Choicemaking: for co-dependents, adult children, and spirituality seekers PDF
Preview Choicemaking: for co-dependents, adult children, and spirituality seekers
Choicemaking : For Codependents, Adult title: Children, and Spirituality Seekers author: Wegscheider-Cruse, Sharon. publisher: Health Communications, Inc. isbn10 | asin: 0932194265 print isbn13: 9780932194268 ebook isbn13: 9780585159416 language: English Alcoholics--Family relationships, subject Codependency, Adult children of alcoholics. publication date: 1987 lcc: HV5132.W44 1987eb ddc: 362.2/92 Alcoholics--Family relationships, subject: Codependency, Adult children of alcoholics. Page i Choicemaking for Co-Dependents, Adult Children and Spirituality Seekers Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse Health Communications, Inc. Deerfield Beach, Florida Page ii Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse ONSITE Training and Consulting Rapid City, South Dakota Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Wegscheider-Cruse, Sharon, 1938 Choice-making : for co- dependents, adult children, and spirituality seekers. Bibliography: p. 1. AlcoholicsFamily relationships. 2. Co-Dependence. 3. Adult children of alcoholics. I. Title. HV5132.W44 1987 362.2'92 87-8716 ISBN 0-932194-26-5 © 1985 Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse Reprinted 1987 ISBN 0-932194-26-5 All rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without the written permission of the publisher. Published by Health Communications, Inc. Enterprise Center 3201 SW 15th Street Deerfield Beach, FL 33442 Page iii Foreword by Joseph R. Cruse, M.D. Founding Medical Director Betty Ford Center for Drug & Alcohol Rehabilitation Our imperfections have a symptom pain. And pain signals dysfunction, injury, or some dis-ease that requires something to change before relief can occur. That something is frequently us. One of the more unexpected side-effects of change turns out to be growth! But there are times when that pain is like a rock in our shoe imperceptible, bearable, and unimportant, as compared to the immediate task at hand. Then after we remove it, its actual importance becomes clear. Now we see the deep impression it has made, and almost immediately we feel the relief and freedom and regained agility when we remove the rock. We look at our wounds and blisters in disbelief that we could have denied their seriousness, or even their presence, and certainly their influence for so long. But no matter the number of rocks that find their way into our shoes, the human spirit, once enlightened, continues to look up and hope and learn and delight in each lesson. The human spirit continues to choose and change and continues to remove rocks, one by one. The "rock-in-the-shoe" syndrome serves Sharon as both adversary and laboratory in her unrelenting drive to interpret for us her concepts of rights, fairness, and the human Page iv potential for healing and growth. Her curiosity provides the energy and assertiveness to design, experiment, and research basic questions such as "Why God and His subjects so often seem at odds with one another!" On occasion, she discerns a plan and she shares those plans with us plans in which CHOICES are recognizable and need to be made. We learn that our stores of present and future choices are great. She shows us how to be grateful for our former self, as we grow and transform beyond that person. These directions lead to a full excitement with our own spiritual molding as our inner beauty comes closer and closer to the surface. And the process continues . . . and continues . . . continues . . . toward a form of Grace as we realize the permanency of CHANGE, through CHOICE! Page v Foreword by Claudia Black, Ph.D., M.S.W. President of ACT (Alcoholism, Children, Therapy) Having been academically trained to be a psychotherapist, it was only upon entering the chemical dependency field that I heard and understood the concept of "recovery." Therapists most commonly assist clients to better understand themselves, to like themselves, to become more effective communicators. For some clients, we are more problem solving oriented, in which the therapy is often limited to weeks. For other clients, our work may extend to several months, and possibly years. Much of the time we are effective in assisting our clients, and are able to assist in affecting changes in how they live their lives. But many will need to return for more problem solving, to have someone listen, to find hope and meaning in their lives. What is often missing is a plan for recovery. Recovery is a process; it does not have an ending. One grows, matures, and continues along a continuum of growth. On a daily basis, one lives the process that entails recovery. CHOICEMAKING guides us through the recovery process. Prior to 1980s, in the chemical dependency field, the term "recovery" was typically applied to the chemically dependent person. Treatment programs acknowledged the need for family involvement, but typically only offered services for adult family members spouses, lovers, or parents. Most commonly, those services were limited to alcoholism Page vi education, and did not cover treatment of co-dependency. There were a handful of programs that offered an educational program for children. The concept of Adult Children was only beginning to emerge, and by the 1970s the concept was there, but not the education, nor the treatment. Education, problem solving, assertiveness training is not adequate treatment for the family member in a chemically dependent family. They will not be able to make the appropriate changes that will allow them to heal and find a comfort within themselves. They will need a new set of rules, new guidelines. They need to be led through a process. They need hope that is not based on the chemically dependent person's behavior, but based on who they find themselves to be their identity, their new-found abilities. CHOICEMAKING is about recovery for the co-dependent, as well as the dependent person. Choicemaking not only addresses the dependent spouse, lover and parent, but also includes children of all ages. Sharon also helps the reader to understand co-dependency as it can affect a helping professional. Co-dependency is a treatable condition, and CHOICEMAKING describes how recovery is possible. I believe, as Sharon does, that we exist to live and grow. We are alive, vital. In CHOICEMAKING, the final (or fourth) step in recovery is that we must Surrender to Choice. The description of what surrender means is invaluable. A "power greater than ourselves" is an essential part of being able to surrender to choice. CHOICEMAKING offers the reader the understanding that they will work with the Higher Power. With the premise that we are all co-creators in shaping our destinies, as creators we have an active role in our recovery. Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse is a trailblazer in her presentation of issues that are known as co-dependency; she encapsulates those issues in a manner that delineates specific treatment for co-dependency. She is a pioneer in extending the treatment concept to include ongoing recovery. There are many bright, creative people, but only a small number who
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