How to Have Difficult Conversations This is my summary of a book called Crucial Conversations The single greatest problem in communication is the illusion that it had taken place. “ – GEORGE BERNARD SHAW Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. “ – MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. A Crucial Conversation is: • A discussion between two or more people where: 1. stakes are high 2. opinions vary, and 3. emotions run strong • and the outcome greatly impacts their lives. The Fool’s Choice: Choosing between honesty and keeping a friend 3 ways of handling crucial conversations: • Avoid them • Face them and handle them poorly • Face them and handle them well Ask Yourself: How can I be 100% honest and yet 100% respectful? Why conversations go poorly: 1. Biology – high adrenaline causes a fight or flight response. 2. Surprise – they arise without warning. 3. Confusion – they often require us to improvise without time to rehearse. 4. Self-defeating behavior – we do or say something that makes it worse. Mastering Crucial Conversations: The Power of Dialogue Dialogue: The free flow of meaning between two people. Pool of shared meaning (thoughts, feelings, and experiences) needs to grow Successful dialogue results when everyone feels safe to add their meaning to the shared pool of meaning First principle of dialogue: start with heart Work on me first, us second The problem is not that behavior degenerates, it’s that motives do