Debunked!: Conspiracy Theories, Urban Legends, and Evil Plots of the 21st Century

260 Pages·2008·1.05 MB·English

by  Richard Roeper

DEBUNKED!
CURRENT EVENTS / ENTERTAINMENT $19.95 (CAN $21.95)
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From DEBUNKED!:
You know what’s really going on, don’t you? Flight 93 secretly E “They kneel in front of Our Lady of the
B Underpass. They pray to Tortilla Jesus. They
landed in Cleveland, where the passengers were whisked off to a
give thanks and praise to the Holy Virgin
NASA facility. Nostradamus predicted JFK Jr.’s plane crash, which U
Grilled Cheese Sammitch. They tremble at
was engineered by the One World Government. Online poker N the image of the Mother Teresa Cinnamon
CONSPIRACY THEORIES, URBAN LEGENDS,
Bun. They cry,‘It’s a miracle!’ when they see
sites are rigged to knock out the short stacks. Donald Rumsfeld
K
Jesus of Pittsburgh. . . . The Almighty has a
was behind the bird flu panic.
E AND EVIL PLOTS OF THE 21ST CENTURY wicked sense of humor. Hundreds of millions
That’s what it’s like to live inside the mind of the 21st-century of people are looking for some kind of affir-
D
mation from the heavenly above—and he
conspiracy theorist, who believes that all you have to do is
! RICHARD R OEPER responds by giving us an image of his only
look at the signs and you’ll see what’s really going on. And
son on a Pizza Hut billboard?”
thousands if not millions of people actually believe this is the
BARACK
“A well-designed conspiracy Web site looks
way the world works. TTHHEE
OBAMA just as legitimate as the site of the New York
DEBUNKED! is a breezy but fact-filled dissection of more than VVIIRRGGIINN MMAARRYY
Times or CNN. Instead of weakening the B.S.
IS A
two dozen of the most popular urban legends and conspiracy movement,the information and misinforma-
theories of the 21st century. As he did in Urban Legends and R RADICAL IISS IINN TTHHEE tion explosion gave it more strength. If you
I GGRRIILLLLEEDD advanced a conspiracy theory in the 1980s,
Hollywood Urban Legends, and as he has done in dozens of C MUSLIM
it might catch a ride on the word-of-mouth
columns for the Chicago Sun-Times over the last decade and H express,or it might just die. If you put for-
CCHHEEEESSEE
a half, Richard Roeper lays out the basics of each conspiracy A HHEEAATTHHEENNSS ward a conspiracy theory in the 21st century,
Richard Roeper is a columnist for the R it’ll live on the Internet forever.”
theory, quotes some of the true believers—and then tears the
Chicago Sun-Times and cohost of At the D
Movies.His books include Sox and the theory apart with his bare hands. AARREE WWIINNNNIINNGG “I believe all of us have the ability to commu-

City,Schlock Value,Ten Sure Signs a R nicate with the dead. You can do it right
This book will provide you with invaluable ammunition for
WWAARR
Movie Character Is Doomed,Urban O TTHHEE OONN now! Say hello to John the Baptist,let
the next time you communicate with someone from that other,
Legends,and Hollywood Urban Legends. Shakespeare know you’ve always admired
E
shadow world—that place where secret tribunals pull the strings his work,tell Hitler to f——off. Give your
P CCHHRRIISSTTMMAASS
best to some dead loved ones while you’re
and influence the outcome of everything from terrorist attacks E
at it. That part is easy. It’s the getting-a-
R
to professional sporting events.
response part that’s a little tricky. . . . Here’s
American
what gets me. If your grandmother wants to
THE SECRET
Idol is let you know she forgives you for that big
fight you had just before she croaked,why
9/11 WAS AN rigged WILL MAKE
does she have to go through some jabbering
Jacket design: Joan Sommers Design Distributed by
Author photo: Richard A. Chapman/Chicago Sun-Times Independent Publishers Group INSIDE JOB YOU THIN TV host with gelled hair and a perma-tan?
Printed in the United States of America www.ipgbook.com Why can’t she just tell you directly?”
LADY DI & JFK JR. WERE MURDERED
www.chicagoreviewpress.com
ANDMANYMORE
DEBUNKED!

DEBUNKED!
CONSPIRACY THEORIES, URBAN LEGENDS,
AND EVIL PLOTS OF THE 21ST CENTURY
RICHARD ROEPER
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Roeper, Richard, 1959–
Debunked! : conspiracy theories, urban legends, and evil plots of the
21st century / Richard Roeper. — 1st ed.
p. cm.
Includes index.
ISBN 978-1-55652-707-4
1. Conspiracies—United States. 2. Urban folklore—United States. 3.
Conspiracies. 4. Urban folklore. I. Title.
E169.Z83R63 2008
364.10973—dc22
2008001541
Cover design: Joan Sommers Design
Interior design: Jonathan Hahn
©2008 by Richard Roeper
All rights reserved
First edition
Published by Chicago Review Press, Incorporated
814 North Franklin Street
Chicago, Illinois 60610
ISBN 978-1-55652-707-4
Printed in the United States of America
5 4 3 2 1
CONTENTS
Introduction vii
I EVIL PLOTS
The Steel Didn’t Have to Melt 3
1
The Clinton Kill Count 19
2
The Conspiracy That Won’t Di 23
3
The Kennedy Assassination, 1999 Edition 29
4
II THE MEDIA
It’s a Media Blackout 39
5
Katrina and the Waves of Misinformation 47
6
The Vast Left-Wing Conspiracy 55
7
III SPORTS AND GAMING
Online Poker Conspiracies Flushed Out 59
8
The NFL: National Fixed-Ball League 67
9
Casino Culture 83
10
Curt Schilling and the Bloody Red Sox 91
11
IV ENTERTAINMENT
The Sopranos’ Last Supper 99
12
The Secret of The Secret 105
13
Beware of False Idol Votes 117
14
V BUSINESS
I’ll Have an Iced Grande Vanilla Nonfat Conspiracy 127
15
Rummy and the Bird Flu 135
16
Evian is Naive Spelled Backwards 139
17
VI MIRACLES
Dead Man Talking! 145
18
It’s a Miracle—That Some People Believe This Stuff 153
19
VII THE CULTURE
The “War” on Christmas 165
20
Classical Gas 177
21
Warning: Jager Bombs Can Kill You! 181
22
The Godless Dollar Coin 187
23
Rock Me Nostradamus 191
24
VIII POLITICS
Bush’s Mystery Bulge 197
25
Barack Obama: Radical Muslim! 203
26
The Hate Crime Prevention Act 209
27
IX MOVIES
Of Soylent Green and Men in Black: The Best and
28
Worst Conspiracy Movies Ever Made 215
Index 237
INTRODUCTION
P
araphrasing George Bernard Shaw, Robert F. Kennedy
famously said, “Some men see things the way they are, and
ask ‘Why?’ I dream of things that never were, and ask ‘Why not?’”
Paraphrasing myself (an act of self-involvement that is still
legal in 38 states): Some people look at things the way they are and
express a healthy skepticism while keeping an open mind and lis-
tening to hard evidence and common sense.
And some people look at things the way they are—from man
walking on the moon to the Super Bowl to the events of 9/11—and
say, “IT’S ALL A LIE!!!!!”
Those people are conspiracy theorists.
In my 20 years as a journalist, I’d like to think I’ve developed
a cynical shell and honed my bullshit detector. My first response
to any outrageous story is to say, “OK, wait a minute; let’s make
sure we have this right before we go any further.”
As the slogan of the famous Chicago City News Bureau advised,
“If your mother says she loves you, check it out.”
We don’t take things at face value in my business.
If an athlete or a politician says he’s retiring to “spend more
time with the family,” we roll our eyes and compare notes on the
real reasons for his exit.
Ifsomeone disappears and the spouse appears at the press con-
ference sobbing and pleading for information and begging for the
vii
viii INTRODUCTION
“kidnappers” to contact him, we look at the spouse as the first “per-
son of interest” in the case.
When a candidate who says he’s an “outsider” raises a record
amount of funds, we look into his political connections. If corrup-
tion rears its head, we follow the money.
If somebody calls the city desk and says, “I just saw Bigfoot at
the 7-Eleven buying a burrito!” we laugh. (But we take her num-
ber just in case.)
And when something smells of conspiracy or cover-up, we dive
in headfirst in an effort to uncover the plot.
I don’t believe for a second that we live in a conspiracy-free
world. Ever since I was 14 and I saw the president of the United
States announce his resignation on live television, I have understood
there’s often a much more complicated story behind the story. A
“third-rate burglary” in a hotel can lead to so much more.
Of course some business executives sometimes conspire to
cheat their employees and realize huge profits. Of course some
government leaders sometimes conspire to mislead their con-
stituents. Of course some individuals and groups act in collusion
to commit crimes.
And you know what? We know about these things because the
conspiracies are eventually uncovered. Somebody talks, or some-
thing leaks, or some trail of evidence is uncovered—and the jig is up.
It’s not as if those guys from Enron are laughing it up on the
beach right now.
a
It’s easy to understand how folklore, rumors, and conspiracy the-
ories flourished in supposedly less sophisticated times. As recently
as a generation ago, such stories were spread largely by word of
mouth or via old-fashioned communication methods such as pam-
phlets and chain letters. It took even longer to debunk the lies.
Ah,but in the 21st century, the concept of the global village has
become reality. Thanks to the Internet, anyone with access to a
computer can tap into a wealth of resources that dwarf the largest