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Deaf and hearing siblings in conversation PDF

213 Pages·2014·1.453 MB·English
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Deaf and Hearing Siblings in Conversation This page intentionally left blank Deaf and Hearing Siblings in Conversation MARLA C. BERKOWITZ and JUDITH A. JONAS Foreword by Martha A. Sheridan McFarland & Company, Inc., Publishers Jefferson, North Carolina LIBRARYOFCONGRESSCATALOGUING-IN-PUBLICATIONDATA Berkowitz, Marla C., 1964– Deaf and hearing siblings in conversation / Marla C. Berkowitz and Judith A. Jonas ; foreword by Martha A. Sheridan. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references and index. ♾ ISBN 978-0-7864-7825-5 (softcover : acid free paper) ISBN 978-1-4766-1513-4 (ebook) 1. Deaf—Family relationships. 2. Deaf—Means of communication. 3. Brothers and sisters of people with disabilities. 4. Brothers and sisters—Psychological aspects. I. Jonas, Judith A., 1943– II. Title. HV2380.B47 2014 305.9'082—dc23 2014023703 BRITISHLIBRARYCATALOGUINGDATAAREAVAILABLE © 2014 Marla C. Berkowitz and Judith A. Jonas. All rights reserved No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher. Cover image © iStock/Thinkstock Printed in the United States of America McFarland & Company, Inc., Publishers Box 611, Jefferson, North Carolina 28640 www.mcfarlandpub.com Acknowledgments Each of us had a circle of people who have been there from the very begin- ning of the birth of our project many years ago. They’ve been bystanders but not without a significant purpose, whether they knew it or not. We are forever indebted for their confidence and trust in our journey. To the siblings who let us do face- to-face interviews: Welcoming us to your homes, baring your sibling experiences without hesitation, and trusting us with your deepest thoughts is beyond gratitude. Without you this book would never have existed. To the Lawrence W. Levine Foundation: We are extremely grateful for the extended financial support from Russell Kane, who had been a childhood friend of Marla’s for more than forty years, for soliciting the funding on behalf of the foundation for the interviews, travel expenses, and other operational costs to complete the research study on sibling relationships. To Dr. Brenda Brueggemann: You have been our ardent supporter and editor, boosting our confidence that studying deaf and hearing adult siblings was critical and timely. Your expertise in addressing the cohesiveness of our preliminary manuscript, complete with your warmth, wit and salient com- ments, steered us in the right direction. From Marla Berkowitz: To Charisse: Your love and encouragement never wavered, challenging me to write with clarity from our countless chats about my work on siblings. To Hannah: Your everyday reminder to get up and take me out for our long walks is a lifesaver. You’ve been the most patient and understanding canine ever! To Mom, Dad and Arnold: What you have provided for me is never taken for granted. Your love and devotion were plentiful, especially with teach- ing me the determination to navigate efficiently in this world. v vi ACKNOWLEDGMENTS To Julie and Joseph: With gratitude, your frankness in sharing incredible perspectives, which shed light on my understanding you slightly better. It gives me hope that in the days ahead we can conquer the hurdles of our distant sib- ling relations. To Danny, Benjamin, Mia, Ayla, Sophie and Danielle: My dearest nephews and nieces, watching you grow up to be as loving as you are, reminds me that being a sibling is to be cherished. To Rich, Lisa, and Michelle: Even though you came into my family later through our parents’ marriage, I look forward to the days when I can get to know you and your children better. To Judy: Our weekly and monthly sessions, and our years of work together remotely, were truly the best and most rewarding I’ve ever experienced in ways you’ve never imagined. Thank you for being such a great role model, for being a friend, for sharing openly about your life confirming the joys of being a sibling. And … to those who have seen me working on this project nonstop, I offer my deepest gratitude for your inquisitiveness, rooting, and years of patience! From Judy Jonas: To my husband, Peter:You’re always there for me, supporting my many muses. To my brother, Larry: We’re simpatico. We’ve never had a fight. To my sister, Mary Ann: Unknowingly, you led the way. To my daughter, Deborah: You guided us through our tangle of data and listened. To my daughter, Wendy: Your support and faith in my work were con- stant. To Ed and Joan, Arnie and Nina: As lifelong friends, your encourage- ment was invaluable, recognizing this was a huge undertaking. To JoAnn: You see, we’re finally done. To Eileen Forestal: You gently led me to the DEAF- WORLD. To Marla Berkowitz, first my teacher, then a colleague, and now my friend who constantly challenged me to absorb and understand the depth and breadth of the DEAF- WORLD. Table of Contents Acknowledgments v Foreword by Martha A. Sheridan 1 Preface 3 Introduction 7 PART ONE. THE EMERGENCE OF A SIBLING 15 1. How Conversations Began 16 2. First Social Network 21 3. Inside the Family 32 4. Intensities of Sibling Closeness 41 PART TWO. MILAN IMPACT 47 5. Between Marginalization and Human Rights 50 6. Molding Deaf Siblings 63 7. The Fallout 95 8. Magnet Secrets 104 PART THREE. SIBLING BUDDIES 115 9. Sibling Monitors 116 10. Sibling Facilitators 125 11. Signing Siblings 134 12. Sibling-I nterpreters 143 vii viii TABLEOFCONTENTS 13. Investing Quality Time 160 14. We Will Chat Anyway 163 Appendix A: Continuum of Intensities of Sibling Closeness 179 Appendix B: Questions for Guided Discussion 181 Appendix C: Let’s See What Our Fingers Know 183 Appendix D: BMJ Family Interpreter Fund 187 Chapter Notes 191 Bibliography 193 Index 199 Foreword by Martha A. Sheridan Most of us have drawn or painted family pictures and many of us have siblings who were depicted in these subjective works of art. No two paintings by siblings from a family will be the same because perception is in the eye of the beholder brought to view through the brushstrokes of our separate, yet connected minds and hearts. Rarely, if ever, do siblings have the chance to dis- cuss their observations of these powerful reciprocal influences and outcomes and come to know each other and themselves through this personal reflec- tion. This book is not about just any ordinary relationship between brothers and sisters. Marla Berkowitz and Judy Jonas have begun an important and long overdue conversation about deaf and hearing sibling relations where we would assume that opportunities for shared communication and meanings are complicated by the lack of a common language or an imbalance in communi- cation access. Relationship dynamics in families with deaf and hearing siblings have remained a mystery as researchers have historically focused their energies on the experiences of deaf children and those of their parents. Yet a whole image is made up of the sum of its parts, and to more fully understand the experiences and constructions of deaf- member families, we need to paint a complete landscape, including every part of the whole. Co-researchers Marla Berkowitz, who is deaf with hearing siblings, and Judy Jonas, who is hearing with one deaf and one hearing sibling, have taken steps to complete this picture through phenomenological interviews with twenty- two deaf and hearing siblings. Inspired by their own personal experi- ences, the authors take us on an intimate and very personal journey through the lives and experiences of deaf and hearing siblings. The authors supple- mented the narratives provided by their research participants with creative 1

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