Coming home: a woman's story of conversion to Judaism PDF
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Coming Home to Passion RecentTitlesin Sex,Love,andPsychology JudyKuriansky,SeriesEditor America’sWaronSex MartyKlein Teenagers,HIV,andAIDS:InsightsfromYouthsLivingwiththeVirus MaureenE.LyonandLawrenceJ.D’Angelo,editors Rock‘n’RollWisdom:WhatPsychologicallyAstuteLyricsTeachaboutLifeandLove BarryA.Farber Sixty,Sexy,andSuccessful:AGuideforAgingMaleBabyBoomers RobertSchwalbe,PhD ManagingMenopauseBeautifully:Physically,Emotionally,andSexually DonaCaine-Francis NewFrontiersinMen’sSexualHealth:UnderstandingErectileDysfunctionand theRevolutionaryNewTreatments KamalA.Hanash,M.D. SexualityEducation:Past,Present,andFuture(4volumes) ElizabethSchroeder,EdD,MSW,andJudyKuriansky,PhD,editors SexWhenYou’reSick:ReclaimingSexualHealthafterIllnessorInjury AnneKatz SecretSuffering:HowWomen’sSexualandPelvicPainAffectsTheirRelationships SusanBilheimerandRobertJ.Echenberg,M.D. TeenageSexandPregnancy:ModernMyths,UnsexyRealities MikeMales Monogamy:TheUntoldStory MarianneBrandon Sex,Love,andMentalIllness:ACouple’sGuidetoStayingConnected StephanieBuehler COMING HOME TO PASSION Restoring Loving Sexuality in Couples with Histories of Childhood Trauma and Neglect Ruth Cohn Sex,Love,andPsychology JudyKuriansky,SeriesEditor Copyright2011byRuthCohn Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthispublicationmaybereproduced,storedina retrievalsystem,ortransmitted,inanyformorbyanymeans,electronic,mechanical, photocopying,recording,orotherwise,exceptfortheinclusionofbriefquotationsina review,withoutpriorpermissioninwritingfromthepublisher. LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationData Cohn,Ruth,1955– Cominghometopassion:restoringlovingsexualityincoupleswithhistoriesofchildhood traumaandneglect/RuthCohn. p.cm.—(Sex,love,andpsychology) Includesbibliographicalreferencesandindex. ISBN978–0–313–39212–2(hardcopy:alk.paper)—ISBN978–0–313–39213–9(eBook) 1. Couplestherapy.2. Sextherapy.3. Psychictraumainchildren.4. Adultchildabusevictims. I.Title. [DNLM:1. CouplesTherapy.2. MaritalTherapy.3. AdultSurvivorsofChildAbuse— psychology.4. Love.5. Sexuality—psychology.6. Spouses—psychology. WM430.5.M3] RC488.5.C633 2011 616.8901562—dc22 2010043753 ISBN:978–0–313–39212–2 EISBN:978–0–313–39213–9 15 14 13 12 11 1 2 3 4 5 ThisbookisalsoavailableontheWorldWideWebasaneBook. Visitwww.abc-clio.comfordetails. Praeger AnImprintofABC-CLIO,LLC ABC-CLIO,LLC 130CremonaDrive,P.O.Box1911 SantaBarbara,California93116-1911 Thisbookisprintedonacid-freepaper ManufacturedintheUnitedStatesofAmerica Tomymom,whodiedtoosoon. Andtoallthosechildren,bornandunborn, alivebecausetheirparentshadthemettle andthehearttodothiswork. CONTENTS SeriesForewordbyDr.JudyKuriansky ix Acknowledgments xi Introduction xiii PART I RELATIONSHIP 1. IntheBeginning:AttachmentStyles 3 2. ThePracticeofEmpathy:What’sWrongwiththeGoldenRule? 9 3. Don’tGetMeWrong!HDCommunication 13 4. Chiaroscuro:ThePlayofShadowandLight 21 5. MenandWomen:IsThereaDifference? 25 PART II A SHORT COURSE ON TRAUMA AND NEGLECT 6. It’stheEndoftheWorldasWeKnowIt:APrimeronTrauma 33 7. WaitingfortheSuntoComeOut:WakingUptoNeglect 43 8. DoYouWannaDance?MoreaboutTriggeringand Adaptation 49 9. CyclesofEscalation:ItTakesTwotoTangle 53 10. EmotionalRescue:TheTransformativePowerofRepair 63 viii CONTENTS PART III INTRODUCTION TO THE WIDE WORLD OF SEX 11. TheLegacyofRabbiHillel:TheNatureofSex 71 12. ThisThingCalledLove:MythsandFactsaboutAdultSexuality 75 13. I’mBadtotheBone:TraumaandSexuality 85 14. YouCan’tAlwaysGetWhatYouWant:NeglectandSexuality 93 15. TangledUpinBlue:CommonTrauma/NeglectSexualDynamics 99 PART IV PRACTICE 16. TheWayItIs:Assessment 109 17. HumanTouch:BeingHereNow 117 18. We’reonOurWayHome:MoreaboutPresenceandSome Practice 125 19. StartingOver:PracticeandMorePractice 131 20. WhataLong,StrangeTripIt’sBeen:Integration, “Re-membering,”andRenewal 147 Appendix 153 Notes 155 Bibliography 159 Index 161 SERIES FOREWORD What do popular rock lyrics like those of John Lennon and brain twisters fromtheTalmudhavetodowithattachmenttheoristJohnBowlbyandrela- tionshiptherapistHarvilleHendrix?Plenty,asauthorandmarriageandfam- ilytherapistRuthCohncleverlyweavesreferencestoculturaliconswithsolid psychological theory in her book Coming Home to Passion: Restoring Loving SexualityinCoupleswithHistoriesofChildhoodTraumaandNeglect. A couples counselor and sex therapist certified by the American Associa- tion of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists, Cohn explains that Lennon experienced trauma in his life that appears linked to healing in his albumDoubleFantasy.Similarly,Cohndescribesthejourneysofherpatients whohavesufferedfromtrauma,includingsessionsandtechniquesthathelped themheal. The importance of Cohn’s topic is indisputable, with statistics indicating thatuptooneinfourwomenandoneinsevenmenhavebeenabusedinsome way.Addtothoseshockingnumbersthatmanymenandwomensufferfrom widespreadneglect,pain,ortraumafromlifeexperiencesand/orpastrelation- ships,leading to potentreasons forthelarge percentage of men and women who suffer resulting sexual problems. For this reason, Cohn’s book is an important one—for couples and for professionals alike—as she clearly out- lines the theories of trauma and the processes for recovery. Cohn uses her knowledgeofBowlby’sattachmenttheory,Hendrix’sImagotherapy,defense mechanisms, behavioral patterns, and even brain circuitry, combined with adaptations of proven sexual therapy techniques and her own creative
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