Compassion and self-hate: an alternative to despair PDF
Preview Compassion and self-hate: an alternative to despair
YOU DON'THAVE TO BEPERFECT! STARTLIKING YOURSELF AMAJORNEWBOOKBYTHEAUTHOROF & LISA DAVID misses niBDmL ANAOERNATlVET0DESFy\IR AMAINSELECTIONOF THEPSYCHOLOGYTODAYBOOKCLUB (0) Ballantine Nonfiction 24885 $1.95 "THE BEST OF DR. RUBIN'S MANY SUCCESSFUL BOOKS . . . STRONGLY RECOMMENDED" — Dr. Harry Gerschman, Dean, American Institute for Psychoanalysis "Read Dr. Rubin's new book. You owe it to your- self. It is indeed his finest effort. Here all the evils of self-hate are laid bare. Here is hope. Here Is compassion. Here is tr—uth." San Francisco Chronicle "One of the most complete compendiums on how to break through neurotic living to greater well- bein—g." Helen A. De Rosis, M.D., Editor, American Journai of Psychoanaiysis "It couldn't have been written at a more appropri- ate time, or by a more thoroughly competent authority." — Frank G. Slaughter, M.D. "It chips away the rust on your psychic armor, rediscovering the neglected sources of your com- passion." — Bess Myerson "The compassionate way of life as an effective solution to neurotic conflict ... an important work that deserves a wide readership.—" LibraryJournal ALSO BY THEODORE ISAAC RUBIN *Lisa and David/JordI * Cat * In the Life *Sweet Daddy Platzo and the Mexican Pony Rider The 29th Summer Coming Out The Thin Booi<bya Formerly Fat Psychiatrist The Winner's Notebook Forever Thin The Angry Book Emergency Room Diary "Dr. Rubin, Please Make Me Happy!" Shrink Love Me, Love My Fool: Thoughts from a Psychoanalyst's Notebook COLUMNS McCalls Ladies' Home Journal Published by Ballantlne Books Compassion and Self-Hate An Alternative to Despair Theodore Rubin, M.D. I. with Eleanor Rubin BALLANTINE BOOKS • NEW YORK Copyright <c) 1975 by El-Ted Rubin, Inc. All rights reserved including the right to reproduce this book, or parts thereof, in any form, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review. Published in the United States by Ballantine Books, a division of Random House, Inc., New York, and simultaneously in Canada by Ballantine Books of Canada, Ltd., Toronto, Canada. Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 74-20325 ISBN 0-345-24885-6-195 This edition published by arrangement with David McKay Company, Inc., New York Manufactured in the United States of America First Ballantine Books Edition: July, 1976 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS I cannot begin this book without thanks to Karen Horney, Nat Freeman and Paul Lussheimer, who are no longer with us, and many of my other former teachers and colleagues at the American Institute for Psychoanalysis. Particular thanks to Izz Portnoy, who more than anyone else taught me the true meaning of the word. I also thank my wife, my parents, my children^ and my patients and friends. thank Eleanor I Rawson, the toughest, the most insightful and the best editor have ever had. I Contents 1. An Alternative to Despair CONTENTS vlii / Forms of Self-Hate: Indirect 69 Illusions 73 Illusions Involving Self 80 Illusions Involving Self and Other People 88 Illusions Involving Self and the Human Condition 91 The Grand Illusion 105 Impossible Standards, Unrealistic Goals, Exorbitant Expectations 106 Boredom 111 Polarization and Superlatives 113 Self-Hate As a Way of Life 115 Compassion 119 III. Compassion in Process 121 Origins of Compassion 123 Generating Compassion 127 Forms of Compassion: The Direct Way 131 Forms of Compassion: The Indirect Way 147 Destroying Illusions 147 Lowering Standards, Limiting Goals and Reducing Expectations 152 The Move Against Boredom 156 Compassionate Shades of Gray 157 Compassionate Psychophilosophy: 159 Compassion As a Way of Life 159 y Am Because / Ami 160 Am I I 163 / Need, I Want, I Choose 166 / Am Where I Am 171 Be Here Nowl 174 The Process Is the Product 177 / Always Do My Best 179 Contracts, Consistency, Congruity 180 No 187 Participation and Performance 188
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