Don't Sweat the Small Stuff--and it's all small stuff (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff Series)

94 Pages·1997·0.42 MB·English

by  Richard Carlson

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff ... and it's all small stuff [035 5.0]

by Richard Carlson, PhD.

Synopsis:

Simple ways to keep little things from taking over your life

Hyperion Books

Copyright 1997

ISBN 0-7868-8185-2

I dedicate this book to my daughters, Jazzy and Kenna, who remind me
every day how important it is to remember not to "sweat the small
stuff." I love you both so much. Thank you for being just the way you
are.

Acknowledgments

I would like to acknowledge the following people for assisting me in the
creation of this book: Patti Breitman for her enthusiasm and
encouragement surrounding this book and for her dedication and wisdom in
not sweating the small stuff. And Leslie Wells for her vision and for
her insightful editorial skill. Thank you both very much.

Contents

Introduction

1. Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

2. Make Peace with Imperfection

3. Let Go of the Idea that Gentle, Relaxed People Can't be
Superachievers

4. Be Aware of the Snowball Effect of Your Thinking

5. Develop Your Compassion

6. Remind Yourself that When You Die, Your "In Basket" Won't Be Empty

7. Don't Interrupt Others or Finish Their Sentences

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

8. Do Something Nice for Someone Else - and Don't Tell Anyone About It

9. Let Others Have the Glory

10. Learn to Live in the Present Moment

11. Imagine that Everyone Is Enlightened Except You

12. Let Others Be "Right" Most of the Time

13. Become More Patient

14. Create "Patience Practice Periods"

15. Be the First One to Act Loving or Reach Out

16. Ask Yourself the Question, "Will This Matter a Year from Now?"

17. Surrender to the Fact that Life Isn't Fair

18. Allow Yourself to Be Bored

19. Lower Your Tolerance to Stress

20. Once a Week, Write a Heartfelt Letter

21. Imagine Yourself at Your Own Funeral

22. Repeat to Yourself, "Life Isn't an Emergency"

23. Experiment with Your Back Burner

24. Spend a Moment Every Day Thinking of Someone to Thank

25. Smile at Strangers, Look into Their Eyes, and Say Hello

26. Set Aside Quiet Time, Every Day

27. Imagine the People in Your Life as Tiny Infants and
One-Hundred-Year-Old Adults

28. Seek First to Understand

29. Become a Better Listener

30. Choose Your Battles Wisely

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

31. Become Aware of Your Moods and Don't Allow Yourself to Be Fooled by
the Low Ones

32. Life Is a Test. It Is Only a Test

33. Praise and Blame Are All the Same

34. Practice Random Acts of Kindness

35. Look Beyond Behavior

36. See the Innocence

37. Choose Being Kind over Being Right

38. Tell Three People (Today) How Much You Love Them

39. Practice Humility

40. When in Doubt about Whose Turn It Is to Take Out Trash, Go Ahead
and Take It Out

41. Avoid Weatherproofing

42. Spend a Moment, Every Day, Thinking of Someone to Love

43. Become an Anthropologist

44. Understand Separate Realities

45. Develop Your Own Helping Rituals

46. Every Day, Tell at Least One Person Something You Li Admire, or
Appreciate about Them

47. Argue for Your Limitations, and They're Yours

48. Remember that Everything Has God's Fingerprints on it

49. Resist the Urge to Criticize

50. Write Down Your Five Most Stubborn Positions and See if You Can
Soften Them

51. Just for Fun, Agree with Criticism Directed Toward (Then Watch It
Go Away)

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

52. Search for the Grain of Truth in Other Opinions

53. See the Glass as Already Broken (and Everything Else Too)

54. Understand the Statement, "Wherever You Go, There you Are"

55. Breathe Before You Speak

56. Be Grateful when You're Feeling Good and Graceful when You're
Feeling Bad

57. Become A Less Aggressive Driver

58. Relax

59. Adopt a Child Through the Mail

60. Turn Your Melodrama into a Mellow-Drama

61. Read Articles and Books with Entirely Different Points of View from
Your Own and Try to Learn Something

62. Do One Thing at a Time

63. Count to Ten

64. Practice Being in the "Eye of the Storm"

65. Be Flexible with Changes in Your Plans

66. Think of What You Have Instead of What You Want

67. Practice Ignoring Your Negative Thoughts

68. Be Willing to Learn from Friends and Family

69. Be Happy Where You Are

70. Remember that You Become What You Practice Most

71. Quiet the Mind

72. Take Up Yoga

73. Make Service an Integral Part of Your Life

74. Do a Favor and Don't Ask For, or Expect, One in Return

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

75. Think of Your Problems as Potential Teachers

76. Get Comfortable Not Knowing

77. Acknowledge the Totality of Your Being

78. Cut Yourself Some Slack

79. Stop Blaming Others

80. Become an Early Riser

81. When Trying to Be Helpful, Focus on Little Things

82. Remember, One Hundred Years from Now, All New People

83. Lighten Up

84. Nurture a Plant

85. Transform Your Relationship to Your Problems

86. The Next Time You Find Yourself in an Argument, Rather than Defend
Your Position, See if You Can See the Other Point of View First

87. Redefine a "Meaningful Accomplishment"

88. Listen to Your Feelings (They Are Trying to Tell you Something)

89. If Someone Throws You the Ball, You Don't Have to Catch It

90. One More Passing Show

91. Fill Your Life with Love

92. Realize the Power of Your Own Thoughts

93. Give Up on the Idea that "More Is Better"

94. Keep Asking Yourself, "What's Really Important?"

95. Trust Your Intuitive Heart

96. Be Open to "What Is"

97. Mind Your Own Business

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

98. Look for the Extraordinary in the Ordinary

99. Schedule Time for Your Inner Work

100. Live This Day as if It Were Your Last. It Might

Suggested Reading

Introduction

The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter
his life by altering his attitude. -WILLIAM JAMES

Whenever we're dealing with bad news, a difficult person, or a
disappointment of some kind, most of us get into certain habits, ways of
reacting to life - particularly adversity - that don't serve us very
well. We overreact, blow things out of proportion, hold on too tightly,
and focus on the negative aspects of life. When we are immobilized by
little things - when we are irritated, annoyed, and easily bothered -
our (over-) reactions not only make us frustrated but actually get in
the way of getting what we want. We lose sight of the bigger picture,
focus on the negative, and annoy other people who might otherwise help
us. In short, we live our lives as if they were one great big
emergency! We often rush around looking busy, trying to solve problems,
but in reality, we are often compounding them. Because everything seems
like such a big deal, we end up spending our lives dealing with one
drama after another.

After a while, we begin to believe that everything really is a big deal.
We fail to recognize that the way we relate to our problems has a lot to
do with how quickly and efficiently we solve them. As I hope you will
soon discover, when you learn the habit of responding to life with more
ease, problems that seemed "insurmountable" will begin to seem more
manageable. And even the "biggies," things that are truly stressful,
won't throw you off track as much as they once did.

Happily, there is another way to relate to life - a softer, more
graceful path that makes life seem easier and the people in it more
compatible. This "other way" of living involves replacing old habits of
"reaction" with new habits of perspective. These new habits enable us
to have richer, more satisfying lives.

I'd like to share a personal story that touched my heart and reinforced
an important lesson - a story that demonstrates the essential message of
this book. As you will see, the events of this story planted the seed
for the title of the book you are about to read.

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

About a year ago a foreign publisher contacted me and requested that I
attempt to get an endorsement from best-selling author Dr. Wayne Dyer
for a foreign edition of my book You Can Feel Good Again. I told them
that while Dr. Dyer had given me an endorsement for an earlier book, I
had no idea whether or not he would consider doing so again. I told
them, however, that I would try.

As is often the case in the publishing world, I sent out my request, but
did not hear back. After some time had gone by, I came to the
conclusion that Dr. Dyer was either too busy or unwilling to write an
endorsement. I honored this decision and let the publisher know that we
wouldn't be able to use his name to promote the book. I considered the
case closed.

About six months later, however, I received a copy of the foreign
edition and to my surprise, right on the cover was the old endorsement
for the earlier book from Dr. Dyer! Despite my specific instructions
to the contrary, the foreign publisher had used his earlier quote and
transferred it to the new book. I was extremely upset, and worried
about the implications as well as the possible consequences. I called
my literary agent, who immediately contacted the publisher and demanded
that the books be taken off the shelves.

In the meantime, I decided to write Dr. Dyer an apology, explaining the
situation and all that was being done to rectify the problem. After a
few weeks of wondering about what his response might be, I received a
letter in the mail that said the following: "Richard. There are two
rules for living in harmony.

#1) Don't sweat the small stuff and #2) It's all small stuff. Let the
quote stand. Love, Wayne."

That was it! No lectures, no threats. No hard feelings and no
confrontation. Despite the obvious unethical use of his very famous
name, he responded with grace and humility; no feathers ruffled. His
response demonstrated the important concepts of "going with the flow,"
and of learning to respond to life gracefully, with ease.

For more than a decade I have worked with clients, helping them to
approach life in this more accepting way. Together, we deal with all
types of issues - stress, relationship problems, work-related issues,
addictions, and general frustration.

In this book, I will share with you very specific strategies - things
you can start doing today-that will help you respond to life more
gracefully. The strategies you are going to read about are the ones

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

that have proven themselves to be the most successful by clients and
readers of mine over the years. They also represent the way I like to
approach my own life: the path of least resistance. Each strategy is
simple, yet powerful, and will act as a navigational guide to point you
in the direction of greater perspective and more relaxed living. You'll
find that many of the strategies will apply not only to isolated events
but to many of life's most difficult challenges.

When you "don't sweat the small stuff," your life won't be perfect, but
you will learn to accept what life has to offer with far less
resistance. As we learn in the Zen philosophy, when you learn to "let
go" of problems instead of resisting with all your might, your life will
begin to flow. You will, as the serenity prayer suggests, "Change the
things that can be changed, accept those that cannot, and have the
wisdom to know the difference."

I'm confident that if you give these strategies a try, you will learn
the two rules of harmony. #1) Don't sweat the small stuff, and #2) It's
all small stuff. As you incorporate these ideas into your life you will
begin to create a more peaceful and loving you.

1. Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

Often we allow ourselves to get all worked up about things that, upon
closer examination, aren't really that big a deal. We focus on little
problems and concerns and blow them way out of proportion. A stranger,
for example, might cut in front of us in traffic. Rather than let it
go, and go on with our day, we convince ourselves that we are justified
in our anger. We play out an imaginary confrontation in our mind. Many
of us might even tell someone else about the incident later on rather
than simply let it go.

Why not instead simply allow the driver to have his accident somewhere
else? Try to have compassion for the person and remember how painful it
is to be in such an enormous hurry. This way, we can maintain our own
sense of well-being and avoid taking other people's problems personally.

There are many similar, "small stuff" examples that occur every day in
our lives. Whether we had to wait in line, listen to unfair criticism,
or do the lion's share of the work, it pays enormous dividends if we
learn not to worry about little things.

So many people spend so much of their life energy "sweating the small
stuff" that they completely lose touch with the magic and beauty of
life. When you commit to working toward this goal you will find that
you will have far more energy to be kinder and gentler.

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

*****

2. Make Peace with Imperfection

I've yet to meet an absolute perfectionist whose life was filled with
inner peace. The need for perfection and the desire for inner
tranquility conflict with each other. Whenever we are attached to
having something a certain way, better than it already is, we are,
almost by definition, engaged in a losing battle. Rather than being
content and grateful for what we have, we are focused on what's wrong
with something and our need to fix it. When we are zeroed in on what's
wrong, it implies that we are dissatisfied, discontent.

Whether it's related to ourselves - a disorganized closet, a scratch on
the car, an imperfect accomplishment, a few pounds we would like to lose
- or someone else's "imperfections" - the way someone looks, behaves, or
lives their life - the very act of focusing on imperfection pulls us
away from our goal of being kind and gentle. This strategy has nothing
to do with ceasing to do your very best but with being overly attached
and focused on what's wrong with life. It's about realizing that while
there's always a better way to do something, this doesn't mean that you
can't enjoy and appreciate the way things already are.

The solution here is to catch yourself when you fall into your habit of
insisting that things should be other than they are. Gently remind
yourself that life is okay the way it is, right now. In the absence of
your judgment, everything would be fine. As you begin to eliminate your
need for perfection in all areas of your life, you'll begin to discover
the perfection in life itself.

*****

3. Let Go of the Idea that Gentle, Relaxed People Can't Be
Superachievers

One of the major reasons so many of us remain hurried, frightened, and
competitive, and continue to live life as if it were one giant
emergency, is our fear that if we were to become more peaceful and
loving, we would suddenly stop achieving our goals. We would become
lazy and apathetic.

You can put this fear to rest by realizing that the opposite is actually
true. Fearful, frantic thinking takes an enormous amount of energy and
drains the creativity and motivation from our lives. When you are
fearful or frantic, you literally immobilize yourself from your greatest
potential, not to mention enjoyment. Any success that you do have is
despite your fear, not because of it.

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

I have had the good fortune to surround myself with some very relaxed,
peaceful, and loving people. Some of these people are best-selling
authors, loving parents, counselors, computer experts, and chief
executive officers. All of them are fulfilled in what they do and are
very proficient at their given skills.

I have learned the important lesson: When you have what you want (inner
peace), you are less distracted by your wants, needs, desires, and
concerns. It's thus easier to concentrate, focus, achieve your goals,
and to give back to others.

*****

4. Be Aware of the Snowball Effect of Your Thinking

A powerful technique for becoming more peaceful is to be aware of how
quickly your negative and insecure thinking can spiral out of control.
Have you ever noticed how uptight you feel when you're caught up in your
thinking? And, to top it off, the more absorbed you get in the details
of whatever is upsetting you, the worse you feet. One thought leads to
another, and yet another, until at some point, you become incredibly
agitated.

For example, you might wake up in the middle of the night and remember a
phone call that needs to be made the following day. Then, rather than
feeling relieved that you remembered such an important call, you start
thinking about everything else you have to do tomorrow. You start
rehearsing a probable conversation with your boss, getting yourself even
more upset. Pretty soon you think to yourself, "I can't believe how busy
I am. I must make fifty phone calls a day. Whose life is this anyway?"
and on and on it goes until you're feeling sorry for yourself. For many
people, there's no limit to how long this type of "thought attack" can
go on. In fact, I've been told by clients that many of their days and
nights are spent in this type of mental rehearsal. Needless to say,
it's impossible to feel peaceful with your head full of concerns and
annoyances.

The solution is to notice what's happening in your head before your
thoughts have a chance to build any momentum. The sooner you catch
yourself in the act of building your mental snowball, the easier it is
to stop. In our example here, you might notice your snowball thinking
right when you start running through the list of what you have to do the
next day. Then, instead of obsessing on your upcoming day, you say to
yourself, "Whew, there I go again," and consciously nip it in the bud.
You stop your train of thought before it has a chance to get going. You
can then focus, not on how overwhelmed you are, but on how grateful you

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

are for remembering the phone call that needed to be made. If it's the
middle of the night, write it down on a piece of paper and go back to
sleep. You might even consider keeping a pen and paper by the bed for
such moments.

You may indeed be a very busy person. but remember that filling your
head with thoughts of how overwhelmed you are only exacerbates the
problem by making you feel even more stressed than you already do. Try
this simple little exercise the next time you begin to obsess on your
schedule. You'll be amazed at how effective it can be.

*****

5. Develop Your Compassion

Nothing helps us build our perspective more than developing compassion
for others. Compassion is a sympathetic feeling. It involves the
willingness to put yourself in someone else's shoes, to take the focus
off yourself and to imagine what it's like to be in someone else's
predicament, and simultaneously, to feel love for that person. It's the
recognition that other people's problems, their pain and frustrations,
are every bit as real as our own - often far worse. In recognizing this
fact and trying to offer some assistance, we open our own hearts and
greatly enhance our sense of gratitude.

Compassion is something you can develop with practice. It involves two
things: intention and action. Intention simply means you remember to
open your heart to others; you expand what and who matters, from
yourself to other people. Action is simply the "what you do about it."
You might donate a little money or time (or both) on a regular basis to
a cause near to your heart. Or perhaps you'll offer a beautiful smile
and genuine "hello" to the people you meet on the street. It's not so
important what you do, just that you do something. As Mother Teresa
reminds us, "We cannot do great things on this earth. We can only do
small things with great love."

Compassion develops your sense of gratitude by taking your attention off
all the little things that most of us have learned to take too
seriously. When you take time, often, to reflect on the miracle of life
- the miracle that you are even able to read this book - the gift of
sight, of love, and all the rest, it can help to remind you that many of
the things that you think of as "big stuff" are really just "small
stuff" that you are turning into big stuff.

*****

6. Remind Yourself that When You Die, Your "In Basket" Won't Be Empty

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

So many of us live our lives as if the secret purpose is to somehow get
everything done. We stay up late, get up early, avoid having fun, and
keep our loved ones waiting. Sadly, I've seen many people who put off
their loved ones so long that the loved ones lose interest in
maintaining the relationship. I used to do this myself. Often, we
convince ourselves that our obsession with our "to do" list is only
temporary - that once we get through the list, we'll be calm, relaxed,
and happy. But in reality, this rarely happens. As items are checked
off, new ones simply replace them.

The nature of your "in basket" is that it's meant to have items to be
completed in it - it's not meant to be empty. There will always be
phone calls that need to be made, projects to complete, and work to be
done. In fact, it can be argued that a full "in basket" is essential
for success. It means your time is in demand!

Regardless of who you are or what you do, however, remember that nothing
is more important than your own sense of happiness and inner peace and
that of your loved ones. If you're obsessed with getting everything
done, you'll never have a sense of well being! In reality, almost
everything can wait. Very little in our work lives truly falls into the
"emergency" category. If you stay focused on your work, it will all get
done in due time.

I find that if I remind myself (frequently) that the purpose of life
isn't to get it all done but to enjoy each step along the way and live a
life filled with love, it's far easier for me to control my obsession
with completing my list of things to do. Remember, when you die, there
will still be unfinished business to take care of. And you know what?
Someone else will do it for you! Don't waste any more precious moments
of your life regretting the inevitable.

*****

7. Don't Interrupt Others or Finish Their Sentences

It wasn't until a few years ago that I realized how often I Interrupted
others and/or finished their sentences. Shortly thereafter, I also
realized how destructive this habit was, not only to the respect and
love I received from others but also for the tremendous amount of energy
it takes to try to be in two heads at once! Think about it for a
moment. When you hurry someone along, interrupt someone, or finish his
or her sentence, you have to keep track not only of your own thoughts
but of those of the person you are interrupting as well. This tendency
(which, by the way, is extremely common in busy people), encourages both
parties to speed up their speech and their thinking. This, in turn,

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

makes both people nervous, irritable, and annoyed. It's downright
exhausting. It's also the cause of many arguments, because if there's
one thing almost everyone resents, it's someone who doesn't listen to
what they are saying.

And how can you really listen to what someone is saying when you are
speaking for that person?

Once you begin noticing yourself interrupting others, you'll see that
this insidious tendency is nothing more than an innocent habit that has
become invisible to you. This is good news because it means that all
you really have to do is to begin catching yourself when you forget.
Remind yourself (before a conversation begins, if possible) to be
patient and wait. Tell yourself to allow the other person to finish
speaking before you take your turn. You'll notice, right away, how much
the interactions with the people in your life will improve as a direct
result of this simple act. The people you communicate with will feel
much more relaxed around you when they feel heard and listened to.
You'll also notice how much more relaxed you'll feet when you stop
interrupting others. Your heart and pulse rates will slow down, and
you'll begin to enjoy your conversations rather than rush through them.
This is an easy way to become a more relaxed, loving person.

*****

8. Do Something Nice for Someone Else - and Don't Tell Anyone About It

While many of us frequently do nice things for others, we are almost
certain to mention our acts of kindness to someone else, secretly
seeking their approval.

When we share our own niceness or generosity with someone else, it makes
us feel like we are thoughtful people, it reminds us of how nice we are
and how deserving we are of kindness.

While all acts of kindness are inherently, wonderful, there is something
even more magical about doing something thoughtful but mentioning it to
no one, ever. You always feel good when you give to others. Rather
than diluting the positive feelings by telling others about your own
kindness, by keeping it to yourself you get to retain all the positive
feelings.

It's really true that one should give for the sake of giving, not to
receive something in return. This is precisely what you are doing when
you don't mention your kindness to others - your rewards are the warm
feelings that come from the act of giving. The next time you do
something really nice for someone else, keep it to yourself and revel in

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

the abundant joy of giving.

*****

9. Let Others Have the Glory

There is something magical that happens to the human spirit, a sense of
calm that comes over you, when you cease needing all the attention
directed toward yourself and instead allow others to have the glory.

Our need for excessive attention is that ego-centered part of us that
says, "Look at me. I'm special. My story is more interesting than
yours." It's that voice inside of us that may not come right out and say
it, but that wants to believe that "my accomplishments are slightly more
important than yours." The ego is that part of us that wants to be seen,
heard, respected, considered special, often at the expense of someone
else. It's the part of us that interrupts someone else's story, or
impatiently waits his turn to speak so that he can bring the
conversation and attention back to himself. To varying degrees, most of
us engage in this habit, much to our own detriment. When you
immediately dive in and bring the conversation back toward you, you can
subtly minimize the joy that person has in sharing, and in doing so,
create distance between yourself and others. Everyone loses.

The next time someone tells you a story or shares an accomplishment with
you, notice your tendency to say something about yourself in response.

Although it's a difficult habit to break, it's not only enjoyable but
actually peaceful to have the quiet confidence to be able to surrender
your need for attention and instead share in the joy of someone else's
glory. Rather than jumping right in and saying, "Once I did the same
thing" or "Guess what I did today," bite your tongue and notice what
happens. Just say, "That's wonderful," or "Please tell me more," and
leave it at that. The person you are speaking to will have so much more
fun and, because you are so much more "present," because you are
listening so carefully, he or she won't feel in competition with you.
The result will be that the person will feel more relaxed around you,
making him or her more confident as well as more interesting. You too
will feel more relaxed because you won't be on the edge of your seat,
waiting your turn.

Obviously, there are many times when it's absolutely appropriate to
exchange experience back and forth, and to share in the glory and
attention rather than giving it all away. I'm referring here to the
compulsive need to grab it from others. Ironically, when you surrender
your need to hog the glory, the attention you used to need from other
people is replaced by a quiet inner confidence that is derived from

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

ABC Amber LIT Converter
http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html

letting others have it.

*****

10. Learn to Live in the Present Moment

To a large degree, the measure of our peace of mind is determined by how
much we are able to live in the present moment.

Irrespective of what happened yesterday or last year, and what may or
may not happen tomorrow, the present moment is where you are - always!

Without question, many of us have mastered the neurotic art of spending
much of our lives worrying about a variety of things - all at once. We
allow past problems and future concerns to dominate our present moments,
so much so that we end up anxious, frustrated, depressed, and hopeless.
On the flip side, we also postpone our gratification, our stated
priorities, and our happiness, often convincing ourselves that "someday"
will be better than today. Unfortunately, the same mental dynamics that
tell us to look toward the future will only repeat themselves so that
"someday" never actually arrives. John Lennon once said, "Life is
what's happening while we're busy making other plans."

When we're busy making "other plans." our children are busy growing up,
the people we love are moving away and dying, our bodies are getting out
of shape, and our dreams are slipping away. In short, we miss out on
life.

Many people live as if life were a dress rehearsal for some later date.
It isn't. In fact, no one has a guarantee that he or she will be here
tomorrow. Now is the only time we have, and the only time that we have
any control over. When our attention is in the present moment, we push
fear from our minds. Fear is the concern over events that might happen
in the future - we won't have enough money, our children will get into
trouble, we will get old and die, whatever.

To combat fear, the best strategy is to learn to bring your attention
back to the present. Mark Twain said, "I have been through some
terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened." I don't
think I can say it any better. Practice keeping your attention on the
here and now. Your efforts will pay great dividends.

*****

11. Imagine that Everyone Is Enlightened Except You

This strategy gives you a chance to practice something that is probably