Diane Warner's Contemporary Guide To Wedding Etiquette: Advice From America's Most Trusted Wedding Expert (Wedding Essentials)

257 Pages·2004·0.72 MB·English

by  Diane Warner

Chapter Tiitle aHeren Pleasee 1
D
arner’s
W
Contemporary Guide to
WEDDING
ETIQUETTE
Advice From America’s Most
Trusted Wedding Expert
A division of The Career Press, Inc.
Franklin Lakes, NJ
2 BOOK TITLE HERE PLEASE
Copyright  2005 by Diane Warner
All rights reserved under the Pan-American and International
Copyright Conventions. This book may not be reproduced, in whole
or in part, in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical,
including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage
and retrieval system now known or hereafter invented, without written
permission from the publisher, The Career Press.
DIANE WARNER’S CONTEMPORARY GUIDE TO WEDDING ETIQUETTE
EDITED AND TYPESET BY KATE HENCHES
Cover design by DesignConcept
Printed in the U.S.A. by Book-mart Press
To order this title, please call toll-free 1-800-CAREER-1 (NJ and
Canada: 201-848-0310) to order using VISA or MasterCard, or for
further information on books from Career Press.
The Career Press, Inc., 3 Tice Road, PO Box 687,
Franklin Lakes, NJ 07417
www.careerpress.com
www.newpagebooks.com
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Warner, Diane.
Diane Warner’s contemporary guide to wedding etiquette : advice
from America’s most trusted wedding expert / by Diane Warner.
p. cm.
Includes index.
ISBN 1-56414-761-4 (pbk.)
1. Wedding etiquette. I. Title.
BJ2051.W265 2005
395.2’2--dc22
2004048620
Chapter Title Here Please 3
D
EDICATION
I dedicate this book to my precious niece,
Carrie Anne.
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A
CKNOWLEDGMENTS
I have so many people to thank. First of all, thank you
Michael Pye, Assistant Acquisitions Editor, who decided
I should write this book. My thanks also go to other
important people at Career Press/New Page Books:
Michael Lewis, Senior Acquisitions Editor; Kirsten Beucler,
Marketing Coordinator; Adam Schwartz, Sales Assistant;
and my editor, Kate Henches.
I also appreciate the help and advice of my agent,
Jeff Herman, and, finally, my thanks go to three wonderful
women who agreed to review my manuscript before it
went to publication: Sharon Elaine Lewis, Publisher
and Executive Producer of Washington Weddings
Magazine and The Wedding Show in Washington, D.C.;
Doris M. Nixon, President, Weddings Beautiful
Worldwide, a division of National Bridal Service; and
Mimi Doke, CSEP, MBC, The Wedding Specialist,
Lake Havasu City, Arizona.
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Chapter Title Here Please 5
C
ONTENTS
Introduction 7
Chapter 1 The Engagement Season 10
Chapter 2 Money Matters 19
Chapter 3 The Gift Registries 24
Chapter 4 Your Cast of Characters 30
Chapter 5 The Guest List 54
Chapter 6 Pre-Wedding Festivities 61
Chapter 7 The Wedding Costumes 69
Chapter 8 Wedding Invitations,
Announcements, and Such 81
Chapter 9 Hiring Your Production Crew 101
Chapter 10 The Wedding Rehearsal 128
Chapter 11 The Rehearsal Dinner 131
Chapter 12 The Ceremony 135
Chapter 13 The Reception 165
Chapter 14 Wedding Legalities 199
Chapter 15 Wedding Toasts 206
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Chapter 16 Gifts From the Bride and Groom 212
Chapter 17 Encore Wedding 216
Chapter 18 After the Wedding 231
Chapter 19 The Honeymoon 236
Chapter 20 Murphy’s Law 241
Conclusion 247
Index 249
About the Author 254
Introduction 7
I
NTRODUCTION
Planning a wedding is an enormous undertaking. In fact,
some say a wedding is as complicated to put together as a
large theater production. There is one major difference,
however: a wedding must be planned according to rules of
etiquette.
Wedding etiquette is defined as “the practices and forms
prescribed by social convention and authority” as they per-
tain to a wedding (American Heritage College Dictionary). In
other words, etiquette is a set of rules that should be fol-
lowed, in the same way you must play by the rules in any
game. For example, in the game of golf, you’re required to
play by the strict rules dictated by the United States Golf
Association (USGA) in their little rule book. The USGA
has rules for everything, including the size of the golf ball,
how many golf clubs you’re allowed to carry in your bag,
and which player should putt first on the green.
Always followed in a professional golf tournament, these
strict rules of golf are comparable to the traditional rules of
wedding etiquette, which are usually followed for a formal
or ultraformal wedding.
7
8 CONTEMPORARY GUIDE TO WEDDING ETIQUETTE
In today’s world of less formal weddings, however,
couples prefer to bend the rules, depending on their
wedding’s degree of informality. This contemporary spin
can be compared to a less formal game of golf where a four-
some plays a casual, friendly game and takes all kinds of
liberties. For example, a player may be encouraged to “just
kick it out of the rough, Fred,” an action which is known in
golf circles as a foot wedgie. Or, if a golfer doesn’t like his
drive, he can take a mulligan—golf jargon for a “do-over.”
If you’re planning a very formal wedding, you’ll prob-
ably choose to follow the rules precisely. However, even if
you’re planning an informal wedding, you should be famil-
iar with the rules before you decide how far to bend them.
You’ll also find that certain rules must be followed for all
weddings, even a super-casual wedding on the beach,
because you don’t want to damage precious relationships
or hurt anyone’s feelings. We’ll talk more about this through-
out the book as we apply the rules to these five degrees of
formality:
Ultraformal
b A minimum of 200 guests.
b Held at an upscale venue, such as a cathedral,
synagogue, resort, or country club.
b Ten or more total attendants.
b Elegant sit-down dinner and a ballroom for
dancing to live music.
Formal
b A minimum of 100 guests.
b Held at an upscale site, similar to an
ultraformal wedding.
b Six or more total attendants.
Introduction 9
b Sit-down or buffet dinner.
b Live music or DJ.
Semiformal
b Fewer than 100 guests.
b Held in a church, home, outdoors, or other
less formal setting.
b Two or more attendants.
b Light lunch or finger food reception.
b Live music or DJ.
Informal
b Fewer than 50 guests.
b Held in a chapel, a home, or other informal
setting.
b Two attendants: maid or matron of honor
and best man.
b Light breakfast, brunch, finger food, or
dessert-only reception.
Casual
Many of today’s weddings can be considered casual, such
as one that takes place on horseback, at the top of a ski
slope, or during a beach party where everyone, including
the bride and groom, wear swimsuits.
How formal will your wedding be? Will you need to
follow the rules to the letter? Or, will you be allowed to
bend the rules with a few foot wedgies and mulligans? In any
case, this book will lay out all the rules and their contem-
porary alternatives.
Traditional or contemporary—the choice is up to you.