. Many adoptive par-
lies) and 169 birthmothers. Families
for communication, as long as it is
ents were initially reluctant to con-
were sampled across the full range of
mediated by a neutral third party.
sider an open relationship with the
openness in adoption. Sixty-two fami-
Adoption professionals, advo-
birthmother of the child they hoped
lies had confidential adoptions, in
cates, and members of support groups
would join them through adoption.
and
which no information was shared be-
individuals
adopted
of
Two major issues involve the adop-
tween birth- and adoptive parents af-
birthparents hold passionately strong
tive parents' concerns that they will
ter the adoptive placement. Sixty-nine
feelings about openness; however, al-
be unable to control the birthmother's
had mediated adoptions in which in-
most no research on this topic has
(or birthfamily's) involvement in their
formation was exchanged between
been available to guide adoption
family's life and the fear that the
birth- and adoptive families through
policy in this important area that
birthmother will try to reclaim the
an adoption agency staff member act-
touches the lives of many families.
child as her own.
ing as go-between. In 52 of the fami-
We found that the overwhelming
lies, this contact was continuing, and
OUR STUDY
majority of adoptive parents across all
in 17 families it had stopped by the
Wanting to contribute research
levels of openness indicated satisfac-
data on which recommendations
time we interviewed them. Finally, 59
tion with their ability to control the
of our families had fully disclosed
could be made, we developed a study
birthmother's involvement in their
adoptions, in which information was
to examine openness in adoption
family's life. There were a number of
shared directly between birthparents
from the points of view of adoptive
parents who were dissatisfied in this
and adoptive parents, typically in-
parents, adopted children, birth par-
regard, however andin almost ev-
cluding face-to-face meetings and
ents, and adoption agencies. We were
ery instancethe problem was that
telephone calls.
able to carry out the study with the
the adoptive parent wanted more con-
Almost two-thirds of the fully dis-
assistance of funding from the Hogg
tact with the birthparent rather than
closed adoptions did not start that
Foundation for Mental Health, the
less contact. In these instances, the
way Although they began as mediated
federal Office of Population Affairs,
adoptive mother or father typically
or confidential adoptions, trust and
the National Institute of Child Health
felt that the lack of contact was ei-
mutual respect were gradually estab-
and Human Development, the Min-
ther a unilateral decision by the
lished between adoptive parents and
nesota Agricultural Experiment Sta-
birthparent or sometimes an agency
the birthmothers until mutual deci-
tion, and the University Research In-
decision or policy
sions were made to share full identi-
stitute of The University of Texas at
There were a number of reasons
fying information.
Austin.
Adoptive families and birth moth-
ers were recruited for our study
',EDITOR'S NOTE
through 35 adoption agencies located
across the United States. We sought
'There are an estimated five million adoptees in the United States. Ap-
families in which: (1) there was at
1 proximately forty million individuals in this country have been touched
by adoptioneither as adoptees, adoptive parents, or birthparents whose
least one adopted child between ages
4 and 12 at the time of the interview
children have been placed in adoptive homes. The institution of adoption
who was adopted through an agency
is as old as humankind. Adoptive placements into loving homes are the
best possible permanency planning outcome for children who cannot, for
prior to age one; (2) the adoption was
death, poor
not transracial, international, or "spe-
a variety of reasons (such as unplanned pregnancy, poverty,
cial needs"; and (3) the adoptive par-
parenting skills), be raised by their birthparents. Adoption is an ever-present
ents were married to the partner they
overlay to family life. It has lifelong effects upon all members of the "adop-
had at the time of the adoption.
tion triad" (child, adoptive parents, birthparents) as well as upon siblings
We simultaneously
sought
and extended family members. In this issue of Focal Point, we explore the
birthmothers who made adoption
impact of adoption upon adoptees and their adoptive families.
plans for children placed with these
0
SP111116 1996
Foct4toiu
sic information, such as the age of the
why adoptive parents wanted more
birthmother at the time of the birth.
contact and felt unable to bring it
This finding is not surprising in light
about. Sometimes parents adopted a
of the fact that some of the children
child through the confidential pro-
were unaware of the contact and shar-
cess, but later adopted another child
ing, and some were too young to un-
with more openness and then wanted
derstand the situation clearly. How-
to open up the earlier adoption so that
ever, virtually all of the children, no
the older child would have contact
.
matter what type of adoption they
with his or her own birthparent(s),
had, wanted to know more about their
as well. In other cases, the adoptive
birthparents. The following quotes
parents wanted more contact at a time
I
illustrate their desire for information:
in life when the birthmother felt the
"1 felt fine about asking. I just
need to have less. Perhaps she was
asked and my dad told me. I guess I
were based on the actual birthparents'
marrying someone who did not favor
got curious about it 'cause I'm here,
life circumstances.
ongoing contact with the family that
who did it and who was I? And my
The reasons for not having fear
adopted her child, or perhaps she
dad says like I kept on asking my
were also very different across levels
moved away because of a career op-
neighbors and teachers like 'was it
of openness. Families with confiden-
portunity or a new relationship.
you?' but it was none of them. And I
tial and mediated adoptions cited the
The general picture that emerged,
asked questions like 'what is the color
degree of openness selected and their
however, was one in which adoptive
of her hair?" (10-year-old girl, fully
control over information shared as
parents expressed satisfaction with
disclosed adoption).
their primary reasons for having no
the way that the degree of openness
"Sometimes I make my tummy so
fear. The legal and social barriers in-
was working in their family. For fami-
upset that I throw up. I'm worried
herent in their types of adoption pro-
lies with more open adoptions. the
[that] my birthmom might not have
tected them from the realities of re-
concern that openness would lead to
a husband." (6-year-old girl, mediated
claiming. However, parents in fully
unwanted intrusion seems ground-
adoption).
disclosed adoptions cited impressions
less.
"If they're dead or if they're
about their children's birthparents,
Adoptive parents did discuss an-
alive." (6-year-old boy, confidential
the actual birthparents' life circum-
other type of fear, however; the fear
adoption).
stances, and statements made by the
that the birthmother might try to re-
I
Children with less information
children's birthparents most fre-
claim the child born to her. In con-
about birthparents tended to wonder
quently as reasons for not having fear
trast to the predictions by opponents
most about their health, well-being,
of reclaiming. They often spoke of
of openness, the lowest degrees of fear
and what they looked like. Children
birthparents who specifically stated
of reclaiming were in the ongoing
with more information or contact
that they would never try to take a
fully disclosed adoptions. In fact.
tended to wonder most about when
child from his or her adoptive parents.
77.2% of adoptive mothers and 82.5%
they would see the birthparents again,
of adoptive fathers in fully disclosed
about birthsiblings they had not met,
PERSPECTIVES OF THE CHILDREN.
adoptions indicated "no fear" of re-
and what the birthparents have been
How do the children themselves
claiming.
from
doing since they last heard from them.
information
about
feel
The reasons for having fear of re-
I
Most of the children currently
their
knowing
birthparents,
claiming differ strikingly as a func-
desired some information about their
birthparents, or not having any con-
tion of whether the adoptive parents
birthparents. However, some of the
nection with them? In order to un-
have a personal relationship with the
adoptive parents had not yet shared
derstand the child's point of view, the
birthmother. In confidential and me-
information received from the
90 male and 81 female children from
diated adoptions, the most frequently
birthmothers. In these situations,
the adoptive families were asked to
cited reason for fear of reclaiming was
adoptive parents must consider a
participate in the study as well. Fifty-
parents'
about
stereotypes
gradual revelation of the information
families
seven of the children were in
birthparents developed from general-
in stages determined by the age, de-
that had confidential adoptions, 59
ized experiences and knowledge. The
velopmental level, and receptiveness
were in families with mediated adop-
second most frequent reason for fear
of the child.
tions, and 55 were in families with
in confidential adoption was other
Young children seem to derive
fully disclosed adoptions.
people's experiences with adoption
benefit from contact with their
In their interviews, 22 of the chil-
including "horror stories," media por-
the
birthparents,
reaffirming
dren in mediated adoptions and 3 in
trayals, and widely publicized court
birthparents' love and providing op-
fully disclosed adoptions indicated
cases. In the very few ongoing fully
portunities to explain the circum-
that they either had no information
disclosed adoptions showing dny evi-
stances that led to the adoption plan.
about their birthparents or only ba-
dence of fear, however, these concerns
6
101111A10.1111.1
For example, as one eight-year-old
is impossible to predict the needs of
the parties (e.g., flexibility, tolerance
if my
child
stated:
asked
"I
any one child regarding openness, it
for ambiguity), knowledge of agency
birthmother still loved me and my
is likely that most children desire in-
practices, availability of options, and
mom goes, 'Of course she does.' My
formation about their birthparents,
agency pre-adoption counseling.
mom says she does and I believe her,
possible birthsiblings, and their ge-
Third, since many of the fully dis-
'cause every time my birthmother
netic heritage. It is important to take
closed adoptions evolved gradually
comes up to see us, she's always hug-
cues from the childare questions
over time, our findings may not be
ging me and stuff."
begin asked? If not, discussions
applicable to adoptions that begin
Also, birthparents may gradually
should be initiated and information
completely openly without a period
reduce contact as they begin to marry
offeredproviding an opportunity
of relationship building or without
and parent children or as they become
for the child to give feedback about
adoption agency personnel to assist
assured that the aaopted children are
readiness to hear information or meet
in the preparation process. Finally,
safe and well. Some of the children in
birthparents. It is important to be sen-
our sample only included two-parent
this study spoke about this kind of
sitive to the children and let them
families who adopted same-race in-
decrease in contact or their perceived
fants through private adoption
provide their input when adoptive
lack of contact:
agencies. Any generalizations be-
parents are making decisions for what
"Couldn't we just stop talking
is age-appropriate inclusion in the
yond a similar group must be made
about my birthmother? It's making
openness.
with caution.
me sad. Because she used to live real
Our many discussions with
near us and now she doesn't, and I'd
birthmothers, adoptive parents,
SELECTED ADOPTION RESOURCES
like to see her....The only things that
adopted children, and agency profes-
bother me about Sara [birthmother[
sionals have shown us that openness
Adoptive FamilieS of AMeriCa
is I never get to see her." (7-year-
in adoption is an ongoing process
3333 Highway 100 North
old girl, ongoing fully disclosed
rather than a final state. Relationships
Minneapolis, Minnesota 55422
adoption).
that work the best seem to be those
[phone] (voice)
Clearly, if contact has begun be-
that can evolve mutually over time.
(612) 535 -7808 (fax)
tween an adopted child and a
Initially, the)., appear to fall well
birthparent and circumstances arise
National Adoption Center
within the participants' limits of ac-
that necessitate reducing the contact,
1500 Walnut Street; Suite 701
ceptability, and the relationship pro-
Philadelphia, Perinsilvania 19102
it becomes important for birth and
cess toward greater openness is inter-
(800) TO-ADOPT (voice)
adoptive parents to consider implica-
actively determined by all those
(215) 7354410 (fax)
tions for the child and to develop al-
involved.
ternatives that help maintain the con-
Perfect harmony in the evolving
National AdoptiOn Information
tact over time.
Clearinghouse
relationship might only be seen in the
5640:Nicholson Lane, Suite 300
ideal world, however. Our data sug-
GENERAL DISCUSSION AND
Rockville, Maryland 20852
gest that what may be "best" for one
(301) .2316512:(voice)
CONCLUSIONS.
party in the adoption triad at a given
(301) 984.852 (fax)
The face of adoption in the United
time may not be "best" for other par-.
States has changed dramatically in the
ties. Furthermore, parties' needs for
North American Council
last decade and will likely continue
greater or lesser openness may change
on Adoptable Children
to do so. Changes in societal attitudes
over time and not always in syn-
970 Raymond Avenue, Suite 106
about sexuality and parenting, the
chrony with other triad members.
St.: Paul; Minnesota 55114-1149
supply and demand for babies, and
[phone] jvciice)
Readers should be aware that this
experience with "new" forms of adop-
[phone] (fax)
study, just as all research studies in
tion suggest that American adoptions
the social sciences, has limitations.
National CoUncil for Adoption, Inc.
will continue to become more open
Participants were all volunteers, so
1930 17th Street; N.WH
in the future. This means that parents,
they may not be representative of all
Washington, D. C: 20009-
educators, adoption workers, mental
families who have adopted children
[phone] (voice)
health professionals, and the public
nor of all women who have made
(202) 332=0935 (fax)
at large will need to be better in-
adoption plans for their infants. Sec-
,
-
National Resource tenter for
formed about such family arrange-
ond, it is impossible to make causal
Special Needs Adoption
ments in order to be responsive to the
statements about the "effects" of dif-
Spaulding for children
needs of all triad members and re-
ferent levels of openness, because
16250 Northlandpriire; SUite 120
spectful of their experiences.
there were many factors that contrib-
Sonthville, Michigan 48075
Every adopted child will have a
uted to birthmothers' and adoptive
(810) 443- 7080:-Svoice)
unique set of feelings and reactions
families" decisions about openness
.(810) 44377099, (fax)
to his or her own adoption. While it
levels. These included personalities of
VCR 1016
FRAM
MID-LIFE REFLECTIONS ON ADOPTION
LOOKING TO THE FUTURE.
The participants in our study were
CONTINUED FROM PAGE ONE
interviewed between 1987 and 1992,
of nurture over nature and concretely
How did my first house come to
when the children were between the
by placing infants in foster homes for
be so empty? By what process did the
ages of four and twelve. We plan to
at least six months so that develop-
second one become filled? The image
re-contact all our participants in or-
ment could be carefully observed and
of emptiness or a void is common to
der to check in on their lives and ex-
measured. In the words of my adop-
adult adoptees, even those who are
periences once again as the children
tion records I "would need to be six
considered well-adjusted and success-
reach adolescence. What changes will
months of age so that the agency
ful. One would think that this image
have occurred in the level of open-
was] an appro-
could determine if
would be least likely to occur in those
ness in the family's adoption, if any?
priate child for adoption." They
adoptees who, like me, were born in
How does a personal relationship
needed to "determine that [I was] free
the year the Good War (Terkel, 1984)
with one's family of birth influence
of any mental or physical problems
ended or soon after (the Baby
the adopted child's struggle with the
that would prevent placement with an
Boomers) for we are the legacy of a
identity questions that face all ado-
adoptive family...since [they] only
unique era in the history of adop-
lescents? What kinds of social sup-
had half of [my] medical and genetic
tionan era that combined the pre-
ports have been most helpful to our
history." And that was not promising.
cepts of the pre-war eugenics move-
participants over the years? What ser-
Not only had my birthmother
of
ment with societal acceptance
vices do they wish they could have
been unable or unwilling to name my
stranger adoptions as a desirable way
had? The rapid change in attitudes
birthfather, but she was labeled by the
to create a family.
toward adoption and social policy in
intake social worker as "promiscuous,
If the Depression era promise of
our country makes it critically impor-
not too bright, with a speech and at-
prosperity was "a chicken in every pot
tant for us to continue learning from
titude suggesting little culture and
and a car in every garage," the post-
the experiences of the parties in-
advantage in life." It was only after a
World War II equivalent was "a wife
volved in these forms of adoption.
psychologist had seen me at the age
in every house and a child in every
of six months and pronounced me
family." Rosie the Riveter had been
Center for Social Work
RUTH G. McROY, PH.D..
developing "at a somewhat advanced
forced out of the factory and back into
Research, University of Texas at Austin,
rate" and "very attractive with large
her domestic role, the nuclear family
1925 San Jacinto, Austin, Texas 78712-
blue eyes" that the agency began to
had become the accepted standard,
1703, [phone], [phone]
actively seek termination of my
and children were the electrons (if I
(fax);
birthmothees parental rights. Notice
bound
may use a dated image) that
D.
HAROLD
I did not say, seek an adoptive family.
the unit into a cohesive, functioning
GROTEVANT, PH.D..
My adoptive parents knew about me
system. It was into this post-war so-
Family Social Sci-
from the time I was born. Finally, the
cial milieu that healthy infants like me
ence, College of
day before my first birthday, my
were brokered by the agents of public
Human Ecology,
birthmother succumbed to relentless
morality who decreed that every mari-
University of Min-
agency pressure and consigned me to
tal dyad should have a child of its own.
nesota,
290
As one author, Reid, put it,
the void.
McNeal Hall, 1985
Harold Grotevant
I have often thought of her in the
"Agencies...attempted to convince the
Buford Avenue, St.
years since I bought the non-identi-
public that they could guarantee them
Paul, Minnesota 55108, (612) 624-
fying social information to which I
a perfect child; that by coming to an
3756 (voice), [phone] (fax), e-
was now as an adult reluctantlybut
agency, adoptive parents could be sure
mail:[email protected]. umn.edu;
legallyentitled. What must it have
that the child was without physical,
Center for
SUSAN AYERS-LOPEZ, M.ED..
been like to never be able to see me,
emotional or mental defect...and
Social Work Research, University of
or hold me, to have to deal with so-
adopting a child was a far less risky
Texas at Austin, [phone]
cial workers who labeled her, to suf-
procedure than having one normally"
(voice), [phone] (fax). Ex-
fer the shame as well as the pain of
What a strange paradox, given that
cerpted with permission from Chang-
my birth all so that the post-war de-
most of us came from birthmothers
ing Practices in Adoption, Hogg Foun-
mand for children could be assuaged.
who were considered immoral tramps
dation for Mental Health 1994, The
But I feel no less for my adoptive par-
and birthfathers who were deemed so
University of Texas, Austin, Texas
ents who not only were caught in the
irrelevant that until 1972 they had no
78713-7998.
social mores of the time but, who
legal rights to their children. Stanley
Note: Space limitations do not allow
Editor's
were also, as I later came to know,
v. Illinois, 405 U.S. 645 (1972).
inclusion of birthparents' and agencies' perspec-
excellent parents who suffered also in
Agencies dealt with the dilemma
tives on the topic of open adoption. These per-
the hands of the all-powerful givers
inherent in this position by embrac-
spectives are included in the Hogg Foundation
monograph which is available through the above
of babies, more powerful than God in
ing an exaggerated belief in the power
address.
0
7
YOLIMI Ill. 80.1
FOCIAINT
In what I
their ability to give or withhold chil-
adults (adoptees) to freely associate
dren. My parents often talked about
have come to
with
whomever
they
choose
their increasing anxiety as my
view as one of
(birthparents)? Certainly American
birthmother dragged her feet with the
the
cruelest
slavery laws had such an intent and
acts of emo-
relinquishment while they grew older
effect. Adoption and slavery laws
(almost fortythe cut-off point in
tional depriva-
share a remarkable feature: both
those days), and their outright fear
tion that could
adoptees and slaves are or were bound
that the agency would renege on its
have ever been
by contracts to which they were not
commitment to them and give me to
committed by
parties.
someone else.
"well-mean-
A few weeks ago I realized in a
But that didn't happen and, at the
ing" authori-
graphic way just how successful the
age of thirteen ftionths, I went home
ties against an
lie had been. I was with a group of
to a set of earnest parents, a flock of
infant, the blue teddy bear given
to
friends who were going around the
doting aunts and uncles, and a blank
me by my birthmother on my first
circle telling three-year-old Olivia (an
slate. In keeping with the norm of the
Christmas was not with me on the day
adopted child) whose "tummy" each
time, my parents were told virtually
of ,my adoption. In fact, I
came into
person had come out of. Olivia had
nothing about my background. As
my adoptive family with nothing at
started the game by saying she had
Ann Hartman, in her chapter "Secrecy
allno teddy bear, no clothes (the
come out of her birthmother Maria's
in Adoption" in the book Secrets in
ones I was wearing had to be returned
tummy. When my turn came, I was
Families and Family Therapy, writes
to the agency), and no history. And
speechless. I literally could not think
" (Al nything that makes adoption dif-
so began the building of the empty
of what to say even though I know
ferent must be denied or minimized."
house.
my birthmother's name. The game
This "rejection of difference"
was per-
I wonder, what was it like for
went on and then came back to me. I
vasive in the adoption industry of
adoptive parents to have a thirteen-
managed to blurt out, "I came out of
thirty to fifty years ago. The most ef-
month-old child thrust into their
's [my birthmother] tummy."
fective way to accomplish this was to
arms with nothing but a name and to
But the wordswhen I heard them
break completely and irrevocably the
now have to play out the fiction that
sounded like the lines of a play writ-
bond between birth family and adop-
they instantly had a baby exactly like
ten in a language that I didn't under-
tive family (done legally) and to tell
a biological family? It says so right on
stand. They had no meaning,
no
the adoptive parents as little
as pos-
my birth certificate. In the words of
emotion, no sense of attachment.
sible about the adopted child's bio-
the State Registrar of the Bureau of
And, unfortunately, no piece of
logical history or past life. I would
Vital Statistics: "We are now required
paper can dictate attachment. Judith
guess that at the point that I was fi-
to file an entirely new record of birth
Modell in Kinship with Strangers de-
nally handed. over to my parents all
for your daughter...indicating
you...as
scribes the intricate system and
pre-
they wanted to do was "get out of
the natural parents. We shall be
cedents that have. evolved
over the
Dodge"get out of that agency and
pleased to do this."
years in American adoption law with
out of that town as quickly as pos-
For $1.50 the state was happy to
every case up until the 1970's focus-
sibleno questions asked.
provide a certified lie. I remember the
ing on reproducing a family system
We all wept the night I read
my
first time I saw my birth certificate. I
parents the three-page summary of
wondered what else on it was false. I
141
social information I had bought from
wondered what else about my life
was
the adoption agency in 1989. My
a lie. Perhaps that was the origin for
ANNUAL BUILDING ON: FAMILY
mother kept shaking her head
as I
the pervasive feeling I had through-
-STRENGTHS CONFERENCE
read and saying over and over again,
out my growing up years that my ev-
11A y:8-110; 1997
"We were told none of this. We had
-Hitiori
eryday life was a dream from which I
no idea what your first year of life was
would one day awaken and find
-FI3OirnA.Nai OREGON
my-
like." They were not given the poi-
self to be someone else.
-For Additional Information:
gnant letter found in those records,
What could I really believe if
even
Kaye Exo,.M.S.W.,
written to them by my last foster
the most basic legal document
every-
Conference:COordinatcir
mother, whom the record describes
.
'Ipteaearc1i and Training Center
one possesses was a lie? And now 1
.
as very attached to me. She describes on F,amily,Suppor & Children's
wonder whether there
.
are other pre-
Menial1.14W
my favorite foods, my words and ges-
cedents in American law for certify-
.
tures, my love of music, my daily rou-
ing a document as the truth that is
tines and closes with: "My only plea
known to be false. Are there other
sets
please let her retire with her blue
:-"TPD: (503) 725 -4165
of laws (like adoption statutes) that
Fax: [phone]
teddy bear for the time being. Thank
allow states to forever abridge and
E- Mail:[email protected]
you and God bless you."
abrogate the rights of one group of
0
8
1/111161991
FOCIAINT
dicting successful adoption.
did not want a reunion and I am hon-
that looked like a blood relationship.
My adoptive parents began the
oring her choice to remain hidden
Numerous books on adoption empha-
process of helping build a furnished
sized the social worker's role in
from me. But I know that she is alive
house when they first shared what
and well and that my brother and I
matching the birthmother's hair and
little they knew (including my
have four half-brothers and sisters,
eye color, education, national origin
birthmother's name), when they ac-
and that was enough to start the pro-
and religion to the adoptive parents
knowledged that their Scandinavian
particularly to the adoptive mother.
cess of filling a house.
fascination with their ancestors had
I believe that there was a particu-
Somehow, if those differences were
no meaning for me, when they re-
lar defining moment when the pro-
minimized, then environment and
fused to get defensive throughout my
cess of filling a house began. The
nurture would take over to produce
teenage identity-crisis years, when
woman doing my search called one
a child whose temperament fit the
they cried with the happiness of
day to say, "I think I've found her."
family, who was indistinguishable
knowing something of my first year
We had had one false start despite the
from the natural-born children of the
of life and when the more different I
fact that my birthmother's name was
extended family, and who felt right at
became as an adult the more they con-
quite unusual. "Shall 1 go the next
home. In my case, this primitive at-
tinued to love and accept me.
step? Are you ready?" I said, "Yes,"
tempt at quasi-genetic matching was
Two of my closest friends (one, my
hung up the phone and waited.
at least partially botched. I ended up
former partner) helped me continue
About a half hour later she called
with a fiery temper and sharp tongue
the process by finding the search
back and said, "I had the most un-
in a family of Lake Wobegon Norwe-
worker for me, by listening patiently
gians, dark hair in a pack of blond
canny experience after I talked to you.
and endlessly to my inner struggles
cousins, and an all-encompassing
I called the number and this woman
as my adult self continued to be
answered and I almost hung up be-
feeling of being different that goes
shaped by new information and
cause I though I had accidentally
back so far in my memory as to be
thenin a joyous act of lovegave
said, "She
called you again."
preverbal.
I
me a new blue teddy bear just as I Was
sounded like me, didn't she?" "Yes,"
Soon after receiving the non-iden-
about to embark on a year-long soli-
tifying social information six years
the searcher replied, "exactly." "That
tary sabbatical away from everything
doesn't surprise me," I said, "I have
ago, I hired an adoption social worker
and everyone I knew.
always believed that 1 would know my
gone bad to .find my birthmother. I
And, finally, I think the acceptance
was 45 years old. I believed my
mother by her voice." At that instant
of difference took a curious twist and
an overwhelming sense of connection
birthmother was about 62 years old.
came back to the face of my daughter
washed over me, and I knew that I
Not old yet, but entering that age
whereon my first glimpse of her
when something could carry her off
had a family and a history.
I embraced a likeness to myself, to my
I'm over 50 years old now, healthy,
before I found her. Like most adoptees
birthparents and to my history. Thus,
with good parental relationships, I
well-educated, and modestly success-
it is now, in mid-life, that the strange,
had thought I would wait until my
ful at what I do. I have a daughter to
empty house has been transcended by
whom I am fiercely attached, a
adoptive parents died before embark-
the everyday familiarity of my life and
brother with whom I share not only
ing on my pilgrimage of genetic dis-
I am at peace.
genetic endowment but an almost
covery. But three things had changed
uncanny psychic affinity, friends to
CAROL YTTRI
my mind. First, my parents had al-
whom I am close, a collection of
ways been honest with me and my
REFERENCES
foundling animals whom I adore, and
adopted brother (who is genetically
Hartman, A. (1993). Secrecy in adoption..
a calm acceptance of who I am.
my half-brother) and some years be-
In E. Imber-Black (Ed.) Secrets in
So who gets the credit? My
fore had told us our birthmother's
Families and Family Therapy (pp. 86-
105). New York: Norton.
birthparents whoin spite of society's
name which they had surreptitiously
Kirk, D. (1964). Shared fate: A theory of
censuregave me a stalwart genetic
noticed on adoption paperwork. Sec-
adoption and mental health. New York:
start? The adoption agency workers
ond, they were healthy 80-somethings
Free Press.
likely to be around for many more
who selected so skillfully? (Like Dave
Modell, J.S. (1994). Kinship with strangers:
Thomas of the Wendy's restaurant
years. And, third, I had been fortu-
Adoption and interpretations of kinship
chain. I probably could be another
nate to have them in my life long
Berkeley:
culture.
American
in
poster child for the industry.) My
University of California Press.
enough to have made peace with our
Reid, J. (1963). Principles, values and
adoptive parents who reared me and
differences. Thus, I no longer feared
assumptions underlying adoption
their reaction if I told them what I had
loved me?
practice. In E. Smith (Ed.) Readings in
In the end I think it comes down
done; nor did I feel the need to pro-
adoption (pp. 24-30). New York: Child
to what David Kirk said thirty years
tect them any longer from whomever
Welfare League.
I
of Adop-
1 might turn out to be.
ago in Shared Fate: A Theory
Terkel, S. (1984). The "Good War": An oral
As it stands now, I have no great
history of World War II. New York:
tion and Mental Health: acceptance of
Pantheon Books.
difference is the major variable in pre-
reunion story to tell. My birthmother
0
9
VOLUME 10.40.1
fOCOOINT
EMOTIONAL DISORDERS IN ADOPTED CHILDREN AND YOUTH
choice to place. They may fear that
sychological risks associated with
P
their adoptive parents will reject them
adoption have been the subject of
and feel depression, anger and guilt
numerous studies over the past sev-
associated with the loss of their
eral decades. Although it is estimated
birthparents (Berman and Bufferd,
that about 2% of the child population
1986). As adopted children reach ado-
under 18 in the United States have
lescence, they seek an integrated iden-
been adopted by non-relatives, about
tity and may find that their lack of
10-15% of children in residential
treatment facilities are adopted
information about their birthparents,
their heritage and reasons for relin-
(Brodzinsky, 1993). According to the
quishment leads them to grieve for
research literature, adopted children
these lost relationships and loss of
are referred for psychological treat-
important information which may
ment two to five times as frequently
help them to develop a stable ego
as their nonadopted peers. This find-
identity (McRoy et al., 1988). Studies
ing has been replicated in countries
of the etiology of emotional disorders
as widely dispersed as Great Britain,
in adopted adolescents have typically
Israel, Poland, Sweden and the United
focused on clinical populations of
States (Grotevant & Mc Roy, 1990;
ing behaviors, such as aggressive, pro-
children in traditional confidential
Mc Roy, Grotevant, and Zurcher,
vocative, and anti-social behaviors
adoptions in which very littleif
(Eiduson 6z Livermore, 1953;
1988). These studies have typically
anyinformation was available to
Schechter, Carolson, Simmons &
included populations of children who
adoptive parents or to adopted chil-
were adopted as infants and placed
Work, 1964; Menlove, 1965; Simon
dren about their birthparents. This
and Senturia, 1966; Goodman and
with childless couples.
article presents a brief synopsis of the
Magno-Nora, 1975; Jackson, 1968;
Wilson (1985) and Warren (1992)
findings and implications of the au-
Offord, Aponte, & Cross, 1969;
have suggested that the higher inci-
thors' research on familial and con-
Brinich, 1980). Some studies have
dence of referrals for adopted children
textual factors associated with the
to mental health settings, may result
shown higher instances of borderline
placement of adopted children in resi-
personality (Schechter et al.; Simon
from several factors including: (1) the
dential treatment settings.
greater likelihood that adoptive par-
and Senturia, 1962), eating disorders
Research Design. In the mid-80's,
ents will attribute even somewhat
(Holden, 1991), substance abuse
the authors' initiated a comparative
(Bowman and von Knorring, 1979;
minor problems to the child's adop-
study of a population of adopted and
tion or to unknown hereditary fac-
and Hoden, 1991), learning disabili-
non-adopted adolescents in residen-
ties (Silver, 1970 &1989) and atten-
tors; (2) the adoptive family may feel
tial treatment settings in order to iden-
tion deficit hyperactivity disorder
unduly vulnerable to rejection by the
tify familial and other contextual fac-
(Dickson, Heffron, and Parker, 1990;
adopted child which may lead to mal-
tors associated with the placement of
Deutsch, Swanson, Bruehll, et al.,
adaptive reactive defenses by parents
adopted children in residential treat-
and child; (3) the social stigma asso-
1982), than non-adopted children in
ment for emotional disorders. Fifty
ciated with adoption may influence
clinical settings.
adopted adolescents in residential
some families to seek help if family
Research literature suggests that
treatment and their families as well
the greatest psychological risk for
integrity is threatened due to prob-
as fifty non-adopted adolescents and
adopted children occurs during the
lems of their adopted child; (4) adop-
their families participated in the study.
middle childhood and adolescent
tive parents may be more accustomed
All participants were associated with
to seeking help from social service
years. It is at this stage that the child
14 residential treatment centers lo-
agencies and may be more likely to
is cognitively capable of fully consid-
cated in Texas and Minnesota and had
ering the meaning of adoption and
seek help than non-adoptive parents;
been adopted before the age of two
and (5) adoptive parents tend to be
reasons for their birthparents' deci-
and were between the ages of 11 and
more economically advantaged than
sion to relinquish them (Brodzinsky,
18 at the time of the study. Interviews
Singer and Braff, 1984; Brodzinsky,
the general population and may there-
were conducted with adoptive fathers,
fore be more likely to seek mental
1990; McRoy, Grotevant, Ayers-
adoptive mothers, adopted adoles-
health services for their children.
Lopez, and Furuta, 1990; Brodzinsky,
cents and the caseworker or therapist
Regardless of the reasons for the
1993). Between the ages of eight and
for each child and family. The adop-
eleven, adopted children are able to
high incidence of referrals, studies of
tive sample consisted of twenty-six
adopted children in clinical settings
reflect on the alternatives to relin-
males and twenty-four females rang-
quishment and may express anger
have reported that adopted chirdren
ing in age from 11-17 (mean age =
that their birthparents made the
are more likely to exhibit extenializ-
n
SPRIIG 1998