Conjugality: Marriage and Marriage-like Relationships before the Law

239 Pages·2015·1.32 MB·English

by  Heather Brook

Conjugality
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Conjugality
Marriage and Marriage-l ike
Relationships before the Law
Second Edition, Revised and Updated
Heather Brook
conjugality
Copyright © Heather Brook, 2007, 2015.
All rights reserved.
First edition published in 2007 by PALGRAVE MACMILLAN® in the United
States— a division of St. Martin’s Press LLC, 175 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY
10010.
Where this book is distributed in the UK, Europe and the rest of the world,
this is by Palgrave Macmillan, a division of Macmillan Publishers Limited,
registered in England, company number 785998, of Houndmills, Basingstoke,
Hampshire RG21 6XS.
Palgrave Macmillan is the global academic imprint of the above companies and
has companies and representatives throughout the world.
Palgrave® and Macmillan® are registered trademarks in the United States, the
United Kingdom, Europe and other countries.
ISBN: 978- 0- 230- 12005- 1
Library of Congress Cataloging- in- Publication Data
Brook, Heather, author.
Conjugality : marriage and marriage-l ike relationships before the law /
Heather Brook.— Second edition.
pages cm
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978-0- 230- 12005- 1 (pbk. : alk. paper) 1. Marriage law— History. I.
Title.
K675.B76 2014
346.01'609— dc23 2014022637
A catalogue record of the book is available from the British Library.
Design by Scribe Inc.
Second edition: April 2015
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Contents
Acknowledgments vii
1 Introduction: Proposals 1
2 The Marriage Monster: Theorizing Conjugality 11
3 Making Marriage: Weddings, Consummation, and Annulment 31
4 Sex Magic: Adultery and Other Sexual Performatives 55
5 Marriage beyond the Pale 75
6 Fault: Crime, Absence, and Cruelty as Grounds for Divorce 95
7 Separation Anxieties: No- Fault Divorce 113
8 Cohabitation: The “Limping” Marriage 129
9 Queer Propositions: Sex and Sexualities 149
10 Conclusion: Sex, Marriage, and Conjugality 169
Notes 177
References 189
Index 221
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Acknowledgments
The project of revising and rewriting this book coincided with the project
of rehabilitating my body after a big health challenge. Consequently, I have
much to be thankful for, both before and after the turning point this book
has come to represent.
I want to begin by thanking Australians of a certain age for electing the
Whitlam (Labor) government back in the 1970s. Without the health care sys-
tem we now know as Medicare, my life would be very different, if it remained
a life at all. If it were not for the relatively robust public health system in place
here, I would not have had access to the first- class surgical, oncological, and
radiotherapy teams whose mundane business is to save lives. For their expert
care, I thank Professor Grantley Gill and his team (especially Judy Iasiello),
Dr. Nick Murray and the oncology nurses at the Royal Adelaide Hospital,
and Dr. Linda Swaney and the gentle radiotherapists at the Adelaide Radio-
therapy Centre (especially Andy). I thank you all and hope I never see any of
you again.
At Palgrave Macmillan, Burke Gerstenschlager has been a pleasure to work
with, and I thank him for his friendly patience and encouragement. Thanks
also go to Matt Verges for his beautiful artwork and to all at Scribe Inc. for
their courteous and expert editorial assistance.
If I did not have a job that at times hardly feels like work, among col-
leagues who made it possible for me to continue working according to my
ability rather than their needs, I would have suffered much more. Thanks,
then, to Associate Professor Yvonne Corcoran-N antes, Associate Professor
Barbara Baird, Professor Fiona Verity, Associate Professor Deb King, and
Professor Phyllis Tharenou, along with the capable and kind administrative
team running the School of Social and Policy Studies, in the Faculty of Social
and Behavioural Science at Flinders University. In particular, I acknowledge
Gemma Alver, Heidi Barber, Janine Clarke, Rhonda Domin, Sharon Huckel,
Amanda Neill, Shelley Pirakis, Jacqui Schwerdt, Jan Sidford, and Mathilde
Thorsen for helping to create a warm and forgiving working environment.
I thank, too, those friends and colleagues both here at Flinders and in other
places who make life so much more interesting and pleasant: Chris Beasley,
Chilla Bulbeck, Shannon Dowling, Ali Elder, Deane Fergie, Mary Heath,
Mary Holmes, Mick Maeorg, Rob Manwaring, Dee Michell, Monique Mul-
holland, Pam Papadelos, and Rebecca Stringer.
viii Acknowledgments
I also take this opportunity to thank my generous students, many of whom
have offered leads, questions, and resources that have enriched my learning
every bit as much as I hope to have enriched theirs. For sharing particular
resources and ideas, I thank Solange Banford, Erika (Erin) Cabanawan, Jodie
Hobart, Sara Kern, Seb King-J ones, Guidora (Julie) Kopong, Angela Kusuma,
Priscilla Lester, Emma Luke, Katie McMullin, Shae Mortimer, Jess Muller,
Judeza (Judy) Pingoy, Sandie Price, Parboti (Pempem) Roy, Tova Rozengar-
ten, Ena Tripura, Santi Widanti, and Amorisa (Icha) Wiratri. For their music
parcels and study postcards, warm thanks go to Danielle Halliday, Claire Lace,
and Tracey Ann Rankine. For setting off into the postuniversity world like
firecrackers, love and thanks go to Hayley Welgus, Tracy Riddiford, Emma
Watkinson, Daina Hayles, and Veronika von Bujdoss.
The path of inquiry this book represents began with Carol Bacchi, Chris Bea-
sley, and Carol Johnson at the University of Adelaide and then continued with
Barry Hindess and Barbara Sullivan at the Australian National University. I never
imagined how pleasurable and fulfilling the world of critical thinking would be,
and I thank each of you for walking beside me and pointing out the sights.
It is trite to say that health means everything, but my fitness was a corpo-
real charm that shielded me from the worst effects of cancer treatment. The
open, welcoming, and encouraging fitness group that is Her Time ran with
me through it all. Chemotherapy is a breeze compared to Anna Liptak’s bur-
pee sessions. Thanks to Anna, Heather Bedson, Emily Cook, Glenda Cook,
Sue Hales, Pam Keane, Sandra Lawson, Margaret Liptak, Lisa Porter, Monica
Raphael, Bec Rainbow, Leo Schultz, Terry Townsend, Sarah van Nordennen,
Tania Venning, and all the other brilliant Her Time homegirls for making
me stronger than I ever would have guessed I could be. Thanks, too, go to
Yogini Kerry (at Blackwood Fitness Center) for her calm, patient, kind, and
restorative instruction.
For nourishment in more than one sense, I thank the Espyterian “congre-
gation” at the Esplanade Hotel, Brighton, for their refreshing faith that there
is nothing beer cannot cure. Tris, Kate, Rod, and ET—m ay your roughies
always romp home. Thanks, too, for forming the all-c onquering Holdfast Bay
Prawns, along with Pops, Erin, Ando, Chris, Movie Star, Ray, Keithy, and
Veronica. The Espy choir sounds more melodious whenever Jo “Coco” Ken-
nedy is there, and I thank her for her peerless styling and veterinary advice.
The voice I’m always happiest to hear in the pews belongs to Tristan Kennedy,
and I thank him for his stellar Sunday work both on and off the tennis court.
Ring them bells.
I thank Brooke, Max, and Steve Miller, for being the coolest people I’m
related to, and Sam Schroeder, for horses, holidays, and lots of other help. Des
Hollamby, I’m very glad you knocked on our mother’s door 30 years ago. For
succor and sustenance in many forms, thanks go to the Kennedy, McLuckie,
Sugars, and Butlin families. I revive Martin and Lindsay Brook in memory
every day, and I am grateful for having been part of their too-s hort lives.
My amazing Craic team spared me so much fear and pain I hardly know
how to begin thanking them. Those hilarious lunches in the Parlour Room
Acknowledgments ix
at the Broadway Hotel shone not so much because they occurred during
dark times (for many of us, not just me), but because they generated such
warmth and light that monsters like cancer were turned away blind. Chris
Beasley (Wing Attack) added “running partner” to the list of her roles in
my life—c oauthor, mentor, teacher, portrait painter, and general conspirator.
Our explosion of projects and potential projects with Mary Holmes, and our
regular work together, continue to sustain me. Mary Holmes (Goal Keeper)
offered wisdom on wheels and friendly counsel on everything from imagi-
nary numbers to chutney. Dee Michell (Wing Defense) showed me again and
again how to live with courage and humility—a nd reminds me, in our work
together, to differentiate what is important from what is urgent. May your
rose always bloom. Knowing Belinda “BJ” Moore (Goal Defense) was nearby,
offering kind, patient support and reining in my worst-c ase scenarios (“What
if I fall over and land on the syringe and the needle sticks in my eye?”), saved
me numerous trips to consulting rooms and hospitals. At any given moment,
there’s no nurse whose hand I’d rather hold. Rebecca Stringer (though
unavailable for team selection) seemed always to know what I needed, usually
well before I did. Kate Sugars (Scorer) has been a friend and ally for nearly
40 years. She continues to offer me access to rare and complex beauty, and I
thank her as I would thank Beethoven and Bach, if I could. Sara Timperon
(Goal Shooter) is the best freestyle boot scooter in the world even though a
horse fell on her. Thanks for your ever-s oothing, beautiful, funny, presence in
my life. Meredith Walsh (Reserve) always makes me think twice, for which I
am truly grateful. The inventor of Phantom Netball, Kylie “Narelle” Wilson
(Goal Attack; Captain) continues to make me laugh so hard it’s embarrassing.
Thanks for your particular genius. It is impossible to say how much I owe
Barbara Brook (Coach) and Wendy Miller (Manager/Trainer). My mother,
Barbie, has modeled curiosity and diligence for me in ways that make me
want to strive, always, to know more. May your Sunday crosswords always be
solved. Wendy Miller’s love and generosity has kept me safe and warm all my
life. Your wisdom, resilience, and love, through it all, made everything better,
including me. Namaste, Doctor Wong.
In an earlier incarnation of this book, I thanked Rod Butlin “for seeing the
best in me, even at my worst.” I didn’t know then that so much worse was
to come. I was not surprised, though, that he gave me exactly what I most
needed and never once flinched. He waved me off into surgery and waited for
me to land again, relieved me of having to deal with my own squeamishness
around woundedness postsurgery and postradiation, sat beside me while my
shedding hair was shaved off, distracted me while nurses tried to locate and
tap recalcitrant veins, gave me baths, and admired my scar. Women with two
breasts, he says now, look a bit weird. (That’s what I mean by “seeing the best
in me.”) Thanks for your exceptional grace, wit, and care: you remain my all-
time favorite human being. Hoops of steel.
Heather Brook
January 2013