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Effective difficult conversations: a step-by-step guide PDF

129 Pages·2017·7.163 MB·English
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EFFECTIVE DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS ALA Editions purchases fund advocacy, awareness, and accreditation programs for library professionals worldwide. effective difficult conversations A Step-by-Step Guide catherine b. soehner and ann darling An imprint of the American Library Association Chicago 2017 catherine b. soehner is the associate dean for research and user services at the J. Willard Marriott Library at the University of Utah. She received her master of li- brary science degree from Indiana University and has held leadership positions in libraries since 1998. ann darling is the assistant vice president of undergraduate studies, and an as- sociate professor in the Communication Department at the University of Utah. She has a master’s degree (University of New Mexico) and a PhD in communication (University of Washington) and has been in leadership positions in higher education since 1996. catherine and ann have provided presentations on “effective difficult conver- sations” as part of the University of Utah Leadership Development Program since March 2013. The success of their presentation broadened their reach across campus and they began providing the same presentation for the Health Sciences Leadership Development Program for a total of four presentations each year. © 2017 by the American Library Association Extensive effort has gone into ensuring the reliability of the information in this book; however, the publisher makes no warranty, express or implied, with respect to the material contained herein. ISBNs 978-0-8389-1495-3 (paper) 978-0-8389-1526-4 (PDF) 978-0-8389-1527-1 (ePub) 978-0-8389-1528-8 (Kindle) Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Control Number: 2016038069 Book design by Alejandra Diaz. Images © Shutterstock, Inc. This paper meets the requirements of ANSI/NISO Z39.48–1992 (Permanence of Paper). Printed in the United States of America 21 20 19 18 17   5 4 3 2 1 To anyone who patiently listened while I talked about writing this book, especially my husband, my number-one fan, whose constant support allowed me to find the time and perseverance to write this book. ~catherine To all our workshop participants over the years who helped us refine our thoughts and hear new questions. ~ann CONTENTS Acknowledgments, ix Introduction, xi CHAPTER ONE Difficult Conversations Defined / 1 CHAPTER TWO Getting Clear / 9 CHAPTER THREE Gathering Resources / 21 CHAPTER FOUR Clarifying the Message / 27 CHAPTER FIVE During the Conversation / 33 CHAPTER SIX You’re Not Finished until You Write It Up / 57 CHAPTER SEVEN Keep up the Good Work / 69 CHAPTER EIGHT Coworkers / 73 CHAPTER NINE A Brief Note about Change Management / 85 CHAPTER TEN Managing Up—How to Have Difficult Conversations with Your Boss / 97 Conclusion, 101 References, 103 Index, 105 vii ACKNOWLEDGMENTS I WOULD LIKE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE INFLUENCE AND ASSISTANCE OF a few people who helped with the shaping of many of the ideas in this book. When I took on my first leadership role as the head of the Science and Engineering Library at the University of California, Santa Cruz, I had the good fortune to work with Kate McGirr, who was the assistant university librarian for administrative services at that time. After I took on this new role, she met with me weekly to discuss every personnel issue I encountered and gave me the beginning skills I needed to hold difficult conversations. Upon my arrival at the University of Utah I met Julianne Hinz, whose job I was taking over as she made plans for her retirement. Juli introduced me to several books on organizational psychology and appreciative inquiry and became a source of support during my first five years at this new institu- tion. I also had the great fortune to meet Melanie Hawks, the organizational development manager at the J. Willard Marriott Library, who in addition to encouraging me to write this book, introduced me to the writings of Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen, Barry Oshry, and several others. These books have broadened my understanding of human nature and communication. Of course, this book would not have happened without meeting my col- league and coauthor, Ann Darling. Our combined approaches are the backbone of all the steps in this book and reflect our different experiences and perspec- tives, which serve to balance the approaches we recommend. I have deep respect for her insights and judgment and have learned a lot from her as we worked together on this project over the past four years. Finally, I am deeply grateful to my husband, who patiently read and reread many drafts of this book, offering a valuable outsider’s perspective and feedback. His detail-oriented mind encouraged me to write better descriptions and examples to illustrate the concepts. I am grateful for these influences on my life and career, without which this book would not have been possible. ~catherine ix

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