Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice: A Revolutionary Program to Counter Negative Thoughts and Live Free from Imagined Limitations

231 Pages·2002·0.85 MB·English

by  Robert W. Firestone, Lisa Firestone, Joyce Catlett, Pat Love

Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice
“ presents a wise, bold, and
provocative alternative to the limits of similar self-help books. The
chapter on intimacy and couple relationships alone is worth the
price of the book. Complex psychological phenomena are described
in concrete and clear language. The authors offer numerous exercises
to help the reader put the book’s ideas to immediate use, and they
include guidelines for therapists who may want to use the book in
their work with patients in psychotherapy.”
—Charles Bonner, Ph.D., Clinical Psychologist,
private practice, Pittsburgh, PA
“As a psychologist, spouse, and parent, I have been influenced by
Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice
the wisdom inherent in the work of .
The authors convey to the reader in simple terms the relevancy of
their profound psychology. I am inspired by their commitment to
help readers liberate themselves from a legacy that undermines their
essential well-being and right to a life.”
Brief
—Richard Vogel, Ph.D., coauthor of
Psychotherapy Methods,
associate of
Weiss-Sampson Control Mastery Theory
Group, San Francisco
“I am very pleased that this book is being published because it
contains information invaluable to individuals and families. We tend
to express our deepest self-feelings in an interior voice that is at
times heavily infused with self-critical messages. For many, these
negative messages inhibit productive activity and success in
relationships. The authors provide a series of self-help exercises to
aid in overcoming the painful distances in relationships with those
they love and care about.”
—Gail McCracken Price, Ph.D., Clinical
Psychologist, Radcliffe Seminars Adjunct
Faculty

conquer your
c r i t i c a l
i n n e r
v o i c e
A REVOLUTIONARY PROGRAM TO COUNTER NEGATIVE THOUGHTS
AND LIVE FREE FROM IMAGINED LIMITATIONS
Robert W. Firestone, Ph.D. • Lisa Firestone, Ph.D.
Joyce Catlett, M.A.
FOREWORD BY PAT LOVE, ED.D.
NEW HARBINGER PUBLICATIONS, INC.
Publ isher’s Note
This publ ic a tion is designed to prov ide accur ate and authori t at ive inform at ion in regard to the subj ect matt er
cov ered. It is sold with the unders tandi ng that the publ isher is not engaged in rend eri ng psyc ho logi c al, finan-
cial, legal, or other pro fess ional ser vices. If expert assis tance or coun seli ng is needed, the ser vices of a com pe tent
prof ess ional should be sought.
Dis trib uted in Can ada by Raincoast Books
Copy right © 2002 by Rob ert W. Firestone, Lisa Firestone, and Joyce Catlett
New Harb in ger Pub lic a tions, Inc.
5674 Shattuck Aven ue
Oak land, CA 94609
Cover design by Salmon Stud ios
Edited by Clancy Drake
Text design by Tracy Marie Carlson
All Rights Reserved
New Har bin ger Pub li ca tions’ website address: www.newharbinger.com
We would like to dedicate this book to our coauthor Robert Firestone, whose
inspirationalideashaveimpactedourlivesandthelivesofthemanypeoplewith
whom we have shared them through lectures and presentations over the past
twenty years. The personal responses of our audiences motivated us to convince
him to write a book with us that would make these ideas more accessible to the
general reader. We wish to express our appreciation for, and admiration of, the
courage with which Robert Firestone has continuously exposed the destructive-
ness of psychological defenses and challenged conventional beliefs both in the
field of psychology and in the larger society.
—Lisa Firestone and Joyce Catlett

Contents
Acknowledgments ix
Foreword xi
Introduction 1
(cid:1)
Organization of This Book A Note to Therapists
Part I
Understanding Your Critical Inner Voice
Chapter 1
Becoming Familiar with Your Critical Inner Voice 9
(cid:1)
How Your Critical Inner Voice Controls Your Actions Being for Yourself or
(cid:1) (cid:1)
against Yourself How Did You Develop a Critical Inner Voice? Your
(cid:1) (cid:1)
Defenses The Real You and Your Critical Inner Voice How the Critical
(cid:1)
Inner Voice Disrupts Your Everyday Life Challenging the Critical Inner
Voice by Taking Action
vi Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice
Chapter 2
How Your Critical Inner Voice Creates Shame, Guilt, 33
and Low Self-Esteem
(cid:1)
Identify When You Are Feeling Shame or Guilt The Defenses on Which
(cid:1)
Guilt, Shame, and Low Self-Esteem Are Based Critical Inner Voices
(cid:1)
Underlying Neurotic Guilt Critical Inner Voices Underlying Existential
(cid:1)
Guilt Combating Guilt, Shame, and Low Self-Esteem
Part II
Challenging The Critical Inner Voice
Chapter 3
How the Critical Inner Voice Interferes with Your Career 57
(cid:1)
How Your Defenses Limit You in Your Career Identify and Overcome
Voices That Interfere with Your Creativity
Chapter 4
How the Critical Inner Voice Influences Your Relationship 75
(cid:1)
How the Critical Inner Voice Interferes with Intimacy How the Fantasy
(cid:1)
Bond Works in Relationships How the Critical Inner Voice and
(cid:1)
the Fantasy Bond Work Together to Destroy Relationships Signs
(cid:1)
of a Fantasy Bond in Your Relationship Playing the Parent/Playing
(cid:1) (cid:1)
the Child How We Defend Ourselves against Love Three
(cid:1)
Defenses Suggestions for Disrupting the Fantasy Bond
Chapter 5
How the Critical Inner Voice Intrudes on Your Sexual 97
Relationship
(cid:1)
Two Views of Sex How Our Attitudes Toward Sex Are Influenced
(cid:1)
by Parents, Peers, and Society Attitudes toward Our Bodies
(cid:1) (cid:1)
Attitudes about Masturbation and Sex Play Society’s Attitudes
(cid:1) (cid:1)
about Sexuality Voices During Sex How Do You Relate Sexually?
Two Kinds of Sex
Chapter 6
How the Critical Inner Voice Seduces You into Addictive 117
Behaviors
(cid:1)
How Addictive Behaviors Affect You How Do We Come to Develop
(cid:1)
Addictions? How the Critical Inner Voice Encourages Addictive
(cid:1)
Behaviors Eating Disorders, Drug Abuse, and Alcoholism
(cid:1) (cid:1)
How Compulsive Activities Can Become Addictive Guidelines for
Challenging Addictive Behaviors
Contents vii
Chapter 7
How Listening to Your Critical Inner Voice Can Make 135
You Feel Down and Depressed
(cid:1)
Have You Ever Been Depressed? How Do You Usually React to
(cid:1)
Negative Events in Your Life? What Does It Feel Like to Be
(cid:1)
Depressed? The Continuum of Self-Destructive Behaviors and Critical
(cid:1)
Inner Voices Combating Critical Inner Voices That Lead to Depression
(cid:1)
Steps for Challenging Depression
Chapter 8
How to Select a Therapist 163
(cid:1)
Factors to Consider in Making Your Choice Personal Qualities of the
(cid:1)
Therapist That Are Conducive to Good Therapy The Therapeutic
Relationship
Part III
Guidelines for Living the “Good Life”
Chapter 9
For Parents: Guidelines for Optimal Child Development 171
(cid:1)
Repeating Our Parents’ Behaviors Guilt about Not Always Feeling
(cid:1)
Love Guidelines for Child Rearing
Chapter 10
Living Free of Imagined Limitations—The “Good Life” 187
(cid:1)
What Does “Living the Good Life” Mean to You? Guidelines for Continued
(cid:1)
Personal Development Guidelines for Continued Personal Development in
(cid:1)
Your Relationship Guidelines for Further Developing a Meaningful Life
Bibliography 201
Glendon Association Video Productions
Suggested Reading 207
References 215