Counselling Christian women on how to deal with domestic violence

289 Pages·2010·3.533 MB·English

by  Baker, Lynne M.

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Counselling
Christian Women
on how to deal with domestic violence
Dr Lynne M. Baker
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First published in 2010
Australian Academic Press
32 Jeays Street
Bowen Hills Qld 4006
Australia
www.australianacademicpress.com.au
Dr Lynne M. Baker © 2010
Copyright for the poem ‘Set Me Free’ on pages xiii–xv rests with the author known as ‘Anna’.
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National Library of Australia cataloguing-in-publication entry:
Author: Baker, Lynne M.
Title: Counselling Christian women on how to deal with domestic violence / Lynne M. Baker.
ISBN: 9781921513503 (pbk.)
eISBN: 9781921513510(cid:65535)
Notes: Includes bibliographical references.
Subjects: Abused wives--Counseling of.
Church work with abused women.
Marital violence.
Spousal abuse.

Wife abuse.
Dewey No: 362.829286
Cover Image ©iStockphoto/bmcent1
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v Preface
ix How to Use This Book
xiii Set Me Free
1 Chapter 1
Behind the Scenes
12 Chapter 2
People Like Us
25 Chapter 3
An Unrelenting Cycle
67 Chapter 4
Perpetrators and the Pursuit of Power
88 Chapter 5
Discovering Forgiveness
110 Chapter 6
Breaking the Covenant
135 Chapter 7
Husband and Shepherd
159 Chapter 8
A Faith for Coping
200 Chapter 9
Listening to the Voice of Experience
235 Chapter 10
Final Words
241 References
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(cid:129) iv(cid:129)
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his publication is an outcome of an investigation into the expe-
riences, and in particular the coping strategies, of Christian
women who identify themselves as victims of domestic abuse. In
this setting, Christian women are viewed as a unique group who,
while remaining part of society as a whole, are not only confronted
with what might be considered the usual issues surrounding domestic
abuse but also faced with the potential complication of these issues
as a result of their belief system. Each chapter progressively builds
an image of the difficulties confronting Christian women who are
victims of domestic abuse, and provides an accurate coverage of their
stories in relation to both secular and religious experiences. Excerpts
from the interview transcripts are utilised throughout to highlight the
significance of particular issues in the lives of the women.
Domestic abuse is identified as a multifaceted issue that has the
potential to permeate every aspect of the life of the victim as well as
the members of her family. Not only has domestic abuse permeated
secular society, it is also found within the Christian church, where it
presents substantial difficulty for women who desire to practise their
faith but find conflict between the teachings of their church and the
need to protect themselves and their children, physically and/or emo-
tionally, from the damaging effects of domestic abuse. This book
identifies power and control as key elements of domestic abuse, par-
ticularly when set within a patriarchal societal structure that fosters
the subjugation of women.
Each of the 20 women who chose to share their stories has been
allocated a pseudonym, and is introduced according to her age, pro-
fession, denomination, current family, the length of her marriage and
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Counselling Christian Women
her current marital status. The women come from diverse back-
grounds, both professional and religious, vary in age from 26 to 70
years, and report a variety of experiences within their respective
denominations (chapter 2).
The experiences of the women include the forms of abuse they
suffered and some of the obstacles with which they were forced to
deal, sometimes on a daily basis. Forms of abuse experienced include
physical, verbal, emotional, sexual, social, financial, spiritual, property
and child abuse. The ongoing nature of domestic abuse, combined
with the effect of the cycle of violence, often results in extreme con-
fusion for the victim, who frequently endeavours to pacify the
perpetrator and maintain a harmonious balance within the house-
hold. The image of perpetrators presented by the women highlights
the issues of power, domination and control, together with the intimi-
dating and manipulative means by which perpetrators choose to
maintain their power base (chapters 3 and 4).
The key theological issues pertaining to Christian women who
are victims of domestic abuse are presented in a sequence of three
chapters that focus individually on the Scriptural principles of for-
giveness (chapter 5), marriage as a sacred union (chapter 6), and
female submission to male headship (chapter 7). The foundational
principles of specific Scriptures are discussed with regard to issues of
context, setting and culture, with particular consideration being given
to their operation and relevance in the light of domestic abuse situa-
tions. Such Scriptures, if misused, have the potential to create extreme
difficulty for Christian women who are victims of domestic abuse. It
has been indicated, however, that the scriptural principles in question
in no way support domestic abuse in any form, nor do they condemn
a victim who chooses to remove herself from an abusive relationship.
The specific coping strategies employed by Christian women
who are victims of domestic abuse are expounded. A variety of strate-
gies emerged, both religious and nonreligious, in addition to a blend
of both problem-focused and emotion-focused approaches. Their
Christian faith proved to be extremely important, and also effective,
in the lives of the women represented. The choice of religious coping
strategies included maintaining a relationship with God, praying, and
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PREFACE
drawing encouragement from Scripture and from scriptural song.
Nonreligious strategies included focusing on the children, turning to
activities, reading as a source of learning and encouragement, and
planning a specific course of action (chapter 8).
As a final gesture, the women offer advice, based upon their own
experiences, to both victims of domestic abuse and to members of the
clergy who desire to support and encourage those women seeking
their assistance. Victims of domestic abuse are advised to maintain
their faith in God, not to accept abuse, and to constantly seek assis-
tance, because domestic abuse is not their fault. Separation (and
subsequent divorce) is presented as a viable option, with the choice of
action remaining with the individual woman. Members of the clergy
are advised by the women to listen attentively and believe the victim,
while demonstrating unconditional love and respect and refraining
from judgment. Additionally, they are encouraged to ensure that they
become informed on matters of domestic abuse, avoid issues that can
potentially inflame the situation (such as theological understandings
of female submission to male headship), and exhibit a willingness to
confront the perpetrator regarding his behaviour. Ultimately, it is rec-
ommended that the church as a whole, adopt a proactive approach to
domestic abuse. This includes denouncing injustice, developing rele-
vant policies, and networking with churches and professional
organisations within the greater community (chapter 9).
This publication highlights the ongoing need for the Christian
church as whole to remain relevant to current society by continuing to
offer practical and meaningful assistance to those in need. While this
particular book relates specifically to the requirements of Christian
women and their experiences of domestic abuse, the universal maxim
of listening to the voice of experience can be aptly applied.
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t is important for counsellors to have some knowledge of the bene-
fits, but also some of the difficulties, that can arise for those who
belong to a religious community. This book aims to assist counsel-
lors, and other interested parties, to develop an understanding of the
situation in which Christian women find themselves when they are
faced with domestic abuse. Such insight has potential benefits in:
(cid:129) increasing client understanding of domestic abuse and how it has
been manifested in her life
(cid:129) addressing possible feelings of guilt and/or condemnation
(cid:129) supporting the decision-making process regarding whether to
remain in a relationship or choose to leave
(cid:129) fostering emotional release for the client and thus the freedom to
move forward.
Throughout this book, the words of individual women have been fre-
quently used in an effort to clearly illustrate their plight; increase the
reality of the material presented; and also increase the reader’s connec-
tion with the thoughts, feelings and experiences of those women who
have lived in a domestic abuse situation. Counsellors may use the
book as a whole, or draw on specific chapters as the need arises.
Likewise, individuals may choose to read the book for themselves or
perhaps focus on key sections as part of the counselling process.
Chapters 2 to 9 each conclude with a set of questions for reflec-
tion or discussion. Some thoughts are directed solely to the
counsellor, but the majority of questions are designed to help the
client explore and gradually work through some of the issues that
have been raised throughout each chapter. The questions provided
serve as a guide for the counsellor and client working together, and
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