Conflict and communication: a guide through the labyrinth of conflict management

308 Pages·2004·1.691 MB·English

by  Shapiro, Daniel

CONFLICT AND COMMUNICATION:
A Guide Through the Labyrinth of Conflict Management


CONFLICT AND COMMUNICATION:
A Guide Through the Labyrinth of Conflict Management

Conflict and Communication: A Guide Through the Labyrinth of Conflict Management was developed for
the Open Society Institute’s Regional Children and Youth Program for use in Central and Eastern Euro-
pean schools. The information and skills presented within this curriculum can also be implemented in other
parts of the world.
Author: Daniel Shapiro
Editors: Lisa Pilsitz, Susan Shapiro
Content Editor: Fran Donelan
Assistant Editors: Sarah Aitken, Lara Davidovic, Jennifer Dellmuth
Published by
international debate education association
400 West 59th Street / New York, NY 10019
Copyright © 2004 by Open Society Institute
Conflict and Communication: A Guide Through the Labyrinth of Conflict
Management was developed for the Open Society Institute’s Regional Children
and Youth Program for use in Central and Eastern European schools. The
information and skills presented within this curriculum can also be implemented in
other parts of the world.
Editors: Lisa Pilsitz
Susan Shapiro
Content Editor: Fran Donelan
Assistant Editors: Sarah Aitken
Lara Davidovic
Jennifer Dellmuth
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or
transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including
photocopy, or any information storage and retrieval system, without written
permission from the publisher.
THE PUBLISHER GRANTS PERMISSION FOR THE REPRODUCTION OF
THE ACTIVITY SHEETS IN THIS WORK FOR NON-PROFIT EDUCATIONAL
USE. THE ACTIVITY SHEETS MAY NOT BE USED IN A PROFIT-MAKING
VENTURE WITHOUT THE WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE PUBLISHER.
Activity sheets may be downloaded from
www.idebate.org/conflictandcommunication.htm
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Shapiro, Daniel, 1971-
Conflict and communication : a guide through the labyrinth
of conflict
management / Daniel Shapiro.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 0-9720541-9-7 (alk. paper)
1. Conflict management—Study and teaching. 2. Social
conflict—Study
and teaching. 3. Conflict management—Study and teach-
ing—Activity
programs. 4. Social conflict—Study and teaching—Activity
programs.
I. Title.
HM1126.S53 2004
303.6’9’071—dc22
2004010121
Design by Hernan Bonomo
Printed in the USA
IDEA Press Books
IV| Conflict and Communication
A
CKNOWLEDGMENTS
A major strength of this book lies in the joint efforts of a number of talented people who offered inspiration
and ideas. Thank you to:
Dr. Jerome Frank, who has taught me that the mind, which “has proved capable of splitting the atom and put-
ting satellites into space,” is equally capable of creating a world free from violence and war.
The multitude of teachers and Soros Health Education Coordinators from Central and Eastern Europe who piloted
and evaluated the lessons in this book. The lessons were modified and improved on the basis of the field-tests.
The participants of the workshops on communication and conflict management. You are the voice and body
of this book.
The university professors, who dedicated many hours to reviewing the book and offering constructive sug-
gestions—Ervin Staub, Social Psychologist, specializing in issues of violence (University of Massachusetts at
Amherst), Carl Latkin, Industrial/Organizational Psychologist (Johns Hopkins University), Carol Beal, Develop-
mental Psychologist (University of Massachusetts at Amherst), Joseph Folger, Expert Mediation (Temple Univer-
sity), Ghislaine Godenne, Professor of Psychiatry (Johns Hopkins University/Medical School).
My Morn, Dad, Grandma, and Nan, who have taught me how to teach, how to listen, and how to love.
Lisa Pilsitz, my “other Mom,” whose sincere sense of humanity has touched every page of this book.
Elizabeth Lorant, for her friendship, as well as for her vision of an open society.
Fran Donelan, Consultant and Expert in Conflict Resolution, Peace Education Project Director (American
Friends Service Committee and Faculty, Goucher College), for her diligent work, steadfast dedication, and devo-
tion to the teaching of conflict resolution.
To Sarah Aitken, Sophie Ungvary, and Ben Chan for their insightful contributions to the curriculum.
Lara Davidovic, who day or night, unconditionally and sincerely offered insight and assistance.
The “co-facilitators,” whose spirit, energy, and ideas have helped shaped the curriculum: Jennifer Dellmuth,
Marius Mates, Craig Zelizer, Pedje Zivotic, Melissa Agocs, and Micah Murray.
Clare, Emily, and Lucas, for teaching me that life is much deeper than the mere beating of our hearts.
Those others who have added vitality, logic, and love to the curriculum:
Vera & Ivan Janik
Jamie Daneberg
Sarah Klaus
Lona Vinarski
Andrey Chadeav
Chris Fitz
Zina Baltreniene
Jeff Pilsitz
Mira Polazarevska
Dan Baciu
Darko Tot
Kathleen Curry
Rodica Cristea
Jana Hazirova
Jennifer Kreamer
and last, but not at all least, Madelyn Shapiro
|V
VI| Conflict and Communication
Table of Contents
•
FOREWORD: A GLOBAL FRAMEWORK OF CONFLICT MANAGEMENT - Page IX
PART I - CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
INTRODUCTION - Page 2
This introduction highlights the overall intent of the curriculum, the importance of
conflict management education, and the curriculum philosophy.
CHAPTER ONE: ME - Page 9
Students discover their personal values and beliefs, how they are formed, and how
they relate to conflict. They also learn how their own self-esteem and self-concept
relate to conflict.
CHAPTER TWO: YOU - Page 43
Sometimes misperceptions and misunderstanding arise and affect relationships.
This chapter emphasizes the importance of appreciating others’ differences and
everyone’s uniqueness.
CHAPTER THREE: ME AND YOU - Page 83
The focus of this chapter is communication: How can we effectively interact when
we are in a conflict situation? How can we be better listeners? How can we clearly
express ourselves? This chapter presents activities on listening strategies, effective
conversation techniques, body language, and trust.
CHAPTER FOUR: ME VS. YOU - Page 111
This chapter allows students to examine the roots and consequences of conflict. It
raises important issues, such as why people resort to violence during conflicts.
CHAPTER FIVE: ME WITH YOU - Page 137
This chapter presents a specific, five-step strategy for managing conflicts. Many of
the activities emphasize the idea that in a conflict between people, both people can
often win the conflict.
CHAPTER SIX: US - Page 177
This chapter consists of activities designed for students to discover basic human
rights and their connection to conflict. It also offers exercises and ideas on how
students can promote change within a system when they believe that the system
infringes on their basic human rights.
PART II - STUDENT MEDIATION
INTRODUCTION - Page 202
This introduction defines mediation and explains its purpose.
THE TEN SESSIONS - Page 204
This part consists of sessions on setting up a student mediation program in your
school. The necessary training materials are included.
|VII
APPENDIXES
APPENDIX I: STRESS-RELIEVING ACTIVITIES - Page 272
If discussions become sensitive or emotional, you can facilitate these activities to
relieve some of the stress. They are useful for you as well as the students.
APPENDIX II: ICEBREAKERS - Page 276
This appendix lists quick activities that create a warm, accepting, comfortable envi-
ronment for you and the participants.
APPENDIX III: THE THREE LOVELY LITTLE PIGS (A SHORT PLAY ABOUT
MEDIATION) - Page 279
This short play, “The Three Lovely Little Pigs,” captures the essence of mediation in a
humorous manner.
APPENDIX IV: INTERDISCIPLINARY APPROACHES
TO CONFLICT MANAGEMENT - Page 285
This appendix describes the roles of school, family, and peers in regard to conflict
management. There are sample activities that highlight ways conflict management can
be implemented into various subjects and settings.
APPENDIX V: DIVIDING STUDENTS INTO GROUPS - Page 288
This section offers suggestions on dividing students into random groups.
GLOSSARY - Page 289
INDEX OF LESSONS - Page 291
INDEX OF KEY CONCEPTS - Page 292
VIII| Conflict and Communication
F :
OREWORD
A G F O
LOBAL RAMEWORK F
C M
ONFLICT ANAGEMENT
Among the ubiquitous dangers facing human- Another aspect of psychological primacy of the
ity these days, only one threatens extinction of the group has been termed ethnocentrism. Members
human race: modern war. Until the advent of nuclear, of each group typically regard its values, customs,
chemical, and biological weapons, recurring con- and achievements as superior to all others. When
flicts have been compatible with survival and indeed two groups come into conflict over territory, food,
have provided stimuli to scientific and technological or other limited resources, as well as for other rea-
breakthroughs, leading to major advances in health sons, each combatant sees its own goals and behav-
and welfare, albeit at great temporary cost in lives iors as the only legitimate, praiseworthy ones. Each
and human suffering. demeans and ridicules its opponent who becomes
As the last two world wars have shown, wars can the “enemy.”
escalate until combatants attack each other with the Each contender justifies its own atrocities by the
most destructive weapons at their disposal. Until atrocities of the enemy and seeks revenge. These
today, even the worst of these weapons could cause mutual images and behaviors are powerfully sup-
only regional damage. With the abrupt emergence ported by value systems, traditions, and codes of
of weapons capable of worldwide destruction, any conduct. In consequence, armed conflict, often last-
war waged by modern industrialized nations could ing generations, typically leads to escalation of vio-
endanger humanity, and indeed all life. lence until each combatant seeks exterminating the
Those struggling to contain this unprecedented other, often including women and children, as a
threat work toward achieving two interacting and sacred duty. In a nuclear-armed world, this is a recipe
mutually reinforcing goals: verifiable, enforceable for mutual extinction.
universal disarmament and substitution of effective Two available and mutually reinforcing ways of
nonviolent for violent methods of resolving conflicts. breaking out of these traps are to work simultane-
The search for disarmament, although making a ously for disarmament and nonviolent conflict reso-
little progress periodically, has always been frustrated lution. The hope that this goal can be achieved rests
by the underlying belief of all contending parties that on the workshops in conflict resolution and commu-
superior destructive force still is the ultimate arbi- nication skills burgeoning throughout the world.
ter of international quarrels, as it always has been. To be sure, one must be cautious in drawing
Superior destructive power, however, has become a conclusions as to the success of these workshops. In
chimera, no longer achievable by industrially and sci- comparison to the enormous extent of the problem,
entifically advanced nations. the number of participants in them is still minuscule,
This realization forces those working for human which limits the generalizability of the results. More-
survival to develop effective nonviolent means for over, the conditions under which the workshops are
resolving group conflicts. A major obstacle toward being conducted and evaluated contain many inevi-
achieving this goal interacts with reliance on superior table sources of bias.
violence. It is that humans as group creatures regard What makes this particular program especially
survival of the group, not its individual members, as appealing is that it is no armchair exercise. The par-
the paramount good. Witness the worldwide post- ticipating teachers and students are living in some of
humous acclaim of heroes who have sacrificed their the most conflict-ridden parts of the world, and the
lives in battle for their comrades or their country. designer of this curriculum has spent months in these
Foreword |IX
regions organizing and participating in the exercises. eventually replace violence in domestic and inter-
The curriculum is methodologically and conceptu- national conflicts. Only a distant hope, to be
ally sophisticated. sure, but in the wise aphorism of Krishnamurti,
Since production of basic change in culturally an Indian philosopher: “A pebble can change the
ingrained attitudes is difficult and slow, humanity course of a river.”
will have to live under the Damocles sword of civiliza- This curriculum is such a pebble. As more and
tion—destroying weaponry for a long time. Until the more such pebbles accumulate, we may hope they
sword drops, however, there may be time for humans will grow to form a dam mighty enough to divert the
to achieve the massive psychological transformation course of human events from its present destructive
eventually leading to exclusive reliance on nonviolent channels.
methods for resolving group disputes. A daunting In the meanwhile, I heartily recommend seri-
task indeed, but there is no other alternative. ous perusal and implementation where possible of
Hopefully, programs of conflict management Conflict and Communication: A Guide Through the
like this one will in time become sufficiently Labyrinth of Conflict Management to all who cherish
widespread and sophisticated to mitigate and hopes for the future of humanity.
Jerome Frank, Ph.D., M.D., Professor of Psychiatry
(Emeritus of Johns Hopkins University)

X| Conflict and Communication