CXXX No 21 Masterhead March 17.indd

12 Pages·2017·2.45 MB·English

THE HARROVIAN
Vol. CXXX No.21 March 17, 2018
OH WINS AN OSCAR very own St Mary’s Church. We then adventured into the crypt
of St Paul’s, one of the largest crypts of Western Europe that
holds over 200 monuments.
Some wonderful news recently, Bryn Williams (The Head
The cathedral is also the burial site of many famous British
Master’s 20063) was the assistant cameraman on the fi lm The
people, including Alexander Fleming and Sir Christopher
Silent Child which won an Oscar. The fi lm won in the ‘Short
Wren himself, both of whose tombs we visited. A beautifully
Live Action Film’ category and there has been much about it
noticeable feature of St Paul’s is the way it stands amongst a
all the press recently and on the TV news across all channels.
jungle of modern, glass buildings – as it was one of the only
buildings in its area to have survived the bombings of the
Nazi’s, alluding to the symbol of strength and resilience the
cathedral has come to signify. We then travelled to the other
side of London – South Kensington – to visit the Victoria
and Albert Museum, where we could quickly view the large
cartoons of Raphael before the museum closed. As a method
of preserving the prints, the lights in the huge room that held
the work of Raphael were kept very dim, but we could still
look at the large and stunning cartoons clearly.
The fi lm had a very small crew of just 13 and a cast of seven.
It was done on a small budget which was crowd funded and it
was made for under £10,000. Most of the crew did the work
for no money, including Williams. You can fi nd out more about
it at www.thesilentchildmovie.com.
Williams was not in LA for the awards but represented the
fi lm at the offi cial London Oscar Party on Sunday night where
he watched the win live.
A particularly impressive piece was The Miraculous Draught
ART HISTORY
of Fishes, a grand narrative depicting two separate scenes in a
Trip to St Paul’s Cathedral and Tate Modern, 5 March classic Raphael style of beautiful and luscious fi gures. These
cartoons were commissioned by Pope Leo X in 1515 and
On Monday, the Lower Sixth Art Historians embarked on a are considered to be some of the greatest works of the High
trip to see St Paul’s Cathedral and The Raphael Cartoons at Renaissance. The full-scale designs for tapestries were made to
the V&A Museum – both of which they’re studying. cover the lower walls of the Sistine Chapel and they depict the
Accompanied by JESB and DRJB, the fi rst stop was the grand Acts of St Peter and St Paul - the founders of the early Christian
St Paul’s Cathedral in Central London. St Paul’s was rebuilt church. We are extremely lucky to have them here in London
from 1675-1710 after the Great Fire of London in 1666 and in such excellent condition. The trip was very enjoyable and
was designed by Sir Christopher Wren. We walked around the we look forward to continuing to study both topics.
building, studying the mesmerising architectural features on
each facade. On entering the building, we were all completely
PIGOU SOCIETY
struck by the sheer scale of the building and its stunningly
decorated interior. After walking up a hefty fl ight of stairs, we Trip to the Legatum Institute, 1 March
came to the top of the inside of the building where we could
look down at the grand interior of the cathedral from above. “We can’t solve a problem with the same kind of thinking we
It was here that we got to experiment with the world-famous used when we created them.” Albert Einstein’s famous quote was
‘whispering dome’: you whisper something into the wall of the foundational message of Pigou Society’s trip to the Legatum
the dome and people on the other side of the dome can hear Institute last Thursday – in order for men and women to work
you – the whisper is passed all the way round – 112 feet away. together on an equal playing fi eld, we must revolutionise the
This really worked and it was incredibly impressive, the strange social stigma behind female oppression in the fi nancial world.
whispers whizzing around the room sounded like something out Having arrived in the afternoon, we were warmly greeted
of a Harry Potter fi lm! We then walked up even more stairs to by Mr Mathew Elliott, Chief Executive of the Vote Leave
get a view from outside, and then continued walking upwards campaign in 2015 and Senior Fellow of the Legatum Institute.
through various winding staircases and strange corridors until Mr Elliott explained the role of think tanks, and specifi cally
we reached the very top of the building which gave us jaw- the Legatum Institute; to infl uence political decision making
dropping views form 111 metres above London. We could see processes, the decision makers themselves and to then eventually
so much from up here, from the Shard, to Tate Modern, to our shift political policies in the direction they think would be the
March 17, 2018 T H E H A R R O V I A N
most beneficial to society. Of course, the policies, which they Dr Keen began by giving a biographical summary of Dante
advocate, are located in what is called “The Overton Window” Alighieri’s life. He was born in Florence in 1265, and lived
– a non-physical area in which the policies that are considered there until his exile in 1302. He began writing the Commedia
not too extreme are located. Think tanks have a massive impact from around 1307 until his death in 1321. Florence was a
around the country in influencing politics and economics as town without a university, and certainly not a place at the
well as the decisions of people in all social groups. As time avant-garde of thinking, such as Bologna, Paris or Oxford; it
swiftly moved on and the Q&A session, primarily regarding was an intellectual backwater. This was not ideal for Dante,
the Brexit referendum, had come to a close, we headed upstairs who engaged with philosophical and poetic ambitions. These
to the lecture hall where we would be listening to one of the had to be put to one side for the first few decades of his life;
most prominent female CEOs in the finance sector. he pursued a career in politics, but at the age of 35, he found
Dame Helena Morrissey is Head of Personal Investing at himself on the wrong side of a disruptive political situation. He
Legal and General Investment Management, which has £894 was banished on a charge of corruption: he had been paying for
billion of assets under management. A former chief executive his friends’ political advancements. This was to be the turning
of Newton Investment Management and the founder of the 30% point in his life; free from Florentine politics, he could focus
Club (a campaign which strives for greater female representation on writing. He spent the first five years of his exile looking for
on company boards), Dame Helena had a wealth of experience a sponsor for his compositions. The normal human lifespan at
to share with the assembled audience. the time was thought to be 70 years, so it was symbolic for
The main theme of the talk was immediately clear – to have Dante that such a pivotal moment for him occurred at the age
greater collaboration between men and women in the financial of 35. Indeed, the Commedia is set midway through the journey
workplace is not just wishful thinking, but in fact a very real of ‘this life’ (i.e. the human life).
challenge to be addressed. The message was one of a need to La Divina Commedia is a poetic narrative, thousands of
overhaul the social stigma regarding men and women in the lines long, describing a journey Dante takes from Hell, through
financial workplace and what women and men ought to do and Purgatory and into Paradise. It is divided into 100 canti – songs.
replace it with greater collaboration and the idea of what both There are 34 for the Inferno, while Purgatory and Paradise both
sexes can do together. Dame Helena did acknowledge that as have 33. Though it describes Dante journeying to Paradise, it
a society, we are experiencing “birthing pains” from which a is not about an individual, but rather it is about ‘our life’ – the
beautifully cooperative society will arise. This idea, she stressed, journey humans make as a collective. Dante thought of human
was not necessarily about solely placing more women into life as a challenging, evolving experience.
higher paid jobs, but about working collaboratively. One of the best ways of getting to understand both the narrative
When Dame Morrissey outlined her views to the public, she of the Commedia and Dante’s image in his hometown is to
went on to expand on her own experience in the workplace analyse the painting La Commedia Illumina Firenze, painted
and how that affected her mentality towards change. Before by the 15th-century Florentine Domenico de Michelino, which
transferring to Newton, she was passed over for a promotion currently hangs in Florence Cathedral. It depicts Dante as the
because her work for the firm was called into question when Florentine national poet: we can tell he’s being shown as a
she gave birth to her first baby. She went on to say that this poet by the open book in his hands, on which one can see the
rejection based solely on prejudice shaped her as a future first lines of the Commedia. There is a laurel crown on his
CEO; she very clearly stated that she wants to hire people for head, proclaiming him as a poet of success, on a par with the
the diversity of their minds. She supported this with statistics classical poets. We know that the painting is set in Florence
that showed diversity in the boardroom actually improves from the dome of the cathedral in the background, but he is
performance of financial companies. standing outside the city’s gates, portraying his exile. On the
In the final moments of the talk, Dame Morrissey discussed left-hand side of the painting one can see the Devil, as well as
the four factors that provide an opportunity for a change of the tortured, naked bodies of sinners climbing down into the
mindset. Firstly, the digital age requires new ways of thinking. depths of Hell. Behind Dante is Purgatory, in the form of a
Secondly, young people have a different approach to work, mountain, with the Garden of Eden on the top, where human
expecting a greater work-life balance. Thirdly, the 100-year evils began. If one managed to ascend it they would return to
life heralds a new career plan. And finally, diversity means a state of purity, and indeed above the mountain de Michelino
the diversity of thought rather than the diversity of outward had painted the heavens with planets and stars, seeming to
appearance. To conclude her talk, Dame Morrissey explained revolve around the Earth, according to the medieval model of
that she is alarmed by a gender-war mentality and professes to a geo-centric system.
not being that extreme and in fact, the majority of men in the It is important to remember that the left side of the painting,
UK want equality as well – one only has to adjust the lens to showing Hell, only describes a third of the narrative. However,
perceive something in a non-traditional way. many people only ever read the Inferno, and not the full story,
And so with a fervent line of questioning from the audience, as it is extremely compelling. It is told in the first person: Dante
the Pigou Society headed off. This, like the subject of the talk goes on a journey through the layers of Hell, and it is written
itself, was an unconventional trip for the Pigou Society and it in a style that makes it seem as if he really went there. There
worked out spectacularly well. Thank you very much to CTP are two parts to the narrative: Dante the character, a naïve
for supervising and to Nicholas Glaze, Bradbys, for finding the voyager who experiences shock and surprise at what he finds,
time to research this event. and the distinguished Dante the poet, who is experienced and
is reflecting on his memory of the journey. He has learnt from
his travels. Dante the character is immature, though, and needs
ITALIAN SOCIETY guidance, and so, in Hell and Purgatory, Virgil is his companion,
but not in Paradise, where Beatrice take up the role. Beatrice
“Dante Alighieri and The Divina Commedia”, Dr
is a girl Dante says he fell in love with in real life, but who
Catherine Keen, UCL, MLS, 1 March died when he was young. In the Commedia she has ascended
to heaven and is available to be Dante’s tour guide and teacher.
The Italian Society was privileged to welcome Dr Catherine Dante sets out a ‘moral topography’; in other words, Hell,
Keen from University College London. She has been very closely Purgatory and Heaven are imagined in geographical terms,
engaged with all of Dante’s works throughout her career, so as if they are concrete places in the real world. Dante gives
it was an honour to learn about Italy’s most famous literary an incredibly detailed infrastructure of Hell: a funnel goes
masterpiece from an expert. down from Earth’s surface to the centre of the globe, with
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T H E H A R R O V I A N March 17, 2018
Beelzebub at the bottom. Between the surface and the Devil, the time the Boer war came along in 1899 in which Churchill
Hell is divided into nine circles, or layers. Each of these layers was unsurprisingly involved in too.
represents a sin. Dante starts his journey going through circles Churchill played a crucial and important role in the 2nd Boer
representing some of the Biblical sins, like avarice, gluttony War and this is where he really made his name. This war was
or lust. These are recognisable, so he passes through them in won purely because of the sheer size of the British forces. The
quick succession, but in canto 10, he moves away from Church gorilla fighting played to the strengths of the Dutch farmers
sins, and gives sinful forms of behaviour classified under new and dragged on and on until Churchill managed to get himself
headings, like Incontinence: a failure to contain oneself (e.g. captured by the enemy after an experimental armoured train ran
gluttony). Within each circle, Dante has human encounters. He aground. Churchill said afterwards, admittedly with the benefit
has dialogues with the dead; an ethical seminar of sorts. Dante of hindsight, that the train was a supremely “idiotic idea” as
gets his moral messages across not by stating his opinions on the Boers merely had to block the track. However this capture
a sin, but by speaking to a representative of that sin. These and the following heroic escape lead to a distinguished record
representatives were people from the Bible, from the Classics that would prove to serve Churchill well in the years to come.
or people he knew in real life. These stories from the victims In his classically opportunist fashion Churchill climbed over
of sins allows readers be sceptic, to form their own judgement the wall when the Boer guard was not looking and managed to
on how one should act. hitchhike across the border using his seemingly impenetrable
Dr Keen also discussed the theme of ‘contrapasso’ – ‘a luck to guide him through hostile territory.
punishment to fit the crime’ – and finished off by discussing When looking ahead in Churchill’s more famous career we
whether the Commedia should be considered merely a fantastical realise that brilliant military success and dramatic defeat lies on
work, or something more holy? It was a highly useful lecture a swords edge, The Dardanelles and Gallipoli were only inches
as the Inferno is part of the Pre-U course, and the boys are from startling victory like many of Churchill’s most famous
grateful to Dr Keen for sharing her knowledge. successes. The skills that Churchill nurtured in the Military
were undoubtedly used to great effect in his later governing
ALEXANDER SOCIETY years. Many thanks to MPS for an excellent talk.
MPS, Winston Churchill’s Military Career,
MEDICAL SOCIETY
OH Room, 1 March
Dr Darren Mann, OH Room, 21 February
As damp and heavy coats were being pulled off MPS declared
that he would not be giving an analysis of Churchill’s military “His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy” – not
career but rather a story. And what a story it turned out to every Medical Society lecturer references the supposed poetry
be. India, Afghanistan, France and South Africa were all part of Eminem, but for Dr Mann (alternatively, Lt Colonel Darren
of Churchill’s military expeditions, without them he would Mann RAMC), these lines described his own experience of
not have risen politically and become the Churchill we’re landing in Afghanistan to work as an army trauma surgeon.
all so familiar with today. Before throwing us into narrative This was a lecture that would transcend disciplinary boundaries.
straight away MPS managed to briefly engage the audience It was about teamwork, medicine, T-Shirt aphorisms, leadership,
by dispelling the myth of Churchill’s hopelessness at Harrow. a Top 100 soundtrack, the military, not crossing “The Line”,
It is true that he fared badly in exams but on the other hand and loyalty to a common goal. Dr Mann compelled a packed
he won numerous prizes for his poems and written pieces and OH Room to consider their duties to serve and volunteer, in
contributed heavily to The Harrovian. It is no wonder he turned the same way that he was inspired to forge a career in the
out be a genuine polymath. A painter, a Nobel Prize winning military after BBC Health proclaimed in 2009 that there was a
writer, politician and clearly soldier. Boys may also have been ‘military doctor shortage warning’. This headline would launch
pleased at Churchills’s apparent love of his military kit, giving a rollercoaster into motion. Namely, a rollercoaster that has
them an excuse to frequent Billings maybe too often. The slides since led to experience of the organisation of military medicine
depicted Churchill as standing out from the crowd in his smartly in Afghanistan, Sierra Leone, and Serbia.
crafted military outfits.
Churchill’s military career did not take the brightest of
starts. The cavalry, normally reserved for those lacking brain,
was joined but he never seemed to fit in, using his relentless
reading to escape India, what he called a land of “snobs and
bores”. However, his first military action was seen in Cuba of all
places where he was eager to witness the War of Independence
taking place. He used his mother’s influence shamelessly to
reach the warzone. This is the first example of Churchill’s
ravenous initiative, he was not afraid to use his wealthy and
powerful parents to get to where he wanted to be. He, on his
own accord was actively seeking to become known, the seeds
of ambition always there. The military setting brings medicine to its extremes and Dr
Churchill’s next endeavour was in Afghanistan where he Mann commanded his audience to ‘be scared’. He spoke of the key
served as a junior cavalry officer at the age of 22. It was a skills required of a surgeon in the combat environment: a sound
bloody campaign against The Taliban’s forbearers that involved biological knowledge of physiology, nutrition, and trauma life
a near death experience for Churchill which in turn hardened support, coupled with the ability to be flexible – as was evident
his resolve against the Pashtun Tribesmen. Churchill’s writing in his own challenge of operating somewhat unexpectedly as a
career was also on the run as he managed to write frequently veterinarian. Despite the battlefield operating theatres resembling
as an aspiring Telegraph war correspondent. When describing those of a modern, metropolitan hospital, it was interesting to
the methods employed by the British in Afghanistan in 1897 learn of the way in which medicine in the combat environment
MPS made it known he was not “one of those historians that has adapted to maintain soldiers at their best. For example, the
love to paint us in the worst light” however, truth be told the triage system of assessing the severity of the injured is turned
Brits did, after weeks of unimpressive results resort to burning on its head, with those grievously wounded who are most likely
villages. This tactic, though effective, was rightly outlawed by to survive being treated first, such that they may be permitted
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March 17, 2018 T H E H A R R O V I A N
to return to the front line, unlike the Northwick Park A&E, more pertinent note, the Bank of England put out a statement
which seeks to treat the most severely injured with priority. regarding £52,500,000,000 of money, the location of which they
Hence, preparation and communication are key. have absolutely no idea of. The problem is far more grossly
‘Do no harm versus do know harm’. Perhaps the greatest exaggerated in America; the total GDP of America divided by
deviation from humanitarian ethics and morals comes in times the number of homes compared to the average wealth of a home
of conflict. Dr Mann was, however, adamant that the pillars of in America leaves 8400 dollars missing per home. Another
medical ethics prevail regardless of the situation – the motto aspect of physical currency is that it provides relative anonymity
of the Royal Army Medical Corps is in arduis fidelis (faithful compared to other means of transaction; as the speaker put it,
in adversity). This was particularly evident in his descriptions “you cannot buy drugs with a debit card”. Yet another caveat is
of treating the enemy in light of the Geneva Convention; after the ease of transferring cash between honest and black markets,
all, the duty of a doctor is to serve and show beneficence to all. only serving to make the life of a criminal easier.
Such conventions were, Dr Mann advocated, means by which Evidence of this can be found in the saga of the €500 note, a
war and suffering could be reduced: an acknowledgement of high-denomination bill introduced at the outset of the Euro in
the similarity between both sides of the battlefield. The duty of 1999. This was immediately flagged by the British Government
military medics is to recover, evacuate and treat – regardless as nothing other than an instrument of crime; and thus, any
of the circumstances. note of this nature found would be confiscated, and if there
Our speaker inspired us to consider the ability of medicine were to be a large quantity of them, an investigation would be
and its power to heal in providing morale for those who are prompted. It was later discovered that 9 out of 10 notes were
risking their lives. In fact, new recruits are eager to view the either related to tax evasion or terrorism. A possible explanation
medical facilities available before entering combat; simply for these high-denomination bills that seem so out of place in
knowing that there is a proficient, dedicated and effective support the modern world is that banks in the early 20th century would
network behind them removes a degree of anxiety about what have no alternative to cash (other than stable commodities eg.
lies ahead, in spite of the scarring scenes of suffering and pain. gold which would take a while to translate back into standard
This inspired comfort speaks volumes about the morale raising money) and would thus look to high-value bills.
effect of medical care – where even a military mascot’s recovery Another argument against physical money is the difficulties
can bring smiles across the camp – as Eisenhower asserted, it poses in an economic sense. Consumer trends are, nowadays,
“morale is the greatest single factor in successful wars”. favouring cashless transactions, to the extent that after 2015,
Dr Mann promised an “up close and personal experience” of non-physical transactions became the majority of all exchanges.
surgery in the combat environment. Elements of leadership and More importantly, the inherent difficulties in tracking cash – as
teamwork were emphasised, depicted by team briefings with a well as the sizeable margin that is not accounted for due to
single audible voice – those listening know that they will only cash in the black market – makes macroeconomic forecasting
hear the plan once and that others depend on them fulfilling far more difficult, and thus policy is far riskier (not to mention
their roles. The OH Room was introduced to how new missions more difficult) to implement. Economic policy is, in essence, a
can be assessed and analysed in the military: based on what means of keeping the country alive through austerity (troughs),
has worked in the past, organising for the unseen, rehearsing, and to catalyse benefits during prosperity (peaks). Interest is
calibrating risk, and harnessing innovation. The interest sparked the most powerful and effective aspects of this policy; as it
amongst the audience by the exploration of such concepts was influences whether people spend or save their cash. In the current
highlighted by the fascinating array of questions with which Dr system of physical cash, the interest rate has a floor of zero;
Mann was posed after the lecture, indicative of a stimulating talk. the lower the interest rate is, the less people spend, and vice
The Medical Society would like to express its sincere thanks versa. Obviously, if banks were to implement a negative interest
to Dr Mann for delivering his insightful, at times surprising, rate, people would just keep their money in their homes, as it
and consistently “up close and personal” account of Surgery would be more beneficial to them. With this being accounted for,
in the Combat Environment. This is certainly a topic that will digitalization allows far greater control over monetary policy,
linger in the heads of the audience for some time to come as as the zero-percent floor becomes outright non-existent. This
Dr Mann left a final message indicating our shared duty to would also help in the short-term, as a period of austerity is
serve and volunteer for others. forecasted to come relatively soon, and with the interest rate
at 0.5%, there is realistically no further that it can be pushed
down until it reaches the aforesaid 0%-floor, at which point
ATHENAEUM SOCIETY
one can assume a great deal of money will be held personally
Sam Ackroyd, West Acre, “The Case Against Cash” as opposed to in a bank; a disaster for forecasting. While this
extended monetary control may seem like a blessing, it does
A notable recent event was the Athenaeum society convening lead to one of the biggest issues with a digitalized system,
in order to receive Sam Ackroyd’s lecture on The Case against which shall be documented later.
Cash; in other words, the case for digitalization. The lecture put Another altogether separate issue with cash is the raw cost
forth a balanced argument about physical and digital currency, of creating notes; in Britain, 70m was spent on the design of
and the advantages and disadvantages of each, in a highly certain newly distributed notes, with £20m spent on production
interesting and informative manner. per annum. In America, the case is slightly more severe, in
Ackroyd’s first major point was that of crime; how physical that in a very rough approximation, it can be assumed that the
cash not only assists it, but is a “lubricant” to it. The most Federal Reserve devotes ¾ of a Billion dollars to the printing of
prevalent point was the inherent anonymity of it, in that cash currency. While this pales in comparison to the rest of American
can never be traced through its entire life-span. Furthermore, budgeting (for example, their $600bn+ defence budget), it still
high-denomination bills (those which warrant a high yield has a substantial impact in terms of tax. Despite all of this,
while being of a similar nature to any other physical currency, counterfeiting is inevitable, and occurs nevertheless. After a
eg. a £50 note) serve no other purpose, it would seem, then to survey of all of the £1 coins that passed through the Bank of
“grease the wheels of global illicit activity”; this takes even England and the Royal Mint, they concluded that a staggering
more precedence when one considers that most transactions in 1/10 coins were counterfeit. All of the aforementioned issues
the UK are within the range of £15 or less. would be immediately rectified by the instant digitalization
Evidence of cash being intrinsically intertwined with crime of all cash.
is the statement by the Bank of England concerning the However, the argument against digitalization is mostly summed
black economy: it constitutes 10% of Britain’s GDP. On a up by one quote from Russian author Fyodor Dostoyevsky,
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T H E H A R R O V I A N March 17, 2018
when he put forth that “money is coined liberty”. To digitalize the presentation enabled all observers to understand the direction
all currency would infringe on the freedom of all peoples and things were going in. One thing that made this presentation
allow the inadvertent creation of a populace ruled by banks. so accessible was the clarity in which events were described,
The first means by which this would occur is at present, if one especially the causes for the revolution, which were divided
dislikes the interest rate or their bank, they have the opportunity into long term, short term and immediate. The long term causes
to withdraw it and keep it personally. If absolute digitalization consisted of lack of political reform, poor working conditions
were to occur, one would have nowhere to go, other than another (during industrialisation) and aggressive government action.
bank, which may also conform to the unfavourable interest Short term causes included: the failure of the Russo-Japanese
rate. Another is information, the most powerful commodity in War and subsequent food shortages and the economic slump.
the modern world. Companies such as Google and Facebook Peganov identified correctly that the immediate cause was
make absurd amounts of money by selling anonymous user “Bloody Sunday”, which was a march led by Father Gapon of
data; imagine what money could be made if banks sold data 150,000 industrial workers who were tragically put down by the
concerning transactions. This would evidently be exposing one’s police. He also gave a detailed character analysis of Nicholas II,
personal interests to a third party, and be an infringement of the last Emperor of Russia, and how his deficiencies as a leader
their right to freedom. Furthermore, in order to investigate the contributed largely to the downfall of the tsarist regime. An
private financial affairs of a person or group, a warrant must be interesting question which followed, was whether the October
attained, which is a lengthy and somewhat cumbersome- albeit Revolution was a seizure of power by a small well-organised
balanced- process. However, with all money (and all transactions) group or a popular rising. After discussion and some debate
registered online, this would be far easier: yet another invasion at the end the latter proved the more convincing argument for
of liberty. This could culminate in a “financial Big-brother state”. the speaker.
Further arguments against it are that of people who do not have
access to digital methods; namely, the elderly. To this, one must
put the rather grim point that if everything catered to the needs
of a previous generation, stagnation is inevitable, and that most
human processes- innovation- would be rendered impossible.
Furthermore, organized crime is an evolving beast that is far
too mobile and intelligent to be killed; cashless society would
not be a “silver bullet” that would immediately obliterate all
financial crime. Bartering may take precedence, and relatively
old institutions may still respect the value of physical currency,
allowing for aforesaid interchangeability between honest (if off
the grid) markets and black markets.
Overall, the case put forth for digitalization is strong, and
compelling; however, there are such caveats as cannot be Shishkarev took over for the second half of the talk. He
easily brushed aside, such as the violation of freedom, and focused on events following the Revolution, including the
that it renders those without a digital interface wholly ruined, consequences for the USSR and for the world, such as the
as they have no means of interacting with the financial world. Cold War. The crucial idea was that it divided the world
However, the freedom is traded for a severe blow to crime and into two diametrically opposed power blocks; one being the
a far more effective potential economic policy; and thence, the communist bloc led by the Soviet Union and the other being
conclusion is truly subjective, in that it is based on whether the anti-Communist block, under the leadership of the USA.
one is predisposed to value their freedom, or quality of life. The Revolution of 1917 transformed a poverty-stricken tsarist
Russia into a super power, under the guidance of Lenin and,
SLAVONIC SOCIETY in particular, Stalin. The Bolshevik Revolution is still going
on. It continually demonstrates the values that transformed a
“The Russian Revolution: 100 Years on
backward and decadent state into a super power, within the short
Peter Peganov, Druries, and Nick Shishkarev, The span of sixty years. Another fact was that its doctrines attracted,
Grove, MLS, 27 February conceptually, many more millions of people in Southeast Asia
and the Middle East. Shishkarev also focused on the significance
The Slavonic Society welcomed Peter Peganov, Druries, and of propaganda in this time and he used a quote which sums
Nick Shishkarev, The Grove, to give a talk on the Russian it up perfectly, whilst also capturing the mood of the state at
Revolution, a topic which remains both controversial and highly the same time, “You can sway a thousand men by appealing
relevant in modern Russia one hundred years on. All present to their prejudices than you can convince one man by logic”
found the lecture very informative and for those currently (Robert A Heinlein).
studying the novel “Heart of a Dog”, written by critically After the talk and a short debate concerning the effectiveness
acclaimed author Mikhail Bulgakov, the talk was eye opening, of communism conceptually and in practice as well as the
as it covered all the crucial ideas expressed in book. The main possibility of yet another revolution on Russian soil, where the
question the boys were looking to address was: “How has the difference between the richest and the poorest is comparable to
Revolution affected today’s Russia?” However, Peganov began the the that in pre-revolutionary Russia, there was a small buffet
presentation by offering some contextual knowledge, proceeding reception with a selection of Russian-style delicacies for the
to provide an exceptionally thorough study of the event itself boys to enjoy. On offer, there were blinis with three types of
and the surrounding factors. The information that he discussed caviar delivered especially from Russia for the occasion and
can be summarised under the following headings: Russian salmon canapes, both prepared by KAF, and a selection of
Society in the 21st Century, Causes of the 1905 Revolution, delicious pirozhki from London-based Russian bakery Stolle.
the Tsar and Autocracy, Reasons for the Collapse of the Tsarist On account of this, everyone was able to reflect upon the talk
Regime, the October Revolution of 1917 and the Bolsheviks. whilst being treated to some excellent food.
Peasants made up 80% of the population and worked the The Society members and all the participants of the lecture
land owned by aristocracy (1% of the entire pre-revolutionary would like to thank Peganov and Shishkarev for the informative
population), for virtually nothing, which made supporting their and very timely talk and KAF for organising the event and
families very difficult. This social unbalance clearly caused even making dozens of blinis in the space between 2e and the
unrest from the outset and the inclusion of similar statistics in lecture to feed the hungry crowd.
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March 17, 2018 T H E H A R R O V I A N
PIGOU & ORIENTAL SOCIETY The Pigou society would like to thank AR and DMM for the
“Japan’s economy: A history and what it is like today”, meeting and the use of the Economics Schools for yet another
excellent talk.
Kareem Jafree, Elmfield, Economic Schools, 7 March
On Wednesday, Kareem Jafree, Elmfield, delivered an informative
HA CAREERS
presentation to the Pigou society, who had travelled to the
economics schools through the snow to be there. Despite minor Engineering and 3D Design, OH Room, 5 March
technological difficulties resulting in the talk commencing with
the slides being shown to the boys on a laptop, Jafree began OHs Peter Hedley (West Acre 20083) and Jack Young (Newlands
his talk outlining the history of trade in Japan. The boys were 20083), now working in the rapidly expanding Engineering
informed of Japan’s trade partnership with the Portuguese where, and 3D Design sectors, spoke about the intriguing paths that
in exchange for manufactured goods, the Japanese received led them to what they currently do. Hedley began his career
the raw materials that supported the Japanese economy. Jafree in civil engineering working at Apex Circuit Design shortly
continued by explaining the Edo period in which the Japanese after graduating from the University of Bath. He was in charge
began to trade with Europe. However, during this period there of designing racetrack safety features and their simulation.
was a movement towards isolationism with the introduction He first got into computer science by deciding to find a more
of high import tariffs being put in place in order to protect efficient way of simulating each race: instead of laying out each
Japanese industry from international competition. During the racetrack plan in AutoCAD (a computer aided design software)
years after this policy was implemented there had been many he wrote a program, which did so for him and ended up saving
failed attempts to re-open trade links with Japan. Eventually the the company around £90,000. He then undertook a research
USA sent war ships to Japan to enforce the signing of a trade project aimed to help insurance companies in risk assessment
agreement with the US. Jafree mentioned that this is thought of given areas in a region of China prone to hurricanes. Once
by many to be a reason for Japanese hostility towards the west again, using the efficiency offered by a computer program, he
during the following century. At this point Jafree switched the designed a program, which formed a hurricane probability/
talking point of the presentation onto the current economic risk assessment map based on historic data. This saved him
situation in Japan. huge amounts’ of time as the alternative would be to enter
He began this portion of the talk by stating the facts that over each instance of hurricane damage individually onto a map
¼ of the Japanese population is over 65 resulting in a relatively and calculate the probabilities separately. He then talked about
small workforce. He went on to say that this had the effect of AI (artificial intelligence) and how we can finally create ‘true’
forcing the working population to work many more hours in the AI. Using Deep Blue, the first computer to beat a grand-master
week than all other developed countries (between 22%-23% of (Kasparov) at chess, as an example of ‘false’ AI: one based on
the working population spend over 50 hours at their jobs). In memory and combinations, not learning. Google DeepMind’s
addition to the obvious aging population issues that Japan is AlphaGO was the first computer that won with the world’s best
faced with it is also blighted by a decreasing birth rate (only GO player, Ke Jie, and it used ‘true’ AI as it actually recalled
500,000 under 18s). Jafree commented that the overall effect of situations and moves from the past and learned from them,
these issues is that not only has Japan seen twice the amount using a sort of line of best fit with the points being good moves.
of job vacancies as job applications but has also witnessed 15 Then the talk turned to neural networking systems, an AI
years of spiralling deflation. principal based of humans, the best species at pattern recognition.
Jafree seamlessly began to tactfully reason why Japan has You may recognize the ‘prove you are not a computer’ questions
been faced with such issues in the recent history. He addressed when registering accounts and so forth, but we do not pay much
the issue of low birth rate by pointing out that Japan has been attention to them and find them easy. In reality, our brain is
following a trend that many western countries have seen over involved in millions of complex tasks as it identifies a pattern/
the last half century, the delaying of marriage until later in life similarity to a pattern- this is neural networking. The amazing
giving less time for couples to have children. Jafree stated that thing about neural networking is it can work backwards, create
the obvious response to a natural decrease would be to employ a completely new object that fits the ‘pattern’. We were shown a
a policy of immigration. It has been seen that since 2008 the video of Obama speaking, and then a computer generated Obama
foreign-born population has increased from 150,000 to 2 million. speaking, just saying different words. His facial expressions
However, the political culture of isolationism from the past and gestures were indistinguishable. This showed us just how
appears, to remain and as a result the government are not keen powerful AI was. Additionally we were shown how many jobs
to incentivise immigration whilst neither placing any restriction computers could replace quite soon: over 50% of accountants
on immigration. Jafree went on to point out that the Japanese and economists, nearly 50% of physics and law related workers
are combating this issue by investing heavily into its $21bn and a surprising 40% of politicians. We also saw the impressive
robotics market. Jafree blamed the deflation on the low wage back-flipping, weight-carrying robot, Atlas of Boston Dynamics,
growth that Japan has seen in recent years and explained that “revolutionizing industries”.
the Bank of Japan was dealing with this issue by buying $50bn Hedley stepped down with a big round of applause and Jack
stock each year and encouraging the increase in the sales of Young began his talk, diving straight into the deep end and
bonds by issuing a negative interest rate. introducing the audience to ‘Parametric Design’, which has been
Interestingly, despite the central bank buying bonds in a pioneered by Gaudi in his design of the Sagrada Familia but
process known as quantitative easing, the value of these bonds has only been digitalized a few years ago. Parametric Design is
are going down yet the Yen is increasing in value at a greater applying organic forms and shapes to CAD software allowing
rate resulting in these bonds still being profitable to own. In for accurate design. He also spoke shortly about his Harrow
terms of government action, Jafree outlined the recent cuts in career, which he summed up as “not great” (academically) and
corporation tax in a bid to increase the aggregate demand and being at the “bottom of the bottom set” and followed onto his
help reduce the deflation. University career at Oxford Brookes, which can be summed up in
To conclude the meeting the society were able to discuss a his nickname for it- “Oxford No-Books”. He did mention though,
wide array of questions, some of which were relatable to the the one thing he did at University, discovering ‘Grasshopper’,
A-level course and others which were more general questions a free parametric design software, which he said opened up his
focusing predominantly on what the future holds for Japan’s future. He then continued to speak about the new alternative to
economy. human workers, CNC, laser cutting and 3D printing, which he
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T H E H A R R O V I A N March 17, 2018
believes will completely replace humans in the manufacturing Whilst some found the play a little confusing and hard to
process. He then spoke about his own experience at work, in follow in places, it was generally well received, with “great
which he continues using the ‘grasshopper’ software to create visual detail”, “brilliant acting” and “excellent changes between
jewellery and furniture as well as artistic constructions made the scenes” being some of the positive comments that boys
from paper using parametric design with the renowned artist made after the show.
Adam Holloway, who in fact sparked his passion for parametric
design. The entire lecture concluded with Young inviting a boy MASTERMIND
from the audience, Simon Luo, to redesign a parametric ‘leaf’
Shaftesbury Enterprise, in aid of Mind in Harrow
he was working on, and needless to say, it was not the easiest
22 February
of tasks! Overall, the lecture gave the boys a great alternative
insight into the wonderful world of technology and design and
On Thursday, Harrow hosted the Mastermind competition in
the paths of two fascinating speakers, which lead them to their
aid of Mind in Harrow. Mind in Harrow is a mental health
brilliant careers.
organisation that supports local people who are experiencing
emotional distress as a result of mental health issues. This
LAZARILLO DE TORMES general knowledge team event for Shells takes place every
two years and has raised in excess of £30,000 for a worthy
Firewalk Theatre, Speech Room, 23 January
cause. The opposing teams this time were Bentley Wood,
Hatch End High, Park High, John Lyon and Whitmore High
Some 250 boys studying Spanish and their beaks assembled in
School. Harrow’s two teams were each made up of five Shells
Speech Room to watch Firewalk Theatre’s production of Lazarillo
who were selected as a result of their excellent Harry Watts
de Tormes. The stage was set with a windmill reminiscent of
scores. In the competition Harrow came first and joint second
Don Quijote and the backdrop was made up of two pages of
overall but, more importantly, we were able to donate £2,000 to
a giant book featuring the original manuscript of the novella;
Mind in Harrow through fundraising collections at the School
it also served as the screen behind which the actors switched
Carol Services and The Grove House Play. Thank you to all
costumes and prepared to change characters.
who donated and to The Grove for choosing such an important
cause to support. The winning Harrow team was Edward Blunt,
Elmfield, Johnny Blake McGrath, Rendalls, Jake Brockwell,
Moretons, Archie Kyd, The Park, and Dominic Smith, Bradbys.
HARROW SPEAR
Spear term summary, OH Room
The Harrow Spear project, which boys can get involved in
through Shaftesbury enterprise, has continued to flourish this
academic year. Harrow boys have regularly been going down
the centre at St Peter’s church, Harrow in order to help the
trainees, who are young people between the ages of 16 and
24 and are looking for meaningful employment, into work. It
Firewalk’s play is an adaptation of the sixteenth century is undeniable that all boys who attend the sessions find them
Spanish novel which was written anonymously and is one both enjoyable and enriching not only for the trainees but also
of the first examples of the picaresque or “engaging rogue” for the boys themselves. Boys help out both through helping
genre. Lázaro (Lazarillo is the diminutive) is a 10 year-old with important aspects of a job application, as every Harrovian
boy from Salamanca who is down on his luck. His widowed knows extremely well, in the formation of a CV, but also through
mother is no longer able to support him so she entrusts him the development of soft skills as are required in an interview
into the care of a blind man who needs a servant. After a very selection process. Notable soft skills that are worked on include;
short time this situation becomes a disaster: Lazarillo is so how to avoid conflict, how to handle yourself in a job interview
abused and neglected by the blind man that he has to resort and how to interact with opposing personality types.
to cheating and stealing from his master in order to eat. After The project has greatly affected those that partake in it with
a while, having exacted revenge on the blind man he escapes previous trainees giving feedback such as; “Whatever I do next,
and finds himself in the employment of a drunken priest who Spear will always be the foundation: it’s taught me how to be
is also too mean to feed him. However, Lázaro manages to proactive, how to be confident, and how to be a leader in the
steal and copy a key to gain access to the priest’s secret chest. workplace. I realised I’d seen myself as a victim for a while,
When the priest discovers Lázaro’s misdemeanour once again blaming everything else, but now I realise I do have options,
the boy seizes the opportunity to escape and travels to Toledo I can be proactive, so it’s really changed my outlook” (Ricky).
where he meets and is engaged by a gentleman. Once again, This is a great testament to the work Spear have been doing and
the gentleman proves to be a totally unsuitable employer, being the continued fantastic work of the Helen, Chris and James who
a penniless fraudster, and the play ends with Lazarillo setting act as coaches for these young people. Furthermore, a trainee
off once again in search of yet another new master. called Adiad, who also went through the programme, said of
Harrow has a long association with Firewalk Theatre, an the Spear coaches that “I think what you do is like nothing
educational drama company based in Zaragoza, Spain. This else. You help people to become adults. It’s like you’re turning
was an ambitious production with only two actors, both native them from a kid into a man”. This great praise shows just what
speakers of Spanish, one of whom played a variety of characters great effect the programme is having on local people and what
with great success and some very swift costume changes. a worthwhile project it is for Harrovians to get involved in.
There was a great deal of audience participation, with the The project has had a profound effect on many Harrow boys
actors wandering amongst the spectators asking for work or with one being quoted as saying that ‘it has not only been great
looking for food, and which culminated with a Shell boy being to help the trainees but also to learn lots from them and get to
dragged onto the stage and required to answer questions in know them’ while others have picked up on sharing ‘commonly-
Spanish – his embarrassment and bemusement only served to held experience with them’. Others picked up on the camaraderie
heighten the humour and entertainment. and comradeship among the groups which helped to instil a
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March 17, 2018 T H E H A R R O V I A N
sense of togetherness and the power of a group overriding any Silver awards were won at advanced level by Monty Powell, The
power of a sole individual. Furthermore, the difference that boys Grove, and Scipio Herwegh Vonk, Newlands. This placed them
have made to the project has been duly noted by the staff at in the top 10% of almost 2000 entrants from across the country.
the centre who have reported back that boys have been a great
hit and have been ‘quick to build rapport with the trainees’ and Many congratulations to Alex Lee, Rendalls, who has been “highly
have been ‘strong role models’ for the trainees. commended” for his entry in the Peter Cane Legal Reasoning
The course has been truly effective in achieving its goals. Essay Competition. He has been invited to a workshop on legal
Spear has helped around 4,000 people to find work and reasoning at Corpus Christi College, Oxford which will take
approximately 75% of those people remain in work 12 months place later this month. There he will meet Professor Cane, an
later. This shows that through the far-reaching initial six-week internationally acclaimed scholar of legal theory, obligations
course and the 12 months of support afterwards available as and public law, and Corpus Christi’s first dedicated law fellow.
offered under the banner of Spear Career, Spear is having a
meaningful effect on both Harrow boys and the trainees, their Remi Jokosenumi, Lyon’s, ran in the England Athletics indoor
work is truly incredibly not only in getting these young people championships last weekend and won both the 60m (7.22s) and
into work but also in transforming their lives for the better. 200m (22.51s) U15 races. He now has a national age-group
ranking of 3rd for the 60m and is ranked 2nd in England for
GUILD SHOWCASE EVENING the 200m.
Drama Studios, 1 March
The Junior String Quartet – Jonathan Yuan, Alex Lee, Joseph
Wragg and Jun Wha Shin and the Senior String Quartet – Marco
The Guild put on a wonderful evening of art, music and drama
Chau, Keisuke Sano, Alberic Mould and Kazbek Kandour have
for those willing to make the punishing journey through the thick
made it to the Finals of this year’s Chamber Music Competition
snow to the Drama Studios. After contemplating the artwork on
for Schools.
display, featuring Jobie Wong, Bradbys, Harvey Fry, Rendalls,
Felix Griffin-Pain, The Head Master’s, Moyo Adebayo, Bradbys,
Rupert Cullinane, Newlands, entered the London Regional
Finn Gibson, The Knoll, and Alizhan Aldiyar’s, Rendalls,
Youth Championships and came seventh in the Junior Epée,
“smashing” live art performance, the faithful gathered in to
which is an excellent achievement.
watch an alternating line-up of short drama and musical pieces.
Beginning with an excerpt from Oscar Wilde’s The Importance
Shell Projects this year really sparkled; many congratulations
of Being Earnest, Griffin-Pain and Louis Wilson, The Head
to two Highly Commended boys, Max Paton-Smith, Elmfield,
Master’s, proved their acting chops have not diminished since
and Marcus Tung, West Acre; the School Prize was awarded
they first inhabited the roles of Ernest and Algernon respectively
to Reuben Ackermann, The Head Master’s.
in the Junior Rattigan Society play four years ago. Now with
some impressive improvisation, this wasa funny scene to begin
Congratulations to Malcolm Robinson, Lyon’s, and Seb Tallis,
the evening. This was followed up by a lovely ‘Largo’ from
Druries, who were awarded XI Harrow Football Ties, and
Concerto for 2 Cellos in G minor, by Vivaldi, featuring the
Edward Mayall, The Park, and Harry Toller, Druries, who
talents of Chatto Marks, Lyon’s, Kazbek Kandour, The Park,
were Outcast Ties.
and Adeoluwa Pearse, Rendalls.
Charles Vivian, The Knoll, then confidently took the stage to
FOOD PHOTOGRAPHER OF YEAR
give a moving and vulnerable monologue from Peter Schaffer’s
Amadeus, which clearly stirred the audience. Next, Jamie Bedu-
Addo, West Acre, and Pearse performed John Dowland’s Flow Cosmo Hamwee, Druries, has made it to the final of the
My Tears. Bedu-Addo’s voice was very impressive, giving a Food Photographer of in the year (under-18 category) which
wonderful recital. Ed Cartwright, The Grove, in full Top Hat and will be in the Mall Gallery in London on 24 April. This year
Harrow Rifle Corps coat, read us Charlie Chaplain’s The Great there was over 10,000 entries from an international field. His
Dictator speech in a very powerful and poignant monologue. photograph is below.
In a similar vein, Michael Tasker, West Acre, played us
Bernstein’s Elegy for Mitty III expertly on the trombone.
Penultimately, Cooke and Moore’s A Bit of aCchat was performed
hilariously by Dan Shailer, Rendalls, Head of the Guild, and
Louis Wilson. This may have been the crowd’s favourite, with
great comedic timing from Wilson and Shailer playing his
trademark ‘straight man’ role with amusing results. To finish
the night, Marco Chau, Elmfield, Candour, Keisuke Sano,
The Knoll and Alberic Mould, Elmfield, performed Schubert’s
Allegro ma non troppo from String quartet No. 13 in A Minor.
A melancholy piece, nonetheless the evening ended with a
raucous singing of Happy Birthday for hailer, led by the Head
of School. Thanks go to APC, LWH, DNW, and of course to
GAFFE AND GOWN
ARM for all their help in assisting the organisation of such a
special and unique event. Quips from Around the Hill
“Now listen carefully boys: the force is the mass times the
HERE AND THERE
acceleration and so on. Be sure to pay attention carefully to this
graph, do you see the...” “Excuse me, sir, do you want a smint?”
Several boys took part in the UK Linguistics Olympiad before
half term. This is a problem-solving competition based around “So boys, what is a hypothesis?” (incredibly enthusiastic) “The
obscure languages. This year’s advanced level paper for the longest side of a triangle!”
Sixth Form was particularly challenging and included questions
relating to Vietnamese, Icelandic, Albanian and an invented “Sir, will we need our computers?” “...This is a computing
West African language with its own unique script called ‘N’ko’. lesson.”
238
T H E H A R R O V I A N March 17, 2018
WHEN THE SNOW FLIES House Master
Try to be fffair means you interfere,
March was baptised in a flurry of snow and the School was left you repair nature’s disrepair,
with the impression of a disappointingly grey Winter Wonderland, But if young ruled the world,
I noted down the variety of strategies that were adopted to keep everything would be fffair,
warm during the ‘Beast from the East’. ‘Cos young means no possible snare.
New School’s not-so-new central heating failed to impress. (1000 double iz trouble, f’sure, brudder)
In a mass exodus, BJDS and JLR took to teaching lessons Assistant House Master
from bed and flocks of Shells huddled for warmth after they If I was boss, we’d all share, it wouldn’t matter what you
shuffled to and from the Vaughan at regular intervals. Perhaps, wear, frere,
most worryingly, PDH found his permanent roost in the reading It wouldn’t matter, geezer, where you hail from,
room somewhere between Blake and Byron. A makeshift nest Or who was yo-yo-yo forebear.
of boaters and Modernist poetry elicited several complaints (uh-hu uh-hu, so tardy, by da Bill yardie)
from the 26 other divs being taught in the same room. Rest Matron
assured, I’m told that the relevant authorities were alerted in So don’t despair, confrere et mere, when fings aint fffair,
time to relocate PDH in a humane fashion. Not to be thwarted Be jolly knickerbocker all four-square, not misere, mein herr.
by a bit of weather, other Classics beaks toko the rather more Fag #1 (don’t mention detention, or there’ll be tension)
Spartan approach of installing hamster wheels in form rooms, So you love someone for recreation but the damn result is
killing several frozen birds with one snowball: particularly consternation,
“energetic” Removes were given leave to power heating for ‘Yo aim to please, so you make a joke, but de Custos slaps
the rest of the div, all the while garnering some much-needed you in th’ throat!
exercise (we understand Classics scholars don’t get out much). Matron and Assistant House Master
Not to be outdone, the ever resourceful SMT have implemented You roll the dice, but life’s like ludo,
measures of their own. Standing desks proving to be insufficient, No one knows the rules, no one’s got a cluedo!
HAH was contracted to instruct workstation-yoga for bodily (Removes Sing to Drums, Bass, Groovin’)
warmth (private tuition has, apparently, left him quite expert). Uh-huh-uh-huh, yeah baby, uh-huh-uh-huh, yeah bibaddyboo,
Those “lighter-headed” members of staff have been particularly huh-huh.
hard-pressed, and ARM was forced to don no fewer than three Captain of House Cricket
extra-strength beanies. Likewise, AC installed in his mortarboard If the world was fffair then we’d declare that you were lovelier
a fiendishly overcomplicated system of miniature heaters to than my au pair,
keep a certain patch of head warm. More than a zillion amperes, or Prosecco-like confrere,
For the would-be management up-and-comers a new trend in Captain of House Rugby
Winter fashion seems to be on the rise. An exclusive tip from (da Hill, no thrill, make me ill)
CWE assured us that wearing the same androgynous cardigan So swim like a sole meuniere, not a hake or a haddock from
everyday for a fortnight was not only warming, but also earned Finnestere,
him the deep respect of beaks and boys alike. Philip Gallagher, Be the world’s charge d’affaire, and run da House like Medicare,
The Head Master’s, appears to be an avid subscriber. Other boys Captain of Footer
were not to be outdone in such novel interpretations of what is (burumpa-tish! burumpa-tish!)
“cool”. Jack Herron for example, The Grove, was spotted in a A world where we all wear trendy neckware, and all computers
particularly daring denim jacket. Have friendly software, you get free and aftercare,
When they found the rugby pitches frozen solid (being, as And every librarian will be debonnaire.
it were, inspired by recent Olympic pursuits), members of the 6th Formers
Development Squad have taken up the not entirely dissimilar Is this what we say to doctrinaire?
pursuit of figure skating. Archie Bullen, Elmfield, was commended Ah, lads, forgive us, here’s our derriere,
for his remarkable grace and poise, but Sam Crean, The Park, ‘Cos the geezer there who they call God, deals out fffairness
stole the show with a surprisingly agile triple toe loop. A like a frog,
beak pairing of BTM and JAA presented an unorthodox kilted We aim to please make life a go, but His response is
routine to a recording of ‘Flower of Scotland’ from the 1990 Shells all jumping around
Five Nations Grand Slam final. Despite scarring mental images hip-hop, ribbit-rabbit, yes, no, don’t know,
in an extended lift, JLM was nonetheless disappointed to have Hip-hop, ribbit-rabbit, yes, no, don’t know,
been left out. Fifth Form
Then there are those things which never change. Russian classes God, what an affair! Oh come on ref, be fffair!
were relocated to the Boyer Webb pavilion to facilitate those
(Y’no what I’m sayin’ bro?)
less acclimatised inside, and the likes of Ivan Skorobogatko,
Yours sincerely,
Rendalls, and Vladimir Vasile, Bradbies, have been sighted Mike Stone (Moretons 19572)
enjoying a barbeque in speedos, lounging in the summery
breeze. Similarly, Alizhan Aldiyar, Rendalls, was spotted in a
bikini in the Copse woods – but we understand this is part of Dear Sirs,
his latest performance installation. After receiving many requests from his work colleagues, to supply
them with a story that, in their own words, they would have
CORRESPONDENCE
an outside chance of understanding and therefor enjoying, Mr
Kneel Pawter decided to acquiesce to their collective demands.
Letters to the Editors of The Harrovian (Mr Pawter then made a mental note to substitute the word
acquiesce for something far less taxing...)
Dear Sirs, Once upon a time, not that long ago, little Joseph Jolly set
Everyone works so hard at Harrow. And it’s been a grim cold about his five minutes walk to school. He was holding hands
time of year. So a groovy rap, sung by each House separately, with his mother, and as they crossed a small road and walked
or by the beaks and Governors as a double act, should cheer around a small corner, they found themselves at the school
everyone? My rap is called FFFAIR. I hope it will be added gate. They were soon surrounded by other families who were
to the pantheon of Harrow Songs. doing precisely the same thing.
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March 17, 2018 T H E H A R R O V I A N
Joseph had recently become a little upset at school, for it was RACKETS
only yesterday that some of his fellow pupils in his class had
The School v Rugby School, 8 March
gathered together and informed him that he could not become
an honoured member of the Spoon Club. This club was new and
Senior 1st Pair Won 3-0
had been created by Charlie Chins, and for reasons unknown
A convincing 3-0 win with some aggressive attacking rackets
to poor little Joseph Jolly, his face simply did not fit.
from Julian Owston, Moretons, and Hector Scott Lyon, Newlands.
Joseph was however, more than welcome to join an alternative
club, organised by Billy Bong. This second choice club was in
Colts 1st Pair Lost 2-3
the unfortunate position of bearing the name, The Beefburger
Some erratic play in a 2-3 defeat from Rishi Wijeratne, The
Bun Club. Joseph had serious misgivings about being associated
Head Master’s, and Henry Wilson, Elmfield.
with a club named Beefburger Bun, not only because he would
doubtless be the only member, apart from its founder, the soiled
and sickly looking Billy Bong, but mainly because to become a FIVES
member, one had to navigate oneself to the centre of the school
National Finals, Harrov placed 5th
playground, enthusiastically wave an old, wooden lolly stick in
the air with one’s left hand, and at the same time, jump up and
A great team effort from all the boys involved today with
down for a full half minute, whilst yodelling, “The Beefburger
Harrow finishing fifth overall Nationally. Some strong individual
Bun Club, is the only really fun club”, at the top of one’s voice...
performances particularly from Jake Shepherd, West Acre, and
A little thinking time had elapsed and Billy Bong had now
Nikhil Shankar, Elmfield, gave us success against Westminster
realised for certain, what he had always suspected. That really
and Highgate. Rishi Wijeratne and Freddy Anton Smith, both
deep down, spoons were far more popular than beefburgers.
The Head Master’s, played at First pair for most the matches
He felt extremely silly. He hoped that he would find Charlie
and definitely benefitted from the experience.
Chins in a charitable mood...
Little Joseph Jolly gave up on the idea of joining a club. That
decision made him extremely popular, and so, inadvertently, he The School v Westminster School, 8 March
appeared to have created a club all of his own and curiously,
all about himself. Intellectually and/or philosophically, this Yearlings Won 6-0
intrigued Joseph Jolly. A great result for the yearlings team with all pairs winning.
Mr Kneel Pawter had noticed that this story was starting to Phoenix Ashworth and Jonathan Barley at one and Max
move away from lolly sticks and jumping up and down and Ferrira and John Richardsonat two were too strong for the
was now in serious danger of drifting from its original purpose opposition winning comfortably 3-0. Nathan Shepherd and
and so a decision was taken to apply the brakes and come to William Tate battled through a tough first set to also come out
a standstill. on top eventually. Good performances from Harvey Douglas,
And they all lived happily ever after... George Leigh, Luke Ritchie, Jack Hedley, Henry Hancock and
Yours sincerely, Joe Brankin Frisby sealed the win with excellent debuts from
Neil Porter Edired Clutton and Nick Martin.
SWIMMING
FENCING
The Bath Cup and Otter Cups – held at the Olympic
The School v Winchester College, School lost, 8 March
pool in Stratford, 9 March
Harrow played another thrilling match v Winchester on Thursday.
Due to some last minute changes by Winchester it was decided Bath Cup – 4 by 100 metres freestyle relay
to play the Foil in poole format. Sadly, Winchester’s experience Heat placing – 2nd place
and technique won the day and they brought home a convincing Final placimg – 3rd place: Harrow can take slight comfort in
victory. The Epee match (using the Italian relay system this being able to claim that we were the fastest school in England.
time) was significantly closer and Harrow played outstandingly
to keep in the game up until both final bouts. Special mention Notable performances: Andrew Hong, Lyon’s, swam a personal
must go to William Cleeve (NJM) for an excellent rearguard best time, Ben Hooper, The Head Master’s, swam a personal
action in the Epee B. best time, notably the fastest split of all the competitors in the
pool that day, 53.01 seconds.
Foil was won by Winchester
Epee A lost 38-45
Epee B lost 43-45
SQUASH
The School v Epsom College, at home, 6 March
Senior 2nd Won 3-2
The 2nd team won 3-2 and all 5 matches went to 5 games, a
rare occurence. Kareem Jafree, David Gibbons and Tom Santini
all won 3-2 while Declan Shortt and Amar Patel lost 3-2.
Otter Medley relays – 4 x 50 Metres IM, 8 March
Junior Colts Won 3-2
The Junior Colts recorded a 3-2 win against Epsom with good Heats placing – 2nd place.
performances from Sasha Sebag-Montifiore, Caleb Efemuai Final placing – 2nd place: The race ended in a fingertip finish
and Conor Cushley. between 2nd and 3rd place with Harrow just getting the better
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