Connecting With Kids Through Stories: Using Narratives To Facilitate Attachment In Adopted Children PDF
Preview Connecting With Kids Through Stories: Using Narratives To Facilitate Attachment In Adopted Children
Connecting with Kids through Stories of related interest First Steps in Parenting the Child Who Hurts Tiddlers and Toddlers Second Edition Caroline Archer ISBN 1 85302 801 0 Next Steps in Parenting the Child Who Hurts Tykes and Teens Caroline Archer ISBN 1 85302 802 9 Trauma, Attachment and Family Permanence Fear Can Stop You Loving Edited by Caroline Archer and Alan Burnell for Family Futures ISBN 1 84310 021 5 The Child’s Own Story Life Story Work with Traumatized Children Richard Rose and Terry Philpot ISBN 1 84310 287 0 The Adoption Experience Families Who Give Children a Second Chance Ann Morris ISBN 1 85302 783 9 The Birth ofan Adoptive, Foster or Stepmother Beyond Biological Mothering Attachments Barbara Waterman ISBN 1 84310 724 4 Helping Children to Build Self-Esteem A Photocopiable Activities Book Deborah Plummer ISBN 1 85302 927 0 Connecting with Kids through Stories Using Narratives to Facilitate Attachment in Adopted Children Denise B. Lacher, Todd Nichols and Joanne C. May Jessica Kingsley Publishers London and Philadelphia All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any material form (including photocopying or storing it in any medium by electronic means and whether or not transiently or incidentally to some other use of this publication) without the written permission ofthe copyright owner except in accordance with the provisions ofthe Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 or under the terms ofa licence issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency Ltd, 90 Tottenham Court Road, London, England W1T 4LP. Applications for the copyright owner’s written permission to reproduce any part ofthis publication should be addressed to the publisher. Warning: The doing ofan unauthorised act in relation to a copyright work may result in both a civil claim for damages and criminal prosecution. The right ofDenise B. Lacher, Todd Nichols and Joanne C. May to be identified as authors ofthis work has been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. (cid:1)Appendix B may be photocopied for personal use only. First published in 2005 by Jessica Kingsley Publishers 116 Pentonville Road London N1 9JB, UK and 400 Market Street, Suite 400 Philadelphia, PA 19106, USA www.jkp.com Copyright © Attachment and Family Center ofMinnesota 2005 Library ofCongress Cataloging in Publication Data A CIP catalog record for this book is available from the Library ofCongress British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library ISBN-13: 978 1 84310 797 2 ISBN-10: 1 84310 797 X ISBn pdfeBook: 1 84642 108 X Printed and Bound in Great Britain by Athenaeum Press, Gateshead, Tyne and Wear Contents ACKNOWLEDGMENTS 8 Legacy of an Adopted Child 9 Introduction 11 Note 13 Chapter 1 The Inner Working Model 15 …andsoitbegins…theformationoftheinner workingmodel 16 Attachmentrelationships 17 Lifeevents 23 Development 26 Meanings(or“peanutbutterandacrib”) 29 Summary 32 Chapter 2 Putting the Pieces Together: Discovering the Child’s Model 33 Thesearch 36 Discovery 45 Summary 46 Chapter 3 Narratives that Bond, Heal, and Teach 48 Section 1: How Narratives Work 49 Theimportanceofparentalattunement 50 Summary 55 Section 2: Constructing and Telling Stories 56 ThesettingforFamilyAttachmentNarrativeTherapy 56 Incorporatingpropsinthetelling 58 Creatingastory 59 Summary 64 Chapter 4 Claiming Narratives 65 Section 1: The Purpose of Claiming Narratives 66 Whenparentsfinditdifficulttobond 66 Whenthechildfindsitdifficulttotrust 66 Shiftingthechild’sinnerworkingmodel 67 Establishingbirthorder 68 Claimingtheextendedfamily 68 Passingonthefamilytraditions,history,andrituals 69 Otherissues 70 Summary 71 Section 2: Telling Claiming Narratives 71 Ifyouwouldhavebeen… 71 Problem-solvingtips 77 Summary 79 Chapter 5 Trauma Narratives 80 Section 1: The Purpose of Trauma Narratives 80 Healingthepainoftrauma 81 Shiftingthechild’sinnerworkingmodel 81 Creatingunderstandingandempathy 82 Summary 83 Section 2: Telling Trauma Narratives 83 Whentoseekprofessionalhelp 90 Problem-solvingtips 93 Summary 95 Chapter 6 Developmental Narratives 96 Section 1: The Purpose of Developmental Narratives 96 Facilitatingcognitivedevelopment 97 Facilitatingemotionaldevelopment 98 Buildingrelationships 99 Remedialskillbuilding 100 Enhancingdevelopment 101 Summary 102 Section 2: Telling Developmental Narratives 102 Whenyouwereatwo-year-oldyouwouldhave… 103 Problem-solvingtips 110 Summary 111 Chapter 7 Successful Child Narratives 112 Section 1: The Purpose of Successful Child Narratives 112 Teachingchildrenvalues 113 Reinforcingcauseandeffectthinking 113 Presentingalternativebehaviors 114 Explainingthebasicsofhowtodolife 114 Summary 115 Section 2: Telling Successful Child Narratives 115 Themeaningofbehavior 115 Changingbehaviorswithnarratives 119 Teachingbehaviorwithnarratives 122 Problem-solvingtips 126 Summary 128 Conclusion 129 Aboutresources 130 Afinalword 131 APPENDIXA:EMDR 132 APPENDIXB:STORYCONSTRUCTIONGUIDE 133 REFERENCES 135 SUBJECTINDEX 139 AUTHORINDEX 143 Acknowledgments Our colleagues at the Family Attachment and Counseling Center contributed valuableandhonestfeedback,nurturing,andlotsofchocolate.Wewouldliketo thankMelissaNichols,anexcellentwriterherself,whogaveusdirectionintimes whenwecouldnotfindthewords.JanNorman,MarenHarris,andHeatherCargill contributedtheirwisdomandfrequentlyremindedusthat,yes,wecoulddothis. Ourreadersalsogaveusmuch-neededcommentsandsuggestions:MartiErickson, GregKeck,DanHughes,GinnyBlade,MarciaMans,JackWallinga,andConnie Dummer. Mostofallwewouldliketothanktheparentsandchildrenwhohaveshared theirexperiencesofhurt,pain,andangeraswellassuccessandjoywithus.Our liveshavebeenblessedandchangedbythem.Eachandeverynarrativeinspired and challenged the methodology, taking it places we had not yet imagined. We really could not have done this without them. Denise Thank you, Scott, for listening, encouraging, and shouldering more than your sharewhentherewerenotenoughhoursintheday.HollyandAnnie,sharingyour journeythroughlifehastaughtmesomuchaboutattachment,childdevelopment, andparenting.Thanksfornotgivinguponthis“lessthanperfect”mom;I’mstill learning.MomandDad,I’mreallygladthatIcansay,“I’mgettingmoreandmore likeyoutheolderIget.”AndTodd,it’sbeenalongerroadthanwethought,but made much easier by your friendship. Todd Melissa,Jeremy,Anna,andGrace–whatawonderfulfamilywithwhichI’vebeen blessed!Youcontinuetoaddsomuchtomylife.Thankyouallforyourconstant supportandteaching.Mom,theolderIget,themoreIappreciateyourwisdom. Thank you, Denise, for your tireless writing and rewriting. You’re a wonderful person to work with. Joanne Iwouldliketothankthehundredsofparentswhocontributedtothedevelopment ofFamily Attachment Narrative Therapy and the writing of this book.
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