Clean Break: How to Divorce with Dignity and Move On with Your Life

295 Pages·2008·4.279 MB·English

by  Karen Stewart

Clean] [Break
Clean] [Break
HOW TO DIVORCE WITH DIGNITY AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE
Karen Stewart
Copyright © 2008 by Karen Stewart
All rights reserved. No part of this work covered by the copyright herein may be
reproduced or used in any form or by any means—graphic, electronic or me-
chanical without the prior written permission of the publisher. Any request for
photocopying, recording, taping or information storage and retrieval systems
of any part of this book shall be directed in writing to The Canadian Copyright
Licensing Agency (Access Copyright). For an Access Copyright license, visit
www.accesscopyright.ca or call toll free 1-800-893-5777.
Care has been taken to trace ownership of copyright material contained in this book. The
publisher will gladly receive any information that will enable them to rectify any reference
or credit line in subsequent editions.
Independently Negotiated Resolution Process™
Fairway Divorce Solutions®
The Clear Road to a New Life®
The material in this publication is provided for information purposes only. Laws,
regulations, and procedures are constantly changing, and the examples given are in-
tended to be general guidelines only. This book is sold with the understanding that
neither the author nor the publisher is engaged in rendering professional advice. It
is strongly recommended that legal, accounting, tax, fi nancial, insurance, and other
advice or assistance be obtained before acting on any information contained in this
book. If such advice or other assistance is required, the personal services of a compe-
tent professional should be sought.
Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication Data
Stewart, Karen (Karen H.)
Clean break :how to divorce with dignity and move on with your life / Karen
Stewart.
ISBN 978-0-470-15550-9
1. Divorce. 2. Divorce—Psychological aspects. I. Title.
HQ814.S74 2008 306.89 C2008-900615-1
Production Credits
Cover and interior text design: Adrian So
Typesetter: Th omson Digital
Printer: Tri-Graphic Printing Ltd.
John Wiley & Sons Canada, Ltd.
6045 Freemont Blvd.
Mississauga, Ontario
L5R 4J3
Printed in Canada
1 2 3 4 5 TRI 12 11 10 09 08
I dedicate this book to my three beautiful children and to all children
whose journeys take them across the path of their parents’ divorce.
— Karen Stewart
No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that
created it.
— Albert Einstein
[ ]
Contents
Praise for Clean Break ix
Acknowledgments xi
Author’s Note xiii
Prologue: A Fool’s Mistakes xv
Introduction: The Perils and the Pitfalls of the
System as We Know It xvii
PART I— The Journey before the Journey:
Navigating the Rocky Emotional Terrain1
Karen’s Story3
Chapter 1: From Marriage to Mayhem 5
Refl ections: Your Dignity and Self-Worth49
Chapter 2: Accepting the Truth 51
Chapter 3: Trusting Your Intuition 54
Chapter 4: Breaking Free from Crisis and Chaos 56
Chapter 5: Becoming Proactive 59
Chapter 6: Establishing Healthy Boundaries 62
Into Action65
Chapter 7: Meet the Cunninghams 67
Chapter 8: Adam’s Emotional Procrastination 87
Chapter 9: Carolyn’s “Painted Picture” 99
[viii] [ Contents ]
PART II—Save Your Ass(ets)105
Karen’s Story107
Chapter 10: Losing My Way . . . and Losing It All 109
Refl ections: Your Wealth151
Chapter 11: Taking Control—and Keeping It 153
Chapter 12: Formulating a Strategic Process and Plan 159
Chapter 13: Moving beyond Fear of the Unknown 163
Chapter 14: Demanding Accountability 168
Chapter 15: Accelerating the Process 171
Chapter 16: Controlling Costs 174
Chapter 17: Putting an End to Position Bargaining 177
Chapter 18: Dividing Assets (Instead of
Destroying Them) 181
Chapter 19: Attending to the All-Important Details 187
Into Action 193
Chapter 20: He Says, She Says . . . 195
Chapter 21: Spousal Support 223
PART III—The Forgotten Ones231
Karen’s Story233
Chapter 22: Watching It All from a Place
of Helplessness 235
Refl ections: Your Children’s Emotional Welfare253
Chapter 23: Children Are Children (Not Pawns) 255
Chapter 24: Empowering the Children 258
Into Action261
Chapter 25: The Cunninghams’ Most Precious
Assets 263
Chapter 26: A Vision of Hope 276
Appendix: 12 Rules for Making a Clean Break 281
About the Author 284
About Fairway Divorce Solutions 285
Praise for Clean Break
“This is a vital book for anyone pondering divorce or is about to go
through the trauma of this life-changing event. Karen Stewart knows
what she is talking about, having experienced a gut-wrenching ter-
mination to her own marriage. Clean Break provides a brilliant new
alternative to resolving the dilemma of divorce. This practical step-by-
step process will not only save considerable time, energy and money,
but most of all it will provide a clear path for a hopeful future.”
—Les Hewitt, co-author of the international bestseller,
The Power of Focus
“Because of her important new book, Karen Stewart has advanced the
debate on divorce into a new realm where the sadistic, exploitative,
adversarial system can give way to a more rational and supportive
process where the parents, kids and other important stakeholders can
all create new lives with dignity and the perception of winning.”
—Dr. Peter Gregg, Negotiation Expert, and Founder &
CEO of Success Lab
“The journey through divorce shared so personally by the writer
makes this book very diffi cult to put down. Karen Stewart exposes
the abuse and manipulation of adverse practices of divorce law that,
as a senior divorce lawyer, I too fi nd frustrating. Her solution is the
answer for many couples seeking divorce.”
—Gordon Ball, Divorce Lawyer
“I have just fi nished reading Clean Break and want to say ‘thank you.’
It’s an amazing document that will surely become required reading
for anyone going through the qualms and traumas of divorce. Con-
gratulations to you for rising above such a diffi cult divorce. Your
strength, tenacity and vision will change the way people view divorce
and its processes. Your experience has made a signifi cant difference
in many lives, and the best is yet to come.”
—Barry Tuff, CityTV and Access Television
“The Fairway Process of divorce offers a much less costly and stress-
ful alternative to the legal system; the legal system is premised on
the parties being ‘adversaries’ and ‘battling it out.’ As a practicing
lawyer, I see the stress and turmoil families go through when dealing
with divorce. Karen Stewart’s Fairway Process offers those involved
a lifeboat, a ‘fair way’ to end their marriage and move on with their
life, without becoming mired in the legal system.”
—Brian Conway, Lawyer
“If you are even remotely contemplating divorce, then for sure read
this life-changing book. Clean Break along with The Fairway Process
will absolutely save you time, money, and energy, and months of un-
necessary heartache. It is about time someone cleaned up the messy
and costly divorce process.”
—Dr. John F. Demartini, best-selling author of The Break-
through Experience: A Revolutionary New Approach to Personal
Transformation—as seen in The Secret
“You guys are great—I would recommend you to anybody.”
—Leslie D., Fairway client
“Fairway is the fi rst ray of sunshine I have had since the thing started.”
—Brad L., Fairway client