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JANUARY 31–FEBRUARY 6, 2018 | CITYPAGES.COM | FREE 2018 WL O B R UPE S SURVIVAL GUIDE MULLEN The Eagles fans have landed p. 6 FOOD Eat, drink, play p. 19 MUSIC Where the locals go p. 35 Lyndale Lemonade MIXOLOGY: 2 parts Jameson, 1 part triple sec, lemonade, splash of sour, twist FIND BRYAN AT: 2549 Lyndale Avenue S, Minneapolis DRINK OF CHOICE: High Life HOBBIES: Playing guitar, hanging with family, cooking BIGGEST PET PEEVE: People who put ranch on everything FAVORITE MUSIC ARTIST OR GROUP: Jimi Hendrix FIFA VSOOMRIETOEN MEN G AEVXEP EYROIUE $N5C0E0 OARN EDV YEONUT H: SAnDo TwOn aSmPEi ND IT ALL AT ONCE, WWHAHTA TW WILOLU YLODU Y DOOU W BUITYH: GYuOcUcRi fNorE mWy F wOiUfeND CELEBRITY STATUS AFTER WTHHAITS IPSR YIONUTRSM: E LOSoSToTkA AfBoNLr INeSnOHdYMoIrNEsGeNm TTe HKnINtN dOGeW aSlNOs M $FO$ER$ON: REo ClliAngN oDuOt TthOe GbEaTrr YelO oUf Rfu n ATTENTION: Tap their empty drink on the bar WORST DATE YOU’VE EVER WITNESSED: B EGSiTrl DwReInNt Kto T sOm CoAkeL Man SdO hMe EstOoNleE h DerO WmNon: eWy.ater no ice BEST HANGOVER CURE: Sleep + Water B ry an Visit us at: www.jamesonwhiskey.com JAMESON® IRISH WHISKEY. 40% Alc./Vol. (80 Proof) Product of Ireland. Taste Responsibly. ©2018 Imported by John Jameson Import Company, Purchase, NY 2(cid:2)CITYPAGES.COM(cid:2)JANUARY 31–FEBRUARY 6, 2018 Editorial EDITOR Pete Kotz MANAGING EDITOR Hannah Sayle January 31-February 6, 2018 WEB EDITOR Jay Boller VOLUME 38 | NUMBER 1939 NEWS EDITOR Mike Mullen MUSIC EDITOR Keith Harris FOOD EDITOR Emily Cassel ARTS EDITOR Jessica Armbruster 19 STAFF WRITER Susan Du COPY CHIEF Bridgette Reinsmoen PROOFREADER Bryan Miller CLUBS EDITOR Erik Thompson CONTRIBUTING WRITERS  Jerard Fagerberg, Jay Gabler, Tony Libera, Michael Madden, Erica Rivera, Sheila Regan CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHERS  Galen Fletcher, Alma Guzman, Lucy Hawthorne, E. Katie Holm, Shelly Mosman, Tony Nelson, Colin Michael Simmons Art ART DIRECTOR Emily Utne LAYOUT EDITOR Holly Hilgenberg Production 31 DESIGN MANAGER Dana Holmay GRAPHIC DESIGNER Jackie Kilmer Publisher Mary Erickson Advertising SALES DIRECTOR Leah Parkinson SENIOR ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Leah Carson, Kevin Lenhart, Nick Rupar, Brian Thunberg ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Jackson Dougherty, Ashley Elumba, Luke Gildemeister, Jacob Johnston SENIOR MULTIMEDIA ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE Mike Yanke DIGITAL PRODUCT MANAGER Kibra Paulos ACCOUNT MANAGERS 9 FEATURE Madeline Burke, Carly Dabroski SUPER BOWL LII CP Digital CP DIGITAL DIRECTOR Anthony Englund A tourist’s guide to local lingo, top non-stadium CP DIGITAL MANAGER Joey Ryan destinations, and all the (pricey) big concerts Marketing and Promotions By CP staff MARKETING DIRECTOR Holly Hunt MARKETING COORDINATOR Lacey Richgels MARKETING INTERN Kendall Garvey 4 NEWS 29 FILM Business and Administration FINANCE MANAGER Bernadette Botoshe THE SHORTLIST THE INSULT STAFF ACCOUNTANT Du Nguyen Ho Super Bowl A neighborly economics squabble turns ugly City Pages BLOTTER 31 THEATER 80P0H 1OstN SEt . 6N1.2, .S3t7e5. 3.100015, M FinAnXe 6ap12o.l3is7, 2M.N37 5357401 Perks of being THE WIZ E-MAIL [email protected] rich and famous CITY PAGES ONLINE www.citypages.com Penumbra and OFFICE HOURS Monday-Friday MULLEN Children’s Theatre 8:30 am to 5:30 pm Eagles fans collaborate descend 33 FASHION ISSN 0744-0456. City Pages is published weekly by Star Tribune Media Company, LLC. City Pages 19 DISH STREET STYLE is located at 800 1st St. N., Ste. 300, Minneapolis, MN 55401. City Pages is available free of charge, SUPER FOODS RuPaul’s Drag Race limited to one copy per reader. Additional copies Local spots that All Stars 3 premiere of the current issue may be purchased at the City Pages office for $1, payable in advance. have fun on at the Saloon No person may, without prior written permis- the menu sion of City Pages, take more than one copy of 35 MUSIC eavaacihla Cbiltey fPoar g$e10s 0w epeekrl yy eisasr.u eS.u Sbuscbrsicprtiipotnio onrsd aerres 24 A-LIST GO OFF mtou sCti tyin cPluadgee s,c haencdk sohro umldo nbeey moardileerd ptoay aCbitley PUPPER BOWL THE GRIDIRON Pages Subscriptions, 800 1st St. N., Ste. 300, Minneapolis, MN 55401. Periodicals postage paid AT BAUHAUS Essential music at Minneapolis, Minnesota. Postmaster: Send ad- Enjoy a pint while venues for visitors d30re0s,s M cihnannegaepso ltios, CMitNy 5P5a4g0e1s., 800 1st St. N., Ste. your pet tries to No part of this publication may be repro- become top dog 37 CRITICS’ PICKS d20uc18e dC iwtyit hPoaugte sw. riCttiteyn Ppaegrmesi ssisio na. rCeogpisytreigrehdt trademark of Star Tribune Media Company, LLC. 38 CLASSIFIEDS cover credit SAVAGE LOVE ILLUSTRATION BY: CROSSWORD Mink Coteaux JANUARY 31–FEBRUARY 6, 2018(cid:2)CITYPAGES.COM(cid:2)3(cid:2) THE SHORTLIST Outfits for the Jellybean Johnson might just be too funky for Super Bowl week At citypages.com BILLY BRIGGS THE STAT SHEET $3,132 5,800 Cheapest Super Bowl ticket selling on Number of StubHub this week, down more than media representatives $1,000 from the week before credentialed for the Super Bowl $279,000 150,000 Most expensive seat on Total number of StubHub this week expected visitors “This is not Minnesota Nice.” And for the Reader Barb Ireland responds to “Ike’s debuts menu with $36 chips and guac, gets roasted,” at citypages.com. LIES & STATISTICS POPULAR STORIES WHEN CIVIC LEADERS originally pitched AT CITYPAGES.COM the idea of a Minneapolis Super Bowl, they bandied economic impact numbers in the $500 million range. But like most corporate We found the worst people welfare schemes, the fine print is about to on earth, and it’s these taketh away. EAGLES FANS [VIDEO] The problem with these calculations is that buy one get one Here’s a big list of Minneapolis, St. most of the money won’t stay in Minnesota. 25% off Paul, and Bloomington BARS OPEN Revenue for airfare, hotels, rental cars, etc., ’TIL 4 A.M. Super Bowl weekend will boomerang back to distant corporate FREE 2018 SUPER BOWL HQs as soon as the credit cards are swiped. now through CONCERTS: See complete lineup of Locally owned restaurants and bars should February 14th Minneapolis shows on Nicollet Mall see a bonanza. But in a heavily concentrated economy, most of the money will go to the Can we save same people it always does. Meaning: not you. MARLA’S CARIBBEAN? More scientific estimates put the impact WORLD’S CLOWNS to closer to $125 million at best—and as little as converge on Twin Cities for $30 million. Which means that, in the end, the ‘Olympics’ of clowning we might not even make enough to cover the welfare tab. 4(cid:2)CITYPAGES.COM(cid:2)JANUARY 31–FEBRUARY 6, 2018 BLOTTER THE BENEFITS OF BEING RICH Life Time opens its arms to wealthy Super Bowl visitors. And their abs. The very rich are different from town during the week of the Super Bowl,” PAT R the rest of us. Namely: They the Business Journal reports. ICK have more money. And they Thankfully, we can all now sleep bet- KE N get things for free. ter knowing that Jennifer Lopez and NE D There are a lot of Super Bowl-related the Florida Georgia Line guys will be Y, S issues a Twin Cities resident could worry properly maintaining their abs. TAR T about: the displacement of the homeless, Life Time (formerly Life Time Fit- R IB the interruption of public services, or ness) made the offer to members of the UN E Eagles fans getting their tongues stuck Super Bowl Host Committee, a group Life Time, the Twin Cities gym chain, has gallantly come to the rescue of on frozen light poles. Ensuing that rich that includes UnitedHealth, Cargill, the health-conscious well-to-do who happen to have alligator arms. people get their workouts in—free of Target, 3M, and U.S. Bank. According charge—is likely not among them. to a spokesman, Life Time’s “personal Nonetheless, Life Time, the Twin Cit- invitations to our partners, along with classes, spa treatments, meal services, On its website, Life Time encourages ies gym chain, has gallantly come to the any of their special guests,” means if private basketball and volleyball courts, members: “Love your life in bold new rescue of the health-conscious well-to-do Delta Air Lines or the Mall of America workspaces, and shuttle services.” ways.” And: “Laugh more. Do it all here.” who happen to have alligator arms. The wants to enable a celebrity’s pilates habit, Depending on which service is being This may or may not now include your corporation “is opening its Twin Cities all they have to do is ask. taken advantage of, Life Time reserves once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to see facilities free of charge to select VIPs in These offers include “private fitness the right to “request” this VIP pay a “fee.” Gwen Stefani on a treadmill. —MIKE MULLEN JANUARY 31–FEBRUARY 6, 2018(cid:2)CITYPAGES.COM(cid:2)5(cid:2) OPINION Philly-osophy What to expect when you’re expecting thousands of Eagles fans T ake cover, Twin Cities. The only statue, the Sid Hartman statue—and, come Super Bowl week, and when your hand thing worse than watching the to think of it, Sid Hartman. comes to rest on something that feels wet, Vikings getting picked apart but shouldn’t, wash it immediately. by Philadelphia was realizing Airborne warfare what that meant: The Eagles are going Eagles supporters rain down terror from Mind the horses to the Super Bowl... and their fans are above. Anything throwable will do: snow- In successive weeks, two different Eagles Mike Mullen coming to Minneapolis. balls, cheesesteaks, batteries, full beer cans, fans were arrested for punching police Named for a majestic, soaring crea- commemorative items honoring the dead. horses. Minneapolis should protect its ture, the Eagles franchise is followed Once, as an enraged Phillies fan was being equine servants by erecting a series of by a lesser species, one that survives for ejected, he got back at his antagonist by dummy cop horses downtown. (A mid- Millie,” a reference to 99-year-old Vikes months at a time on a diet of cheap beer tailgate Philly guy can’t tell if a horse is fan Millie Wall. The Twin Cities mustn’t alone, hunting in packs, overwhelming its alive, a statue, or a blood relative.) Make let our weakest get separated from the prey with a barrage of crude projectiles, the statues out of titanium. Arrest all the herd. Outfit the patients of Twin Cities profanity, and spittle. Minnesota Nice bros walking around holding their busted children’s hospitals with bear mace. Teach Four decades ago, Philadelphians knuckles. the nuns kung fu. Strap suicide bomb booed and threw snowballs at Santa. Two will not get us vests to local dachshunds. decades ago, a quickie-justice courtroom Auto fixation and jail were built in the old Veterans through this. Not content to assault horses, the Eagles There will be fire Stadium. Minnesotans who made the fan is equally bothered by modern forms The proud Philly fan has a bit of pyroma- trip to Philly 10 days ago came back with of transportation. The Vikings team bus niac in him. Win, lose, or pregame, Eagles stories that could get them membership was pelted with beer bottles and other people have been known to set flame to in the VFW. induced-vomiting on the man—and his objects, and Philadelphians are prone trash, cars, and the jerseys of opposing Locals must prepare in earnest for the 11-year-old daughter. We can limit toss- to flipping cars postgame, win or lose. or former players. The still-extant snow arrival of the barbaric hordes. Minnesota able items, but cannot surgically remove It’s safest to avoid being in any sort of in Minneapolis will serve as a helpful Nice will not get us through this. Thus, a their bile ducts. Plan on donning a helmet... organized mode of travel while they’re non-flammable boundary. Remember: point-by-point survival guide for making and a coat you don’t care for. here, lest some band of them try to tip it Should a greased-up climber attempt it to Monday. over. (Just how “light” is the light rail?) to set fire to a jersey he is holding—or, Urine nation Instead, travel on foot and try to blend in. just as likely, still wearing—you must use Grease everything You know those friends who taught their Stagger a little. If a pack of Eagles guys baking soda to extinguish it. Water will Prior to the NFC Championship Game, kids it’s OK to pee anywhere, and now sets upon you, freeze in place. They will only feed the flame! For flaming Eagles Philadelphia city workers were seen greas- everyone has to pretend there’s not a mistake you for a statue, and probably try fans who are not covered in grease, a ing the city’s street light polls to make climb- 10-year-old urinating loudly five feet from climbing and/or peeing on you, but will dousing of water—or a series of accu- ing them more difficult. No matter. Sloshed the grill? That parent is Philly, and that at least leave you upright. rate snowballs—will suffice. If neither Eagles fans shimmied up anyway. They can kid is everyone there. In 2016, the city is available, try rolling the blazing man have the poles, but let’s not let our monu- began painting building exteriors with No one is safe toward any nearby Eagles fans. Eventu- ments be mounted. By Sunday morning, a special reflective coating, intended to Like a heat wave or the flu, Eagles fans ally, someone will put out the fire. By the following shall be coated in Crisco: the bounce piss back onto the pisser. One specifically target the most vulnerable. peeing on him. ç newly relit Grain Belt sign, First Avenue, visiting Minnesota fan told of having his One story told of a fan flipping off a the Spoonbridge and Cherry, the St. Paul Vikings hat knocked off his head; as if on Vikings-hat wearing baby in a stroller. Cathedral, the rest of Cathedral Hill, Split cue, another Eagles fan quickly peed on On video, two douchebags paraded in [email protected] Rock Lighthouse, the Mary Tyler Moore the cap. Beware yellow snow throughout south Philly with a sign reading, “Fuck Follow Mike on Twitter: @mikemullen_ 6(cid:2)CITYPAGES.COM(cid:2)JANUARY 31–FEBRUARY 6, 2018 We love what we do. It feels good to know that someone’s life is made brighter because of our expertise and honest, trustworthy approach to service. Whether it’s rewiring an old residence, working to build a dream house, or helping change a hard- to-reach light bulb—no job is too large or small. We're here to support you and your home, not our pockets. Service Calls Free Estimates Panel Changes & Upgrades Our electricians are non-commissioned JANUARY 31–FEBRUARY 6, 2018(cid:2)CITYPAGES.COM(cid:2)7(cid:2) FEATURING Cirque and Many Special Celebrity Guests! 8(cid:2)CITYPAGES.COM(cid:2)JANUARY 31–FEBRUARY 6, 2018 UFF DA! “Uff da, alla these fans’ll have 35 jammed all the way to Hinckley!.” The presence of Super Bowl tourists will disrupt north-south traffic on a major interstate highway. “What kind of music do you like?” THE SUPER BOWL TOURIST’S GUIDE Prince, say Prince, please say Prince, Prince-or-Bob Dylan, Prince-or-Bob TO SPEAKING MINNESOTAN Dylan-or-the Replacements... (cid:81)(cid:3)BY CITY PAGES STAFF (cid:81) “You’re a Patriots fan, huh? You know Tom Brady used to visit family in Min- nesota and milk cows on their farm?” He owes his success to us. We are entitled “ to one of his Super Bowl rings. How many ! does one man need? GEEZ! “You’re an Eagles fan, huh? Oh, I heard so much about the trips people took there for the Vikings game.” I am trying to dial 911 without removing my phone from my pocket. “Ope! I’m just gonna sneeeeeak past ya...” ? You’re in my way, but mentioning that might feel like a confrontation, so instead I’ll just act like our uncomfortable prox- ... imity is somehow my fault. SURE, “Do you like spicy food?” I know a place with two kinds of salsa! YOU “You’ve never had lutefisk?” Go ahead. Ask me what it is. I just want BETCHA to see your expression as you imagine dried whitefish soaked in lye until it turns OPE! translucent and gelatinous. “Didja know Justin Timberlake’s wife is from Ely?” Our state is capable of producing beautiful celebrities like Jessica Biel. Within the next few minutes I will be awkwardly wedging Josh Hartnett, Chris Pratt, Win- ona Ryder, Vince Vaughn, and Lindsey Vonn into the conversation. WELCOME TO MINNESOTA, “The Vikes will be playing in this thing great!/I’m so sorry to hear that!/I think “Can youse guys borrow me a couple FOOTBALL FANS! next year, dontcha know.” my nose is broken! bucks? $12 for Jucy Lucy and tots is A symptom of the area’s pervasive delusion pretty spendy.” That previous sentence is pretty much the regarding all matters football. Defenses “Sure, you betcha.” Would you lend me money? I did not only straightforward, easily understood include gently patting subject on the head I’m not disputing your previous statement. anticipate paying this much for a ham- thing you’ll hear from a Minnesotan dur- and saying, “There, there, everything will I may not agree with it. I have acknowl- burger filled with molten cheese and ing your brief stay in our frigid land. In be all right.” edged that you said it. fried potato cylinders. conversation, we tend to be stoic, mysteri- ous, and non-confrontational to a fault. “That’s... interesting.” “I bet you expected everyone up here “Actually, I grew up in Wisconsin.” City Pages has helpfully translated a You are talking like a weirdo. Please cease to sound like they’re from the movie I come from a long line of cheerful alco- few common Minnesota-isms so out-of- and desist. Fargo!” holics, each of whom can still name every towners have a better chance of under- I don’t sound like someone from Fargo, single person who has ever played for the standing the local patois: “You can get a pop at the SA kitty-corner do I? Don’t tell me I sound like my frig- Green Bay Packers. from the sub shop.” gin’ aunt. “It’s actually not that bad out there.” Soft drinks are sold at the gas station “Well, nice talking to you, but we should General assessment of the weather suit- located diagonally from that sandwich “You know what restaurant you should probably get goin’ here.” able for any conditions warmer than -20. establishment. try?” Known as the Minnesota Goodbye. A Usually arrived at by at equation of tem- I know a business that will bring you a phrase that will be repeated over the perature + wind child = will not explode “Geez!” platter of food bigger than a toddler for next 15-90 minutes as my spouse and I your face. Holy shit!/Unbelievable!/Brilliant!/That’s $4.99. slowly make our way to the door. JANUARY 31–FEBRUARY 6, 2018(cid:2)CITYPAGES.COM(cid:2)9(cid:2) LUCE BELAIR Upper Esh-uh-lon LIQUOR BLACK BOTTLES UPPER TOP QUALITY CLOTHING ESH-UH-LON UPLIFTING CULTURE AND COMMUNITY SATURDAY FEBRUARY 3RD 4PM–10PM SPECIAL GUEST PERFORMANCE BY TY DOLLA $IGN AND FRIENDS LIVE IN CONCERT GENERAL ADMISSION: $90 (4PM-10PM 18+ SHOW) VIP ADMISSION: $190 (4PM-10PM 18+ SHOW AND 10PM-3AM 21+ SHOW) VIP ALSO INCLUDES FREE PARKING & A FREE DRINK FOR TABLES CONTACT 612.388.8932 LIVE CONCERT // FASHION SHOW Upper Esh-uh-lon(cid:3)(cid:82)(cid:909)(cid:3)(cid:72)(cid:85)(cid:86)(cid:3)(cid:68) POP UP SHOP // MANY VENDORS (cid:83)(cid:82)(cid:86)(cid:76)(cid:87)(cid:76)(cid:89)(cid:72)(cid:3)(cid:82)(cid:88)(cid:87)(cid:79)(cid:82)(cid:82)(cid:78)(cid:3)(cid:87)(cid:82)(cid:3)(cid:68)(cid:3)(cid:69)(cid:85)(cid:82)(cid:68)(cid:71)(cid:15)(cid:3)(cid:71)(cid:76)(cid:89)(cid:72)(cid:85)(cid:86)(cid:72)(cid:3) (cid:70)(cid:82)(cid:80)(cid:80)(cid:88)(cid:81)(cid:76)(cid:87)(cid:92)(cid:3)(cid:87)(cid:75)(cid:85)(cid:82)(cid:88)(cid:74)(cid:75)(cid:3)(cid:88)(cid:81)(cid:76)(cid:84)(cid:88)(cid:72)(cid:15)(cid:3)(cid:75)(cid:68)(cid:81)(cid:71)(cid:16) (cid:71)(cid:72)(cid:86)(cid:76)(cid:74)(cid:81)(cid:72)(cid:71)(cid:3)(cid:70)(cid:79)(cid:82)(cid:87)(cid:75)(cid:76)(cid:81)(cid:74)(cid:17)(cid:3)(cid:58)(cid:72)(cid:3)(cid:68)(cid:79)(cid:86)(cid:82)(cid:3)(cid:70)(cid:85)(cid:72)(cid:68)(cid:87)(cid:72)(cid:3) (cid:82)(cid:83)(cid:83)(cid:82)(cid:85)(cid:87)(cid:88)(cid:81)(cid:76)(cid:87)(cid:76)(cid:72)(cid:86)(cid:3)(cid:68)(cid:81)(cid:71)(cid:3)(cid:88)(cid:83)(cid:79)(cid:76)(cid:73)(cid:87)(cid:3)(cid:70)(cid:88)(cid:79)(cid:87)(cid:88)(cid:85)(cid:72)(cid:86)(cid:3)(cid:87)(cid:82)(cid:3) (cid:69)(cid:72)(cid:79)(cid:76)(cid:72)(cid:89)(cid:72)(cid:3)(cid:87)(cid:75)(cid:72)(cid:92)(cid:519)(cid:85)(cid:72)(cid:3)(cid:71)(cid:72)(cid:86)(cid:72)(cid:85)(cid:89)(cid:76)(cid:81)(cid:74)(cid:3)(cid:82)(cid:73)(cid:3)(cid:79)(cid:76)(cid:89)(cid:76)(cid:81)(cid:74)(cid:3)(cid:87)(cid:75)(cid:72)(cid:3) (cid:88)(cid:83)(cid:83)(cid:72)(cid:85)(cid:3)(cid:72)(cid:70)(cid:75)(cid:72)(cid:79)(cid:82)(cid:81)(cid:3)(cid:79)(cid:76)(cid:73)(cid:72)(cid:515)(cid:76)(cid:81)(cid:3)(cid:86)(cid:87)(cid:92)(cid:79)(cid:72)(cid:515)(cid:68)(cid:87)(cid:3)(cid:68)(cid:3) (cid:70)(cid:82)(cid:80)(cid:83)(cid:72)(cid:87)(cid:76)(cid:87)(cid:76)(cid:89)(cid:72)(cid:3)(cid:68)(cid:81)(cid:71)(cid:3)(cid:68)(cid:909)(cid:3)(cid:82)(cid:85)(cid:71)(cid:68)(cid:69)(cid:79)(cid:72)(cid:3)(cid:83)(cid:85)(cid:76)(cid:70)(cid:72)(cid:17) EL NUEVO RODEO 2709 E. LAKE STREET, MINNEAPOLIS, MN 55406 WWW.UPPERESHUHLON.COM 10(cid:2)CITYPAGES.COM(cid:2)JANUARY 31–FEBRUARY 6, 2018

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